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Got a message from Chris at noon. Aw, that’s cute.
Then around the same time, Blake was matched up to me, and he offered to teach me volleyball! Wow! He is a cutie too.
Will these pan out?
I still want to see Fin before he leaves. And then meet up with Chris and Blake before I go to Victoria.
I hope among these two guys, something great and fun happen. They are both so cute.
With Fin, I just want good closure.
Yesterday I was matched up with Chris, the cutest guy I’ve seen on Tinder so far. Probably the cutest guy I’ve ever seen.
Most guys have one or two good pictures. He has pretty much all good pictures. The only thing is that they all look a bit different.
But he has the most gorgeous blue eyes, the hottest nose, and amazing cheekbones. He should be a freaking model.
He didn’t contact me today, so I made an exception and contacted him. I said I felt like I’ve met him before. (In reality it’s because he reminded me so much of Josh.)
To my surprise, he started flirting with me right away. “Surely I would remember a pretty girl like you.”
I was so thrilled.
I heard back from Fin today. He was hung over yesterday. Still hung over today. I mean it’s good that he was hung over instead of dating other girls, but it’s not as good that he is not eager to see me on his second day of hungoverness.
I tried to get my mind off him by going on one or two Tinder dates, but both dates fell through today.
At night, I decided to message Chris. Not only did I hear back…he was surprisingly flirty, conversational, and wanting to have a real date.
The only thing that I didn’t quite feel right about was that he said he is very “corny” and probably can’t stop flirting with me when he sees me.
He said a couple other things like, hoping to sneak a kiss in by the end if he was lucky. Or, if we have a date this week, hoping that I’ll be thinking about him all weekend while in Victoria.
I don’t know what to think of this. What kind of a guy says things like this? Surely he has matched up with other girls too…does he talk like this to all of them?
For someone this good-looking, he doesn’t sound like someone who gets laid. Maybe he is super awkward in person. Or maybe he has a gay voice. Or just not charming at all. He doesn’t seem funny.
In contrast, Fin talks like a normal guy. Normal is rare though.
Actually, Idriss talks like Chris. Maybe Chris is French…no, he is from Toronto.. Maybe they talk like this in Toronto?
I need to learn to budget time better.
I guess having sex with Fin the past week (3 times) took up a lot of time too.
I didn’t launch the Happy Birthday banner yet. Today, the weather was gorgeous, and there was a beach volleyball bbq party, but I stayed in and worked.
I mean, I was also too shy to go. Ricky wasn’t going, and I didn’t know anyone. I wasn’t bold enough to go solo.
So my only interaction with people today are talking on the phone with Norm and Mom.
Fin didn’t contact me today…which kinda made me sad. Suddenly I wonder if I should spend time thinking about him.
I guess I shouldn’t blame him. He just had a wedding, he puked here, and it’s Saturday. I want things to end well with him. I shouldn’t expect much at all. 3 times in a week is awesome already. That’s…9 times we did it! I think Matthew and I only did it…9 times in 5 months.
I started swiping on Tinder again. And got myself one, possibly two dates.
These guys are just so so though.
However, I did get matched up with a guy who looks so much like Josh! I can’t believe someone like that existed! He is 30 but he looks 18, lol. He is possibly hotter than Fin. I hope he contacts me. That’s a face I get excited about.
I wonder if I started swiping earlier, Matthew and I would have lasted. Oh well, it’s just not meant to be I guess.
I still hope to find a cute boy to have a fling with. Not just sex, but actually go on dates with.
As for serious dating, I’m not sure if I can find it.
At 36…I have 3 years before there’s no more fun sexy sex like this probably. Maybe after 40 is time to find a date?
I had a weird dream about Dad today.
We went on a cruise, and he disappeared. I was so worried. Everyone kept looking for him, thinking he was trapped in a space in this immense orange ship.
Finally, he sent a letter saying that he left the boat and went somewhere in China visiting Uncle Yeh.
Totally weird.
Fin messaged me at around 4, 5pm asking what I was doing tonight. He had wedding rehearsal during the day, and then dinner. I said I was doing him. He said he can come by at around 11pm.
It was a bit late, but I had a late start today. Bummed around, and didn’t start working until around 4pm.
I masturbated twice during the day. He turns me on so much.
Even when I wasn’t masturbating, I sometimes just lay on the sofa and got all horny.
So far Fin seems like a responsible guy. I really like that about him. At 11pm, he said he can come by in 20 minutes, and asked if that is ok with me. He even apologized for being so late.
He showed up in a baby blue dress shirt, which looked amazing on him. He looked so yummy.
I wore my pink ombre top, fuchsia pink bra, and ripped denim shorts. No wig.
We made out so passionately by the door. The way he pressed his body onto me turned me on so bad.
We moved to the bedroom. I turned on the light by the bed…it was dim, but we can see each other well. Brighter than any other time with Matthew actually.
Sex was really good. He didn’t smell, thankfully. I guess the first time was just an anomaly. Or I wasn’t used to his smell…
He likes lifting my leg up to his shoulders. He likes looking at my face as he fucked me. It was really hot. When I see his face, especially when he smiles, I get so turned on. He really has a gorgeous smile.
After sex, he said he felt pretty sick. He had eaten too much, and the sex kinda shook everything. Or, he had food poisoning.
He wanted to go home because he didn’t want to puke in front of me. But he stayed. I gave him ACV and baking soda, which didn’t seem to help. Probiotics didn’t help either. He still puked. I gave him a toothbrush.
He kept apologizing. I kept saying it’s ok. He said it really sucked that we can’t do it again. I gave him a shocked look and said, “No??” It was pretty funny.
He joked about telling his friends that he had sex with me and then puked. Then added that it’s funny because he finds me insanely desirable.
We talked a bit about his wedding speech for the next day. And my bad date with Andrew. And then we had sex again. Lol.
He wasn’t feeling well yet he still performed twice. And was still affectionate. That’s impressive!
After that, we showered together for the first time. It was pretty hot and a bit romantic. He kissed my head a couple times. His body wasn’t so bad. His nipples were big and a lil too hairy, but he had really long legs, and a tiny lil ass.
I brought out Matthew’s body wash haha. It was great. I didn’t lather up his armpits, but even then, he didn’t smell at all after.
Then we went to bed, at around 2am. He had to be up by 7am.
It was a bit hard to sleep with him around because I’m not used to it. But he was as good as can be. Put his arm under my neck. If I turn to him he’d pull me in for a kiss. He was just so sexy. He was a quiet and steady sleeper too. I stole glances at him as he slept. He was so cute. I love his nose and lips. I realized his lips were rebellious like his nose. His profile is beautiful.
We woke up at around 6 or 6:30am. We had sex ’til 7am, when the alarm went off.
I was on top of him, and he suddenly said he was gonna come. I was panicked because no guy has come with me on top. I looked at him, shocked, saying, “What do I do??” He flipped me over and came on me…maybe. I thought I blocked his cum, but he said he came. Not sure where it went.. Thankfully I have my period. Well…it’s last day though..
He left fairly quickly to practice his best man speech for this big day. We still kissed a lot, and he said thank you for another fun night. Ha. Just like Matthew.
We joked about how he might puke during his speech. I asked for pictures. He acted them out. He is so animated. He is fun.
After he left, I thought about how I wished to God that someone good would come into my life and help me forget Matthew. Someone to make me feel good about my alopecia again too. And there is Fin.
2016 goal of having lots of fun sex can be checked off too, because I’ve had more than 10 sessions of sex (Matthew, Patrick, and Fin).
Ah, I’m so happy and grateful 🙂 Thank you.
p.s. Just realized that I saw Fin everyday in the past 5 days! Met him on Monday, and he spent the night ’til Tuesday. Saw him on Wednesday. Saw him on Thursday night and he spent the night ’til Friday. I hope I see him on Saturday. I don’t expect to see him everyday…but he is leaving on Wednesday, so it’s only 4 more days that I can meet up with him. I’m happy to see him once or twice more. Any more than that is bonus.
I really liked the sleep-over experience with him, so I took a picture of the sunrise right after he left. Pink and blue like what him and I were wearing 🙂
Fin came over to pick up his headphone yesterday morning.
He was wearing a big blue sweat shirt. Something that Bret from FOTC would wear lol. (He said Jemaine lived very close to him! He sees him with his kids all the time. That’s cool.)
He stepped in, wasn’t sure if I was going to “handle” him I guess. But that awkwardness soon faded as we started kissing passionately at the door way.
I asked if he wanted to come in for a bit. And that led to a passionate quickie. It was really good….he just showered in the morning so there’s no BO issue. Also his body seemed a bit nicer than I remembered, since he hadn’t eaten yet. I think I saw ab lines.
We knew each other’s body more this time, and sex felt really good.
I also liked that he totally didn’t mind me taking the wig off.
Finished off in my favourite position, which was a new position for him as of last night, and he loved it.
Probably should’ve saved it for later, because it felt so good he quickly came.
After shower, we got dressed and talked as I sat on him in bed. He talked about how his friends don’t want these two friends to get married. They just don’t believe that the marriage will last. Plus they hate how their friend acts differently with his fiance. That’s too bad. I told him that I think they should still get married, even if it ends in divorce. Bonus is that if it crashed and burned, they will get their friend back lol.
We chatted for quite a while…we both wanted more sex, but he had to go to the bride’s family bbq, and I had to go to Point Roberts.
We kissed lots. He looks at me in the eye in such a mischievous way. It’s really hot.
I was hooked this time. I thought about him all the way to Point Roberts and all the way back. I was super horny and couldn’t think of anything else.
Got home, I threw myself on the bed and masturbated. When I woke up again, I whatsapp’d him to tell him that I didn’t get enough of him.
—
Went to my date with Andrew. He didn’t message me at all today. I was starting to feel nothing for him.
It was really not a good date.
Fist, I arrived on time, he didn’t. Only 5 minutes late, but it felt bad.
Second, he made reservation for 7:30. I got there at 7.
Third, he was ugly and boring and thick. I hated his frozen smile. So uncomfortable, so unnatural. He’d squint just one eye when he reacted to what I said. Kinda like an owl. He was not slender.
I kinda guessed his polite demeanour. It was annoying.
Then again, if he was hot, probably everything would be forgiven. Just like Fin said (quoting the funny sexual harassment video), “Be handsome, be attractive, and don’t be unattractive”.
He kinda reminded me of Anthony. At times I feel that Anthony is such a great catch, such a nice guy. But now I realize how hard it’d be to actually want to get intimate with him.
Oh, and I’ve been to Les Faux Borgeois. With Mitch and Mom! I hate the atmosphere there. So loud and dingy. The food was good though. I had a bison steak, and we split the escargot. We split the bill because I didn’t want to see him again.
At the bathroom, I checked my whatsapp. Fin still hadn’t seen my message. I wrote to him again, telling him that my date wasn’t my type, and that I wanted to see him.
After getting home, Andrew texted to ask if we’ll see each other again. I said he was sweet but there was no chemistry.
Late at night, talking to Mom. She was excited about Fin. She gets carried away. She has been watching that Chinese matchmaking TV show.
She wanted to see pictures of Fin. Said he was handsome, and said I can stay in Vancouver for another week, since Daisy and Alan will be in Victoria on the 19th, and I can see them then.
But last night, Fin ended up staying at Pitt Meadows. He wanted to come over but couldn’t get a ride. Everyone slept there. I hope we get to meet up soon.
I like that he is super horny. I think he’ll make more effort to meet up than Josh.
I’m not as up tight now though. No more requesting a guy to come over every other night, after what I have experienced with Josh, Patrick, and Matthew.
I don’t like minimizing my expectations for this world, but it seems like people are just not as sincere these days. Even Tony Robins has to deal with the world by not expecting.
Still, pretty excited about finding Fin. He is cute.
Thank you for adding him to my life. Takes some pain away for sure! 🙂
Last night I met up with Fin at Blenz by Commercial and Broadway.
He is from New Zealand and only here for another week, but I swiped right because he looked young for his age (he is 31 but looks 18) and his write-up was hilarious: “**** No regrets” -ex
I was so nervous about meeting up with him because, it’s my first Tinder date, and, what if I don’t like him!?
He was punctual. I was 20 minutes late…but he was good about it.
Walked into Blenz, whew, he is cute!
I loved his cute little nose. Delicate yet rebellious. A nose that Peter Pan would have. The shape of his face was perfect too. Oh and he’s got a really cute smile. His eyes smile when he smiles.
We talked for a bit. He is here for a wedding. He is well-travelled. He lived in France for over a year, getting his masters. He majored in environmental studies and later on international relations. He speaks fluent French. He would love to volunteer in protecting safari animals. He’s been an editor, editing country music. He currently works for the government, preparing stats for them for environmental conferences.
I didn’t expect him to be smart and interesting. That was attractive.
After chatting for maybe half hour, I invited him to come back with me. The most awkward thing to do, but we were both happy about it obviously.
My period just started, which is unfortunate…but he didn’t mind. We didn’t even make out on the way there. We just chatted.
Turned out he lived one or two skytrain stops away from me. We walked by the Starbucks near Gilmore, and he said, “We could’ve met here!” I said, “I know! But it’s too close to my place!” He joked about how awkward it’d be if it didn’t work out and he’d still follow me home, lol.
When we got to my place, we sat on the sofa, talked about how awkward it is…then turned to each other and started making out.
Moved to the bedroom. Felt a bit weird that it wasn’t Matthew.
One thing that I noticed that was a turn off was his BO. It wasn’t a totally disgusting smell, but it was pungent…
We had sex…at first it wasn’t nearly as good as it was with Matthew, but it got better.
The movements were awkward, and his body was not as hot. He wasn’t fat, but his shoulders were narrow and his body is kind of like Bender’s body. Surprising for a skinny guy.
After that, we showered. That helped control the BO.
Then we had sex 2nd, 3rd, 4th time. Each time it got better and better! He recovers so quickly it’s amazing haha. And he was really good at kissing, making out, and cuddling.
His hair was soft like a bunny’s fur! His skin was soft too.
Each time we talked, it got better. We had fun talking and laughing. He told me so many things about NZ, his childhood, his relationships.
He looks into my eyes a lot. He loved kissing. He loved it when I nibbled on his ear and bit his neck, just like me!
Then it was late, and he ask if I was ok with him staying. Last time someone spent the night was…Patrick, which was a year ago. And before that, Josh, which was 2 years ago.
We cuddled and talked for a while until I finally got up to finish some work.
I went back to bed at around 4am, and to my pleasant surprise, he woke up and said it was like I never left, and we started chatting, then making out, then “fucking”. I had a tampon in, but my wetness came through. He was fucking me between my thighs, which still felt amazing. I just love having a cute guy all over me. Plus he was stimulating me from the clit area, which turned me on too. It was best “sex” with him yet.
After a while, he said it was time for him to go. He could hear that the skytrain had started.
It was about 6:30am. Still darkish out. That’s good because I had almost no makeup on haha.
We kissed so much. He pinned me against the wall and wanted to fuck me some more. My head was hitting the wall though.
He told me how sexy I was. It was nice.
We kept kissing each other and could hardly peel away. Finally said goodbye.
It was a fun night!
I liked that Fin helped take my mind off Matthew almost completely. Sure his body is not nearly as good, and he has BO, but it was still pretty good time and pretty good sex. I let him use the unicorn towel. I poured the sugar daddy candle wax (which is also massage oil) on him. Matthew and I always lit that candle, though we never got around to using it as a massage oil.
I just love the intimacy in sex and chat, and Fin was good company.
It also took my mind off Andrew and I wasn’t as excited about him now. I’m sure I will be still nervous and excited before our date tomorrow.
I just love this quote from my Momentum extension today.
And of course, I’m thinking about Matthew. Yes, I’m still thinking about him. I still have conversations with him in my head. Imagining what he says to me and what I say to him.
At the same time, I’m hopeful of finding someone better.
Andrew, my bagel from Coffee meets Bagel has been adorable. He said good morning to me this morning, and asked about my evening. He is just so super sweet. I can’t wait to meet him.
He is only 28, but he seems mature. His profile pictures were succinct.
5 years ago him and his friend started a festival called Garden of Eden. It now attracts 60,000 attendees! That’s impressive. He said he moved here to escape the party scene.
I can tell that he is not poor, just from the fact that he has a huge liquor collection and that he flies to Toronto every year to help with the party. Also he lives and works downtown. (Just found out that he really is an “experience designer” and does graphics/branding for customers. I like that!)
I also might meet up with a kiwi, Fin. He is 31 but looks 18. That’s my type alright. He is only here for a couple of weeks, so it’s gonna be a hookup.
I liked his sense of humour. His profile said, “**** No regrets!” -ex
It was hilarious.
He said he was in LOTR. I asked what he was, thinking he’d be an elf. He said he was a peasant with a wheel barrel. I said that’s hot. He said, yeah, super glitzy.
My impression is that he is polite, likeable, funny, easygoing, and has lots of friends.
I thought about, how, all these 7 years, all I wanted out of Matthew was for him to know that I’m successful as an entrepreneur, and for him to accept my alopecia. Yet, as soon as this was achieved, our paths diverged.
Just like, when the last thing about Patrick came true (Inspiring Australian beach bum with long blonde hair) – when he became blonde – our paths diverged.
I remember Becky told me to not manifest qualities in my dream guy. Such a weird thing to say. But maybe there’s something to it.
What if, I wish that Matthew and I are for each other? That we’ll make each other happy? That we’ll be honest, sincere, passionate, and loving towards each other. That we’ll never cheat on each other. That we’ll have unending love and compassion and affection for each other?
When I put it that way, I don’t see how he can ever be that.
But at the same time, how can we ever be together ever again?
I really enjoyed our time together….but was that it? Seems like such a shame…
Right now we are both still hot, still passionate for each other.
Years from now, we won’t be as hot. We will never be the same. This is as good as it gets. Yet, we are (I am) letting it go.
Will I ever find someone as cute and funny and smart and great in bed as Matthew? I hope so.
I still miss Matthew. I cried yesterday, again. men.
He is hardly online these days. I wonder what that means. Is he away? Avoiding seeing my FB activities? No reason to be on it without me? I went to see if we are still friends, and we are. I guess I’m not blocked. It wouldn’t seem like him to block me.
I miss him so much. He was so in my life. He was chatting with me every couple of days. He liked my every post. He sent me photos. I was always happy to hear from him. I loved his sense of humour. I loved how he looked. I loved how we had sex. We laughed so much together.
Anyway. I try to stop myself from having imagined conversations with him. I do that, good and bad conversations, when I like someone. It’s almost like a simulation or a conversation rehearsal.
—
I went on Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel. There are lots more matches on Tinder. Bigger user base.
I’m lucky that, around 80% of my likes are matched with a like from the guys. I like very few guys, but so far have 10 matches.
I started convo with a couple of the guys, but no one really excites me.
No one is as handsome or funny as Matthew.
Maybe the good ones cap their age preferences at 35. Sigh.
I noticed a common profile pattern in guys:
—
Went to see Erin compete in figure skating! I’m proud of her and was curious about the friends around her. Most are her co-workers and family.
On the way home, I met up with Cat at her place. She had just quit her job and now she is super stressed. She has no savings. I don’t know why she has no savings. She makes $40K/year.
I tried to help her by telling her that she needs to compile a list of interior designers to contact. She didn’t do that. Then I realized that she is really pressed for money, so I am asking around to see if there’s any job opening around.
Cat and Nicole. I want to help them, but I can’t hire them. Nicole has good attention to details, but she seems to be tired a lot. Cat’s English sucks.
I can’t teach them to sell on Amazon or get jobs online either, because they are not very technology savvy.
I wouldn’t want to be irrelevant. But everybody ages. Some people remain significant and relevant longer though. Like Betty White! Haha