I cut Jeffrey off

I suddenly realized how emotional I am.

I had my coaching call with Joy yesterday.

I was having a chat with Jeffrey just before the call. At first we were just talking about what we were juicing. Then he said,

Gosh Tanya. I sure miss you.
Sorry I know I should keep it to myself. But it’s true.

I told him that yesterday was the first day I didn’t burst into tears when he messaged me, but I was now tearing up again.

3 minutes before my call, I was balling.

Joy coached me through. I told her that I couldn’t be productive when something effects my mood. I didn’t realize how bad it was.

She says to let it flow through me. Not dwell on it; let it pass through.

She also noticed that my language is victimized. I was “put into a bad mood” or something “made me sad”. I should realize that I own my emotions.

I know that now, but was unproductive for the rest of the day.

After the call, I blocked Jeffrey on Whatsapp, and wrote a goodbye email to him. I told him that I love him. I told him all the things I love about him. I told him that there are so many things here that remind me of him. I cried so much as I wrote this letter.

I said I’m happy to hear from him each time, but very sad at the same time. Because when we talk it reminds me of what we had and what we could be. I said maybe we can be together in another life.

My motivation was all gone for the day.

I cried. I lied on the sofa. I watched Friends. I passed out. I looked at dividend investing. I cried some more.

Gosh, I was so good on Sunday! I was productive, I worked out, I was in a great mood. Then he said he misses me….I felt a surge of sadness well up from my stomach.

Seeing how good Ty is to Cyn yesterday made me miss Jeffrey. Seeing how Jaq was to Diana today made me wish I had a guy I love who loves me back and wants to marry me.

What’s it like to have someone amazing that wants to spend the rest of his life with me?

I want to know. I want to experience that.

 

 

 

 

 

My Soulmate Qualities

  1. Loyal to me
  2. Loves me for who I am
  3. Respects and adores and admires me; my #1 fan
  4. Very funny and fun
  5. Smart and stimulating
  6. Handsome and sexy
  7. We are amazing in bed, always turn each other on
  8. Reliable, trustworthy, honest
  9. Generous to me and likes to spoil me with love
  10. Emotionally and physically healthy
  11. Loving and thoughtful; loving in a way that works for me
  12. Kind and shares very much the same core values as me
  13. Can communicate with me clearly; we understand each other
  14. We grow together; we both have a growth mindset
  15. We are each other’s best friend
  16. Our love is BIG and deep and sustainable. It remains thoughtful and respectful and passionate through time.
  17. Thinks highly of me as I do of him – funny, smart, hot, perfect for each other
  18. We have so much fun together and are happy together
  19. We rarely fight
  20. We bring out the best in each other
  21. We have each other’s best interest at heart
  22. Positive outlook and open-minded
  23. Outgoing-ish; has friends and good EQ
  24. Financially savvy; has good income and good saving
  25. Healthy self esteem
  26. We have many common interests, such as scifi, biz, tech, volleyball, cute animals, travelling, investment, architecture, and design.
  27. Ages well, due to good genetics and good habits
  28. Is available, straight, and ready for a committed relationship with me

I want my soulmate to have gorgeous blue eyes, cute hair, no beard, great face shape and cute nose, lean muscular body, sexy shoulders, small waist, 6′ to 6’2, nice straight dick, nice balls, no chest hair, great smile, good smelling, cute little butt that is narrowish, a voice I love, cute laugh.

Babe, I can’t wait to meet you and love you, and spend the rest of our lives together! <3 <3

Need to cut Jeffrey off

I haven’t been productive. I’ve been tired.

I dunno if it’s because of period, Jeffrey, going to Victoria, stress, bad diet, or lack of exercise. Or eyebrow and lip tattoos.

Period is half way through. Back from Victoria. Improving my diet. Will be exercising and meditating to manage stress.

Jeffrey. Sigh.

I’m well aware that we are not ideal for each other. I know we’ll get bored. I know we have some big differences. But I love how he loves me. And I want to love someone who loves me like that.

So I still cry.

A couple days ago, he messaged me again. We chatted a tiny bit. The next day we chatted a tiny bit more.

I guess I was crying just anyway. But, it feels worse after / during talking to him.

Today, I masturbated, almost just to relieve stress. I tried to think of things that turn me on. Eventually, I got turned on thinking about Jeffrey. I climaxed, and immediately after, I bursted into tears. WTF.

That never happened.

It was close with Jeff, but not quite like this.

Maybe I like Jeffrey more than I realize. He is not perfect, but he is perfect where it counts.

Sigh.

I started watching Friends. That show is still so well written. Chandler is probably the coolest still, but now I see that Ross is so much like Jeffrey. Such a sweet guy. His ex was a lesbian too, most likely, haha.

I’m going on a date tomorrow, but I don’t expect much of it. He does have a really cute dog though! A golden doodle.

My Dream House 2017

My dream house would feature:

1. Lots of sunshine
2. A green house style living. Lots of glass wall and ceiling on one side of the house, lots of indoor plants, flowers, vegetable garden.
3. A mix of light, warm coloured wood floor and white carpet
4. Cedar cabin smell
5. Sauna and jacuzzi/massaging hot tub
6. 3D Trampoline (the kind with a harness) with a view thru glass!
7. Electric fireplace in the bedroom and living room
8. Infinity pool with a view
9. Big waterfall. Can shower there too.
10. Smart – auto light, music, temperatue and humidity, laundry, sensors, etc
11.

Trying out RPM planning; Jeffrey message me

It’s Day 3 in trying out Tony Robbins’ RPM planning model. It’s a great model, but it’s really hard to implement when I’m in Victoria.

I got tired a lot it seems. And there’s a lot of socializing with mom’s friends and spending time with Mom. Oh and talking to Dad for 2 hours didn’t help. I’ll keep trying to find a balance.

Jeffrey messaged me this morning. I didn’t expect it.

I said goodbye last Thursday. 6 days ago. He didn’t try to contact me until now.

He said, “I’m still missing ya, ‘bun bun’ :/”

I told him I’m missing him too.

Just last night I cried before going to bed, because I decided to write down all our best moments in my “Magic Moments 2017” notebook. I told him that.

He said it’s been harder the past couple days. He thought about me lots and he thought about our magic moments.

I told him that my life coach said it’s ok for me to take a break from dating, and just focus on feeling better, by visualizing Jeffrey finding the pefrect person for him, and me finding the perfect person for me.

He didn’t reply.

I gave up on us being together a long time ago. I cry but I don’t have any hopes and dreams of being with him.

I want to be with my soulmate.

Jeffrey is great. I want someone like him, but someone who doesn’t want kids, and is smarter and funny more often.

Trying out this offline tool for writing journal. Blogo. So good!

Extractafy

Great Products:

  1. OMFG factor -e.g. 6 pc bacon cooker
  2. Practical factor
  3. Emotional factor

Some popular OMFG topics: survival/tactical, (tech) gadgets, crossfit, bbq, cooking, jewellery, funny (shirts)

Note: full grain leather belts, tactical jacket

Biz model: learn from the best

e.g. Free product, pay for S&H

e.g. Tactical jacket – $90, dropship for $30 from Aliexpress (10 to 14 days)

 

 

Things I learned from dating Jeffrey

  1. There exists guys as sincere and loving as Jeffrey, who can love me ’til the end of time
  2. High EQ in a guy is a must. Funny, warm, light-hearted, optimistic, can entertain himself and others, yet street savvy and has common sense – these are qualities I love.
  3. I love a guy who is patient with me, Generous with me. Accommodating and wanting to be close to me.
  4. I love a guy who loves who I am, inside and out.
  5. I touch the guy a lot when I like him
  6. Mental stimulation with my partner is important to me; I like discussing deep, abstract topics
  7. Dating an older guy can be great.
  8. I love a guy who is supportive. And this may mean that the guy is not an entrepreneur. That’s fine by me.
  9. I love a guy who understands technology
  10. I love a guy who is financially well-off so we can do fun stuff together, and that he can freely spoil me. We can spoil each other.
Jeffrey was great. Yes, this short relationship was for me to learn something. I learned more about what I want in a guy, and what is possible in a guy.
It was brief and I wish we didn’t have this deal-breaking difference in our desires for kids. Then again, at least it ended in a loving way.
And to be perfectly honest, if we didn’t have this difference, there are other qualities about him that can be deal-breakers over time. The biggest one I can think of is that he is not a deep thinker. He thinks about things like, juicing, losing weight, skiing, buying old stuff. We’ve never had a deep conversation about anything abstract. That was very unfulfilling. Also, he checks his phone too much and is a bit ADHD.

Accounting – Tax 2016

Ok, time to do taxes!

Income:

Amazon.com – statement in Amazon (done)

Amazon.ca – statement in Amazon (done)

Amazon.co.uk – statement in Amazon (or not…uk company…)

Etsy – PayPal and Bank of America (done)

Knotheory.com – PayPal and Bank of America (done)

Barking Babies – PayPal (done)

Expenses:

VA – PayPal (done)

Elena – TD transfer (done)

Amazon PPC ads – TD bank credit card bill (USD) (done)

Other expenses:

  • CIBC and TD bank credit card bill (USD, TD Aero) (done)
  • Car insurance – should be in credit card expense (done)
  • Tuition, conferences and flight – should all be in credit card expenses (done)
  • Inventory, shipping, customs fees – most in PayPal (done)
  • Photbooth props T/T (but that’s 2017. Not sure where it is recorded)

Paperless:

  • Dad (done)
  • Rent (done)
  • Daily travel allowance when on work trips (done)

Other things to give to Irene:

  • Things from Amazon
  • Stocks sale (done)

 

My Dream Husband Relationship

Align, align, align.

Set up and enjoy the punch line!

I love my husband.

I love how we love each other, nurture each other, and have so much fun together!!

We are our most fun, loving, crazy wonderful selves, when we are together. I’m smiling so big and laughing so loud, I can’t even contain myself!!

We are curious about each other and this world. We create amazing things and memories together. Everyday we are grateful to be in each other’s lives. We love each other sooooo much!

Real ending with Jeffrey. Sigh

So, Jeffrey just said he loves everything about me. He misses me already. And finally he said he loves me. He really really does, and his heart hurts so much.

I feel that I’ve heard it all. In the end he doesn’t want to be together, not even for 2 months.

Oh well.

I haven’t even cried yet. I might at some point…but…not at this moment.

I guess I know we have a disconnect. I know that we aren’t meant to be just anyway.

Cat is right, we are on different wavelengths, and he was simply in my life to give me a better idea of who I want as my dream husband, my soulmate.

But then, which guy isn’t like that?

When I went on that date with Will, he helped me see how fun it is to be with someone smart.

Oh Will. I must thank you. Because of you, I’m not crying right now.

I did nothing today. I was sad about Jeffrey even before he told me (indirectly) that it’s the end. Maybe because it was going to be sad either way.

I cried earlier today. In part because I felt bad for myself.

I just want a soulmate to be in my life, be my dream husband!

I wish I can meet him already.

Let’s be a power couple together, my dream husband. Let’s be smart together. Let’s have fun, love each other, and go on adventures!

Jeffrey really isn’t the one for me. He just isn’t. Still sad because he is so loving. But, my soulmate will be just as loving and even more so. I know it.