Last night I had a real hard time falling asleep. Not sure if it’s because of my bedtime snack of banana and avocado, or just the 14 orgasms.
Ironically I had to give myself a 15th one in order to fall asleep. It barely helped.
Woke up horny but happy. I don’t feel the need to chat with him today even though I think about him. I know he is busy today anyway.
I need friends that I see regularly. I think I need to hang out with Tyler more often. I message him today.
I’m inspired now also to have a bigger vision. I’m going on this China trip. I need to do some big, positive visualization. I want to succeed. I want to do more than $5MM USD. I want to do $150MM. I want to aim high and hit my goal or at least still succeed at reaching $5mm USD. I want to be like Matthew I guess.
I noticed that we hold hands a lot. Partly because I like doing it. I like doing it because he is a gemini and it’s supposed to turn him on. Never seemed to do anything for Patrick though!
But holding hands felt good. Felt intimate. During sex he’d hold my hand. (Though, Patrick and I did that too.) After sex, we’d lie side-by-side or spoon, and hold hands. I’d kiss his hand.
He kissed my head a lot last night. Not sure if it’s because he liked my baby powder scented hair or just the way he shows affection.
We are gentle towards each other. I asked if he was comfortable on the floor. I asked if his forehead was hurting (he bumped his head climbing lol) and kissed it. (We joked about the bump growing into a horn, and that I’d ride it if it did. Haha. He thought it was funny that was the first thing I thought of.) He seemed concerned about my arm bruise, noting it a couple times, and asking if it hurt. (I told him it’s from volleyball…when in fact it was from Jackson…I try not to lie, but this one I just had to. The bruise looked so nasty too.)
I like that we are far more gentle to each other than we used to be. I used to undermine him actually. And he ghosted me. Now, so far, we are nice to each other. Him driving 15~20 minutes to see me…when he used to demand the person to live downtown, before being qualified to contact him on POF. This is a change.
I really want to keep this alive. I have a feeling I know what it is. It’s how turned on I am. If I’m turned on, he’ll be turned on. If I’m jaded, he’ll be jaded. Of course, he might be jaded first, but, I’m quite sure that if I keep up with the high spirit, the thrill of being with me, complimenting him on many things, and appreciating him…I think it can last longer.
And of course, respect. If we respect each other, this can be a good thing.
I do think about when he said that he has people cook for him. I think he meant his gf. I guess they probably meet up often then, if she is cooking for him. It’s like with Patrick, who lived with his gf. On one hand they seem to have lots of respect for you, on the other hand, you know they are completely disrespecting their gfs by cheating. So never even think for a second that they respect you behind your back. I think, Gemini’s are good at showing as much respect as needed (only in front of you / when you are present, and depending on how much they can get away with). Idriss was a Gemini too though, and not good at respecting me in front of me.
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In the early evening, Matthew messaged me. I guess when you don’t expect anything, it’s always a pleasant surprise.
He asked if I’ve recovered from my O-marathon, lol. I said not really, and that I thought about him lots today. I have a tendency to say it that way. To imply that there’s more heart in this. No point in objectifying this sexlationship further.
He has more to fend, since he has a gf. He said he was also daydreaming lots about the naughty things. He didn’t say that he was daydreaming about me, even though he was.
I clarified what I was thinking about though. I kept thinking about him saying, “Don’t look at me when I cum!” and making that gnarly face. It was funny.
He said, Damnit. And that next time he’ll wear a paper bag.
He is all sorts of cute.
With Patrick it was twice a month for about 6 months, before he bailed. I wonder how long Matthew and I will last. It’s been 1 month. And I’ll be away next month. It was so good last night, we should be able to pick it up in May.
I’m at home, sort of working sort of not, on my day off. Sigh. I wish I had more life!