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I’m fed up with this friend.

Honestly she hasn’t been a good friend. She is never available to talk, and when we do talk, she is walking somewhere else.

I try to see it from her perspective. Maybe she is busy. Maybe she is just cut from a different cloth.  In the end, I can’t relate.

There are things that make her very different from me. She cannot be alone. She said she is a loner sometimes. I’m pretty sure she isn’t.

She is ALWAYS going on dates. It’s to the point of ridiculousness. Mean while she is stringing a guy along….a guy that is good to her but she doesn’t find funny.

I used to think she is a sincere person, but she is losing that reputation.

She said she was sad and lonely around Christmas. I said, Do you want to skype? And she said, Yeah! And then she was not online on Xmas eve, or Xmas, or the next day or the day after that. By Monday, at work, she said, Oh I thought I replied (to me in google chat).

I feel like I already did my best, as a friend. I talked to her every week for 4 or 5 weeks, to make sure she set her goals and did them, such as sending resumes. I stopped after she found a job.

I am available when she calls. But we only really talked on the phone once. Recently she called, but she was absent minded and was obviously outside and had to go after 10 minutes.

I’ve tried chatting with her so that I can then ask if she is free and then call her. It seemed like she is always on the go, so calling her straight up wouldn’t work. But in reality, I never was able to chat with her long enough to ask if she wanted to hop on the phone. She is gone before then. Going on dates.

One time we did chat longer, and it was because she was on transit home.

It’s so sad that she treats me this way.

Perhaps she is desperate in finding a guy to marry and have kids with. Desperation is ugly on her.

Sum and I were going to go see her in January. Now, Sum is getting married in March, and has not time nor money to fly to NYC in Jan. I can still go, but I see now it’s not a good idea. I don’t want to be left alone in NYC lol. She just can’t spare any attention on me. Going with Sum, at least I’ll have company. And I’ll be less likely to get into a fight with Cyn. Going alone, no way.

So, scratch that plan. I have lots of work anyway.

I want to be confrontational, letting her know that she has been disappointing.

But experience tells me that being confrontational doesn’t work. No one wants to hear it.

How do I tell her that I won’t be visiting in Jan?

In April, I’ll be in China/Taiwan most likely, so I don’t think I can go to NYC then either.

How do you confront someone? I don’t think it’s a good idea any more.

 

 

Oh wow, I just had coffee with Tyler, and it was so much fun!

It was the most fun I’ve had with someone, just hanging out. It’s worlds apart from hanging out with Brodie, or Nicole, or Cat, or even Cyndi. Holy shit.

He is working on a cool graph database project, and he experiments with body hacking, which are all so fascinating to listen to and learn about. When I talk to him about the stuff I’m interested in, such as VR, flight simulation, he understands.

Plus he is so funny. I laughed so much.

When he brought the coffees/teas over, he spilled mine a little.

Me: Not very good at this hey.

Ty: I’ve never had a server job.

Me: Don’t you wish you did though?

Ty: Yeah it’s almost like a right of passage

Me: Yeah, and, it’s something you can’t go back to when you’ve gotten older. Like, if you do it now, people just think you want the job so you can meet people.

Ty: Right, “So, the other staff are all women in their twenties right?”

Ahahhaha. I had to put my chai down so I wouldn’t spill it while laughing.

I thought I was funny too. I don’t know how funny he thought I was, but I thought I was really funny.

I told him about the 4D rides and how it’s always pine scent that they do. Fly over water, pine scent. Fly over a forrest, pine scent. He joked about how in simulated sex, the guy goes down on the girl, and it’s pine scent. Haha

I joked about how it could at least be pine-apple scent, and said, oh wait, that’s taste.

He told me that teledildonics is an actual word.

I learned other words too, such as nepotism. And new concepts such as ASMR, graph database. And companies such as Neo4J.

I just really really enjoyed talking to him.

So far it seems like we have so much in common. Unbelievable.

I can’t remember the last time I had such a fun conversation with someone. It was almost a high. I wondered if I can be with someone like him. Someone so fun and makes me laugh so much.

I don’t know if I felt any physical attraction, but this is someone I can be friends with. Very good friends. And he seems to have other friends like him whom he brainstorms with. I want to meet these friends!

He briefly mentioned Jackson, just in passing when he was telling a story. He said Jackson was really smart. And one time when he came over, he asked for some caffein to uncloud his head. Ty said, I have pure caffein and a tab press (to make the pills). Jackson said, I think 60~80mg of it will do. Lol.

I’m quite curious about Jackson. So far I’ve heard only cool things about him. Smart, nice. Shy around other ppl but outgoing around Ty. But I didn’t ask more about him. I dunno how. I dunno if Ty did mention me to him, and he did nothing. I dunno if I showed too much interest that Ty would be put off and not want to hang out with me as much. I dunno if Ty is interested in me. Because there’s no sign of that at all. He’s like the only guy who never showed interest in me actually.

I mean, yeah, he called me out of the blue while he was in West End. But really, if he liked me he should’ve remembered that I moved to Burnaby. I think.

I wanted to hang out more and he was like, I want to go home and code. Lol.

It’s ok. It’s Jackson who turns me on. High cheekbones. Hot body. Hotter than Brodie’s body.

A hot body turns me on more than I realize. Because I was somewhat horny after hanging out with Brodie. Just because I got a glimpse of his biceps. (Or, maybe he showed a bit of interest too?) I think it’s the biceps.

I can be patient. I want to hang out with Ty more, meet his friends, and meet Jackson eventually.

Ty is my door to being around people who are more like me. That’s exciting.

 

 

Had lunch with Brodie today. He is vegan so we went to Chau. It was pretty good.

We talked for a long time about being vegan, being spiritual, love, dating, etc. It was fine. He is a good listener. And we have similarities.

I was going to treat him because he taught me volleyball. But I accidentally let him pay. He went up to place the order, and I didn’t even know he had to pay right then! Damn. Felt bad.

He was really nice though.

He also offered to play pepper with me – practice volleyball at gyms. That means a lot. I need that!

I’m not attracted to him very much, even though I find him easy on the eyes. He has many good qualities about him. He is un-assuming, good natured, talented, ethical, and pretty reliable. I think I just don’t feel much for him because his eyes are not my type, and he is not very funny. Also he is very passive. He doesn’t debate. He tends to agree.

I was supposed to see Ty but I mixed up the dates. I was bummed about it, and realizing that I was more looking forward to hanging out with Ty. Maybe cuz Cyn raved about him so much. Also, we both like sci-fi.

Brodie is cool though. He is athletic. And his body is nice. He is a nice looking friend that I feel a bit of pride being around. Also he is great at volleyball. I’m glad to have a friend like him that I can pepper with! Can’t wait!

 

I guess I’ve been without love for too long. How long has it been? I don’t even recall.

We all need love. I thought I was ok without love…but it was only temporary…I feel the life force in me wasting away.

But I’m so hesitant to find a lover. I don’t want to go on Tinder. I just feel like there’s no one for me. It’s not like 2 years ago when I felt that there are guys for me, and there were. I feel that I know that right now I won’t find anyone even if I try. It is as though, deep in my subconscious I know that I don’t have that in my fate right at this moment. The time will come, but it’s not right now.

I really want to focus. I really want to grow my business. But, having a boyfriend is good too. Can be amazing in fact. We can better each other, expand each other’s horizons, and encourage each other. Oh how I want that.

I wish for a miracle.

 

Funny how, I think about Matthew a lot more after he was really going to act on meeting up and having sex with me, even though, he made it clear that he was “single” for just a month while his married gf is away.

Funny how, he messaged me today like I’ve been hoping for. But I cried. I was sad over loneliness. He wrote something like he wish teleportation was invented. I said I couldn’t be able to hold back if he was here. He said he absolutely couldn’t either.

It got all steamy for a sec. But then, it comes down to he is not single and I won’t share.

It got into almost a debate. It’s sad. Yes, I know most people cheat. But part of me wished that he was more sincere than that, and the whole world is more sincere than that.

It’s ok. There are more people than him. I gotta have standards. I gotta get out there and meet more quality people.

 

 

Quick review of previous year:

I did very well reaching my financial goals in 2015, starting ASM product, my silicone rings, in April. My tax is a mess and the silver rings are giving me pain, but, overall it’s been amazing so far. I did make Mom and Dad proud.

I travelled to Thailand and NAAF and Disneyland. I had such amazing experiences in Thailand! Free from alopecia constraints. Sleeping in a hostel, dancing to Green Day, hanging out with cute Swedish boys, scuba diving and snorkelling, seeing sharks, squids, turtles, parrot fish, and trigger fish. OH! And surfing in an artificial wave machine! I’ve outgrown Disneyland and NAAF was not mind-blowing, but it was good to inspire others.

As for love, I saw Patrick. It was nice. But haven’t heard from him again since Oct. He is too busy being a stripper in Las Vegas I guess. The more time goes on I don’t hear from him, the more I feel that there’s just nothing between us. Matthew started chatting with me again. He is fun to chat with, and he wants to hook up, but not sincere enough since he still has a gf. I can almost see myself with him as a couple, but I don’t think he can love my hairlessness to be honest. (Actually he just told me how much he cheats…nm.)

I feel lonely often, and have few friends that I can connect with. I hope to do better in year 2016. Some good friendship moments though. Met Masha. Got closer with Elena since I helped her with her biz. Got a good group of mastermind friends. Got a bit of time with Mike. Invited Anna and Wilson over for dinner. Spent a bit of time with Victor, visiting his house. I helped motivate Cyn weekly and after a month she got a job in NYC. But I don’t feel very close to her. Or anyone.

For the new year!

Let’s see,

I will find love. The soulmate type of lover. Someone with whom our connection is so deep. Someone who loves me, cares about me, is dedicated to me, and vice versa. We start businesses together and we thrive together. We periodically jazz up our love for each other with self-improvement classes and other methods. We don’t get tired of each other. We get rich together. We love each other more and more each day and each year.

I will earn $400K USD after tax in 2016. I will to set up my finances to provide better for Mom and Dad with just the interest. I will have a fiduciary.

I will have more good friends. Like-minded, smart, sincere, life-long friends. We’ll have so much fun together, and help each other out in growing our biz and our life and our experiences.

I will have more time. I have VAs and automation. I have fun with all this time. Playing on an artificial wave machine, playing volleyball, travelling!!!

I’m reviewing the goals I set about a year ago. It’s pretty amazing that I have accomplished a good chunk of them!

I’m going to do another one, and manifest it 🙂

—-

By June 15, 2015, I’ll have achieved these goals: (Originally written in Jan, 2015)

I love life. I love my friends, family, and fans, and they love me.

1. Knot Theory has 300 site visitors per day, making $8000 revenue per month, $5000 in profit.
   -> I have 5000 visitors per month (about 167 a day), making $72,0000 USD in revenue from Nov 11 to Dec 11, which is $43.2K in profit
2. I have 10 SEOD clients, making $10K per month.
   -> Didn’t do this
3. ASM is doing really well. My product is a huge hit! I’m selling 50 silicone rings a day and making $1000 revenue per day, which is $600 profit per day, which is $18K per month!
   -> Doing better than this! See above.
4. Alopecia channel is growing fast. I enjoy helping people.
   -> Have 29 FB likes, teaming up with Charlie V. It’s good 🙂
5. Time and money are in ABUNDANCE! I only need to work 20 hours a week to
   have everything running smoothly and growing! I have an excellent full time VA. I get to travel around the world with awesome friends, and sometimes with Mom and Dad. Thailand with Cyndi, Cappadocia with someone fun, Xin Jiang with Dad, Peru with Nick, Australia with some cool friends, Disneyland with alopecia friends!
   -> Time is not in abundance right now, but it’s on my terms. I just need to hire a VA.
   -> Thailand and Disneyland done.
6. Cute guys are sincere and eager to love me because I’m fun, smart, sexy, beautiful, energetic, exuberant, and happy!!
   -> Not accomplished here.
7. Dad, Mom, and I are happy and healthy. Dad has sold his land and is now financially comfortable. I get to provide extra cushion to his life. We travel together and have lots of fun. Mom and I bought a new home – a duplex – because that’s what she wants. She gets to line dance a lot and brag about me to friends. I make sure they stay healthy by getting them the best medicare possible. Both of them are so proud of me.
   -> Mom gets to line dance a lot! And gets to brag about me, yes!
   -> Both of them proud of me yes!

 

I feel so lonely lately.

Matthew wanting me made me want him more, even though it’s not even sincere because he just wants to have sex and for just December.

My mind seems to not realize that it’s not sincere. I just want him so bad.

It’s not just the physical though. I want a guy so bad. I want someone to talk with. I want someone to love and be loved.

I want to cry at any given moment, because I’m so stressed and lonely.

Why do I suddenly feel this way?

I guess I’ve been wanting a guy for some time now, but just nothing. No one comes along.

Lately the need became stronger…it’s suffocating.

I wonder if it’s because of stress, or because I’ve been pushed to the very edge of lonesome…or because business is growing (the goal of having a successful business is reached and now new goal shifted to having someone to love). Or maybe because I can finally proudly date someone now without feeling embarrassed.

I certainly wouldn’t have even considered dating Matthew when I wasn’t making money. He is such a snob about that.

 

Silver rings fading issue has been stressing me out. It adds a lot of work each day, and stress of handling angry customers. I wish I had a VA already.

I know the worst is yet to come. After Xmas, I’m sure a lot of people will be returning them.

But at the same time, sales are higher than ever due to Xmas. I’ve finally reached the $50K mark! So amazing. Not as high as some of the people in the group, but still incredible. 

Right now, Clement and Evan do about $56K, Neil around $50K, Evan R. $50K, Eric $100+K, and Benjamine $186K!!!

With revenue from KT website, Etsy, and Amazon.ca also, my total is around $57K for the past 30 days as of today, Dec 7th.

So I’m ranked about #3 or #4 within the badass group. My profit margin is the highest, at 60%. So this past 30 days I made about $36K USD, which is amazing.

My revenue this year so far is about $250K USD. My profit around 190K USD, which is almost $230CAD!

I don’t think there’s time to reach $250K CAD in profit, but, it’s good enough to reap some of the benefits of being incorporated.

It’s been an incredible, life-changing year!

—

Matthew didn’t talk to me for almost a month. It seems to be because he went to Asia for his business.

He’s been talking to me a lot again. I do like talking to him. He is smart, funny, ambitious, and flirty.

Just yesterday he was as clear as possible about wanting to hook up. His “gf” is going to be away this month.

Of course, I said no.

I wish he was more sincere. If he was single and then coming after me, that’s more worth considering. Even then, I prefer to date then to have a casual relationship I think.

But even then, there are other deal breakers with him.

He is smart, funny, ambitious, rich, has the perfect dick, and was pretty good in bed, and is probably still good looking. But he is vain, selfish, and a princess. He can never suffer through a low standard of living without luxury. Part of me wants to see him go through a tough time in his business, just so that he can become a more humble person.

But the biggest turn off of all is that he cheats. He seems to only be able to sustain 3 years of interest. 

I wish I could find someone sincere. My #1 fan, and vice versa!

 

Nicole came over today so I can give her the Thinx panties. I also got her to try on my panty samples. It works out good that she has a need for these panties these days!

I also gave her a silver silicone ring. They look so good. I hope they sell well!

Nicole is a friend that sometimes I dread, sometimes I really appreciate how kind, reliable, and spiritual she is.

I think her car accidents, IUD implant, over bleeding / anemia had made her less smart. I do hope she heals.

Today, I talked to her about my idea of the world. That we are currently this physical being bound by linear time, but in time, we’ll become spiritual beings, not bound by time. And because of how we evolve into 5D beings, we ARE our higher selves. We exist at the “same” time.

To my extreme surprise, she just nodded and said, Yup, you got it.

What.

I’m happy that she thinks the same!

I just emailed her to suggest soap-making, whipped-moisturizer-making and selling on Etsy.

Like I predicted, the men’s soaps are an untapped market and the guy is making around $100K/month!