I cried again the 3rd day after Patrick had left. I was in so much pain. I cried just before going to bed. I asked my Goddess for help. I wanted to feel better.
The next day, Matthew messaged me all of a sudden. That was yesterday. We had such a fun chat. I felt so much better!
Today, he messaged me again. It was also fun.
He did make me feel sad 6 years ago, and it took me a while to let him into my life. But he persisted and stayed in my life, online. Several times when I felt sad, him flirting with me on Facebook helped. I guess that made up for the initial pain he caused me.
Maybe he is a soul mate of some sort. He’s been there a few times. He’s been in my life for 6 years! We met when he was 24 and I was 29. He is 30 now.
Like Patrick, he is not the best type of guy. He gets so much attention from girls because he is hot, and he caves. He’s cheated.
Like Patrick, he is quite self-centred and at the same time super charming.
Oh, and they are both Geminis.
(I suddenly remembered how he stopped talking to me a few times. Hmmm…..I’m not as smitten now.)
But I was smitten earlier today. I had a big grin on my face just thinking about the fun conversations we had.
He is so quick-witted and funny. And he knows what to say to make me feel good.
My favourite conversations were:
Me: would be hard if you were 6 inches away
That that would be pretty hard..
It’s a slippery slope though
Before you know it I’d be negative 6 inches from you..
Then 0.. Then negative 6..
Me: I think I need to go take a break
Hahaha grin emoticon oops..
—
Me: I like the idea of my DNA spread across the world. I dreamt of being super successful, that people line up for my eggs.
Then, I’d give several away on Easter, as gifts to all the gay people.
you’re already a bunny.. and you’d be giving out eggs.
can we make a special ‘line’ that is pre-spermed with mine? call it the ‘blue steel line’ or something.
Me: sure. special edition
guaranteed high quality hybrid
—-
I guess I’m super turned on by how highly he thinks of me. Subconsciously he seems to want to be with me and have fake kids with me.
I said the houses in Disney World starts at $1.8MM. He said, “Wanna split it?” Isn’t that a weird response?
I said I wanna give away my eggs on Easter, he said, “Can we make a special ‘line’ that is pre-spermed with mine? call it the ‘blue steel line’ or something.”
That’s a surprising one too.
Saying, “guaranteed high quality hybrid” showed that he thought highly of me. That’s good. He could be my #1 fan haha.
But yeah, that’s all just a dream. Right now he is in a relationship. Miserable but still in it. That cancels out all of the above.
I don’t actually want to be with him, but the thought of it is kinda nice. The thought of me being the only person that he can be with long term, because I’m so interesting, inspiring, and ever-changing. Because he thinks I’m so hot. Because he loves me. It’s a nice fantasy.
I fantasize about Patrick that way too sometimes. After going through all that he did, he can finally love me and value me, and became a loyal husband to me, like Channing Tatum.
It’s such a nice feeling to imagine someone loving me unconditionally. Guan Yin does. Mom loves me quite bit. Dad loves me quite a bit.
I need to remember that Matthew is just here to distract me from Patrick so I can recover. I shouldn’t expect seeing him. And if I do, I shouldn’t expect anything lasting. Nor do I want it. We are so different, I know it won’t work.