Felt a bit sad about Brian yesterday.
Just a few days ago, we had this amazing chat and I started having feelings for him again.
Then, while planning his upcoming event, I mentioned that we need to invite 50 to get 30, because Vancouvrites flake out. And I mentioned for example he did that to me.
He did not like that. And reacted so strongly it was scary and made me feel very bad. Like, wtf. He was the one that didn’t show up to my party and didn’t say anything about it. He has no grounds to making me feel bad.
He said he already said sorry and I shouldn’t bring it up again, because that’s not what friends do.
It took so long to clear the air. I had to run away to Spikeball, which was super fun. So glad I went! Played with John, Suraj, and Evan.
Suddenly Ty came out of no where and was running towards me! I was like, “Whoa, it’s like time travelling!” Cuz he was in his 70s shirt lol
He gave me a hug and picked me up. He’s never done that before.
Turned out they were having a divorce party for Kay.
Ty joined us for a game of Spikeball. He learned quickly and had fun.
There was a super cute and soft doodle at the game. I had so much fun playing the game and petting the dog!
Spikeball is even more fun than volleyball.
I joined Ty and his friends after. Kay is having lots of fun dating! Her dog Mochi was there. He was somewhat cute too. A Boston terrier.
Talked to Aida a bit too. She really isn’t funny. She laughed at my jokes though.
Then at the same time, Cyndi has been really sad because Ty just hasn’t been treating her like a friend. He reached out to her recently to ask for money. Damn. He is so terrible..why is that?
It’s a totally different side of him… unless it’s not intentional…just cruelness via un-attentiveness.
He loved her so much when they were dating…how did it go so far south?!
I’m very weary of guys and dating now.
Look at Brian. I thought at least he was sweet. But he just showed a super ugly side to me.
I don’t want to get closer to him anymore. Glad I didn’t make out with him.
I wish he was different. I thought he was at least a friend I can get close to, but now I feel like he is not someone I want to be close friends with. It’s like losing him again….
Part of me am so surprised and frustrated that I can’t get him. “Get him” as in making him fall for me. He is immune to me, maybe. Maybe he just doesn’t show it in a way that I understand, but, that’s effectively like not showing it. I’m not gonna try to put myself in his shoes and imagine that he likes me. I did that, and it made me fall for him. It made me think that he is capable of loving me, adoring me, being affectionate and loving and gentle. But he is cold, passive, indifferent, biz-first, angry, pessimistic, negative.
The upside is that it’s not hard to keep a distance from him. Basically I just have to stop reaching out and he’ll stop. I think he’ll only reach out when he wants to throw an event. He’ll never want to spend one on one time with me. And, I don’t want that now either. Even the thought of hugging him kinda grosses me out now.
I had asked him if he is inviting anyone I know. He didn’t point out Selene and other ECFers, so I felt special. But turned out he did invite her and she is coming. I think I assumed that he invite just me and 20 something people I didn’t know. And I thought that he invited Matt for me to persuade me to go. But turned out he just individually invited people, and I’m simply one of them.
I mean, yeah he asked for my availability, but he probably asked Selene and a bunch of others at the same time.
There was never a future between us anyway. But I think ever since I got upset at him about not being a friend, there’s even less hope.
One new lesson I learned is that, being confrontational and critical are very unattractive traits. I’ll never spell out the errors of someone’s ways again. I’ll just choose to keep them or maintain a healthy distance from them or have nothing to do with them at all.
Brian is not someone I can confide in. He doesn’t actually get me. Nor does he have a desire to.
Today I had coffee with Alexa and Karla. I like them!
An intimate get-together is what I prefer, over a party. Alexa thought so too.
Karla turned out to be 46. She has an 11yo and is a single mom. She comes to Vancouver every other week to stay a week here.
Alexa is pretty transparent too. Telling us that she was engaged 6 months ago and that’s now cancelled.
Played volleyball today. Was pretty fun. But not as fun as spikeball.
Got 2 cars now. Max, and Mom’s older Lexus. Mom decided to sell Max to Dan for cheap, cuz she wanted to continue to see Max. Fair.
I bought Mom her new Lexus! Well, it’s a lease for about $1K a month. I’m adulting lol.
Oh another good news is that Paulina and Kateryna are confirmed! Ebony decided to go with contract. That’s fine.
Oh and I mailed Cyndi Mom’s iPhone 6. Cyndi’s phone stopped working.
She is going through the sadness about Ty.
I’m going through the sadness about Brian.
The world’s mood right now seems to be irritable people. I was even kind of irritable to Mom this trip back.
Mom was good to me though. I got to pick figs of our trees! That was amazing! So fun to discover ripe figs too!