44th Birthday

Wow, hard to believe it, but have been around the sun 44 times!

I guess in some ways it isn’t that long. If I was a person from the future, 44 is probably the equivalent of being 20!

Mentally, I feel like I’m in my early 30s. I get along best with someone in their 30s. Maybe not as energetic or “hungry” though. Or, I do get bursts of motivation and energy, but the most motivated times seem to be behind me. I don’t do all nighters (still to late nights sometimes). I think being a lot richer now than in my 30s also makes me more chill.

Appearance-wise, I do feel that I look older now. Maybe 30s. I want to get a facelift. Lighting determines a lot so I’m not sure exactly how “aged” I am. In some light, I look great, in some light, I don’t. I’m a bit chubbier right now due to inactivity in winter, so that makes my face look puffier and eyes smaller. I struggle with saggy eyelids, and a bit of marionette lines.

Physically, I feel healthy, but my skin is dryer. Have had 2 spasms the past year, lower back in the summer last year from practicing volleyball, and shoulder blade (probably from testing out anti-aging DIY pillows) 3 months ago. I feel that my energy is good, but sometimes I don’t have the motivation to do things that require more effort. Like snowboarding – seems like a hassle. Also, I haven’t run or done a lot of hard workout in a while.

Mood-wise, well, winter has been a dread, but now we’re coming into Spring and playing spikeball, I feel better. The past couple periods have been better mood-wise I think. Not exactly sure why.

Health-wise, good overall, but would like more energy, more power, and be more lean and toned.

Financially, really good! Net worth at almost $8M! Thanks to Bunny helping my money grow.

Romantically, well, nothing. Have a bit of a crush on Paul, but he is married. Sex drive a bit dead. Been 1.5 years since I had sex (Brandon). I don’t miss anyone, not even Alex. I’ve forgotten these encounters because it’s been so long. And I’ve forgotten what Paul is like because we only had a very brief encounter at ECF Live. I’d like to travel with someone I love, laugh lots together, make love, and make each other feel loved, alive, and thriving. But the reality is, being in a relationship comes with a lot of variables. I’ve always been happier when single. So maybe it’s a blessing not a curse.

Spiritually, I feel that something is lacking. I’m not doing anything inspiring.

Am I making the best use of my time here on this planet?

Am I having as much fun as possible?

Am I making the world a better place?

I’m chasing youth, I’m chasing wealth.

I want to stay young forever, of course.

I want to be rich and free, of course.

I shouldn’t feel guilty.

But no kids, no boyfriend….I should be able to dedicate time to something more.

What is it?

  1. What makes me really happy? Playing Spikeball haha. Simple me.
  2. Why do I love Spikeball? I love moving my body. I love laughing. We are always laughing about something – good or bad. That’s what makes Spikeball so fun.
  3. How do I level up? Watch more videos, level up, enter tournaments.

What makes me feel like I’m living a good life?

 

What makes me feel like I’m doing something meaningful?

  1. Helping others

What makes me feel like I’m making good use of my time?