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I didn’t talk to Matthew in a while. Maybe a week.

The passport issue had me so depressed.

But I miss him everyday, and I decided to talk to him yesterday. He was quicker to respond this time, and he was cute as always. So, I was in a good mood yesterday 🙂

I said, “Miss this guy…”, and sent a unicorn Pusheen cat sticker, lol. He said, “Aw…miss this bunny too”. I wonder if I said “I miss you..”, he would say the same. It’d seem too emotionally involved.

In any case, I have to remember that we are not dating. As much as I think I want to. I have to remember that he doesn’t even want to see me without hair.

I need a guy who loves me with and without hair. I need a guy who loves me. I need a guy whom I love. I need a guy with whom, we are better than without each other, and we can rule the world together. We’d enjoy each other so much, that there’s no chance of anyone coming between us.

But until then, there’s Matthew. So adorable, hot, sexy, flirty, funny, and gives me such amazing orgasms. I swear that as long as he is interested in me, I’ll always be attracted to him. I wish I could find someone who feels the same about me.

—

Went to see Jungle Book with Tina! It’s actually a really good movie! I had lots of fun.

After that, we went shopping. And I, as usual, spent all my cash. Good thing I didn’t bring more money. I bought 3 belly rings, a stack of cards, and a pair of Thai-style-elephant capri pants! We ate my favourite foods: 炸臭豆腐，臭豆腐和豬血冬粉湯，刨冰，奶油（和芋頭）餅！We talked about the more personal stuff, and she told me about her job, which is pricing. She is such a competent worker. I wish we could work together. But I’d be afraid that we’d fight, as most business partnerships seem to go.

I ate way too much. I need to not do that. I need to keep fit, so I can have lots of fun sex with Matthew. I can’t wait to be home for that.

 

 

 

 

 

Uncle Mitch found my Taibao ID today! He shipped it out using FedEx. Fingers crossed that it arrives in time!

It was sheer luck that he found it…the tupperware was by the bed, not in the closet!! Thank you, my God and guardian angels!

There was a time I held such anger towards Mitch. But now I’m grateful, and I’m glad I didn’t leash it out on him in the past.

Mom has been so helpful too. I’m grateful.

Some things I learned today:

1. People are closer when we help each other.
2. It’s a good thing to help people. It’s like getting karma points
3. Try to not judge or hate people. No one is perfect. No one is bad all the time or good all the time.
4. Try to not talk about people. Talk instead about ideas, or tell a funny story

—

Aunt GuiFen, Daisy, Mom, and I went to ShengWan Japanese restaurant today. It was $30~$50 CAD per person! Holy shit.

I had tepanyaki, which included a beautiful miso starter soup, sashimi, tepanyaki steak, steamed rice with stuff, a different miso soup, a soy milk pudding dessert, and tea. It was really not worth $50, but it was quite yum. Aunt GuiFen treated us! So nice 🙂

Daisy really liked me today, which felt good. I don’t think she liked me as much before. It’s as though something happened today that she suddenly liked me.

Maybe because I was funny? Maybe because I listened to Allen talk last time? It does feel so much better to be around her, and made me like her more.

I remember that Mom really liked her friend’s mom, because she was praising her and really expressing her fondness towards Mom. Mom had so much fun that day haha.

Lesson learned:

How to get people to like you more? Like them a lot 🙂

We browsed around in SoGo. Everything was so expensive and not that beautiful. I guess the acrylic lip purses were cute, but kind of pointless.

Mom bought some thermos.

We then went downstairs and ate. We had tofu dessert and cream puffs haha. Daisy loved those things.

—

I miss Matthew. I miss being loved, at least physically. I miss not getting mosquito bites.

I haven’t replied to him though, since his message 4 days ago. I realized that every time I replied, I got anxious waiting for him to write back. I’ve been too stressed out (and embarrassed) by my lack of entry ID, that I decided to not write him back for now. I fantasize about him sometimes, but sometimes I fantasize about something else. He is on my mind every day, but, I feel that it’s a lost cause. He’ll never be the person I want to be with.

I want to find someone who really loves me, and loves me in a way that I understand. And I’d love him back. And that we are better together. We are a force to be reckoned with. We are unstoppable. We are happy, exhilerated to be with each other, and never lose our love for each other. A twin flame.

I didn’t bring my Taiwanese passport. Or entry card. Or id. I didn’t bring anything. I thought I could enter into China as a Canadian without a Visa. I was wrong. Now, I have to ask Norm to find my Taiwanese entry card. I don’t even know for sure if it is in the Burnaby condo. I really screwed up royally this time.

Please, my dear God and Guardian angels….please, help me. I really want to grow my business, and provide for my family, myself, and my friends. I really want to succeed. Please allow Norm to find my Taiwanese entry card, so that I can enter into China.

Went to the airport and came back yesterday. Felt so defeated. Mom tried to be as upbeat and forgiving as possible. I felt so dumb.

Talked to Norm. He tried to be helpful, which was sweet. Helped me feel better.

I haven’t told most people about my blunder. So embarrassing….

—

Matthew finally messaged me back. It took him a day or two. He used to be more responsive. Maybe he was away during the weekend. But maybe I’m too far away to matter.

I was a bit upset after messaging him, because he was online and read the message, but didn’t reply right away. It’s alarming that he affected my mood so much. I had to make a conscious effort to let it go. To not feel so sad. To not take his actions to heart.

This morning when I woke up, I saw his reply, finally. It’s a cute reply, so I still like him. I don’t want to reply back right away though. I didn’t realize that I could feel so bad when he doesn’t reply back right away. The whole wait time was gruelling. I’ll just enjoy the fact that he was the last to message me.

 

Missing Matthew so much I can hardly contain myself. I guess I really feel the extra need for intimacy, comfort, laughter right now.

I wonder if he misses me…

He always words it differently. That he is daydreaming about the naughty stuff we did. Never says he misses me, but he is usually the first to message me.

I think about the fact that he has no intention of dating me. Why is that?

There are clues to what he thinks of me. For example he joked about us having babies together and how we have such great DNA. He thinks we are similar. He likes that I was a software engineer. He likes that I’m business’s oriented. He loves my body. Does he like my face? Yeah. He’s said that he used to not be able to tell plain asian from a good looking one. Or the fact the he is such a body person, but never had to go for a less good looking face.

At the same time, he doesn’t want to date. Even when I said a brief dating period such as 4 months, he shortened it to one month. Why is that? He also makes it clear that he can never commit to a monogamous relationship.

I guess there’s no need to over think, because he won’t be a good boyfriend. Can’t keep his dick in his pants, nor constrain his flirting. Just like Patrick.

If he really wants to date, I will have a hard time saying no, because he is such a great match for me in many ways. But it’s a no, no matter what. So, no need to over think. I just miss everything about him…

So nice of Mom to send a driver to pick me up. He was really talkative too. I learned about Eva Air’s family feud.

Taiwan is so warm, humid, and….unpleasant to look at. But it helps that Mom is here. She set up my bed in the living room, and prepped dinner for me. It was good to finally end the 24 hours of travel. We had the sweetest wax apples and guava. We also had tonghao, soy soup, turnip cake, fish, and tofu roll of some sort.

—

Woke up at 4am because I went to bed at 9pm. Got 7 mosquito bites on my face, and maybe 8 more on the body.

I also woke up early because I thought my Badass mastermind was at 5am…it was 8am.

—

Instead, I started catching up on some messages, and decided to finally message Matthew. I decided to just send him a cat sticker.

It’s quite unbelievable that, just as I was picking out a sticker, he messaged me!!!

He didn’t say bon voyage before my trip, which I thought was weird….but now he asked if I had a good flight. I’m still amazed that we thought to message each other at the same time.

But he was a little distracted. And not exactly horny. I think he has another conversation going on, and it wasn’t a sexy one.

After a little while we did talk about the more sexy stuff. He was still very cute.

I wasn’t going to talk about oil sex yet, but the conversation sorta led me to bring it up. I asked if he’s tried it, and he said never. He wanted to try 🙂 I didn’t make it too clear whether I had done it before or not.

I really miss him. I’m super distracted now by the trip, but he is on my mind. I want him. I like how he flirts with me and seduces me and turns me on. All while being cute and funny.

—

Badass meeting was fine. I wish my rings were doing better. I went up to rank #3 recently, but dropped to #8 today (April 5th)….wtf.

Ben A. is doing over $115K now with so many products. I wish I have that too. I have dropped to $33k…

We are doing a spring clean on the group, weeding out the non-active members.

—

Took bus 72 to see Dad. Missed the first one because I didn’t wave at it. Waited another 17 minutes.

Slightly awkward time with Dad initially. We talked about dogs mostly. XiaoHei is so fat now…and definitely older with more greys and browns. Dogs age so much faster than us.

Dad looked, well, same old I guess. Has a belly. AhNi looked good. Grandma looked fine too, but not as clear minded as 3 years ago. She didn’t keep calling her mom this time….but she still constantly made noises. It’s a bit more bearable now.

We had lunch…it was a super big lunch as usual, with 10 dishes. But Grandma doesn’t sit with us anymore. She has her own diet now.

We walked the dog twice, talked about astronomy, talked about me giving him some money, talked about him wanting to live in Nanping with the relatives, talked about his eye, talked about his land that isn’t sold yet.

I hope for this:

1. Dad’s eye gets cured
2. Dad gets the $20K CAD I intend to give him
3. Dad sells his land with decent price and gets good money from it
4. Dad gets to have a good time in Nanping
5. Dad gets to do what he wants to do in life, and have XiaoHei with him
6. Dad is accompanied by good friends
7. Dad feels proud because I’m doing well

—

Had dinner with Jennifer. We talked a lot. It was really nice to be able to speak English and Chinese to her. We had Thai at Xifan University night market. It wasn’t very good. She walked me home, which was really nice.

The thing on her mind is whether she should stay in Taiwan to gain more experience, or go back to Canada. She enjoys being in banking, but is being overworked.

—

Second day in Taiwan today. It was fun. Hung out with Mom and Mia.

We ate the most delish butter and red bean pastry. Then we had the best liver soup. I had majiang noodles too. First time in a long time. It was a cheat day.

Then, we went shopping. Bought lots of stuff, including 5 pairs of new shoes for me lol. I got the most awesome rain boots.

In the evening, we met up with ShangYi. I hadn’t seen her in over 20 years! She was my favourite cousin.

We had a delicious meal at NanGan Tofu Village. I loved that place! The tofu soup was great, the seafood pancake was amazing, the tofu ice cream was amazing too, and all-you-can-eat.

I treated everyone. It was $1400NT…about $56CAD.

ShangYi was nice. Not super funny, and didn’t ask me many questions, but we got along fine. I’d love to spend more time with her in the future.

 

On April 1st, I met up with Cat at :30pm and we took the skytrain and the bus to the airport. We arrived at 9:10pm. Had food court dinner at the airport.

I’m surprised that she was a good enough friend to come keep me company at the airport ’til 11:30pm!

I went through security at around midnight, and flew out at 1:30am, April 2nd.

Arrived in Shanghai after an 11 hour flight. 4am local time. I think we arrived 1 hour early. The flight was smooth, though the lady beside me was not the chatting type. That’s ok. I watched a few episodes of Daredevil season 2, ate way too much, and got up to stretch a few times. Daredevil season 2 really wasn’t that engaging. I’m pretty stiff…maybe more than usual….during this flight. China Eastern….nothing special. I think Matthew said it was one of the better ones though. I wonder if he flies business class. Economy class is really quite painful…I never thought it was that bad…but this time it stood out to me as an torturous arrangement. Surely there are better ways to go through an 11 hour flight.

I can’t wait for our fuel / energy to become super abundant, so that we can afford to have spacious planes, equipped with a fitness room, private quarters, beds, etc. Wifi would be excellent too.

I don’t ever feel like a seasoned traveller, even though last time I travelled was in June (to NAAF in California)…that was only 10 months ago…And before that I travelled to Las Vegas in Jan, and Thailand in Feb.

I miss Matthew. I’m surprised that he never messaged me to wish me bon voyage. He did like and comment on my FB posts though…

Last day in Vancouver (March 31st) was a sunny day. Makes me not want to leave. I dread this entire trip. I don’t like visiting friends and family that much. I like having sex with Matthew and getting my biz to make more money. But, I think once I get into the situation I’ll feel better.

Waited a long time to get through the plane transfer lineup. I watched Daredevil while I waited, so it wasn’t so bad.

Pudong airport is almost identical to the Guangzhou airport….but better (or, after 3 years it’s gotten better). I was able to get wifi using my Canada phone number this time! AND I was able to find charging stations that use North American wall outlets. AND I was able to find a local VPN that gives a free trial, and is only $18 RMB per month (<$3USD). Foreigners pay $10USD for ones that are English-based…like StrongVPN or Astrill.

Starbucks was expensive. About $7CAD for a grande matcha latte…or $6USD. But I can afford it lol.

After some figuring out, I got charged up at a charging station for my laptop, drank latte while I got a bit of work done, replied to FB messages, and watched some more Daredevil. Now just 1 more hour before we board!

It’s nice to have Mom set things up for me in Taiwan when I arrive 🙂

I just gotta do some product research using Jungle Scout, before Canton Fair! Oh and book hotels and regional flights for my China destinations.

Silver rings came with the bow tie boxes. They are not perfect….but there is potential.

Sold Elena the sewing/embroidery machine. She gave me a giant bathbomb and a bubble-gum flavoured exfoliating lip gel from Lush for birthday! Awww….so sweet 🙂

Thought about Matthew so much more since he messaged me that bunny-related photo at Cartem’s donuts. I think I thought too much of it. It’s just a photo. I’ve taken photos of myself to send to him, and he has too. A photo is nothing that special. Him thinking about me….that’s only natural. We had such an epic night!

I do like him a lot and I still smile when I think about things he did or said. Like wrapping himself up in the multicoloured unicorn towel – every time I saw the towel I thought of him wearing it in such a hot way. Or how I laughed when I saw him using a tiny cup to drink water out of…because he couldn’t find any cup except a tiny little one in the cupboard (the rest were in the washing machine). He said it was his 5th cup of water.

Or when he said, “Don’t look at me when I cum!” and made a half-wink-tongue-out gnarly orgasm face. He is just adorable.

I decided to go to his Facebook for the first time in a long time to get some photos of him to look at during my Asia trip. It was a bit of an unbearable task for me, because I didn’t want to see pics I didn’t intend to see. Gf pics that is. Thankfully, I didn’t see any. Just his best friend…a very smart-mouthed girl. Her caption for the photo below was, “Tap on phone…Grndr doesn’t work in Shanghai…”. She’s funny. I’d like her I think. They flirt with each other sometimes. I wonder if they dated.

I quickly found two pictures that look like his actual self, and quickly left. It’s like sneaking into someone’s house and grabbing what you need and getting the hell out quickly.

He is so gorgeous. Like an elf from LOTR, haha.

I just realized that he has a pretty long neck. Like me!

Ugh. I must remember to not get carried away… He is a gemini. A player. There’s no heart. Just dick.

As much as I adore him. As much as he seems to be the perfect match. When I’m back, I’ll need to find a back-up fwb…maybe from Tinder. And definitely reach out to Patrick and Ashley. Hmm….they both can play elves in LOTR. I guess my type is elves.

 

 

Matthew messaged a pic to me today. Just a Cartem’s donuts blackboard with a hopping bunny (since it’s Easter-ish still).

I messaged back about bunny-shaped donuts. We messaged a bit about whipped body butter and his biz, since Nicole was coming over to help me make them (‘cept she forgot the blender).

I’m surprised he messaged me. It’s kind of sweet. But, he was not flirty in his response. Like he is missing me / has me on his mind, but not horny.

Nicole brought the yummiest yam gnocchis and pesto from Zara on Granville Island.  She forgot the hand-held blender which we were gonna use to make whipped body butter.

At around 5:40, I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to pick up money from Martin, so she drove me there in a rush, Thelma and Louise style. Then she drove me to FedEx to pick up 5 giant boxes containing 500 bow tie boxes. She’s a good friend 🙂 I’m lucky.

We talked a lot about dating, sex, contraception. She is so careful and cautious. In a way it’s good because she intro’d me to this contraception method using “Contragel”, an all natural spermicide, and “Fem Cap”, a silicone cervix cap.

The pull-out method (Matthew) is a bit sketch. Really shouldn’t be risking it.

She told me about her Tinder dating experience. She’s seen one guy so far, and isn’t too into him. Lawyer turned firefighter turned possible-IT-entrepreneur. Their dynamic is so different from me and Matthew…or me and anyone else. Just like Cyn and her dates. It’s interesting.

Turned 36 today! Wow. Time really flies.

I’m happy. Truly quite happy 🙂

The two most happy things are my biz doing well, and Matthew being so amazing.

I also loved that I got to have lunch with Masha at Heirloom today, and hung out with Anna and Wilson for dinner. Anna is just incredible. She made me raspberry mousse, matcha macarons, edible cookie spoons, lavender ice cream, and root beer ice cream! The meal itself is amazing too. Thai soup with basa fish. Vermicelli with pickled carrots and daikons, two kinds of yummy chicken. Soooo spoiled! She even gave me pesto to bring home. They are such kind people, and so good to me.

I got home, and wanted to read what Matthew said to me again. I’m so turned on by him. As I read our conversation, I saw him “typing” to me! Crazy. He was thinking about me too.

He asked about my bday lunch and my day. Aww. We flirted a bit. I think he passed out though…

He has just been so adorable. I wish he was mine and mine only.

My birthday is today!

Well, it’s 2:45am right now. I’m writing about yesterday.

Today, I got up at around noon, did my 12th Jillian Michaels workout! I’m quite proud of that, because that’s twice a week for the past 6 weeks! I do see more ab definition now. And am slightly more trim. I think if I do 6 more weeks, I’ll have abs.

Showered, then saw Ty’s message about hanging out. I was going to get lavender today (because Anna was going to make me ice cream today!) and turned out that Ty had a lot of lavender left, and so he gave me a bunch!

We went to Deer Lake. Ty came to pick me up, and he was on phone with Cyn when I hopped in the car. It was a bit unexpected, and appalling. I think, it’s because I wanted to have a personal conversation with Ty, and was finding out that nothing is personal. Ty and Cyn are closer than I can be with either of them, just like Norm and his gf Sylvia are closer. Sometimes I’d like to believe that Norm and I are close, but part of me knows that he’ll share some of the secrets I tell him with her. Some of my personal info. I need to be more aware of this.

I wanted to be closer to Ty. I think it’s because logically, I feel that he is a great catch – funny, loyal, similar to me, and a very good boyfriend. I don’t know if I can see him sexually, because there’s no point in doing that. I just feel a bit angry that Cyn takes him for granted. She is hogging a great guy, stringing him along, dating other guys, and expecting waaay too much.  She thinks she is so amazing that she deserves all of the above, AND sustained passion. It pisses me off.

I guess I shouldn’t judge. You just can’t be in someone’s shoes fully and understand exactly why they are the way they are.

I think I’m pissed also because she wasn’t the best friend to me the past few months. It’s just harder to be happy for her. She didn’t feel as hurt, because I was never her best friend. Ty was her best friend. So, that’s ok. She won’t be my best friend either.

Anyway, Ty and I walked around Deer Lake. It was so beautiful out! We had a pretty good time.

I asked him what’s going on with him and Cyn, and asked how I can help. He said they decided to be together, and not sure what else is next. Interesting. Cyn never said they decided to be together.

I hold back on talking anything sexual with Ty, just in case one day we end up together. But, now I feel it’s not gonna happen. No one will be higher up in Ty’s world than Cyn. This life time they have is about them together. Ty and I weren’t meant to be. And that’s ok.

I just feel that Cyn is not as dedicated as she should be. Anyway…back to no judgement. It’s their shit to figure out.

Ty came back here and we chatted more about life, past life regression, imprints, and my idea of how lifeforms evolve. It would’ve been funner if it lasted longer, but it was still fun.

—

Dad called to wish me Happy Birthday! We chatted for a couple hours.

I posted a picture of me in my denim overalls. Got a few likes (40+) and got a few happy birthdays.

Matthew wished me an early happy birthday at around 11:30pm. I was on phone with Dad, so by the time I got back to him, he was hopping into bed. I said I miss his yummy everything, and he said him too. And wished me happy birthday again. He’s been really quite sweet.