I want to be as completely honest as possible.
Let’s get to the bottom of this so I have no conflicting vision!
I want romantic love. I want to make passionate love. That’s what I always want. That’s the ultimate goal in life for me…to find someone to love and be loved, and to make passionate love with him often. To laugh together always. To travel the world and experience new things together. That’s my paradise.
I have only experienced relationships that are not fun. I get mad often and they are people I don’t respect. I guess everyone has areas that are not “respectable”. Not everyone is respectable in every way. Everyone is respectable in some ways.
Honestly, I see some relationships, and I look at my own previous relationships, I see a lot of pain and compromise. I don’t know if it’s worth it.
Yes I want the love and laugh and sex…but are they worth the pain and compromise and suffering? In my heart I know there’s gonna be fights, there’s gonna be some bad parts. Without a partner, I might be lonely sometimes, but life is so much simpler.
Mom would rather be single. Dad would rather be single.
I see how people age…their beauty, health, and vitality going downhill…what are the chances of two people aging on the same page and gracefully?
It’s like the same way I think about having kids… I’m now applying that to having a partner.
Except, I do want love.
I think I have an exceptionally amazing life. It’s hard for a guy to compete with my single life lol.
And the one guy I like…Sid… For whatever reason he is not in a rush to get to know me. That makes me feel sad and insecure…I shouldn’t take it personally… But I do. I can’t help but wonder, what if I were younger? What was it that I lack that made me not good enough for him to make an effort?
Sigh. I need to work on that.
There are days I’m more confident and positive than right now tho.
Today I just feel more down maybe cuz of my cycle.
But let’s get raw.
So few people meet my standards, when one person does, it’s a once in a lifetime occurrence. So I get really impacted.
How can I live happily ever after?
What’s within my control?
We all get older. I want to age beautifully. There are many role models. There are also plastic surgery options. There are people who age beautifully. So it’s it’s all good. Just there are fewer of them. So choose them or choose younger boys lol. Remember, if you had married someone in your twenties, chances are they are now old looking with a plethora of illnesses and unattractive qualities. It’s ok to place your bet later on in life lol.
If you had met the one early on, you would not have had the fun sex experiences! And you would’ve had doubts and questions. For someone as curious as you, it’s better that you got to experience these fun flavors! God has a plan for me, and it’s a good one. I’ll trust in God.
Sometimes it cannot be explained why I do or don’t do something. Same goes for other people. We are complex machines with many subconscious thoughts that are affected by memories, genetics, hormones, the weather, timing, phase in life, people around us, smells and sounds and sights and touches and tastes that we experience. There are other forces at play too, such as the dimension above, the higher self, destiny, past lives, karma, and factors I can’t name.
So no, don’t take anything personally.
Super wise words.
I know I have lived a charmed life. Luckier than most people in the entire world, lots of amazing experiences, lots of love and laughs, lots of amazing sexual moments. I know that no one has it all, and I know that even those who are happily married can be / have been envious of my life.
So I think I’ll try my best to be connected to as many quality people I can. And then, we’ll see if I meet anyone worth being partnered up with.
No need to overthink if I do want a relationship. Get out there and be exposed to all kinds of wonderful human beings, be clear about the fact that you want a funny, playful, compassionate guy who has his sh*t together!