OH how I want to be loved and cared for, by someone I love.
I have Mom and Dad, which I’m grateful for. But it’s been too long since I had that feeling of being in love. How I want it.
Dear God, may I have this love?
I don’t think I’ve truly experienced it. With Norm, I had nerve pains at the time. With Nicolas, I really wasn’t that into him.
I really want to find someone who really loves me, and whom I really love. We love each other so much so that there’s no doubt about it. We shower each other with love. We spoil each other. We care for each other. We inspire each other.
I want that.
It’s probably not with Brad. But, right now there’s only Brad on the horizon. Well, not really. He doesn’t ever make the first move ever since I did. It pains me so. Surprisingly.
I want to text him about meeting up this weekend. I want to touch him. But I decided against it.
If he isn’t ever going to be proactive about this, then it’s not worth pursuing.
But I feel strange, that I brought this on myself. If I asked if he was free this weekend, surely I’d get to meet him. But instead, I sit here and sulk my heart out. I sit here and refuse to take the initiative.
But it makes sense I suppose. I want him to take action, either as a fuck buddy or as a potential boyfriend.
If he doesn’t, it’s better to let him go now.
I have to toughen through this.
It doesn’t help that biz is stressing me out (Ken is gone at a tradeshow and didn’t bother to let me know ahead of time.) and that my car Max is having issues.
Hang in there. You will get through this. You’ll find someone who loves you and whom you love, wholeheartedly.