Sigh. I tried so hard to make this last ’til the end of the chapter, but he has really made it impossible.
What did I learn from this?
Well, what happened here was not preventable.
I didn’t know what I was getting into. I mean, I kinda knew that I should’ve waited longer before seeing him, but, maybe it’s good to know his true colour earlier than later.
I shouldn’t blame Mom for suggesting that I come here. She really didn’t know better. And she is a different person with different understanding of people.
I have grown some and learned a few things and made good friends. It’s not all lost.
I have no expectations from him now. I don’t care if we talk. It would be nice to end on a good note, but I won’t try to make it happen. Just leaving it as is.
Sam,
You’ve doomed our relationship since the day you said let’s try but not really mean it.
You never gave us a chance.
You were resisting every step of the way.
You were constantly finding all the reasons for why we shouldn’t be together. You sabotaged it further by getting deeper into a relationship with your ex.
You keep trying to communicate to me why we shouldn’t be together. You keep taking love away from our relationship, retracting more and more.
Then you blame me for not being supportive.
I would’ve been 1000% supportive, if I know that you are sincere. If I know that you are not retracting every day, finding reasons to pull back.
Think about your criticism of me. Think of all the flaws you point out, such as me not supporting you. Now think about your ex, who verbally abuses you, cheated on you, did not support you, took you for granted, leeched onto you, and continues to hinge onto you for selfish reasons. You took that shit for 2 years, but you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt, the credit for trying, the credit for good intentions, for 1 week.
I think you have absorbed a lot of her bad traits recently, and it has made you unstable, selfish, abusive.
In the pretence seeking spiritual and self improvement, you are more scared than anyone. You are more wounded than anyone.