This is an entry to help me turn on my happiness engine, and feel better about me and Sam.
- He really likes me but he is resisting the feeling. He is scared and wounded, so he is quick to reject me.
- He is incredibly sensitive and moody so we really can’t be together anyway
- His penis is indeed very very small.
- His touch and his kiss are both too weak. There’s no sex appeal or chemistry.
- He had tried his best to be sweet to me. There are good moments.
- He is hurt that I want to end our friendship completely after this, and he is pulling back now to protect himself.
- He is sad because he came home to see me having a very deep conversation with Alex and Johan where we can’t even say hi to him. I didn’t even look at him. I know for sure this bothered him to an extent. I think it’s why he was so gloomy the next day.
- Don’t believe in everything he says that is what he thinks. Either he doesn’t know or he is lying. For example, he said he didn’t think much of us in South Africa. Everything he said pointed to him wanting a relationship with me. If he really didn’t think that of me, it made no sense that he would suddenly want to try to date me while we are in Bali.
- He is more hurt than I can imagine. By me an by his ex.
- His mind is so vulnerable and a bit delusional. He doesn’t remember saying to me that he loves me. He also doesn’t remember hitting on me in South Africa.
- Deep down I know he loves me though. And the reason why he brought up why we shouldn’t be together so many times is because he kept thinking about being together, and his fear caused him to think about all the reasons why we can’t be together. On Gili T, he said, if we do this you have to be ok with going into the dark side with me. I said, No, I don’t want to.