Bunny was so sad yesterday. He cried. I cried.
He says he has unconditional love for me, but I don’t have that for him.
He said some harsh things to me out of anger. I didn’t want us to be nasty. But I know he was hurt.
This morning he apologized and said maybe I was right, that he’ll find someone better for him. Somewhat cynical, but it’s an improvement. He was emotionless, then angry, and now more accepting of it.
Even on the worst day he still said have a nice day to me as he left for work. There are many things special and lovable about him.
I wish we were made for each other. That we are soul mates. But but our conversations are boring. Our time together is ok, not amazing. We see things so differently and can never agree. We can’t get deeply connected.
I don’t know if I would’ve realized this if Sam didn’t come into my life. Norm and I didn’t have an amazing time. Our dates in the beginning were so unspectacular. I remember us sitting on park benches watching ducks. Nicolas never really had my heart. Jeffrey was super sweet but we can hardly communicate. He was a shallow and literal thinker. We didn’t even have much to say to each other. In contrast, Alex and I were pretty good. We can talk. We both liked talking. But, I didn’t really enjoy most of the conversations. I roll my eyes a lot when he talks about his bike shop that he does not work towards. I resented all the complaints about people where he is always the victim. And I didn’t care for the video games…that’s just me. I look up what he says and finds him wrong often. He doesn’t usually impress me even though he is supposed to be smart. He is not witty in front of my friends…. maybe a little bit more in the beginning of our dating….but he has been so drained for the most part.
I probably met him in the worst time of his adult life though.
Sigh. I know I should’t take him back, but how I want to just hold each other.
Everything I wanted to happen with Sam, pretty much had come true. So I hope what I want to happen with Alex can manifest too.
I want Alex to find a great roommate for April 1st. Maybe a nice girl that he can end up dating.
I want me and him to get along well and be nice to each other in our remaining time together. To be ok with hugging and eating together.
If it’s not asking too much, to be able to sleep in the same bed, and watch netflix together sometimes.
When we part ways, I hope we can wish each other well, sincerely.
I hope we’ll think fondly of each other.