I was talking to Mom about how difficult it is to confront.
I want to tell Cyn how the way she’s been treating me has been hurtful. But at the same time, I feel that no one is good at taking criticisms.
I told Mom that Cyn told Sum she talked too much (on the phone with Amy), and Sum resented Cyn for a while.
Cyn said I was too judging. I resented her.
If I tell Cyn that she is a bad friend, surely nothing good will come of it.
But she has, so what’s to do?
Nothing I can think of.
But it dawned on me when I told Mom that Cyn thought Summer talked too much. Actually, I thought it too. But I just realized that, I talk a lot too. Dad talks even more. Sum talks even more. But I talk a lot. Sometimes ppl don’t mind it, and we feel closer after. However, I just realized that, maybe it’s just impossible to get a hold of Cyn, to be on phone with her without her having to rush somewhere, because she thinks I talk too much and doesn’t want to talk on the phone with me.
Now that I see it that way, things are a bit different. Not sure if it’s good or bad.
But, later tonight when we were supposed to talk on the phone, I didn’t even try. She didn’t either. She chatted a few things about her dating, and disappeared.
Heck, maybe she doesn’t even like chatting with me.
Maybe I already lost this friend after Thailand.
Ok then.
From now on, I’m not going to try to reach her. When she tries to reach me, I will be just as unavailable as her, maybe more so.
She is no longer a friend. She is an acquaintance.
She referred my bow ties to a store, and I thought, maybe she is still a good friend, maybe I’m being too sensitive. But now I realize, it’s no different than Geoff referring me a bow tie contract. He likes me enough to do it, but he didn’t like me enough to want to get together for a drink.
I’m sad that I lost a good friend. Funny how I only realize it now. She is too polite to say that we are no longer good friends, and too distracted to care.
Maybe we are on different paths now. Different phases of our lives. Different everything. Maybe later we’ll be friends again, but right now, I’ll just distance myself from her, and not say anything harsh.
I want to have a best friend. A friend that I can talk to anytime about anything. A friend who is smart, funny, and caring. A friend who is successful, so that we are on the same page. A friend who inspires me to do better, be better. A friend who is sincere, who respects me, who loves me, who wants the best for me.
Masha is pretty good, though not very funny, and is very pregnant. I wish I could find someone who is single right now, so we can bond first.
Will keep looking! I know I’m good at manifesting. Better than most people. I draw things I look for into my life. So, I’m wishing for a best friend!!!
We’ll have so much fun together!
Can be a guy, a girl. Can be gay, straight.