Last weekend Alex came over and we had a chat.
It was after 2 weeks of him not saying Merry Xmas or Happy New Year to me. I finally send him a voice message asking what’s going on.
Turned out it was nothing. He just didn’t think to do it. I guess he had a friend visiting from Japan. But still, didn’t think to contact me all this time.
He said he wanted to talk about our relationship status and to tell me how he felt, and that he wanted to be better at communicating with me. I didn’t dress very sexy that night. We barely kissed when he came in the door….a little awkward.
We sat on the sofa and chatted about other stuff for a while. I told him that I lost my bumper. He told me that he made turkey dinner for his family.
Then he said the voice mail I left him made him think about what our relationship is. He said when he saw family and they asked about his love life, he didn’t know what to say. He said he is interested in someone but she is in a relationship.
He had been talking to some friends who are like his brothers and sisters, and they were wondering what’s going on with my relationship. He had a pretty hard time asking me this question….
At the same time he said he didn’t want to steer me in one way or another. He said he hasn’t been thinking about being in a relationship in a couple of years, because he had 6 or 7 years of back to back relationships (I guess 2 3-year relationships).
I told him that I was planning to break up with John at some point, even before he entered the picture. I was planning on not having sex for a while, but he showed up. I told him about my idea of 3 pillars of happiness: health, wealth, and love. And if all 3 are met, then, also fulfillment. I said that John doesn’t have health nor wealth. I didn’t want to take away love also. He’s lost his dad and his mom doesn’t talk to him because he is unvaxxed.
He asked about my expectation for him and I. I said, I just want to have sex once a week, and that he talks to me in between. He seemed surprised that that was all I asked for.
After squaring that away, we started kissing…then went to the bedroom. It was the least sexy of our encounters….I felt like I still was getting over how he didn’t message me for 2 weeks.
To make things worse, he smelled like garlic…just a little bit. It’s what my computer science classmates had smelled like.
Also, something smelled like…poo. Not sure what it was. Very faint, but it’s here. I was squeaky clean, so, I think he was him!
So overall, not as turned on as could be.
We still did all the sex positions, including my new favourite which is me lying on top of him while he touched me. We still had great conversations. We still had second round though he didn’t cum said his dick got too sensitive.
So, still pretty good overall. Still way better than sex with John.
When he was leaving, I reminded him again to message me during the week. I also asked that he plan beforehand if he wanted to see me, so that I know he wants to make it happen. I said I don’t ask and I want him to ask.
4 days later…he messaged me on Thursday. He had been snowboarding in Whistler! Damn. I want that.
He said, “Afternoon, Honey Bunny!” and that made everything better.
He asked about my day, and I told him about looking for an office.
He said he just heard about a grant that could be helpful for me. Later that day he sent me the link.
He also offered to send me his commercial realtor, but he didn’t.
We chatted about him falling into a tree hole/well. He was responsive and laughed at my jokes. He didn’t reply in real time though.
I wanted to be useful too, so I sent him a government grant concierge bot I found.
Then, Friday rolled around. Nothing. No plans on meeting me this weekend. And today, Saturday, still nothing.
Sigh.
I try to be ok with it. And in general I am.
My mood has been ok yesterday and today. I feel like I don’t crave him anymore. Unlike before. Maybe him smelling bad helped lol.
Also haven’t been very horny.
I’m a little fat, still finishing up my period, and the past 2 days trudging in the snow to visit potential office spaces (which took up a lot of time, and made me feel like I’m doing something…being around people).
I still wished that he was more communicative…but….I need to get on with my life instead of being upset with him over him not being crazy about me.
Yesterday I went to John’s to make some tacos together. He said they were the best tacos he’s ever had 🙂
We cuddled, but he was not great. I asked him to kiss my boobs…he quickly kissed them and told me he’s been so sick…feeling sweaty and getting the chills etc. I was upset that he brought it up right after he hastily kissed my boobs. I felt violated…sigh.
I feel that if either John or Alex were really into me I’d be really into them. But as of right now, I’m just sitting here by myself on a Saturday.
I know it’s not about me. I know it’s more about them having their stuff that they need to deal with. But for once I wish I could be with someone who has their shit figured out, and has the extra capacity to give me lot of love and affection!
I will manifest this guy.
John told me about his youtuber who bought a 30 acre lot in Florida for $2M. The lot has 3 houses on it, one of them is a structure that can house 200 cars!! Whaaat!
I want to buy a lot like that. Perhaps smaller, like under 10 acre, in Texas or Florida.
I suddenly feel like dreaming about the possibilities of owning a large piece of land and building my dream house on it!
I’ve been wanting to move to the US. Looks like living there all year round possible too, if I run a business down there!
I want to live there, mingle with the Americans, and find myself an American husband! I have a feeling….the States is where I’ll find my next boyfriend, and he is going to be a good one <3