It’s been really hard.
I’ve been crying many times a day.
I miss him.
But, I also know that I can’t be with him.
I don’t like that he is mean to me. Saying things out of anger. Like he’ll get rich and I won’t go anywhere. I will get rich too, and will travel and will meet my soul mate and we’ll travel together, happy, free, and passionately in love. And I want him to be rich and have his bike shop.
The true reason why we broke up, is that I don’t laugh most of the times I’m with him. I don’t feel inspired by him. And I roll my eyes a lot over things he says.
But I love the good times we’ve had! I love hugging him and kissing him. And making food together. I wish we can have some more of that.
But I also remembered wanting to get out of it. Feeling that I can’t be in a day longer. Feeling that he is such a lost cause. That he is dumb. That he is a dreamer who can’t get things done. That he justifies it. That he is the definition of a loser.
But even yesterday he made me laugh. And he did work on his bike jewelry. And I liked it when we discussed business around ocean plastics.
But I know I need to let go.