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The long-awaited double denim party finally arrived! I had bought a denim bow top, denim bikinis, denim bra and panties, denim overall, and denim onesie, in preparation for the party.

I’ve been looking forward to it because it’s Cyndi’s party, and the theme is fun! I’m also looking forward to it because I was hoping to see Jackson again. So of course, I gotta look sexy.

On Friday, I was hoping to meet up with Matthew, but he was busy. For Saturday, I had the party. I said maybe after…he said, play by ear. Hhm. Fine. I might get lucky with Jackson anyway.

I was quite nervous about going. Not sure if it’s because of Jackson. I posted two bathroom selfie photos of me wearing the onesie. It was a hit, lol. By today (Sunday) I have 74 likes. It does make me feel good.

The most amazing thing is, last night, after posting the photos, Patrick, Ashley, and Matthew messaged me. Haa. I do love the attention.

Patrick said he was thinking about me last night, and asked when I’d go to Las Vegas to visit him. Such a liar. But still nice.

Ashley said he saw my outfit and sent an ok/fine hand sign emoticon. I wasn’t sure if he was interested…now I know, he is. That’s good news.

Matthew said, “Ugh, that body tho”… Not surprised. But he got home at midnight and was too exhausted to come over. This is only the second week, and he already can’t come. Sigh. But, I can look at it this way: Maybe he had such a good time, he felt guilty and decided to spend more time with his gf and friends.

Fortunately, I didn’t care too much. Jackson was at the party.

It took forever to start talking to him. At first he walked by and said, “Ex Machina!” I was surprised that he recognized me. Then, he walked past again, but I ignored him again, because I was in the middle of a conversation.

By 10pm, I thought, man, what if he is leaving. I needed to talk to him. I tried to work my way towards him in the kitchen, but people kept stopping me to talk to me. Jackson was talking to other people too.

Finally we were just one group of people away from each other. Devon tried to introduce me to her friend Rob, who was overwhelmed by my onesie. Though I’d never guess that he was interested. He seemed un affected by me. I whispered to Devon that I wasn’t interested in Rob, I was interested in Jackson. So, as Jackson walked by, she introduced him to me.

That was nice of her, except she was flirting with him so much! She talked about loving anal. I said, I don’t love anal. And Jackson just couldn’t stop laughing. He was heaving. It was so weird, we left. Tyler even asked him what he was laughing about. He couldn’t explain it.

As the night went on, I realized that Jackson was the weirdest and most awkward person I know, and not really in a good or attractive way.

Devon showed her and Edwin’s basement suit to Jackson and I. I had already seen it, but thought I’d take a tour with them just for the heck of it.

It was so awkward still. He was just a very strange person. Not very funny. Just awkward.

He tried to be clear that he was only into me, but he was sorta maybe flirting with other girls.

When we were all sitting on the big sofa smoking hooka, he paced past us over and over. Finally I moved the big bowl of popcorn and just asked him to sit down. Our arms brushed, which, felt kinda nice because I know I have super soft skin that turns guys on. But we didn’t do anything.

Cathy was sitting on my other side. He was drinking with her at times through the night. I wasn’t sure if he was into her also. At one point, he bit her toe. It was the weirdest thing.

Devon came by and at on the sofa arm beside him, complimented him on his “occipital bone” (yup, she is weird too) and started massaging his head. WTF. Then massaged his shoulders.

I finally had enough. I wasn’t jealous, but just, WTF. What was Devon trying to do?? If I wasn’t so turned off by his awkwardness, I would’ve been pissed at both of them.

But instead, I just decided that I’m going home. I suddenly stood up and left.

He must’ve gotten up right after, because when I went to get my jacket, I saw him at the doorway. I turned back into the house to say bye to everyone.

I left the house, going towards my car on the side of the house. I think he was waiting for me in front of the house. I suddenly heard him yell, “Ex Machina!” It was cute that he waited for me. It was the cutest thing he’s done all night.

He asked if he can give me his number. At this point, I was a bit shy and nervous, despite him being quite unattractive all night. (Apparently Devon had come out to the balcony and saw us. I had no idea.)

I went to my car, then I noticed him walking towards me. He asked, “Can I get a ride?” Hmm..ok. He was on the way.

I tried to start conversations with him. He just looked at me and grinned mostly. He was a tough one to talk to. I did learn that he was born in Vancouver, grew up in the interior, and then moved back here. He studied business then switched to computer science. He has his own IT company called Sundance, which is his also middle name.

He wasn’t too into learning about me. Originally I thought he might be interested in dating me, but then I realized that he just wanted to fuck. So far, that’s every guy that I’ve met. Except for the French guys I guess. I wonder why.

I parked, and he asked, “Can I kiss you?” I looked at him, he leaned in and gave me a forceful, open-mouthed kiss. It was not the best type of kiss. I put the car into park. and we started making out. He was, well, passionate.

Right away he went for my neck, my ears, and he bit me. In a sense, that was good, because those are my top 3 turn ons. But he didn’t do them well. I didn’t get an instant orgasm from him sucking on my ear. Not sure why. He bit my neck and arms so hard, I bruised. I still have a boob hickey too, which kinda pisses me off, because that makes it hard for me to hook up with, say, Matthew, any time soon.

The passion was good, but, he scares me a bit. He bites hard. I asked about his turn ons, and he likes anal. Ahh.

He kept telling me what he wanted to do to me…and I didn’t like any of it. I kept wondering why he didn’t invite me to his place already. The car was too small for us to have a proper make out session. Maybe his place was messy.

Oh yeah, and he likes to film things. Man, that’s weird.

I ended up masturbating on top of him, and he was filming my body. Asked me to say my name….that’s so ridiculous! How many videos of girls does he keep?!

Then he wanted to climax too. He got on top of me, and he put his dick in my mouth. It’s short and fat. It’s not the prettiest dick.

I was a bit grossed out by that part actually…sucking his dick until he came. I didn’t like him thrusting his penis into my mouth. He wanted to cum into my mouth, but I refused. We had agreed that he can cum onto my chest, but it ended up on my clothes and hair instead.

Overall, it was a very strange experience. I was still turned on, mainly because he was passionate, but….not sure if I wanted to pursue it.

He said he’d be my sex toy, and I’ll be his. I kinda like that. I get this feeling that he is a one-person guy. He said he’d message me while I’m in China…he was planning out the whole thing…whispering all this while we made out. So weird.

I did like that he said it’s been a while for him, but not sure if it’s true. And that he wanted to do this since the Noveween party. I can believe that.

He said we’ll keep it a secret. Hmmm… Didn’t like it. Then again, it depends on the reason why he wants that.

When I got home, I kept forgetting to text him back so that he’d have my number. And when I did remember, I didn’t really want to.

The next day I did. And we had texted each other a line or two. Didn’t miss him at all.

I don’t miss Matthew that much either. There’s just so much going on.

I kinda wanna see Ashley.

Planning to go see Patrick in Las Vegas in May or June, since he invited again. Would love to know what he has in mind when he invited me.

He probably thinks that I’ll just swing by for an evening…the truth is that I have nothing to do there. I don’t go there with my girlfriends. What I’d love to do is to go by myself for 3 days, and just spend time with him. Go to a show, hold hands and make out in public, that kind of stuff. I’d dress up for him every day, and we’d make love every day, and have so much fun.

The truth is though, I’d probably get bored fast. We don’t have that much in common. Matthew and I can probably last longer. Then again, both are Geminis. Then again, I’m sorta a Gemini. It’s my rising sign.

Volleyball was FUN today! It was tournament day. Dan wasn’t there. Derek was there. Brodie was beside me. I got lots of time with the ball, and I did well. I screwed up a lot too, but I also did well a few times. Everyone had more fun today, probably because of Derek 🙂

He is shorter than me, and not good looking, but he is so super sweet. He is really good too. He can jump so high, and spike the ball despite of his height. I’m inspired.

His hands were so soft. It stood out when we high-fived. Haha. I brought it up and Jamie totally agreed. Hahaha.

We won every game as usual. Towards the end, we even played 3 on 3! It was hard, but it was fun!

I hope Dan skips the next one too. I guess he skipped today because of St. Patrick’s Day.

—

Gotta let go of Maria this weekend. Keesha has been really good. Though, sick a bit too much. For now, I think having just Keesha is good.

—

Rings arrived but the blue line rings were packed with green line rings, and green line rings were packed with light green line rings. I was so pissed.

Turned out it was half my fault, half Judy’s fault. But I’m too angry to back down. They are too. I’m gonna get my red and grey rings, and will find another supplier.

—

Been wondering all day if Matthew is gonna set up tomorrow with me. I didn’t want to be the first to ask, because I did initiate it last week.

He messaged me at around 10:30pm finally, to ask what I’m up to this St. Patrick’s Day. He said he is busy tomorrow (Friday), but probably free on Saturday. I said I have the double denim party, so probably after. But he said to play by ear, and that I msg him when I’m done. Sigh. I’m never the priority.

Unless the party is super unfun, or ends early, I think I’ll just not msg him. I don’t care to not be the priority…

I know, that means either waiting another week, or, another month, or never see him again. But, whatevs. I’m in that rebellious mood. I want to be prioritized at the top. Sigh.

I don’t know….maybe I’ll see how I feel. After all, he did message me today. It’s not all bad.

I read up on his sign. He is a Gemini with Venus in Aries. Basically, that’s double-playerness. I’m Aries with Venus in Taurus. Basically, I seem like a player but I’m actually looking for a life-long partner.

Maybe I’ll see Jackson at the double denim party. I really hope so. I’d love to have someone to distract me from Matthew.

Jackson has such a nice body. He likes Sci-Fi too. And he is smart. He seems like an extreme type of person, which, I do love. There are issues with that, but I kind like it when someone has a lot of character.

Brodie has a nice body too. And he is a fairly nice guy. Fairly sincere too. But, the boring personality is such a killer. No sense of humour really.

I wish there are more guys for me to choose from. I wonder if I might meet someone cute on this trip 🙂 Romance via business, that’s what the horoscope fortune-teller said!

China, here I come again.

People I must visit:

Shanghai:

Anderson and family (bring gifts)

Tina and Chris (bring gifts)

Victoria and Yi-Shan

Hang-Zhou:

Deriek

Jing

Yi-Wu:

the fair

Sheng-Zhen:

Sally

Panties

 

 

 

Oh Matthew. Still so very cute. I hope this lasts.

I don’t expect much from him I guess. Just to be consistently respectful and interested. I’m happy that he messages me everyday since we had sex.

It’s hard not to think there can be more to us, since we have so many parallels in life. It’s hard to even imagine that someone could be more compatible/similar to him than I am. But, we have different core values. I wouldn’t cheat. When I think about that, I don’t feel that there can be more to us. Just being friends with benefits is probably the most ideal situation. Everything I’ve read about him, and everything he’s told me, tell me that he is addicted to newness, and his affection won’t last. Sigh. I’m already sad.

I need to think about why I shouldn’t fall for him.

1. He is not interested in seeing me bald  – not actually caring
2. He is a cheater – not respectful
3. He is addicted to new love – no chance of becoming a faithful boyfriend

It was amazing.

He was cuter, funner, and nicer than I remembered.

I was so nervous and excited when he was on his way. He had sent me photos of himself, and it seemed that his hairline has receded. But I thought to myself, no matter, I like his sense of humour, and his body.

He was nervous too, confiding that he wasn’t as good as a robot lol.

I couldn’t believe that him and I were meeting up after all these years. I thought that one day I’d succeed, and that I’ll be “presentable” enough to get with him, actually. I knew I was struggling too much financially that it would’ve been embarrassing to see him.

I remember how snobby he used to be. The person must live downtown, for example. Now he is driving to Burnaby to see me. He changed his plans around to make it work. Why? Because he has changed? Because he hasn’t got anyone else in line? Because he is realizing that I’m worth it?

We’ve been chatting long enough that I felt like I know him for a long time. Yet, I didn’t remember what he sounded like. I didn’t quite remember what he looked like.

So, he got here. I had planned out my outfit more than a week ago. White denim shorts with coral loose sweater. My heart racing.

I came out through the front door, and there he was. He was so…slender. He seemed much smaller than I remembered. But so hot. He is 6’1, or 6’3/4 as I remembered him saying, 7 years ago. He looked so different than I remembered, but same…. He didn’t age really. No receding hair line.

He sounded so different than I remembered. I seemed to remember that his voice was way too keep. And I remembered that he had this annoying habit of sticking his tongue out. He doesn’t do that anymore.

He still seemed tiny bit gay in his demeanour, but he’s proven how straight he is through all the years of flirting lol.

We hugged at first. Then, in the elevator, we kissed. He was so excited to look around the condo. He liked it.

He bounced on my rebounder in the corner of the living room. Then I jumped on. Then we kissed some more. He said I looked younger than before.

We went to the master bedroom, and started making out. Slowly taking our clothes off, leading to sex. It was so much fun getting to it, and during it, and after it.

We laughed so much. We talked so much. We enjoyed each other so much.

He liked it dark in the room, so my concerns about my body was gone. He thought my body was so hot. I thought he was less muscular than I remembered, but still an attractive body shape. His face was so hot, his balls were perfect (which he loved hearing), and his ass was super cute. His dick used to be way to big for me, but somehow it’s just right now. It was much smaller than I remembered when it was flaccid. (Yes, it was flaccid when he took his pants off…he said it could be because he was too nervous. Reminded me of how Patrick couldn’t get hard when he first came over….)

 

The day before, I had told him that I liked my ears sucked on, and could get an orgasm from it. He was curious to try it. And sure enough, I was climaxing like crazy! I think I got an orgasm just 2 minutes into him sucking on my ear. It was more than what Patrick did (since Patrick never kept going on my ears like that).

Sex felt amazing. He was just the right size. A little bit long, so it can hurt if he poked too deep. I wasn’t sore the next day.

I think what made everything even more fun was the conversations between us. Knowing that Gemini’s like to keep things light-hearted and fun, knowing that they value intellect and word-play just as much as sex, I was heavy on the conversation with him. I mean, I like it too. He was so witty. We laughed so much it was just….a little piece of heaven.

He only came once. He put on a condom but didn’t come in it. He wanted to not use a condom, and opted for pulling out instead. He said it felt so much better that way. He did use a condom when he came over before, 6, 7, years ago. No problems there. But, yeah, again, just like Patrick. With Patrick, I was turned on too when he didn’t use a condom. It was as though we were closer.

We tried different positions. My wig was a bit in the way, but we managed. It wasn’t destroyed. Though I’m having trouble finding the same wig as backups (Forever Young Straight Edgy in St. Tropez colour).

He loved my ass. I didn’t know he was such an ass person. Well, that’s my asset! 😀 He loved my tiny waist, love my smooth skin. He said my boobs seemed bigger than before. Even though he didn’t care much for boobs, he still liked it.

We finished in doggie style, his favourite. It felt really good for me too actually. But he finished so fast. He’s been holding off for a long time. He came over my back. I wish I could see him get all weak and jerky. I love how guys do that after an orgasm. At least Patrick and Matthew did that. Josh didn’t seem to.

We showered separately, which was a bit weird. He was touring the place as I showered. When he showered, he kept talking to me, so I just stood outside of the bathtub and talked to him lol.

We talked about business. We talked about my alopecia. We talked probably more than we fucked. Just like with Patrick. It was so much fun. He has a billionaire mentor and partner. So lucky and impressive.

One thing I really noticed about him is that he is a mirrorer. Very very strong mirrorer. I noticed in FB msg that if I used a certain word, he’ll use it too later on. Consciously or subconsciously. I noticed that when we were sitting naked on the bed, I’d touch my knee and he’d touch his knee about a second later. I’d put my hand on my chin and he’d do the same a second later. I know it’s a sign of attraction, but I’ve never seen it done so quickly lol. It makes me wonder if I can take this to the next level. What if I do certain things, such as love him. Would he love me back? I’d better not entertain that…

He came at around 8:45, 9pm, and left shortly after 1am. We had such a fun night.

I walked him to his car and to get the parking pass back. As I walked away, he said, “Let’s not make this the last time.” A strange thing to say, because that made it sound like we might do it once more. I was hoping for more. But that’s ok. I’ll set my expectations low.

As I walked away, he said, “I’m just gonna stand here for a bit and watch you.” That was cute…

After the night, he told me the drive home was nice. There was no one in the street. He didn’t say much about the night. He mentioned that the clock springs forward so it was going to be 3am soon. I didn’t reply.

The next day though, I wrote a longer message, telling him that I had fun and woke up happy. And I told him how much I loved him sucking on my ears.

He was quick to respond and said it was fun and hot, the best combo.

I went to Sum’s wedding that next day. We chatted a bit before I left. I sent him a pic of me in the cute multi-coloured dress I was wearing to the wedding. He said it was sexy. We chatted about daydreaming about the night before….

We met up on Saturday. Wedding was Sunday. Monday, didn’t hear from him. I was busy anyway. Went to a piano concert with Vanessa. Knot Theory got free tickets! My first symphony. It was….impressive piano playing, but I was falling asleep.

Got home to the VAs. They are behind. Oh well. We have a ring packaging error issue….Judy’s factory packed green rings into blue packaging. I’m concerned.

I was missing Matthew.

At around midnight, I went to the master bedroom to lie down. I missed him so much. I felt like crying.

I masturbated. Thinking, not so much about the sex, but just everything about him. I wish he was the one for me. I wish I was his one and only.

I passed out after a decent orgasm…and woke up again at 3am. My VAs were stranded by me.

I noticed a message from Matthew from around 1:30am, asking if I have descended from my post-sex high. I had mentioned to him that I tend to get incredibly distracted after sex, and that it was some sort of high.

I told him about the masturbation, and how it was a kind of low for me right now because I was missing “it”. I didn’t say I was missing him. But…I think, we miss each other. I was happy to hear from him. Given his track record, I don’t expect to hear from him necessarily.

I hope we see each other once or twice more before I go to China. After that, who knows.

 

So thoughtful! Everyone gets massages, tarot/psychic/palm readings, plus there was food, wine, and everyone got a little goodybag with Sephora lip stuff inside!

I met:

Aldea (al-deh-ya) who co-owns a boat-fixing company with her husband (a mechanic), lives on Bowen island, and went West Vancouver high school with Annie. They’ve known each other since grade 10. She is the nicest and unpretentious person there. She told me about this custom fabric place called Spoonflower! Oh and she is getting married in September!

Leeta – Tall, red(?) head who was reading her phone message so I went to talk to her. She has a friend Nicola who has alopecia, and cured herself by not eating any sugar.

Jenny – Asian girl with dark-rimmed glasses. She is pretty funny and chill. She was at Winnipeg for 2.5 years, hosting a show!

Angela – her and her husband own a heavy metal cruise company! Craziest thing. 70,000 tons of metal it’s called. Her laugh is a bit crazy.

Talked to a few more people and they had interesting info to share, but they tend to not include me. Not sure why. Vancouver clich-iness?

Saw April and Jenna. They are both fake people. But they seem alright last night.

I really enjoy learning new stuff. For example this girl with a super thin wedding band she got in Paris. It looked really nice. Another girl has an IUD and she doesn’t get periods.

Most of these people are moms. They are my potential customers, or at least market research group candidates. But, I don’t know how to make this work.

Oh and Sue, Annie’s sister, is engaged! I like her more than I knew! She is so nice to me, most of all. She is actually very career-oriented, which I like. And she used to be a ski instructor! Her story about how her fiance proposed was pretty hilarious. He got down on one knee when she was in mid-air on her favourite run. She was like, “Fuck. Are you injured? If you are not, I’m gonna keep going.” lol. And she said no to the proposal at first.

She is gonna keep her lifestyle of flying between Calgary and Vancouver even after marriage. That’s interesting!

Oh and had a 45 minute session with Christine, a psychic. I felt that she BS’d me so much. I was offended actually. She was rude. I didn’t like her. The chair massage was lame too. And the gift was a Sephora lip balm, which didn’t feel good on my lips. I enjoyed meeting a few new people though! I gifted Annie a pair of custom mugs, and that HONY book. With the gift boxes and everything, it was 45+15 (USD) + 15 (CAD) = $100 CAD. Big gift, but probably didn’t look it. She hosted a generous party though! I liked the bacon-wrapped-dates-wrapped-almond/feta cheese.

Sue likes me. And she is no BS. Annie is a great person too, but I feel that she doesn’t like me. So strange that she invites me to things.

—

Started talking to Matthew at around 10:30, after I left the party. Chatted on and off ’til 3am. Sigh. He is so cute at this point. It makes me sad to think that I can’t have him like this forever. I like flirting with him, and turning each other on so immensely.

Supposedly we meet up today, for the first time in 6, 7 years. I’m nervous, excited, and scared. I am not completely sure how it’ll go down, or if it’ll even happen. Fingers crossed. My gods and guardians, please make our encounter awesome!! <3

Been thinking about Matthew ever since I agreed to have sex with him.

The truth is, he seems so ideal for me, if he wasn’t a cheater.

Then again, I haven’t seen him in 6, 7 years. Who knows if I still find him attractive, or if he finds me attractive.

I’m 52kg right now. I was 53.5kg just a couple days ago lol. Been careful about what I eat, and been following Jillian Michael’s workout (3rd week 7 workouts so far). My body is almost ready for Matthew haha. I hope it’s good enough for him.

I hope we have an amazing time! I’ve been reading about Gemini’s and they definitely are soul-less cheaters. I can’t fall for him.

 

 

Priorities:

Things on the plate:

• Merge listings
• Double check that Judy has everything for sending the rings
• Send red/green/blue line rings to those on the wait list once the rings have arrived
• Improve listing conversion rate
  • ring measurement photo edit
  • ring measurement photo upload
• Improve sponsored ads
• Train Maria to do more tasks
• Hire Keesha
• Train Keesha
• Design diaper bag
• Research more products
• Plan China/Taiwan trip
• Plan money for Dad/Mom
• Plan taxes, accounting for the money I’m gonna give Mom and Dad.
• Sell Tencent stocks
• Pay Elena
• Pay CC bills

Thing I need to do in Asia:

• Visit Dad
• Visit Anderson and family (bring gifts)
• Get my luggage from Shanghai
• Maybe visit Tina and Chris in Shanghai
• Maybe visit Jing in China
• Maybe go on a small vacation with Dad?
• Set up bank account for Dad, and be able to deposit money monthly
• Get Dad a new computer
• Visit ring factory
• Visit (maybe) purse and panties factories
• Visit (maybe) YiWu
• Continue to train VA
• Mom’s taxes
• Think about if I’m moving out of here, Burnaby. If so, were would I go?

Things for VA to do on Sunday (her Monday):

1. Read my emails replies in hello@knotheory.com
2. Watch the youtube videos (send links)
3. Handle as many questions as possible and saves as draft
4. Handle Etsy fulfillment

Before going to Alopecia meetup, I should:

1. Buy some food
2. Remember to bring laptop
3. Be back by 6:30pm
4. Go over the emails and see if Maria can address most of them. Add templates and videos as needed.

Ah Matthew. He messaged me yesterday as I was browsing for a place in Yaletown (I’m thinking to buy a house in Victoria and rent it out, using the rent to pay towards renting a place in Yaletown.)

I was drooling over this place, $3K/month:

$3000 / 1br – 883ft² – LARGE FURNISHED 2-LEVEL YALETOWN LOFT (1238 Seymour Street)

LARGE, FURNISHED, RARE, upper-level designer loft in trendy Yaletown’s The Space! Larger and higher than most lofts – 16ft soaring ceilings, huge bedroom upstairs + den/office space with corner windows. Spacious walk-in closet. Huge floor to ceiling windows, hardwood floors throughout with motorized blinds. North and West city and park views. Building includes access to exercise room, party room, and barbecues. Walking distance to downtown core, seawall, and Granville/ Davie St entertainment and food.

Furnished with king-sized bed, leather sofa, custom bar counters, and lots of shelving space. TV – basic cable and internet included!

One-year lease preferred. Credit-check required. $200 move-in fee charged by strata payable upon move-in.

SECURED underground parking included. Email for details/viewing. AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY.

It’s such a dream home for me. I don’t think I can afford it. I made probably only $170,000 CAD last year, and can only withdrawl $11,000 personal income tax-free.

Oh one day soon I hope I can afford it!

I have about $500K CAD saved up. In 2016 I hope to make $350K. In 2017 I hope to make $700K. Then I can afford it. With about $1MM in the bank, I can get $8K/month on interest. If I only invest $800K of it in interest-generating investments, then that’s $5K/month. Enough to live off of.

Anyway, back to Matthew.

I woke up at noonish, and my mind was a bit preoccupied with unsure thoughts about Brodie, part hate part lust. At around 2pm, I was in bed, browsing Yaletown condos to get an idea of the price, and chatting with Norm.

Matthew msg’d me. My heart suddenly started to race. I don’t know why. I’m so into him. He usually quickly dispels any thoughts I have about Brodie. I was happy for that. I’d rather lust about Matthew, who is cuter, funnier and has lately been lifting me up from emotional valleys that I seem to arrive at more frequently than not. I know he is not the most ethical person…sigh….but he is unique, he is special, he is fun.

His opening line was, “Wait, you have a BSc in Comp Sci?” I’m not sure if I should’ve been happy about it or not. I can’t believe he forgot about that, but I’m glad he knows that now, and I’m glad he was browsing my profile.

He told me about his Taiga biz. I wasn’t too thrilled about it because I know that’s a biz he started with his gf.

I took the opportunity to ask him about foosball. Turned out he spent 15 years honing his skills, and was competing nationally. Crazy! I was even more attracted to him. I love that he has the consistency to develop a new skill and become completely proficient at it. He’s developed so many that I know of. Piano, foosball, Japanese. He is a good programmer too, and already doing well with his business. I’m so jealous. He has everything good. He has the good looks, the smarts, the sense of humour, the charm, the money, and the luck. His life just seems utterly wonderful.

At the same time I’m so attracted to him. Alpha’s are freaking attractive, obviously.

We flirted as usual, and then I said I wanted him to come over…when I’m ready, in 2, 3 weeks.

He was eager to come over last night or tonight….but, I’m still on my period and I feel fat. I have a belly I’m desperately trying to get rid of. I think it’s passable with other guys, but not with him.

Also, I’m starting a VA (Keesha) on Sunday and don’t want to be distracted. I know after sex with him I’d be high for days.

Also, this place is a MESS. I was motivated today to clean the kitchen, laundry area, wiped the floor. I was motivated to eat less too. Sex is a huge motivator for me!

I really hope that Matthew and I can have an amazing time, and that we’ll see each other at least once a month.

I don’t know if I’ll meet his expectation, physically, and in other areas.I just hope he likes my body, and my brains. I hope he treats me well. I don’t want to be ghosted again. He has the tendency to do that.

I know I still find him attractive, despite there being signs of receding hair line. It’s hard to imagine him looking less than perfect….I wonder how well he’ll deal with balding…

But we don’t care about that right now.

This team sucks. I hate being treated like a second class citizen. People don’t pass to me, and they tell me where to stand. Even Brodie sucks. He never stands beside me anymore. He always stands between Jamie and Dan. I’m looking forward to this season ending. I wish I didn’t bring him in. It’s not fair to me. Maybe he didn’t do it on purpose, but he isn’t helping me have a better time.

Jamie’s second team seems better. People are so encouraging. Like Steve today. And Derrick last time. And they pass to me, giving me opportunities to play. I like them.

I’ll see about drop-ins. Maybe I’ll have more chance to play in a drop-in game.

I’m a long way away from being able to have fun in a game that Brodie is in.

I guess it kind of reminds me of learning English when I first came here. No one wanted to be friends with me.

But I did get some ok friends eventually. I went from having

—

Brodie brought a girl friend to the game today. Wtf.

Adrianna. I actually met her in the bathroom, because I thought I was making her wait for the stall as I tried to figure out my onsie. She was friendly.

I have met her before, I realized later on, at Noveween. She is a big chubby…big boobs. She was wearing a boudoir outfit showing off her cleavage.

I remembered her because I went to talk to Brodie at the party and suddenly noticed that she was sitting beside him and not participating in the conversation. She was sitting really close to him and pointing her chest at him. I thought, Oh no, I’m cock-blocking Brodie! So I got up and left.

Later on Tina said she tried to intro them to each other, and they said they came together. Lol. I said it felt like they were gonna makeout and I was in the way. Tina said, Oh I don’t think Brodie does that. Hmm….really? Who knows.

I do think Adrianna is into Brodie. Dunno if the attraction is mutual. She came today and sat for the entire 1.5 hours watching him play. Wtf does that if not interested??? It’s not even like she brought a laptop. She just sat there and watched.

Also, she look the time to freshen up her make up in the bathroom.

I think that’s his neighbour that he mentioned. I think he trains with her too.

I’m not threatened because I don’t think he is that into her, but I think bringing her today was showing off a bit.

I’m curious if he’ll try to bring this up next time I see him. My mind was on him all day today and yesterday, it’s really surprising. He is not funny or interesting. It’s just that he has a nice body. And he is nice. And spending 2 days a week with him makes it pretty much impossible to not have feelings.

I even read up on his horoscope to understand how he might flirt. He is a cancer. Like Mike. Wow – I didn’t know what those people are like. I guess I’ve never interacted with a Cancer. They don’t make the first move. No wonder. He is the first guy I know who doesn’t make a move on me. Except for Nick Cumming, lol.

I sense that he is at least mildly attracted. When he saw me he made a point to hug me, like he really looked forward to it. I felt that I didn’t care that much if I hug him when I see him, but he seemed to really want to hug me. He always breaks into a big smile when he sees me.

I was thinking about telling him that I’m attracted to him but want to be friends only. But now I think I’ll hold it. I think I’ll tell him only if he makes a move.

My only concern is that if I flirt with someone else in front of him, he won’t treat me as nicely. I guess I’ll just try to not flirt in front of him.

It won’t really happen except at parties and possibly when I hang out with his friends…if he has cute friends.

If he flirts with someone in front of me, game over.

But I guess I shouldn’t be too sensitive about that. I want us to be friends anyway. I want to make out and make love with Jackson, Ashley, Matthew. Not him.