Author: spacebunny@gmail.com

It was Valentine’s Day yesterday.

I spent the day recovering from visiting with Tina the day before. I went to the big house, brought HONY book for Cyn, rings for Tina, and microneedle rollers for both. I went at 3pm, chatted with her ’til 7ish, and Tyler came home and we went for Thai food. It was mellow. She is a little bit fun, and very nice. She thinks very differently though. She likes to be in her comfort zone I think.

Ty wasn’t as funny yesterday, but still funny. I guess I expect him to be funny all the time. At least he laughs at my jokes. He is going with friends to see Star Wars and Zoolander. Never asked me. He knows I would’ve loved both. I sense a slight unease around me from him. Like he doesn’t want to be too close. Whether it’s sitting, or socializing with me. Might as well.

So I spent V day doing nothing really. I didn’t sleep well, possibly because of the curry…not sure what was in it. Ohh, actually, I didn’t sleep well also because Ashley was being really strange. I said I’ll hit him up when I’m in Victoria, and he was all like, I don’t have a place for you to hit up. I spend hours wondering if he meant sex, and turned out he thought I wanted to crash at his place and he was currently living with his parents. My mind was mega dwelling on it.

I cleaned a bit, did laundry, waited for the last interview which didn’t happen. Then I answered a bunch of customer support CS emails. There’s a lot from increased V day sale.

Then at around 7 or 8, Matthew message me. Ha. It’s aways him. He, of all people, have been in my life the most, and most consistently. Whether I’m sad or lonely, he is there. Maybe I’m sad and lonely a lot…

In any case, I hadn’t heard from him since the end of last year. It’s been over 2 months. I didn’t think about him much, because I had told him that I’m monogamous and it’s a no go between us. I didn’t expect to hear from him ever again.

But it was nice to hear from him. He was always funny and flirty.

He is nearly perfect really. On paper at least. I haven’t seen him in 6 years.

He is smart, funny, good looking, driven. The only problem is he is in a relationship. A bored one, but still.

We chatted as usual and he really made me laugh. I can fall in love with him quickly.

We entertained the idea of dating for a very short period of time. Less than 4 months.

I thought of him fondly and got really wet. I don’t have a visual much, because I haven’t seen him in so long. And my mind has been on other guys. I did like that he messaged me on Valentine’s Day.

Today, Brodie trained me for volleyball. I was wearing short shorts, and he smelled nice. He touched my arms when showing me the right posture for setting, linger his hands just a tiny bit.

We weren’t really flirting though. At the end we talked about his ASM stuff.

I really should get more stamina. I payed $15 to play with him today! And we probably only played for half an hour.

I was tired, we took a talking break, and people for the next time slot came in. Damn.

We played two games of foosball, and I actually won the second one! That felt pretty good. I finally win at something haha. Actually I came to the gym to practice volleyball by myself last week, and I practiced foosball too. I was paying attention to areas that I can improve, and it made a difference. I was doing better. Improvement is a great feeling! Optimization haha.

Brodie and I talked some more in the car, then we steamed up the car so I drove back to his place and we talked some more in the car. He is definitely easier to talk to now. I’m surprised he even went to an underground escape room / trap room thing. It’s more of a cerebral game. He also went to a DJ thing. I’m surprised that he was out twice in one week lol.

Too bad he wasn’t funnier. He is quite a quality guy.

Leaving his place, I noticed a message from Matthew that he didn’t get up ’til noon (implying how good his orgasm was last night).

I got home and was horny. My panties were wet. Not sure if it was from Matthew or Brodie.

I decided to masturbate and see who I thought about. I thought (sort of) about Matthew.

I was so tempted to make a move on Brodie since last time we spent 3, 4 hours at the open gym. But since then, Ashley took up my mind, and now Matthew. It’s good to have these distractions. This way Brodie and I can remain friends.

After masturbating, I had an epiphany. I had been saying no to Matthew, but why? When I really think about it, I have every reason to take up on his offer.

1. Having lots of fun sex is my goal
2. When I thought about dating him even for the short term, it was a lot of pressure. I’d rather just sleep with him.
3. I am so busy, I can only be a fuck buddy really. There’s no time to be a good girlfriend.
4. He would be a good distraction for me, from other boys. Such as when Brodie starts to be too tempting, or when Ashley is too frustrating to deal with, or when Patrick suddenly drops into my life and leaving me confused for days after. I think I will be able to take these things less seriously, if I have a fuck buddy.
5. I had always wanted to have lots of fun with Matthew. Now I finally get to. Didn’t think it’ll be 6 years later with him in a relationship, but, life is full of the unexpected.

Ok, the goal is starting 3 weeks from now, I’m gonna have some fun with Matthew.

For the next two weeks, I’ll focus on getting the VA hired and set up. Get in better shape. Clean up the house. My period will start around March 1st. So I’ll let him know around then.

I know he’ll love the news that I changed my mind about monogamy, if I tell him today. I don’t know about 3 weeks from now. I hope he’ll still love it. He’s been available all this time, after all.

I want to say to him, funny how we swap minds sometimes. How Cyndi wanted guys with a good sense of humour and I wanted guys with abs. Now she’s hooked up with a guy with abs and no sense of humour, and I’m thinking sense of humour (and a shade of abs) are more important.

It feels good coming to this conclusion. It’s like clearing a mental block. I hope it works out well! 🙂

I’m starting to think that Ashley the cellist is quite thick.

We emails a few times and I said I’ll hit him up when I visit family in Victoria.

He replied to say he is staying with his parents right now and therefore there’s no place for me to hit up, but we can go for coffee or something.

I was extremely shocked and confused. I thought he was thinking about hooking up. I thought he meant that since he doesn’t have his own place, we can’t have sex. Was I really coming on so strong??? After a while I thought maybe it’s not the worst thing, if his mind is in the gutter already.

But I thought about what to say when he replies. I thought about telling him that I thought he was amazing and fascinating, and that I wanted him in my life but not sure in what way yet. I wanted to flatter him and make myself seem innocent, and at the same time not block off the opportunity to make out or have sex with him later.

I was curious how he would reply. I imagined it probably would be something totally unexpected and my pre-drafted genius comeback email would be wasted. And indeed it was.

He replied to say that he meant I can’t stay with him. WHAT. Why on earth would I stay with him? I’m visiting family! I stay at my bedroom. Seriously. He is so strange.

I’m liking him less and less now.

Not that he has ill intentions, or even implied any lack of interest…but just the lack of EQ.

Still I kinda want to make out with him….

Well, I’ll keep looking. I hope I get to play volleyball with Brodie tomorrow.

Funny how, when I was in Victoria, I was thinking about Brodie a lot. I was distracted from the IMAX movies, etc. I vaguely remember. I remember thinking there’s no way I won’t end up making out with him. I remember thinking way too much about what to say if we end up making out. I remember convincing myself that it’s not gonna ruin anything.

Then, on the ferry, I met Ashley the cellist. I was smitten. Even more smitten the next day. I think in part because of the photo on his business card. I realized today that he looked like Klaus from the Lemony Snicket movie! Even recently I still thought of the 9 yo old character as attractive and looked him up. Scary I know. But I like the flat eyebrows, the intelligent look. Ashley didn’t look quite like that in person….he looked more like Paul Rudd…who I also thought was cute…but he is definitely photogenic. And he had the intelligent look.

It’s day 3 and I’m starting to forget Ashley, but the interesting thing was that I can’t remember what it’s like to get all worked up by Brodie. It’ll be interesting to see if he still turns me on when I see him possibly Monday, for volleyball training.

I think I can only like one person at a time. My brain was high on Ashley Green.

He has a face of a famous person. I feel like he is gonna be famous. I like his style, his height, his pects, his incredibly foreign world of music, his general non-judging and happy attitude.

I think about how he reached over to my scarf because he noticed the Knot Theory label, and how he compared his pinky to my index finger…I feel that those small actions were a sign that he was attracted. Sometimes I wasn’t sure at all if he liked me, because he was so bad at asking me questions and keeping the conversation going…but, I think only if he was attracted would he do the above things.

I remember saying in amazement how we got seat and there were people standing, and he said good thing I met him, and smiled shyly to himself. So cute.

I should’ve touched his hand more. He has incredibly long fingers for cello-playing I bet he’d be great at fingering me hahaha.

I hope I get to see him in March. I feel that if I get to spend time with him once more, with good makeup on, flattering clothes, and a resolve to attract him….I think he’ll be more hooked on me. Right now he is probably confused or half fast attracted. I had no makeup on, and I sent mixed signals.

I really want him. I wonder if we can have an amazing sexlationship.

He is so cute, so elegant and classy, so talented, so exotic. I remember when we were on the bus, I decided to stare into his eyes for as long as I could. Either I decided that, or I just couldn’t help it….not sure which one. He stared right back…..until I had to look away. I think I could’ve smiled, or close my eyes for a bit. Next time 🙂 I hope there’s a next time 🙂

Sitting on the ferry back to Vancouver today, I heard someone tuning their cello.

I was facing a wall at the front row, so I didn’t see the cellist. Before I knew it, the cellist had started playing, and was really good!

I thought it was funny that someone would just do a full blown performance on the ferry. They would have to know that they are good, because everyone the ferry is stuck with the music.

It really was great. I didn’t even know that I like the sound of cello! It was so smoothing to my brain, I loved it. I even thought to give the performer some money for the lovely music. I only had a $20…I thought about giving him the $20.

I peaked over the edge of the wall to see the cellist. He didn’t have a hat or a container for money. Ok, nevermind that. He was too high-end for it.

The surprising part though, was that he was quite cute! He was around 28, tall, Paul-Rudd kind of handsome, nice shoulders, chest, and arms, maybe just about to start balding at the back. Too bad about that. He was wearing a lavender v-neck with a dark plum/brown wool scarf draped over his neck. His style was so great.

But most importantly, he plays magically. It was such a turn-on to watch him play. Oh man..

I moved back a few rows so I can watch him play while I typed on my laptop. I already finished writing the interview questions for the first 2 VA interviews, so I was just journelling about life…my depression and lack of animation.

It was a fairly empty ferry. Only two people sat near me and they seemed to enjoy the music. Some people walk by and but no one really appreciated him. When he paused at the end of a composition, I looked around and no one clapped! So I clapped. He smiled.

He played more. I really enjoyed the sight and sound of it all. I understand now why people would pay to see this. It’s a pleasure to the mind.

When people walked by, he sometimes looked up, and I looked up, and our eyes met. I mean, he knew I was there being a fan girl, since I was the only one that clapped.

At the end of the second time, I clapped again. By myself again.

Someone went to chat him up. An older guy. Asking if he was in a symphony, and he was. He was not very social. I saw nervous ticks as he replied.

It was maybe 20 minutes ’til docking. He packed up. I told him he was amazing. Something like that. I asked him if it takes a long time to be this good. He smiled and said it depends.

He sat down near me, with the cello and the chair he sat on. I guess he could’ve returned the chair but he sat there maybe to talk to me. But he was so hard to talk to. I’d ask a question, he’d answer. I’d ask another question, and he’d answer. There’s no asking me questions back. I gave up and went to the bathroom. I came back and didn’t talk to him.

Finally he said, What brought you to Vancouver?

I guess it’s hard for him to find things to say to me. Normally people would’ve asked me what I do for work by now! I made it easy for him!

But we started talking some more. It was time to unload the ferry. We were both taking the bus, so we were walking together. He started walking downstairs. I was like, Um, I don’t think we need to go downstairs… He said, trust me this is better.

I got it. He was taking me down to the car deck, and getting off with the cyclists and people with pets! Smart!!!

He literally took me through the quickest route, even when other people veered off into a building, he was like, This way. And he pressed a button to open the chicken-wired fence! Ahahaha. So cool to learn this. We were the first to get on the bus. So many seats. So awesome!!!

On the bus I told him about what I do, and he showed more interest. He never thought to ask, but when he learned it he thought it was cool. I think he did like me.. he was just not very social. Like Brodie.

I wasn’t wearing makeup, but I had my straight blonde hair and my clothes were ok. I felt attractive enough.

On the ferry he said he got a full scholarship to start grad school in Vancouver, so he’ll be needing to look for a place in August. I mentioned the Haunted Mansion and said I’ll ask about it for him. I asked for his contact and got his business card. He looked cute on it.

But him being so socially awkward, I wouldn’t want to date him. I’d like to hook up one day in the near future, but it wasn’t an overpowering desire. I wasn’t nervous around him. I guess I can be more myself around him because of this.

We got on the skytrain together and sorta ran out of things to say. But oh well. I didn’t hug him when it was his stop of get off. We just smiled and said nice to meet you to each other.

I texted him, added him on FB, and liked his FB page. I knew his reciprocation would be half fast, and it was. His text was not very emotional, he accepted my friend request, and that’s about it. He seemed more fun on his FB profile. I wonder what he’ll think when he finds out about my alopecia. He may be too conservative to accept it. Not sure.

I hope I see him when I go to Victoria, and when he moves to Vancouver. It would be nice to have a makeout buddy when I’m in Victoria!

I’m happy that, I wanted to get to know him while was playing, and it really happened! Not much expectation for this to turn into sex, but it’s a good start. One of my goals for this year is to have lots of fun sex. Building a harem of cute guy friends is the right direction I think. They may all be cool but boring…which means less falling in love and more fun sex haha.

I’m making myself horny….gotta go….

—

Fell asleep thinking about him. Didn’t masturbate, just wrapped myself up in the blanket thinking about making out with him. It’s rare that I see someone I like. He must be really cute. I wonder if he picks up fans like me all the time.

To me he is like an alien. His world is an alien world. He is so exotic. And that turns me on.

And today had been such a fun day. This type of encounter is so much fun for me! A cute, talented, fascinating guy who seems interested in me. I live for experiences like this.

It’s kinda like meeting Idriss that week. Except Idriss wasted no time in hitting on me. I feel that this guy, Ashley (I’ve never met a male Ashley before!) takes it slow. He is far too awkward to make bold moves. I’ll have to make most of the moves, and if I do everything he may be scared away. That’s my impression of him. Side chick material he is. Oh man, like how I am to Patrick?

But the more I think about him (the next day) the more I like him. Not sure why.

—

Update: Later the next day, after thinking about him all day and having masturbated twice, I felt like I had run out of feelings for him. Have the chemicals run out? Or maybe it’s because of seeing his email reply. It’s not a bad email, just that it’s selfish and non-curious as usual.

I don’t know… I wish I was so attractive that guys will try harder.

Ah, there’s a cello player on the ferry, and I didn’t realize how soothing it was to listen to cello live. He is easy on the eye too. What a treat!

Zest for life…I feel as though it’s slipping away…

Maybe it’s the pressure of answering customer emails the past 2 months that’s taking its toll. I’m so fucking sick of it.

I find myself stagnant, physically. It’s a dread to move. To exercise, to play volleyball. I like socializing, but I dread any cardio.

I dread flying to Asia to visit family and factories. I dread the hassle.

Why is that?

I think I’m depressed. And stressed.

I hope to resolve this problem by:
1. Hiring a VA
2. Exercise regularly
3. Take some anti-depressing herbs

I hope I can find my zest again.

I’m not taking things for granted. I’m well aware that I am lucky, and this may well be one of the best times of my life.

I’m making money, Dad and Mom are relatively healthy and happy, they are great to me.
I have Norm as a very good friend, I have Brodie who is nice to me, teaches me volleyball, and turns me on right now. I have mastermind friends. I have Vanthony, Masha, Anna and Wilson, Jing, Cyndi, Nicole, Cat, Deeann.

I’m 35. Still young.

Gotta love life, live life, live large.

Arrived in Victoria today.

Been thinking about Brodie a lot. It’s getting harder and harder to consider him a platonic friend. I have to remind myself that his personality is not my type.

I just checked out some of this FB photos. He was in Thailand in 2013, and he was doing some Muay Thai fighting. It showed him looking really badass and…topless! Ok, it’s confirmed. His body is hotttt.

He obviously also took some of the photos himself in Thailand. I’ve never seen such depressing photos of such a happy place. Beautiful pics and great quality, but depressing. It’s as though those are photos of a deserted island with ancient civilization that was once prosperous.

Brodie is a great catch – amazing body, good face, smart, kind, talented in many areas, responsible, and is financially sound. I also like that he is very unassuming. Confident but not obnoxious. He’s got so many great qualities. But, he is not someone who can laugh hard, or make you laugh hard, or make you think. Tyler has those traits. Who else does? Hmmm….very few people. Matthew is not a deep thinker. Patrick…I don’t know. There were times when he was funny and we laughed so much…and he made me think. But, he is changing. And he is not in my life right now.

Right now just Brodie is in my life. I think about him more than I thought I would. It’s hot when the person is in their elements, doing their best. He is so amazing at volleyball…better than anyone on any court Thursdays. He is so good at teaching me too.

I think he can be my motivation for becoming fit and becoming good at volleyball. I want to be my best for him, so he can be proud of me and be attracted. I know that he already trains with his neighbour, someone who is not active (a girl though). I need to train with someone (maybe Vanessa).

First, I want to get familiar with crossfit. I’ll take the 6 session intro. This will teach me how to do weights.

Second, if I like it I’ll try out a drop in.

Third, chances are I won’t like crossfit, so I’ll train with Vanessa. Or, I think training with youtube celeb Jillian Michaels would be effective…but I’ll need to train alone, or with someone like Nicole who doesn’t already have a gym membership.

Brodie trained me for volleyball today! It was fun, but I’m so achey and covered in bruises.

My knees and forearms are completely bruised.

Brodie was really nice. I picked him up at around 9:15. We started at around 10am at the Cloverdale Rec Centre in Surrey. He taught me ’til around 1pm.

We took lots of talking breaks, mainly because I was too tired and in too much pain.

We practiced diving. It was so painful.

He told me about the coordinate system used in volleyball, and my mind was blown! I had no idea the game can get this complex. He was really good.

The time block for adult drop in was only until 11:15, but they let us stay ’til the toddlers started to show up at the other half of the gym. It was a crossfit madness for the totts! bicycles, a dozen different kinds of balls, goals, mats. We were eventually surrounded by little kids, so we left.

At the common area, just before leaving we even played a bit of foosball!

Brodie was quite wonderful. Mermaid clock working on me and he is pretty attractive looking lately. But, one thing that won’t change is that he isn’t very funny. I know from being with Norm that this level of funny will drive me nuts if we were to have a relationship. So I keep reminding myself what I would say, if he ever gets interested in me.

But he is probably only mildly interested as well. He is pretty good about not making a move on me. Likely I actually don’t have to be concerned with that. He is, like me, attractive enough to get models, and really really hot people. I pale in comparison I’m sure. And vice versa.

I do like his body though, and, my body reacts to it. I got horny when I came home, even though my mind was focused on made-up people.

Not the same as with Jackson…. That was a much bigger turn-on…even nicer bod, and he was hitting on me hard.

But I like where we are at. I hope we can keep being friends. Good friends.

I don’t want to ruin our platonic relationship, yet, I don’t want to talk about other guys in front of him to make it too clear that we are platonic. He ain’t my gay friend haha.

Tiffany messaged me a few days ago. CNY is near, and Dad spent time with the Yeh Family, playing majong etc.

Tiffany messaged to say that my dad looked great! And said he was bragging about me.

I was a little surprised, that how much my success impacts Dad. It means he has so much more face in front of the Yeh family. It means he can brag about me.

That’s cool.

He called me the next day. He explained that he told the Yeh family that I can expect to earn $200K USD by next year. Well, technically I think I did this year already!

It’s smart of him to describe my success in future tense thought. I just learned recently that people are more interested in the potential of big success as opposed to current success. He is smart. He says he is doing it to get them interested in working with me.

I’m so happy that Dad was happy!

 

My net worth is about $465K CAD right now, which is over $100K more than last year! I need to make another $300K USD then I’ll have $800K CAD saved up, which in theory will allow me to generate $50K passive income per year (about $4K per month). Then Mom and Dad can each have $2K per month.

Though in reality I do need some spending/living money, I do need some money to invest in more products, some of my existing money is in RRSP, and, I probably won’t be able to give all $800K into dividend-generating investments.

So more likely, I’ll put as much as I can each year towards diversification and dividend-generating stocks, building towards $800K or even more, so Mom and Dad can have $2K per month. Next year I can set aside $100K to $300K.