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I have been so immensely stressed about my stocks (and mom’s) and I can’t shake that feeling!

At one point, all the stocks that John had advised me to buy, had made $1M CAD in total.

That was less than 3 weeks ago.

Now, they are down to maybe $200K.

And they might keep going down. Sigh.

I kick myself for not selling them at that point.

I even felt that they would come down.

I guess I was afraid to miss it going up even higher.

But seriously, $1M! I should’ve taken the profit.

I’ve been trying to so hard to not feel stressed and sad about this, but sometimes my whole body goes numb all over again.

I feel immense loss for the loss of profit.

I know I need to look forward instead of backward.

Fucking second wave. I hate it!

How I wish it’d all come back.

I was so greedy, hoping for $2M.

When the going is good, I expect great.

I should know that I’m blessed already.

I’m here in Victoria. Guan Yin scripture beside me.

She was there for me when I first started making money with the rings. I always feel so appreciative and watched after when I’m in the scripture’s presence.

This helped some.

I have faith that everything will be great!!!

I’ve been going through that phase again…that phase of thinking about what’s important in life, how do I want to live my life, and how to achieve these goals in life.

I was about to brainstorm on some deep thoughts and jot down some deep notes and goals in my notebook. Just before doing so, I flipped over the notebook to see what I wrote in it before.

Damn, it was existential moment in 2016, 2017, 2018….hahaha

Here I thought it was my big 40 that triggered this moment.

Most of my goals haven’t come true yet…and I don’t know if I still want to achieve them.

I recently watched the Passengers, and re-realized that life is a journey to find love. If you find love, you are whole.

On the other hand, I no longer feel that a relationship that lasts forever is the end all be all. Just share those special moments together during the years we have together, and it’s a relationship worth having in our lifetime.

These two totally different concepts exist within me simultaneously. How could that be?

Love is everything, love is the goal…but, if it cannot be found or does not last forever, it’s ok. I think that’s what I believe.

I remember a time when I dreamed and dreamed of finding a soulmate. I prayed, I begged, I cried.

I was so eager to consider a guy to be potential soulmate.

I went to the Pacific Spirit Park today. I decided that I won’t rely on Bunny to keep me company anymore.

Last time I saw him was last weekend. He didn’t make plans with me this weekend.

On the way to the park, he called. To tell me about Macy’s stock.

He learned that I was going to the park. He asked if I wanted to go over for dinner. I said no. I said I’ve been so lonely, and he needs more alone time than I do, so I’ll just learn to handle it without him.

As usual, he said don’t be sad, and that I can call him if I change his mind. And let me go.

I wished that he would come to me at the park. That’s the kind of urgency and passion I want in a guy. But he is not like that. He is passive.

He is so far from what I want. I’m not happy with him. Never. Except on my birthday.

So I cried. I walked around in the park for an hour, cried more on the way home and after coming back.

I numbed myself with Netflix. The Russian Sci Fi about robots is pretty good.

It’s now 11:30pm. I bet he’ll call at around midnight.

But it doesn’t matter if he does. I’ve given up on him this time.

We’ll stay in touch because I lent him $20K and he is managing my $120K. But, I really need to move on. He is not good for me.

I’m more often sad than not when I’m with him. Or angry.

I hate that I have so much money tied up with him. I hate that I even listened to him and imported those stupid door openers. I hate that we met.

I’m so sad.

So unusually sad.

Why?

Is it justified? Or is it something else?

Food? All that brie cheese?

Stress from Shopify?

It doesn’t matter now.

He is stressed too and that will never change. He might have been a better boyfriend if he wasn’t so stressed, but, he is stressed.

Just my luck.

Just our luck.

Sigh.

I want to be happy. I want to be productive. I want to be in love with someone who is in love with me back, in a way that I understand.

I just finished crying over my losses over SHOPIFY.

Let’s focus on the lessons learned and how I can rectify this situation next week.

Next week, my plan:

1. Wake up at 6pm, buy in when low, sell when high. In and out quick. Repeat.
2. Toward closing, don’t buy. Too risky to leave ’til next day.
3. On April 23, see if Amazon has good news. If so, buy more SHOP. If bad news, hold.

Lessons learned:

1. More compassion for Bunny’s loss of his entire asset.
2. Appreciation for Mom and Bunny trying to tell me to not worry
3. Remember to love myself.
4. Remember to let go. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn valuable lessons.
5. Many lessons about trading.
   1. Need to talk to thinkorswim about putting a limit on my actions in case of error. No naked calls!
   2. Be creative.
   3. Think about what to do if high, and what to do if low. Also consider velocity (going high fast? buy)
   4. See if can buy more than 500 shares of SHOP, over my “limit”
   5. Remember, could’ve just profit enough to over the strike price + premium. Buy at $556 or lower.
   6. Remember, just needed to make enough money to buy back the options.
   7. Remember, you can short it. But I think it’ll keep going up unless Amazon doesn’t do well this quarter.

I’m almost 40! Oh my! Time flies.

I have been very fortunate. I’ve built a business, made lots of money ($1.7MM as of today!), have some good friends, have good health. Will have my own place to live in soon.

1. I want more quality friends!
2. I want intimate love!
3. I want to laugh, be happy, joyous, most of the time!
4. I want to have very little stress, other than the stress I deliberately put myself through, such as ones that expand my boundaries!
5. I want my business to grow with the help of a great team that I lead!
6. I want to be even healthier, with an abundance of energy!
7. I want to be more fit and toned!
8. I want to learn a new skill! Dancing, martial arts, growing plants, acting, etc.
9. I want to be entertaining to my friends. I want to be valuable to my friends.
10. I want to have even more money! Can I do $4MM by end of 40 years old?
11. I want to affect change! I want to make a great impact. Make a meaningful difference. Make the world a better place. Let me figure this out!
12. I want to read lots! Learn from the wise. Step on giant’s shoulders!
13. I want to learn time management! Be very productive and efficient with each day. Live each day (or week?) like it’s my entire life. With focus on love, wealth, health, passion, making a difference in the world.
14. I want to surround myself with people who are smart, funny, successful, driven, creative, or playful. You are who you surround yourself with. If they are none of these, then they don’t make the cut. All of them have to be good hearted and grateful.

Ever since taking the mushroom I’ve been sad, emotional, crying easily.

I don’t know if it’s the mushroom making me sad, or the mushroom cause me to release my sadness.

I’ve been dwelling on John’s love for me.

I think about how he never took photos with me on his phone. He barely ever buy me gifts or treats. He didn’t drive me if he can get away with it.

In general, he doesn’t seem like he loved me very much at all.

And of course we never said I love you to each other.

I want to believe that he cares for me a lot, but I find myself giving in to the fact that we are broken up anyway, so who cares.

But it still hurts.

But should it hurt?

I guess I’m writing in the hopes of making everything ok for myself.

1. He took photos of his nephew, the dog, and his friends, but not me, maybe because he wanted to show me the photos.
2. He did offer and drive me to the ferry a couple times
3. He is too broke to treat me
4. He is cheap by default anyway, it’s not personal’
5. No one can love you exactly how you want to be loved. Just appreciate the ways in which they love you.
6. There are people who act loving and affectionate, but they have more than 1 person they are romantically involved with. More affection doesn’t mean truer affection.
7. You know he is true towards you. You know he is grateful. He is doing his best.
8. Even if he could possibly treat another girl better in the future or even in the past, it’s ok. You and him are not the best match anyway. If you have both professed your love, and want to be together for the rest of your lives, then, work hard to love each other the best you can.
9. And lastly, he is your ex. Just appreciate that it happened, and focus on building a friendship instead.

I’ve had a pretty great year 2019!!!

Made about $340K in biz, $237K in stock. So $577K income before tax!

Business made about $850K in revenue. Close to a million!

Sales on Amazon US is great even after Xmas. Amazon CA not so much, but CA grew by 1000% since last year!!!! And overall on Amazon, we grew by 50%!!!

On Etsy we stayed about the same as last year. On KT we grew by 31%.

Overall, what an amazing year!!!

And I went to Peru, Amsterdam, Prague, London, Fiji, and China! And had an especially amazing time in China!

I’m very grateful.

Now, I’m thinking about:

1. Systemizing KT
2. Growing KT
3. Moving to my own apartment by beginning of Feb.
4. Building communities of good friends
5. Creating a new biz!

New Biz:

I believe that these markets have the biggest demands: Getting rich and becoming more beautiful. Healthy is 3rd.

Dating related topics are good too.

The end goal in all of the above is to have more love!

The first one, money, is also to get more freedom, more options, better options.

Everybody wants more love.

I want to make a positive impact on the world. I also want to be more rich.

Like an actor deliberately choosing to star in a sci-fi because it’ll propel them to stardom, I’m going to do the same.

Let’s see:

1. I can visit Korea. Find an awesome beauty product / service there.
2. Keep this concept in the back of my mind and find opportunities involving wealth, beauty, health, and love.

I also want to double Knot Theory. This past year we did $670K USD in revenue. If we double, we’ll be able to join the MDS group and similar. They might require us to do 7 figures in just Amazon USA, so we need to more than double (US 2019 sales is $473K).

I’ve written an article on how to increase our sales. I’ll dig that up and update this one with it.

Let’s see:

1. More colours (25 more colours this year for 25% growth) This is the easier growth factor, so I should increase colour offerings. Make it 50 colours.
   1. Neon Pink
   2. Neon Lemon
   3. Neon Orange
   4. Neon tie dye
   5. Neon Lemon Striped Ring
   6. Teal striped
   7. Royal purple striped
   8. Aqua striped
   9. Metallic striped if possible
   10. Dusty rose
   11. Pewter purple
   12. Pewter teal
   13. Powder pink
   14. Primary Red
   15. Classic Blue
   16. Primary Yellow
   17. Oxford Grey
   18. Thunder (pottery pewter grey)
   19. Another rose gold (the real kind)
   20. Fred: White Marble
   21. Black Marble
   22. Pink Marble
   23. Rainbow
   24. Light Grey
   25. Cantaloupe (for women) or orange (for men)
   26. Primary Green
   27. Dark Green (for men)
2. More styles (Celtic, Claddagh, 8mm CF, etc) (Estimated 10% growth)
3. Push the colours to more styles (e.g. antique gold on BCF and CF8mm and 2mm, pearl white to BCF) (Depends on #1 and #2)
4. More patterns (Estimated 15% growth) (If this pans out, also a great assured way to grow) 15 patterns:
   1. Wood dark brown
   2. Wood ash
   3. Lace
   4. Rose
   5. Flower2
   6. Flower3
   7. Flower4
   8. Hearts
   9. China porcelain
   10. Cat paws or cats
   11. Dog paws
   12. Water waves birds eye view
   13. Sky / sun / cloud
   14. Xmas Snowflakes
   15. Leopard print
   16. If can have positioning: NYC or Paris
   17. Mountains e.g. Everest, K2
   18. Plaid1 (like Burberry)
   19. Plaid2
   20. American Flag
   21. Canada Flag
   22. Celtic
   23. Music (notes or wave pattern)
   24. Waves
   25. Xmas1
   26. Xmas2
   27. Ombre
   28. Mermaid
   29. World map1
   30. World map2
5. Engraved rings (even on Amazon if possible!) (Estimated 10% growth)
   1. Give examples of engraving encouraging words also
6. Better Amazon listings for better conversion (split striped rings out) (5% growth)
7. Social media advertising (FB, IG, Pinterest) (10% growth) 75%
8. Social media presence (Repost influencers awesome posts, ring or no ring) (1% growth)
9. More platforms (e.g. Walmart, eBay) (5% growth)
10. Wholesale to stores (5% growth)
11. Wholesale to organizations such as hospitals (5% growth)
12. Affiliate (1% growth)
13. Email marketing (1% growth)
14. A great video for branding and ads (1% growth)
15. Optimize Etsy listing and marketing and have more updates (1% growth) 95%
16. Increase bow tie options, optimize listings, add insert (0.5% growth)
17. [TBD] Do a kickstarter on rings (5% growth)
18. [TBD] Do a kickstarter on scarves (5% growth)
19. Amp up influencer outreach (0.5% growth)
20. SEO (3% growth)
21. Optimize for mobile (subscribe to that app) (0.5% growth)
22. Optimize website according to Shopify (e.g. add Shipping section) (0.5% growth) 100%
23. Bracelets (5% growth)

I need to know that:

It’s ok! Don’t worry! You’ll find a place!!

Strategy:

1. Look really hard around Dec 15 ~ Jan 7
2. Keep looking after Jan 7!
3. Find a storage in case it’s needed

If still no place by Jan 25, can start planning this:

1. Live with Bunny for a week or two, pay him.
2. Move into AirBnb worst case. Can be <$80 a night
3. Or rent month to month, something from Craigslist (monthly lease, sublets/temporary)
4. Move to Victoria for 2 weeks, put my stuff in storage.

Don’t worry because:

1. You’ll have a decent place to live
2. Even if it’s a yearly lease, you can probably find someone to take over the lease
3. If you don’t find your ideal, settle for great views with a pool and updated interior. No worries. Ideal can take time!
4. Yes it’s more expensive in the Spring/Summer, but the housing market is going down, so maybe rent is about to go down! Plus if you get a yearly lease, you’ll have the same opportunity again next year! It’s ok to be patient. As long as you don’t lose sight of your goal.
5. Can also move to a different neighbourhood! It’ll be quieter. No worries!

Dear God,

I really appreciate everything you’ve given me this past year. I appreciate the view of this place so much! The BC Place and Science World are both golden right now! It’s amazing here.

I’d love to move out now and have my own place. The place I wanted was rented, but I trust that something even better will turn up before February 1st! If not, I’m willing to stay somewhere temporarily, however I’d really really appreciate it if you would give me my dream place before then!

A sunny place with view of the BC Place, indoor length pool, quiet, at least 600sqft, modern decor, white walls, stainless steel appliances, light coloured hardwood floor, unfurnished, and not seeing the 33 Smithe building are my biggest wishes. A view of the waters and Science World is a nice bonus. Under $2200 including parking would be nice!

I will host parties to grow happy communities, grow an oxygen herb garden, get cool expressive furniture, revel in each day, drink blended water, dance, sing, act, laugh!!!

I love ideation. I love brainstorming. And I have cool ideas.

My ideal role is to be the creative consultant. People ask me what I think, I tell them, they do it, and we all make a ton of money and make the world a better place.

To reverse-engineer. How can I become a highly sought after creative consultant?

1. Talk to many creative consultants. At least 10.
2. Job shadow them.
3. Exercise my creative muscles.
4. Built connections in the fields I want to be creative in.
5. Be creative in my own company
6. Do creative crazy things like building a VR / mechanical arm
7. Brand myself as a creative person whose ideas gets executed and the results are amazing.

What if I just do the first gig for free? Like, find companies who will give gifts in exchange for promotion, to flight travellers?

Who will be my other clients?

Smart homes –
VR – get into all the theme parks. Hotels. Malls. Promote at Theatres.

Will I be known as a creative collaborator? A creative marketer?

I feel that I just want to decorate the cake but don’t want to bake the cake. Just the fun and creative part.

Maybe if I have stake in the company.

First, let’s make Knot Theory HUGE by being creative!

How would I do it?

Rings will need to be cool. How can I make the rings cool?

TED:

Tech – add smart ring tech

Entertainment – worn by celebs that matter

Design – cool design, or team up with famous jeweller