Help from Above
I feel very fortunate to be back in Vancouver again. I need some time away from Mom so I can be productive. It’s healthier for me too. I feel that I’m being helped in this way and I appreciate that. If it wasn’t because I had two knot orders and that Mom has friends over until Jan 28, I wouldn’t have gotten this opportunity to be in Vancouver again for almost the whole month.
While that’s a good thing, I wish the ASM thing would progress smoother. The rings are still stalled. God please help me. I want these rings arrive at Amazon by end of this month!
Intuition
I feel that I have become more intuitive. I felt a car related omen the day before, and yesterday I got a speeding ticket. It seemed so unexpected…I was just going to the ferry, not hurrying. I thought about Interstellar, the scenes from it, and was singing “Stay” by Rhiana. I suddenly felt really sad about how hard space colonization is, and I bursted out crying. I cried and cried and I guess I sped up. When the cops pulled me over I had to wipe all the tears of my face. I didn’t complain or defend myself…I was just confused. Afterwards I was mad and I wondered why it happened. I thought about the bad feeling I had about driving the past couple of days. I decided that, I was lucky that this was it. It could’ve been worse.
A few months ago I had a strong desire to see Norm. That one took a while so I’m not sure if it counts. Eventually he contacted me. I was looking forward to meeting him and chatting. We chatted a lot. About sci-fi and such. Though I must admit he is not as fun to hang out with anymore. I have grown better, I think. He has grown more bitter than before. It’s depressing. I do want to help him get out of this depression that seems life-long.
Seeing Norm
Last time we saw each other was about two years ago. We broke up about 7 or 8 years ago. Even though I still regret sometimes over how long we dated, he was nice to me and good about my alopecia over these years. In a way my self confidence improved somewhat. During our relationship I was very short-tempered and sometimes insensitive. I feel that I should at least help boost his self-confidence this time around.
I asked him to consider focusing on becoming happier before he dates again. He dropped the conversation. We talked again when I told him that my mom wants to set him up with a girl. He agreed that I was right that him being pessimistic all the time is not a good strategy for avoiding letdowns. Still, I know he still wants to go on dates. It’s his life.
There was a time I can’t live without him. I felt that I can’t “not know him”. Now, I can still braindump on him and he’ll listen to me for hours, but I have changed. I find him so un-stimulating, narrow minded, and not all that smart anymore. A TED talk I watched recently said that it’s damaging to the brain to think negative thoughts a lot (also bad diet, smoking, chemical exposure, diabetes, etc). Seems true in his case.
I want to help him though. I want to ask him to develop a positive habit this month. For example, try to not say or imply anything negative about himself / the situation 🙂