I called Norm today, crying.
The thought of losing yet another fuck buddy really saddened me. Especially since it was Matthew, my fave.
I’m so jaded by relationships and supposed love. Every sexlationship, not even real relationship, has failed me. I’ve lost every single guy, even though we hardly spend time together.
And love…I don’t know of a happy couple. Everyone cheats, or has trouble in the bedroom. Even if they seem to do alright, there seems to be sadness deep down, or that they have settled into a comfortable routine.
I had wondered how and when Matthew would initiate sex. It was just after midnight on Thursday. Like I suspected, he had no clue that I was pissed. He cheerfully asked for Friday sex. I said, “No thanks. It’s been a month.” And he simply said, “Oh :(”
I really don’t know if he is going to try again, or if he will disappear from my life. 7, almost 8 years. Done. Just like that. I’m so sad.
I can’t imagine meeting someone as cute and funny and wealthy as him. All around such a perfect match for me. But, he hurts me without even knowing. Just his sheer self-centredness alone can break my heart. I want to meet someone thoughtful and sweet, but is also cute and funny and wealthy. Is it possible?
Dear God, please help me find my soul mate.
I know a while ago I closed my eyes to think about my soul mate, and for some reason Matthew kept coming up. But look at us now. Sigh.