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Ideas to 10x:

1. Really focus on TikTok, Reels, and Youtube Shorts
2. Really focus on scaling on Amazon – Have Udoo do engraved SCF, CF (maybe with gold inlay), lower priced Bevel
3. Really focus on wholesale? Hire a sales person to talk to Hospitals etc
4. Really focus on collaborations with influencers? Study how Ridge did/does that
5. Set up shop in China, ship directly from China? Just handle the returns in North America
6. Sell metal rings like Ridge does

Homework:

1. Study the ads and the marketing of successful companies with similar audience

What are our 10x competitors doing?

1. ThunderFit – growing on Amazon, ship from China. Expanding on Etsy.
2. Enso – Disney
3. Groove Life – Same old, partnering with artists
4. Qalo – dying

What is Ridge doing?

1. Selling more different types of products
2. Has a marketing engine

Some products just make sense on some platforms.

1. Mini Katana makes sense on TikTok. It’s fun, silly product, perfect for that platform
2. Same with the putty product
3. Beauty products can work too, like those breast pads

Can we make TikTok work for our silicone rings?

1. It touches on fitness and beauty so, Reels, Youtube shorts would work even if TT doesn’t
2. We can make it fun too

What makes me unhappy or stressed?

1. Learning about someone more successful than me. It’s ok if they are older, or they took a longer to get there, or they have something I don’t envy them for. But if they are young, and accelerating fast, I feel bad about myself.
2. I think I’d do the same if I were with someone. If I discover someone cuter, smarter, more successful, I might feel bad about being with the person I’m with.
3. There’s that mentality of wanting to have the best, always.
4. I think that’s also why I’m very sad about aging. I want to be in the best years of my life, always.
5. As a kid, playing card games, I always loved it when I had a particular card that was the best card. The card that guarantees winning the round. I felt so happy when I played that card.
6. I also enjoyed being the best at most things. Prettiest, smartest.
7. When Elena had to donate her kidney to her daughter, I felt bad for her. That change in her body – that to me would bring me down a lot and for a long time.
8. Like with hair. It took me a long time to become ok with not having hair. And even though I felt AMAZING when I overcame it, and rode that feeling for years, these days I feel like I have reverted to my less enlightened and inspiring self. I don’t show my bald, I don’t want to. I want to grow my hair. I want to fit in.
9. It’s inspiring when people proudly rock their old age, their flaws, and their abnormalities. But I never wished to be them.
10. I’m always secretly comparing myself to someone. Do I have a prettier face or do they? Do I have a nicer body or do they? And I go through this mental gymnastic of trying to find aspects of myself that are better so I can feel better. For example, seeing photos of me and volleyball fam, I didn’t like how my face was shaped in the photos, and my small eyes. I didn’t like that Nicole looked better than me. I had to tell myself, well, my teeth are better, my tits are bigger, and my shoulders are nicer.
11. When I find out that someone is selling more than me, I’d think to myself, well, his profit is less, they are a couple so they have to split the profit so I’m still making more. And if I can’t find anything that can make me feel less bad, then, I feel inferior, and sometimes resentful.
12. Right now, we are growing. We are seeing our best month on Shopify and on Amazon. A lot of business are not growing, even shrinking. Yet, I feel bad that we are not doubling. Partly because that’s the goal I set for myself, and partly because I know other people are doubling. e.g. Jackson. When I found out about it, I felt sad and stressed.
13. In reality, last year, 2022, Knot Theory’s revenue was $1.5M CAD. First of all, it’s over $1M, so that’s amazing! Second, that means it’s $1.1M USD. And, the past 30 days, we did $171.2K USD, which is $2.054M USD run rate!
14. This means, if I keep this up for the next 12 months, we’ll have done at least $2.2M in sales (cuz Xmas and VDay), and that’s 200% GROWTH!
15. John always likes to remind me too, that I have 6 figure dividends. Last year I got about $150K in dividends. It’s all put back in, for compounding effects, but the fact is, I really don’t have to worry about money ever again in my life. And John is someone who is consistently there for me, at least, by phone and by stock management. (Physically not so much.) So I can rely on him to keep doing what he does. Well he gets paid very well for it.
16. In pretty much every way, I have a SUPER BLESSED LIFE. Seriously. I’m so lucky. And I AM grateful. I feel like I can be more grateful haha.
17. Mom is amazing, and is my rock. She is healthy and happy too. I know it won’t last forever, so I better enjoy this time.
18. My body and health are pretty good. My beauty is still holding. My youthful energy and charisma is still working. Enjoy this time.
19. I have friends that care about me. Cyndi, Nicole, Ty, John. Maybe Brian and Ronnie.
20. Volley ball fam falling apart a bit, but we still like each other.
21. Alex wants me back.
22. My back is healed and I can play spikeball and volleyball again!
23. My action coach Nick is great.
24. My RMT Rob Parry is great.

Prescription to self:

1. I think there’s beauty in helping others and contributing to the world. I will focus more on that.
2. Gratitude is a muscle. Practice it!
3. Finding something likeable about someone is also a muscle! Strength it!
4. Enjoy life! Joy attracts joy.
5. Remember, it’s a form of freedom when you free yourself from jealousy, expectations, comparisons, hate, annoyance, resistance, ego.
6. Remember, there are many versions of me within myself. It’s a matter of strengthening the version that is most compassionate, graceful, wise, joyful, happy.
7. More compassion to self and others
8. Remember that, we are all here for a good time, not a long time. Everyone ages, everyone dies. No one is always pretty. No one is always successful. No one is #1 in every way.

I’d say it’s been a rough time since May 30, when my back had a spasm.

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I’m very lucky and my woes are top 1% problems, which is even more privileged than the 1st world problems haha

I’d say it took 4.5 weeks to finally be mostly healed. Now at 6 weeks in, I’m about 99% there. Still haven’t gone back to spikeball or volleyball. Maybe next week.

Just as my back was getting better, I got a cold. Pretty sure it was from stress. I was committing to a lot to my Commit Action coach, and fires kept springing up, and sales were dropping on all channels. Was very painful times. I cried on the phone with Nick, my coach.

Now about 10 days into my cold. Last night was coughing so hard I couldn’t sleep, but tonight I’m ok!

Another good thing is that sales are up on Shopify. It seems that hiring the Google ads contractor Daniel is a good idea!

Today is Prime Day, and I sent out launch email for our newest collection, Royal Gardens. We did about $5800 on Amazon, $2236 on Shopify, and $565 on Etsy.

That’s what it feels like to do $3Million a year! If it was like this everyday 🙂

I invited Ty, Wil, Aida, Anna, and Wilson over for dinner last night. I served what Nancy and Mom’s other friends have made.

It was stressful to host a party….haven’t done that in a while. But it went well! It was only so so good time but it was something.

I miss Brian so much.

I know I idealize how great he is, how much he understands me, and how cute he is. I’ve forgotten how he is very cold, non-responsive, and that it took years to finally find him attractive.

But there’s no one else.

I wish there was.

I know that Brian won’t ever message me again. And that makes me sad when I think about it.

I got a few likes on Hinge. 2 of them were cute. One is in an open relationship. The other, well, I think he had some potential but he didn’t say much on his profile. Maybe I should’ve replied to him. He was 6’4 and Christian and didn’t specify his profession though.

What I want is someone from ECF, is decently rich ($1M+ in net worth), is funny and finds me funny, is somewhat cute, has good EQ, reasonably social, adores me, likes touching me, we have great sexual chemistry and conversational chemistry, has a positive outlook on life, is monogamous, and that we bring out great qualities in each other.

Remember, I can manifest!

I must keep trying.

I’m starting to think that I’m happier single though. I’d love to have some sexy flings with passerbys. The idea of being with someone for years is very daunting. I look back on the relationships I’ve had. I don’t like any of them. Flings were fun though.

1. Two weeks of lower spine pain – very humbling experience. Thinking about aging, self-reliance, happiness that comes from health and mobility and sports, sadness that comes from the pain, activity limitation, and physically unable to reach 100%.
2. Still missing Brian, but know that I gotta pull through and get over him
3. Amazon hit all time high in sales! $4589USD on Jun 10, 2023!!
4. Shopify doing well too. Hit $1.7K 3 times this week!!
5. Etsy is not doing well.
6. No spikeball nor volleyball – feeling very lonely and inactive at times
7. Sitting for a while hurts, standing for a while hurts. Walking for a while hurts. Bending over – nope, can’t. Getting out of bed, hurts. Today is better though (12th day)
8. Used Magic Wand as a massager the past couple of days. Though, also got some REALLY good orgasms the past couple of days
9. Eating poke makes me happy (salmon in general makes me happy). Contentment is the word. Steaks and clams seem to make me horny (very nutritious). Ox tail is such a tasty treat too. I’m very lucky to be able to enjoy these foods without worrying about money.
10. I don’t like it when people on Hinge talk about food though. Feels like there are more important things in life (when it comes to relationships) to talk about than food. Personalities, deal makers, deal breakers
11. Dating people my age in my 40s is like trying to adopt a senior cat instead of a kitten. It’s really hard to find a handsome, healthy one with good energy.
12. Trying out Transcendental Meditation. So far I just make the Om sound as I walk around (silently or out loud). It seems to do something.
13. Tried the Jasmin ice cream and Oreo ice cream sandwich from Mister. Omg. I haven’t been touched by ice cream in a long time.
14. Had an amazing afternoon nap (preceded by an amazing orgasm) this afternoon. Woke up to the warm sunshine beaming onto my ass. It felt good. Enjoyed these small pleasures in life, especially today!
15. Walked in the sun for hours (3 hours perhaps) today. I wore my super old (and still beloved) denim mini skirt, and let my mid drift show, because I wanted to tan the lower part of my belly. I had a clear tan line through my belly button that I wanted to even out lol. Figure still good these days despite 2 weeks without sports. Still have a bit of 11 muscles. Faint though.
16. Saw an email from Sean Frank saying that he is now doing 7 figure months with their rings. A little deflating. But I gotta remember that he has this media powerhouse behind his brand. One day I’ll get there too. Wished I had Brian to talk to.
17. Briefly talked to Jackson about the CanExport grant. He is doubling again this year (from $3M last year). That makes me jelly. He said they are spending more on ads. That inspired me to spend more on ads.
18. Decided to spend $120K more on ads for the rest of this year. The hope is to reach $2.5M revenue with this spend increase.
19. Going to start Stack Influence soon. Hope it works out well.
20. Started Commit Action on June 1st. Nick is pretty good. I did get more done the past week (Week 1). So far so good!
21. Bryce is doing great. Alyssa too. Nicole not so much but she is a loyal friend.
22. VAs doing well too. Dale better after the raise to $7USD/h. Yana now at $5USD/h. Faroo at $3USD/h.
23. Gotta appreciate the good when it’s good. Too often we appreciate the good times when it’s not good anymore.
24. I don’t like aging. I don’t like that health is harder to come by. I’m, frankly, scared. I look around and my friends in their 40s are all going downhill in various ways. Health, intelligence, energy. I’m one of the few that is still doing well, but the spine muscle spasm hit me totally by surprise! I realize that, we have peaked, in many ways. I mean, if I try very hard, I can maintain at peak-ish level for a while yet. 10, 20 years maybe. Youth-wise, it’s hard to accept being an old member of the society instead of the young and relevant members. I guess there’s a bunch of us – gen x, xennials, and millenials,  all aging together. We are never alone.
25. I feel lonely though. The volleyball fam is no longer. We haven’t met up in a long time. Our bond was weaker than I thought.
26. How I wish to just go for a long walk with Brian or just cuddle with him to watch a movie together (and talk about it). I know I’m romanticizing how fun it’ll be to spend time with him…but pretty sure he’s the best option I’ve got. Ty used to be really fun to hang with. Of course he is still very funny, and smart, but we seem to have less in common these days. He asked to hang out twice in the past week. That hasn’t happened in a long time, so that was nice (though I wondered why). It was fun, but it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. He is really into Burning Man and I’m not. He is focused on making his Popcorn stand these days, and I’m not into it.
27. My electric scooter is pretty awesome. Too bad there’s no spikeball to go to…I should use it more to do other things with though! Maybe visit friends or go further out, such as to the West End.
28. Cyndi bought a house! So happy for her. We are closer these days, voice messaging each other quite often, more than we message anyone else. Sometimes I feel that she still doesn’t get me though. Like, no one gets me. No one ever. I feel like I understand her a bit more than she understands me though.
29. I learned that to really turn myself on, I imagine Brian telling me how into me he is, and being very physically proactive and horny with me. Like, pinning me agains the wall at ECF Live and just pound me hard, while telling me how I’m so amazing, beautiful, and sexy. I know that IRL he will never do it…sigh…it’ll just be my fantasy. Funny how I didn’t even find him attractive at first, and now he is the cutest guy and the guy I want to make out with the most. But, I don’t think he’ll reach out to me any time soon, or ever. It’s sad. I have to stay strong. I won’t dwell on it. I’ll focus on growing Knot Theory.
30. I really need to think outside the box with Knot Theory. Our process, our marketing. I will. I will ask more “right” questions to get my brain churning.
31. I feel more motivated and got more done since Commit Action. That’s good! This weekend, I was lonely and wished to have a good friend to talk and walk with, but at the same time felt fine that I got more work done, including clearing my mailbox down to 38 emails (from the consistent ~150 for the past few months)! Also wrote down all the action items below on the whiteboard.
32. I also have been watching Avatar the Last Airbender. I just LOVE this show. I can’t wait for the live action series to come out! I think it’s almost impossible to outdo the animated series though.
33. My wish: have a best friend who gets me, loves me, and lives here. And that we are super attracted to each other and that we can date, make out passionately, make love, laugh, play, have fun, build e-commerce businesses, inspire each other, and motivate each other.

This weekend:

1. Design summer rings to launch
2. Get a sense of which rings we should promote via influencers (have qty for)
3. Get a count of Fred’s SCR pre-engraved, SCF pre-engraved sales velocity, so we know how many to order from Fred (maybe new designs too, such as skulls)

Summer rings:

1. Green leaves (monsterra)
2. Filigree –  make prettier with help of Joy
   1. https://all-free-download.com/free-vector/download/beautiful_floral_seamless_borders_vector_set_578489.html
3. Lace – great for wedding
4. Polynesian tribal tattoos – turtle, waves, sun / tiki face, shark teeth, spearheads

Period just started this morning.

Felt headache yesterday, and left ear was muffled when I woke up yesterday and today. Also feeling horny last night and a bit sad, missing Alex.

It’s been so long now yet I still miss him.

I posted a boring story of the empty Willows Beach yesterday.

IG Story is the only place where I have some form of connection with him now. I can see that he saw my story. And I miss him.

I don’t look at his stories because it’s painful. I don’t want to see him get a new girlfriend. I don’t want to see him enjoying life.

I want to hear from him. I want him to message me to tell me that he misses me.

But then what?

I know he misses me. He always views my stories.

I guess that will have to be enough.

I can’t help but think that we are meant to be more, even though he wants kids and I don’t.

Creating meaning involves bringing order to the contents of the mind by integrating one’s actions into a unified flow experience.

What is meaning?

1. Pointing towards the end, goal, purpose, significance of something. Events are linked
2. Person’s intentions. She means well. Purpose revealed in action.
3. The identity of different words, the relationship between events. Thus it helps to clarify, establish order among unrelated or conflicting info.

Cultivating Purpose

Sorokin divided civilizations into 3 categories: sensate, ideational, and idealistic

1. Sensate – views reality designed to satisfy our senses. Epicurean, utilitarian, concerned primarily with concrete needs.
2. Ideational – looks down on tangible, strive for non-material supernatural ends. Religion, art, philosophy, Nazi interlude, communist regimes in China, Islamic revival in Iran.
3. Idealistic – combination of acceptance of concrete sensory experience with a reverence for spiritual ends. late Middle Ages and Renaissance.

Mihaly proposes that perhaps what matters most is not whether a person is materialistic or ideational, but how differentiated and integrated are the goals one pursues in these areas. A well thought out sensate life may be better than a non-reflective ideational life, and vice versa.

Emergence of meaning along the gradient of complexity of life:

Step 1. Self preservation

Step 2. Family and community

Step 3. Reflective individualism. Desire for growth, improvement, actualization of potential. Rebels against conforming blindly

Step 4. Turning away from the self again, back toward an integration with the other people and with universal values. Willingly merges one’s interest with those of a larger whole.  A cause, an idea, a transcendental entity.

Not everyone goes through all 4 phases. Can happen if one is lucky and succeeds in controlling consciousness.

Forging Resolve 

(The ability to act on the purpose/goal we set)

Goals justify the effort they demand at the outset, but later it is the effort that justifies the goal. e.g. One gets married because the spouse seems worth of sharing one’s life with. The partnership will only hold its value if one then behave as if this is true.

People have made their lives more meaningful devoting to their art, country, religion, children. If done consistently, life becomes an extended episode of flow: a focused, concentrated, internally coherent, logically ordered set of experiences, which, because of its inner order, was felt to be meaningful and enjoyable.

As a culture’s complexity evolves, it becomes more difficult to achieve total resolve. Which goals deserve our dedication? Too many option, tons of freedom.

Freedom does not necessarily help develop meaning in life – on the contrary. If the rules of a game becomes too flexible, concentration flags, and it is more difficult to attain a flow experience. Commitment to a goal and to the rules it entails is much easier when the choices are few and clear.

How do we have freedom AND resolve?

Know thyself through action and reflection.

Do lots, reflect lots by asking questions such as “Is this something I really want to do and enjoy doing?” Know your “why”.

If we develop the habit of frequent reflection (Jesuits’ test of conscience – reviews at least once a day if your actions in the past hours have been consistent with your long term goals)

RECOVERING HARMONY

Flow is a natural part of living, as seen in animals, simple societies, and children (before self consciousness begins to interfere). Desires are simple, choices are clear.

UNIFY MEANING VIA LIFE THEMES

Life theme, or project, is the goal-directed actions that provide shape and meaning to one’s life.

Accepted Life Theme – what we think ought to be done, because they are what everyone else is doing. Following a predetermined role in a script written long ago by others (Inauthentic)

Discovered Life Theme – we write our own script for our actions out of personal experience and awareness of choice (Authentic)

One strategy shared by many who have built meaning into their lives: extract from the order achieved by past generations patterns that will help avoid disorder in one’s own mind.

Learn from other people who have achieved flow, meaningful lives. No need to reinvent the wheel here.

Complexity consists of integrations and differentiation. We have learned how to be individualistic. We must now learn how to reunite ourselves with other entities around us without losing individuality.

The future problem of meaning will be resolved as the individual’s purpose merges with the universal flow.

Brian asked today if any of us ever considered making $100M a year in revenue.

Ronnie says it’s doable if you are focused and have a great team.

Billy doesn’t think it’s possible.

Skye thinks it seems like a lot and wondered if it’s worth persuing.

I think it’s definitely doable but we have to be clear on the Why.

In this discussion I came to realize that, the pursuit of success for me is just mainly being able to:

1. Make friends with smart and interesting people doing interesting things
2. Live free

I’m finally healed after 2 weeks of being sick!

It’s good to be alive again.

But on Tuesday after going into the office and hugging Nicole and Alyssa, I felt a bit tire and had a bit of a sore throat.

Lana wants to hang out but I don’t really want to, in part because I don’t want to be sick again. Also she is uninspiring. And I don’t like her voice. She is smart and very nice though. And the only person who wants to hang out, aside from Nicole.

I want more friends that I like spending time with. And a boyfriend that I like spending time with. There’s a pattern here!

I think I must’ve gotten so sick in part because I was heart broken over Alex. 3 months of fun, 3 months of suffering.

Yesterday I still cried I think, but today I didn’t. I haven’t been thinking about him much.

Memories of him is fading. I don’t want to forget what it’s like to feel excited, to be turned on, to be in love….but, I need to bury this for now so I can live my life.

Honestly I don’t feel that there’s anything exciting these days…again going through existential crisis.

What is the point of anything?

Connections? Cyndi has so much fun with her friends in Creston. But listening to her talking about going to a music festival – it just doesn’t seem that fun. Feels like pointless, superficial activities.

I do like my ECF Vancouver friends though. They are funny and smart. Nice to me too.

Relationship? I’m trapped in this lifeless relationship with John. I’m just here to support him emotionally. Every time we talk I feel annoyed or more depressed.

Before Alex and I got intimate, when we were in Montreal, I had fun hanging with him I remember. And I didn’t miss John at all. After we got intimate, every moment we spent together was AMAZING.

If in this life I’m here to play, why am I not playing? Why am I always stuck with the boring ppl that I don’t want to spend time with? I wish I was a magnet for smart, funny, inspiring people! People who make me feel good.

Those people don’t seem to want to hang out with me…

Maybe need to work on my charm? Or just be a more interesting person?

Recently I’ve been practicing Monster, the dance by XiaoTangYuan. Almost there. Once I got all the moves down, I’ll then work on the cool factor.

This dance has been hard. After getting most of it, I now play it off my big TV to learn. It’s pretty great!

The magic wand was indeed magical! The satisfyer didn’t have very noticeable suction.

The magic want literally rubbed one (several) out of me, when I didn’t think horny thoughts and didn’t think it can do anything for me.

It’s not the same as making love though. There’s no soul in it.

And all the porn online sucks.