Author: spacebunny@gmail.com

Inspired by this TED talk and Shawn Achor’s book:

Yay, new year!

It’s been a pivoting past year for me. I’m so grateful!!

For 2016, I have even more clarity for what I want. It’s going to be even more spectacular. Plus, for the first time I can really start thinking beyond survival, and can have a bit fun without feeling stressed and guilty doing so. I can think about developing new businesses that thrive, starting relationships, dreaming big, and developing fun skills! 😀

Business Goals

• Reach $1MM in business revenue in the year of 2016. At least $500K profit.
• Start 2 new products: period panties and diaper bags
• Go to Canton Fair
• New website with more ring focus
• Follow Bill’s advice in the course, to expand the rings
• Sort out accounting on taxes

Relationship Goals

• Make more quality friends
• Be a better, more interesting friend
• Take a fun trip with Dad
• Date a cute, sincere guy

Financial Goals

• Diversify assets
• Start saving towards monthly income for Mom and Dad
• Reach a 10% gain on my investment

Personal Goals

• Become good at volleyball: finish indoor volleyball season, then play beach in the summer; train with Brodie
• More health and youth: Go to bed before midnight on most nights
• More stamina and sexy bod: Strength and cardio training at least once/week. Get a personal trainer if needed. Be sure all is measurable.
• Get to know my body better and optimize – how much sleep, best time of the day, how much exercise, what foods are good for me, what bulletproof coffees are good for me. Be sure all is measurable.

THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE AN AMAZING YEAR!!!!!!

I mean it when I say it. Last year was great, this year is going to be even greater, even more amazing!!!!

 

How do I want my life to be in the coming years? I feel very privileged to be able to think about this. I’m very grateful! 🙂

Business

I want to expand my rings. I want to be #1. At least #2 if not #1. I want to have more styles than other brands, so that my customers don’t ever have to shop other brands. I want to have a great following, because we are an awesome brand providing awesome products and customer support.

I want to expand to Canada. Possibly UK and Germany. (Currently the monthly google searches on silicone wedding rings and qalo are: 190, 90, and 40, compared to 14,000 in USA)

I estimate selling 300 rings a day by end of 2016. That’s about $2.2MM revenue, and $1.53MM profit. Pre tax. Maybe $1.1MM take home.

I will expand to more brands and product lines:

Travel Towels – estimated to bring in $10K profit per month the first year, then $30K per month in 2016

Period Panties – estimated to bring in $10K profit per month the first year, then $60K per month in 2017.

Umbrella and rain boots, or bedding – estimated to bring in $20K profit per mont the first year, then $40K per month in 2017.

If I launch all these projects successfully, I can expect $256K per month (profit) in 2017, which is about $3MM. Probably $2MM take home.

Hard to visualize right now..but other people have done it. Other people have done better than this even.

I need to get 2 successful projects going, then I can be more confident about my ability to thrive in this business model.

The silicone rings are a relatively easy one. I’m lucky to have it as my first product. I think for the future products I’ll need to learn more about marketing.

In fact, if I do more aggressive marketing right now, and bring lots of traffic to my listing (once I have more ring variations), there’s no reason why I wouldn’t get to ranking #2, selling 60 men’s rings per day, and 40 women’s rings per day. (That’s $42K profit per month).

Adventures and Lifestyle

I like living here in Vancouver, especially in the summer. I like visiting Victoria too. The weather is perfect, the standard of living is bar none. Most of my friends are here.

I don’t have a great desire right now to vagabond.

But I bet when the rainy season starts, I’ll want to get out of here. The question is, where and how long and why?

I want to get stimulated. I want to be with other entrepreneurs. I want to be with adventurous minds, bright minds, big minds, unusual minds. Why? Because they help me expand. If they are having bigger or similar success, I want to absorb it. I want to learn from them. I want to become more successful. I want to be on that team that knows what’s going on and what’s to come.

I’ve been saying that I want to vagabond, travelling from place to place every 3 to 6 months. But really, I’m not sure if I truly want that still. At least, not yet. I want to build my business. I want to grow it. I can live in Asia for half a year if it helps with my business. Otherwise, it’s a big hassle to move, settle, learn the language, and make new friends.

I think I’d rather go on a vacation for 3 to 4 weeks, and the rest of the time, be around people I want to be influenced by. Plus spending some time with mom and dad.

The new friends I want to make the most are successful entrepreneurs. The young backpackers are not that interesting to me to befriend.

So where are these entrepreneurs? I think they are scattered all over the world, and they are mostly lonely. People like Chris Gutherie, Brian Leyede, Matt Clark, Jason Fladlien….how did they find one another?
1. I think they do attend social gathering / meetups
2. I think they have accomplished things. Having achieved success makes you more credible and lends you respect.

A quick research showed that Chiang Mai is a great place to be. Cheap cost of living, great weather. BUT, I save more living with mom, and Chiang Mai is far from Southern Thailand! It’s hard to get to the islands from there.

The entrepreneur scene doesn’t seem very bustling to be honest. Vancouver is quite bustling in comparison. Maybe it’s because those that are in Thailand are not like the ones in Vancouver; they are more seasoned, subdued, and know what they’re doing?

Top 5 Entrepreneur Cities:

Top 5: Best cities to live as a bootstrapping young entrepreneur

Comparison between cost of living in Chiang Mai and Davao City:
http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_cities.jsp?country1=Philippines&city1=Davao&country2=Thailand&city2=Chiang+Mai

The really focused entrepreneurs, the really successful ones, probably aren’t playing around in Asia. They are probably busy networking and raising capitals in the US.

Who am I? Where do I belong?

I’ve been having the messiest sleep cycles and the most distracted days. I don’t know who I am. I think I may have an identity crisis.

It’s a good thing though. The main reason for having this “crisis” is because I’m making money now! How great is that! I get to play in a new league, I think.

Health

Family

Friends

I want new friends, because my current top friends are either away or are just not the best influence:

Cyndi – away in New York. One of my few funny friends, who is also kind, generous, reliable. She is quite great.

Nicole – dumb, unambitious, and delusional. Fusses about the smallest things. Boring. I know she is kind, generous, reliable, and not very judging. Those are the only reasons why I keep her around right now. She has been going no where in life and done nothing the past 5 years.

Vanessa and Anthony – kind, nice, steady, generous, reliable. Sometimes very funny. A bit boring sometimes, not very wild. Has very uncool friends for the most part. I like Karolina and Victor though. I like that Vanessa is driven and going upward in life too.

Cat – never thought she’d be a top friend of mine. She is not a bad friend. She can be boring for the most part, but she can say some wise things sometimes. Also she is not judging. I like that she is working towards her goal.

Summer – not really a top friend, but a good friend. She is generous, pretty sincere, and keeps in touch. Just that she talks about herself a lot and she is so cliche often times. Her comments are so predictable. She seems so fake even when she isn’t.

Deeann – kind, sincere, and sometimes funny. She is a bit gossipy but overall a good friend. Sometimes she seems overly polite and I don’t get her.

Lea – not yet a good friend but probably will be down the road. She is very sweet. Sincere, and sometimes funny. Her typing is horrendous….we don’t know why yet. She seems reserved, but sometimes she’ll do something unexpected, like starting a Seattle support group.

Midori – could be a good friend.

Ty – would love to be his friend. Dunno why he never was interested in being my friend. He is funny, creative, and we are in many ways so similar. We both like sci-fi, we both like parkour (the idea of it anyway), and we both like brain stuff.

Ryan – funny, smart, creative. Could be annoyingly self-centred, but also sexy. Too sexy to be a friend.

Norm – nice to have as a friend. Smart, and has curbed many annoying traits. He is not very judging now, and rather positive, and rather considerate. He is a top friend, but, he recently got a gf so he might fall off the radar.

Angela – nice, but never could be a good friend. She is missing something. Also, she is prettier/younger which makes me feel ugly.

 

Boyfriend and Sex

Dear God and my loving angels,

I want an amazing boyfriend.

I know deep down, I shy away from finding one, because Mom told me once that the fortune teller said, If I have a boyfriend, I’d want to help him, and my money will go to him instead of her.

I don’t want that. I don’t want to give my money to this boyfriend instead of Mom. Silly as it sounds, that has been preventing me from getting into a relationship.

I’m going to let that go now. I’m not going to believe in it. After all, there are many things that the fortune teller said that weren’t correct. For example, 5, 6 years ago, they said that I would be successful already. Well, it took a lot longer didn’t it?

So please free me from this superstition. Please allow me to find love and happiness in this life.

I want a boyfriend who loves me, who inspires me, who enriches me, who is my fan, who is loyal to me, who is sincere about me, who makes me laugh, who makes me a better person, who won’t drain my bank account, and will be good for my family. And vice versa.

Sincerely,

Tanya

 

 

I think I need a boyfriend and/or a best friend. Ideally, a best friend who is also my boyfriend.

I also need better friends. By cultivating my existing friendship and by doing more activities to get me more new friends.

I think I need to make these new changes:

1. Maintain existing friendship: Be mindful about asking friends out regularly.

– Masha, Vanthony, Mike, Brodie, Norm, Nicole

– New: Darlene, Karolina and Victor, Aileen and David(?), maybe Janice, and Stacy.

– Once in a while: Summer, Cat, Anna and Wilson, Annie, Jing, Erica

– Long distance: Cousins, Moj and Paul, Courtney and Paul, Victoria and Yishan in Shanghai, Nick and Auburn, Lamont, Annie in Australia.

2. Make new friends in niche settings

– Joined geek girl meet up

– Maybe ASMers will be good friends too. Can visit Clement and Evan in Toronto!

3. I have to force myself to do this, but I will act as a good friend and wish Cyndi well. I will try to not hop on the phone with her. She’ll be too busy to want to call me for the next while anyway. The fact is, I’m gonna say no to a friend who “hangs out” with me while cleaning her house, talks to me on the phone while walking to a date starting in 10 minutes.

I know she had been a good friend in the past several times. But it’s hard to bring those to mind right now. I just don’t want to. I just don’t feel that she deserves anything good. I feel that she is not the best person. I’m disgusted by some of her negative characteristics.

I looked around and realized that most of my friends are in relationships. It’s the expected path. Be single in your late teens to early 20s. Be taken in your late 20s to…30s and maybe 40s. I feel so out of sync with the world.

Is there a guy for me? I want someone, I think . I believe in soul mates, I think.

Cyn wanted to talk tonight. Timing is a bitch, isn’t it?

I was having dinner with Mom. I saw that Cyn called 20 min earlier, but I didn’t bother replying.

I just saw the Whatsapp group chat, with a bazillion messages from Cyn’s friends. Turned out Tyler emailed Cyndi that he wanted to get back together, and was flying to New York to meet her. New Years eve too!

A few thoughts ran through my head.

1. So that’s why Cyn wanted to talk on the phone!

2. She is lucky that Ty is so romantic and still wants her.

3. I’m sad that I don’t have someone like that in my life.

4. I’m sad that Ty felt that way towards Cyn, actually.

I don’t know why the timing always has to be this awkward. When Cyn got the New York job offer last year, $120K USD after tax, I was making no money. We had just got back from Thailand and didn’t like each other very much. She had this great big opportunity fall on her lap without her trying AT ALL, and I had nothing. I was so sad. I think any other time I would’ve been happy for her, but it was near impossible at that time.

Now, I have just given up on her as a close friend, because she obviously puts me as a low priority. I was hoping to become a closer friend with Ty, because we seem compatible, and because he has friends that I may like. And there’s Jackson.

If Ty was single still, or even dating other people casually, him and I can be consistent friends. I was hoping for that. I want stimulating, funny, and smart friends.

But them getting back together means:

1. We can’t as easily hang out one on one. I feel like I’ve lost him as a friend before I even started. What about all the fun times we could have? What about all the friends of his that I’d like to meet? What about Jackson? Ok Jackson is actually not the top priority. I want to meet his ENTP friend, I want to meet the friends he brainstorms with, possibly. If I can spend 3 months hanging out with him, things can be different. I’d have more friends and more fun. But, now, it’s over.

2. I felt unattractive. Because Ty and I had such a good time. I felt no chemistry, but somehow I expected him to feel something. Did I bore him? Why? Seems like it’s been a long time since someone finds my personality and appearance attractive. Someone decently good looking that is. What is wrong with me? Matthew is attracted, but he met me a long time ago. And he just wanted to hook up. None of that boyfriend stuff. No one at all has found me attractive lately, let alone wanting to date me. Sigh. Think about the Badass group, or at Las Vegas. No one really gave me a real shot. Even that was a long time ago.

3. It’s hard to feel happy for Cyndi. Because, again, it’s the worst timing. If it was last week, I would’ve been happy for her! But this past week, after her being such an insincere friend, after her telling/showing me how she’s been treating these guys (judging them by age, acting all snobbish, insincere towards a sincere guy, dating like there’s no tomorrow), I’m so sick of her ways. I feel that she is a pretentious, thoughtless, selfish slut. And I think even if her and Ty got back together, the same problems will be there. I remember how often she’d crush on other guys, how she complained that she wasn’t attracted to Ty physically and expected just way too much imo. Of all times, right now, I really just feel that she does’t deserve someone, esp. Tyler. I don’t even want to wish them well.

So, in the end, I think this is how it’s gonna be:

1. Cyn and Ty get back together, staying in NYC and/or Vancouver, live happily ever after. They will get married, maybe have kids.

2. I will be friends with them but not close. Maybe in time I’d feel differently.

3. I will need to find ways to make more like-minded friends. I know I can. I just need to keep putting my mind to it.

4. I want to find the love of my life. In part because everyone else sucks. I feel that no one really cares about you as a friend, compared to how they care about their lover.

Right now my relationship with the world looks like this:

1. Friendship categories:

a. Close friends: Nicole, who has a best friend Susan from kindergarten. I can’t compete with that. But also, I don’t like Nicole that much….she is tired all the time, and she dwells on minute details. Cat, who has gay friends as her best friends. I don’t like her that much either, because she is non-responsive, not very smart, and her morals don’t align with mine. Then there’s Cyn, who I thought was the closest I had to a best friend, but now I realize that she doesn’t see me that way. She has ADHD, and she already has some best friends such as her cousin and Corrina (who is boring), and her actual best friend is Tyler or whoever she decides to settle down with. If she doesn’t have that love interest, she is too busy looking for him. There’s no room for someone like me.

b. Semi-close friends: Anna and Wilson. I like them but sometimes I don’t. They complain so much sometimes. And are close minded sometimes. Anthony and Vanessa I like. They are so nice to me. But they are each others’ best friends. They are old people…can’t travel and have a ton of fun with them… Deeann, nice but always distant. Lea, nice, sincere, a good person. She is so timid and….something about her just seems too polite and distant. Mike, ok, kinda funny, smart, but, can’t really be a close friend either, since he already has a best friend which is his wife.

c. New friends: Masha, I like her. She is smart, ambitious, and is an entrepreneur. But she is going to be so busy as a mom. My badass group. I like them, but again, all of them have partners.

Honestly, everyone sucks. Everyone has already got their best friend, or they are too unattractive to get a lover (if they did, that person would be their best friend).

Even Patrick has 2 best friends. Even Matthew has 3 friends.

I have none.

 

I was talking to Mom about how difficult it is to confront.

I want to tell Cyn how the way she’s been treating me has been hurtful. But at the same time, I feel that no one is good at taking criticisms.

I told Mom that Cyn told Sum she talked too much (on the phone with Amy), and Sum resented Cyn for a while.

Cyn said I was too judging. I resented her.

If I tell Cyn that she is a bad friend, surely nothing good will come of it.

But she has, so what’s to do?

Nothing I can think of.

But it dawned on me when I told Mom that Cyn thought Summer talked too much. Actually, I thought it too. But I just realized that, I talk a lot too. Dad talks even more. Sum talks even more. But I talk a lot. Sometimes ppl don’t mind it, and we feel closer after. However, I just realized that, maybe it’s just impossible to get a hold of Cyn, to be on phone with her without her having to rush somewhere, because she thinks I talk too much and doesn’t want to talk on the phone with me.

Now that I see it that way, things are a bit different. Not sure if it’s good or bad.

But, later tonight when we were supposed to talk on the phone, I didn’t even try. She didn’t either. She chatted a few things about her dating, and disappeared.

Heck, maybe she doesn’t even like chatting with me.

Maybe I already lost this friend after Thailand.

Ok then.

From now on, I’m not going to try to reach her. When she tries to reach me, I will be just as unavailable as her, maybe more so.

She is no longer a friend. She is an acquaintance.

She referred my bow ties to a store, and I thought, maybe she is still a good friend, maybe I’m being too sensitive. But now I realize, it’s no different than Geoff referring me a bow tie contract. He likes me enough to do it, but he didn’t like me enough to want to get together for a drink.

I’m sad that I lost a good friend. Funny how I only realize it now. She is too polite to say that we are no longer good friends, and too distracted to care.

Maybe we are on different paths now. Different phases of our lives. Different everything. Maybe later we’ll be friends again, but right now, I’ll just distance myself from her, and not say anything harsh.

I want to have a best friend. A friend that I can talk to anytime about anything. A friend who is smart, funny, and caring. A friend who is successful, so that we are on the same page. A friend who inspires me to do better, be better. A friend who is sincere, who respects me, who loves me, who wants the best for me.

Masha is pretty good, though not very funny, and is very pregnant. I wish I could find someone who is single right now, so we can bond first.

Will keep looking! I know I’m good at manifesting. Better than most people. I draw things I look for into my life. So, I’m wishing for a best friend!!!

We’ll have so much fun together!

Can be a guy, a girl. Can be gay, straight.

I’m fed up with this friend.

Honestly she hasn’t been a good friend. She is never available to talk, and when we do talk, she is walking somewhere else.

I try to see it from her perspective. Maybe she is busy. Maybe she is just cut from a different cloth.  In the end, I can’t relate.

There are things that make her very different from me. She cannot be alone. She said she is a loner sometimes. I’m pretty sure she isn’t.

She is ALWAYS going on dates. It’s to the point of ridiculousness. Mean while she is stringing a guy along….a guy that is good to her but she doesn’t find funny.

I used to think she is a sincere person, but she is losing that reputation.

She said she was sad and lonely around Christmas. I said, Do you want to skype? And she said, Yeah! And then she was not online on Xmas eve, or Xmas, or the next day or the day after that. By Monday, at work, she said, Oh I thought I replied (to me in google chat).

I feel like I already did my best, as a friend. I talked to her every week for 4 or 5 weeks, to make sure she set her goals and did them, such as sending resumes. I stopped after she found a job.

I am available when she calls. But we only really talked on the phone once. Recently she called, but she was absent minded and was obviously outside and had to go after 10 minutes.

I’ve tried chatting with her so that I can then ask if she is free and then call her. It seemed like she is always on the go, so calling her straight up wouldn’t work. But in reality, I never was able to chat with her long enough to ask if she wanted to hop on the phone. She is gone before then. Going on dates.

One time we did chat longer, and it was because she was on transit home.

It’s so sad that she treats me this way.

Perhaps she is desperate in finding a guy to marry and have kids with. Desperation is ugly on her.

Sum and I were going to go see her in January. Now, Sum is getting married in March, and has not time nor money to fly to NYC in Jan. I can still go, but I see now it’s not a good idea. I don’t want to be left alone in NYC lol. She just can’t spare any attention on me. Going with Sum, at least I’ll have company. And I’ll be less likely to get into a fight with Cyn. Going alone, no way.

So, scratch that plan. I have lots of work anyway.

I want to be confrontational, letting her know that she has been disappointing.

But experience tells me that being confrontational doesn’t work. No one wants to hear it.

How do I tell her that I won’t be visiting in Jan?

In April, I’ll be in China/Taiwan most likely, so I don’t think I can go to NYC then either.

How do you confront someone? I don’t think it’s a good idea any more.

 

 

Oh wow, I just had coffee with Tyler, and it was so much fun!

It was the most fun I’ve had with someone, just hanging out. It’s worlds apart from hanging out with Brodie, or Nicole, or Cat, or even Cyndi. Holy shit.

He is working on a cool graph database project, and he experiments with body hacking, which are all so fascinating to listen to and learn about. When I talk to him about the stuff I’m interested in, such as VR, flight simulation, he understands.

Plus he is so funny. I laughed so much.

When he brought the coffees/teas over, he spilled mine a little.

Me: Not very good at this hey.

Ty: I’ve never had a server job.

Me: Don’t you wish you did though?

Ty: Yeah it’s almost like a right of passage

Me: Yeah, and, it’s something you can’t go back to when you’ve gotten older. Like, if you do it now, people just think you want the job so you can meet people.

Ty: Right, “So, the other staff are all women in their twenties right?”

Ahahhaha. I had to put my chai down so I wouldn’t spill it while laughing.

I thought I was funny too. I don’t know how funny he thought I was, but I thought I was really funny.

I told him about the 4D rides and how it’s always pine scent that they do. Fly over water, pine scent. Fly over a forrest, pine scent. He joked about how in simulated sex, the guy goes down on the girl, and it’s pine scent. Haha

I joked about how it could at least be pine-apple scent, and said, oh wait, that’s taste.

He told me that teledildonics is an actual word.

I learned other words too, such as nepotism. And new concepts such as ASMR, graph database. And companies such as Neo4J.

I just really really enjoyed talking to him.

So far it seems like we have so much in common. Unbelievable.

I can’t remember the last time I had such a fun conversation with someone. It was almost a high. I wondered if I can be with someone like him. Someone so fun and makes me laugh so much.

I don’t know if I felt any physical attraction, but this is someone I can be friends with. Very good friends. And he seems to have other friends like him whom he brainstorms with. I want to meet these friends!

He briefly mentioned Jackson, just in passing when he was telling a story. He said Jackson was really smart. And one time when he came over, he asked for some caffein to uncloud his head. Ty said, I have pure caffein and a tab press (to make the pills). Jackson said, I think 60~80mg of it will do. Lol.

I’m quite curious about Jackson. So far I’ve heard only cool things about him. Smart, nice. Shy around other ppl but outgoing around Ty. But I didn’t ask more about him. I dunno how. I dunno if Ty did mention me to him, and he did nothing. I dunno if I showed too much interest that Ty would be put off and not want to hang out with me as much. I dunno if Ty is interested in me. Because there’s no sign of that at all. He’s like the only guy who never showed interest in me actually.

I mean, yeah, he called me out of the blue while he was in West End. But really, if he liked me he should’ve remembered that I moved to Burnaby. I think.

I wanted to hang out more and he was like, I want to go home and code. Lol.

It’s ok. It’s Jackson who turns me on. High cheekbones. Hot body. Hotter than Brodie’s body.

A hot body turns me on more than I realize. Because I was somewhat horny after hanging out with Brodie. Just because I got a glimpse of his biceps. (Or, maybe he showed a bit of interest too?) I think it’s the biceps.

I can be patient. I want to hang out with Ty more, meet his friends, and meet Jackson eventually.

Ty is my door to being around people who are more like me. That’s exciting.