Matthew, always does the unexpected.
I’m starting to see his style though.
- Takes the blame (never argues it) but states that he is that way with others too. No bad intention. (He’s done that before)
- Told me that he has been the same way with his friends, not initiating chats nor activities because he is too busy and stressed
- Never mention gf / possibly jealousy issues
- Told me he just walled himself up for weeks (implying that he wasn’t spending that time doing fun things or hanging out with his gf)
- Never brings out the flaws of others.
- Never accused me of not messaging him etc.
- Tries to correct my negative assumption
- Only accused me of not being fair, saying that he doesn’t respect me, because he does respect me.
- Sweet talking to make you still want him
- Said we are largely on the same page. That he “super duper loved every yummy moment with me”.
- Ready to let go, not showing any attempt to change or improve in order to save this. This part hurts me the most.
- Said that I should be happy, and so I should go find a better version of him.
- Said that I would just be upset more in the future because he comes across as cold.
- And then, cleverly (intentional or not), said that he still wants me
- Basically, I want you, I didn’t mean it badly, but I won’t change. Take it or leave it.
I think about what I want out of this, and how I’d get it.
I want him to willingly offer to be more communicative, and to see me more than once a month. I know in the past I’ve made the mistake of asking for it straight up, like an order. I asked to see Josh every other day. He was turned off by that. Not to mention that’s very frequent. The part that threw me off was that he agreed to it upfront, but wasn’t going to follow-through.
It has to be his own words. It has to be him wanting to do it and choosing to do it.
I’m not giving ultimatums. But I will stop seeing him as soon as he does it again. Assuming he agrees to change…
The thing is, this had really drained me today. I was so sad. Balled my eyes out. Lied down a couple times.
Actually, just re-read his messages. I think he is not as into continuing as I first interpreted…
Anyway, I’m ok with not having him. Maybe it should just be that. Maybe I’ll just leave it at that and not reply. I’m going on a Vegas vacation. That’s plenty to occupy my mind!
I’ll reply if/when he next messages me, because that’s when he is thinking about me.
I imagine that if I want him to voluntarily step it up a notch, I would:
- Talk about something him and I can both do to improve. e.g. I will work on this, and you will work on that. It’s mainly an experiment. This is more bf / gf type convo.
- Talk about standards
- Be ok to end it
- Relate to his entrepreneurism / stress / walling off
I know all too well what you mean about the stress of the business making you not initiate chats and activities with friends. I’ve been exactly the same.
Truth is I’ve walled myself off so often, I now have a real hard time initiating things with friends. I put them in my shoes, and feel that I would be interrupting their busy lives and would be getting a no.
In our situation my hang-ups are amplified. I think a normal person would’ve messaged you early on instead of waiting a month for you to say, let’s have sex!
I would love it if every two weeks is our rhythm…which isn’t a lot but would be perfect. No guessing, just a polite heads-up if it wasn’t going to work out that week.
And I thought our sex was so good, being without it for a month would be hard. Though we are surprisingly similar the more I learn about you, a whole month is stupidly long for me.
I know all too well what you mean about the stress of the business making you not initiate chats and activities with friends. I’ve been exactly the same.
I just thought our sex was so good, being without it for a month would be hard. Though we are surprisingly similar, a whole month is stupidly long for me.
I would love it if every two weeks is our rhythm…which isn’t a lot but would be perfect. No guessing, just a polite heads-up if it wasn’t going to work out that week.