Today I didn’t cry about Alex, but I did yesterday and possibly everyday before that in the past week.
You’d think I’d be over him by now. It’s been 3 months, and we were only together for 3 months.
Yesterday I was just lying in bed and thinking about him and I cried. Sometimes I just burst out crying while watching Mom…not really thinking about him… This makes me think either I’m just crying because of hormones or because I’m still sad deep down about losing him.
I wonder if he still feels sad about losing me.
My bun bun.
I miss how he called me “My bunny”.
Yesterday I posted on FB about Elon Musk buying Twitter. The romantic part of me thinks that when I post, he is reminded of me and he misses me, which triggered my brain to miss him and cry when I post something on social, because we are connected. Our higher selves are.
But maybe it’s just my brain. Sigh.
I miss him so much. Still do. It’s just so blissful being with him. I feel so dead inside now. Talking to John is boring and draining. He is always suffering. I miss being happy and excited.
I know that John is my real saviour. He helped prevent me from getting the vaccine. He helped me become financially free. I have $4MM+ and $165K/year dividend income thanks to him.
Aside from Mom, no one has helped me in life more than he has!
He is down at the bottom right now health wise, and I need to help him.
But…I want to live a happy life too.
What I had with Alex was perfect. I wish it could stay that way forever.
There’s no other way that him and I can work….
I hope John heals, and heals soon. I hope we both find our special someone that is great for us in life. He is a good guy. He deserves to be happy.
I deserve to be happy too. To be laughing and having fun with the person I love, and the person loves me back just as much. We are always excited about seeing each other. Everyday is fresh and an adventure, yes we feel so safe having each other.
I want to get healthy, get social, get happy. I want to meet my soul mate.
On Thursday, I’ll fast.