Sam

It’s hard to believe sometimes that I’m with Sam. It was what I was hoping for for so long in Cape Town. And now we are doing it! It’s exciting times!

On the first day, I was so excited to see him. We had fun playing in the pool with the inflated duck. Later that day, I was worried that he was gonna go for Debra. But a little bit relieved that Debra has a boyfriend. At the same time, sad that Sam may have been flirting with her.

Then him and I hardly got to hangout because he was out all the time, on his own. I was mad because I thought maybe he was out looking for other girls, Tinder dates like last time. I was mad because I thought we’d get to spend more time together.

One day when he was out all day again, and no one (but Kumar) knew where he was, I checked his room and I messaged him. He was out at a gym and having fun. I was so pissed.

After he got back, he noticed that I was upset. He tried to find out what was wrong. I felt that I was thinking of him as my boyfriend and expecting too much, so I said, “Nothing. It’s fine.”

He was persistent in finding out why I was upset. I appreciated that.

All of us went to dinner at Deus. He was sitting on one end of the table. I chose to sit on the other end.

I sat by Kumar and he was telling me stories and making me laugh. At one point Sam came over to try to talk to me. I still couldn’t budge. I didn’t know what to say to him.

We went to a beach party. He stopped me at the entrance and wanted to go for a walk. At one point he sat on a log and invited me to sit on his lap.

We talked but I had nothing to say about me being mad at him. I felt that if he didn’t want to spend time with me, then what was the point in expecting him to act like a boyfriend and getting upset about his absence.

But he seemed to really want to communicate. I can’t remember where we left off, but we were distracted by my purse taking a swim with the waves lol. Thank God I got it back! There was $2MM IDR in there, and my phone. My phone now complains about moisture, but it’s functioning normally, whew!

I didn’t tell him how I feel about him, but I was happy to have some alone time with him.

That night he said we should talk more. I said ok.

He tried to meet up with me the next day at 10am, but I didn’t get the messages! It was day-changing for me. I thought he couldn’t find time to meet. I was sad all day.

He did get me the rice for my phone though! So I wasn’t completely mad at him.

That night we had our first big dinner as a whole tribe.

We arrived at the same time. We pretended to fight over the last chair. I threw him off the chair haha. But I helped him get a bench. But I was still a bit cold towards him.

I warmed up a bit at dinner. Kumar fought really hard to save him the last seat that wasn’t by Kevin.

Ever since Sam told me that Kevin grabbed his nuts to ruin his good mood and his dancing, I was so mad at Kevin and I can’t talk to him.

At night, I read Sam’s messages again, and discovered ones that I missed!, I realized that he had tried very hard to talk to me and spend time with me that day. I said let’s hang out soon.

The next day he went to a healer. Worked at a cafe, went to a gym etc etc. I didn’t see him all day. At night, we were on the couch alone for a sec. He said, Do you want to go to the beach and talk?

We scootered off to a beach. We saw an elephant mermaid statue! We took some chairs and sat by the waters. I had to move my chair to his left and he laughed.

It was a bit hard, but I finally told him that I liked him a lot in Cape Town. I told him that I got really sad when I learned about him and Michelle. He told me what happened between them.

I told him it really hurt when I learned about his Tinder sex. He said he didn’t think he had a chance with me since I had a boyfriend.

I didn’t think that was the case, because he asked so much about my ideal boyfriend in South Africa.

After I finished my story and he finished clarifying, he told me that he was attracted to me too. He said he was happy when he’s with me. He felt that he didn’t know me very well however, and he wanted to get to know me more.

We agreed on this. We wanted to spend more time together. We wanted to take it slow and make sure we got it.

We hugged. We kissed each other on the back of the necks a tiny bit.

The air between us finally cleared. We now know we like each other!

—

The next night, we were on the couch together again, at Villa 2. The cigs were bothering me, so he suggested we go upstairs. He asked if I wanted to go to his room, but changed his mind. I said I wanted to see (his bathtub).

He has a very nice room! And a dinosaur egg shell bathtub.

We sat in his bathtub for a bit. We checked out his notebook biz. We did acroyoga in his room.

He was super tired, but we had fun. He said I was welcome to spend the night. I said no.

I was leaving at 3am. but the villa’s door was locked! I went back upstairs and spent the night with him.

We cuddled like a normal couple, which was nice. He was jittery in the beginning of the night though. A little bit weird.

In the middle of the night, he woke up from a weird dream about sausages. He also looked at me in such a weird way, as though he didn’t know who I was. It scared me a bit. He said he is strange like that…but was assured that everything was ok once he realized where he was and who  I was.

—

We woke up the next day (Wednesday, May 9) and planned out the day. He said let’s meet at 2pm. It was our first “date”.

It was fun!

We went to get me a SIM card, we checked out Dojo, we checked out a bunch of massage places and got a lunch at Savage, a beautiful restaurant, then we had a Balinese massage.

It was quite good! Our massage tables were side by side. I held his hand at some point. He held mine.

At one point we had to sit up and my blanket almost fell. I covered myself because we are not there yet. Hopefully we’ll get there soon.

As we woke up from the massage, we looked at each other with sultry eyes. He got up first to get changed, and he kissed me on the lips! His lips were so soft.

We had a fun day!

We came back and changed. I wore my brunette wig and everyone loved it. Sam didn’t say anything but I can tell he wanted to. We went back to his room so I can grab my backpack, he said he liked my wig. And he wanted to take a picture of us in front of his bedroom mirror. It was cute.

We had sushi for dinner because we couldn’t find the rest of the gang.

We were gonna ride to join Justin’s drum performance, but it was too far.

Hmm…I can’t remember what happened after…I think we just went to bed.

—

Yesterday (Thursday May 10)

I missed the morning breakfast outing, so I tagged along with Sam to el Passo.

We worked side by side for most of the day. It was fun and somewhat productive.

At 2pm, he was going to the gym, so he took me home.

I worked with Berta, Debbie, Jason and Zac by the pool for a bit.

Sam appeared with some smoothies suddenly.

Then he asked for a favour. He asked that I step on his back. We did that on the grass and managed 3 cracks!

I liked that he openly showed that we are closer. He knows that Debbie knows anyway. And probably Berta too.

Then we did some acroyoga! It was cute. I liked being physically close to him like that. Sometimes we stare into each other’s eyes.

He was gonna do one more, with me putting a foot on his thigh. Then he suddenly said no let’s do it another day. I “feel” that it was because he got a hard on. Haa. I hope it was.

Later I asked Berta about ring colours. She suggested that I ask Sam. He enthusiastically replied yes in Whatsapp.

At night Phai took me on a second scooter ride. Two hours, and I felt no significant improvement. Damn I’m so scared about getting hurt on a scooter! 🙁

Sam and Jason came back from their ecstatic dance. Sam was trying to make me feel better about riding, which was sweet. He was questioning Phai as he came in with Berta. I liked that he stood up for me.

I wish I was good at it already. I don’t like looking weak in front of him, and not being independent…

I felt quite discouraged about the scooter situation. At the same time, I felt more attracted to Sam. I stayed up late to write about us (above).

 

Today (Friday May 11)

Today has been a slow day. I woke up at 4ish, probably waken by the rooster. I did some light exercises. The view was beautiful, but the air was so smokey. They like to burn stuff here!

I did Brandon’s 5-hour webinar. It was very insightful! I was tired the whole time (don’t know why! Scooter lesson trauma?), but it was hard to sleep with all the construction noises.

Now it’s just me and Debbie in the bedroom. I’m glad she is here right now actually! She is always cheery and she is often around so I don’t feel like such a loner.

I haven’t seen Sam yet today. He is in the routine of meditation, work at the cafe, gym, then socialize. It’s a good routine.

Me, I haven’t got it quite figured out. Scooter makes it hard. Also, I guess there’s more distraction here.

I hope I get to see him everyday and spend lots of time together everyday. We didn’t today and it made me feel a bit insecure. But I think we should be fine. I need to manage my insecurities.

Playful, independent, nurturing, growing, sexy (PINGS). That’s what I aim for!

—

I really like it when Sam calls me “My Tanya”. And when he tries to spend time with me. He’s been putting the effort in, and I appreciate it.

We talked about this guy that he has a man-crush on. He is polyamorous. I remember we had a discussion about polyamory in Capetown Spincity co-working space. He said he can’t do it because he’d be jealous. I said it’s the future.

This topic came up again. He is not ready for it still. Me neither. But, I feel that he is growing so much, he just might eventually. I think about how it would be hard to lose him that way….unless I also grow in the same direction.

I feel that he is growing and changing so much I can hardly keep up. I feel so stagnant in comparison!

He talked about doing a sticker tattoo biz together. That could be fun. We’ll get to know each other better.