I fell asleep last night, before it was bed time.
I was buried in my fluffy blanket. My ears were covered by it.
Suddenly I was half awake. I saw the blue blanket, on my left side, in my peripheral vision. I thought I was lying on a guy, who was wearing jeans, and had his leg up, pointing at the ceiling.
I was so convinced that it was real.
I could feel him. His heartbeat, his presence.
I asked in a surprised tone, “You are here?!”
He said yes.
I woke up.
It was so surreal.
I wasn’t sure who that was. It could’ve been Norm, or my next boyfriend. Or my husband. Or my soulmate. I hope it’s my husband / soulmate.
I don’t think about Sam as much and as emotionally now. It’s better now.
I do have the Lady Gaga song in my head though. A million reasons.
Today at times I felt sad that he had the entrepreneurship I wanted, and his projects are ones that I’d love to work on with him. And for a moment I thought, what a shame that we can’t build our dreams together. But then I remember his complexity, his darkness, and his tiny dick.
Part of me feels that the tiny dick is something I can get over. But really I’d much rather be with someone with a beautiful dick. His dick was no just small, but also tapered and smooth…I felt a little grossed out by it.
I’ve been chatting with a few guys on Tinder, Bumble, and Inner Circle. None of them impresses me so far….except maybe Tyler, a structural engineer who is somewhat funny.
I hope to find someone as funny as Sam or Alex O.. Something about these British guys. I realized today that Benedict Cumberbatch reminds me so much of Sam and Arthur combined. He is oddly attractive. Not overly attractive though.
I feel very lonely and at times desperate to find my forever partner. Or even just the interim partner that Tunjung had said I’d meet.. She said I’d meet two and then the third one would be long term.
At times I’m quite happy to be single. My non-single friends aren’t having more fun at all. Look at Anna and Wilson (Wilson keeps joking about having a threesome with me), Cyn and Ty (They are engaged now…but they are bored with each other too), Stan and Lana (Stan doesn’t even love her..). Ken Takagi. Brandon Young.
When partnered up, you worry about losing each other too.
I hope I won’t have to worry about that too much. I hope these upcoming relationships don’t hurt too much.
And if Tunjung is wrong…if I’m just gonna be single forever…well, so be it.
Mom and Dad are happily single.
But Debbie is happy with her boyfriend. Maybe Darlene and her hubby too (with a tone of sadness though). Oh and Tom and Bec! Maybe Vanessa and Anthony..not sure. Oh and Jen Chiu and her husband. Yes, they are still happily married.
I hope to find you soon, my love <3 <3