Hmm….so tempted to try to find love again. It’s been a while.
I feel that I can now, because I have money now, I’m more successful now, and, being with Matthew makes me feel that there is so much fun that can be had. I have love to give, and it’s a waste to give it to a fuck buddy.
Another thing is, it seems that time is running out. Yes, we can date at any age, but it seems that the best looking guys will no longer be available if I keep stalling. I’m 36 now. My age range is now more like 31 to 41. Sigh. How many good-looking 30+ year olds are there? I can only think of one person. Matthew. So, there’s no time to waste.
On the flip side, there are other priorities. I really want to amp up my business, and make $1MM a year, every year.
I really want to do the alopecia videos every month.
I also want to have more good friends. Get better at volleyball.
Then again, Matthew was able to do a whole bunch of things, while having a girlfriend. Even a fuck buddy. Of course I wouldn’t continue to sleep with him if I do get a boyfriend.
It would be nice to be able to put a pause to that – because that would mean I have something even better. Also Matthew would, possibly, feel sad. I kinda want that. I want him to feel sad about not being able to have me. I want him to feel that deprivation, maybe even regret.
I have this pusheen unicorn keychain that I have yet to give him. In reality, he would never give me anything. He would never put enough thought towards something to make me happy. That’s just how an FB relationship really is. I have this urge to do gf-like things, but it’s so one-sided it’s not fair. Then again, I wonder how he expresses love. There are 5 different modes of love languages.