Month: February 2017

I feel that I need to clear this up.

A long long time ago, a fortune teller told Mom that I would make money and would give her some money. But, only if I’m single. If I have a boyfriend, I’d give some money to him, because I believe in whatever business he is into and want to help him.

That scared me. I wanted to be able to give some money to Mom, and I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I have to sink money in.

I feel that it’s been a mental block for me. It made me not want to get a boyfriend.

The truths are:

1. I have given Mom some money already.
2. Fortunetellers are wrong sometimes. Most likely I won’t need to sink money in like that. I’m careful with that. We can borrow money instead, on behalf of his company, instead of lending him money from personal account. Besides, I’ve already give some money to Mom.
3. It’s stupid to let what a fortuneteller says hinder what I do.
4. Love is what life is about. I want to find love.

So from now on, I will not let this ridiculous limiting belief limit me.

 

Started day at 8:30a

8:30 to 9:30 Did Day 1 of 21 Day Fix, showered

9:30 to 10:00 Banana and Vega smoothie for breakfast. Brushed teeth.

10:00 to 10:10:15

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for Mom! She’s been so supportive, open-minded, easy to talk to, and available.
2. I’m grateful for Dad! He is interesting to talk to, and reminds me that I am smart because I’m like him, and is quite open-minded about me too.
3. I’m grateful for this place on 2138 Madison Ave! It’s a convenient location to Costco, Save-on, post office, the rent is cheap at $600, and I get so much space! I love the energy about this place. I feel that Guan-Yin is here with me.

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz genereages $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit
2. I have abs
3. I meet my dream husband this year and we live happily ever after

Plan for the day: (10:15 to 10:30)

1. Work from 10:30 to 7, take a 2 hour break (work 6.5 hours)
2. 11am Call with Lindsay – up to 1 hour
3. Learn and Set up CashCowPro for price split testing – 3 hours
4. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only – 1 hour
5. Before 3pm – Costco – fruits, veggies, maybe vega breakfast
6. Before 4pm – Drop off KazaWest form and void cheque
7. Go through emails – 1 hour
8. Prepare ring mailing from Point Roberts to Amazon USA – 1 hour
9. Before 5pm – Prepare ring mailing to Amazon CA – ship today if possible – 1 hour

7 hours of work…see if can get everything done!

Tomorrow:

1. Point Roberts (rings, pick ups)

Next week:

1. Invest for dividend income

Still cried 2 or 3 times today.

I think about how I hate chatting with these new people. They are all unattractive and boring. So boring.

I knelt down in front of GuanYin, begging that I have Jeff back. I wish I could help fix him. Whatever is wrong with him. If he will just come back to me. If he’ll just call me. Gosh, is it so hard?

Strangely, yesterday when I reinstalled Tinder, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel, I came across at least a dozen Jeffs. I had no idea there are so many! Today, not as many. It really was mostly from yesterday….when I had him more on my mind.

I had this feeling that I’d go on a date with Jeff on Valentine’s Day. Last week I couldn’t figure out just why we’d have to delay it until then. laster on I couldn’t figure out just how we can still have a date after what happened. Today, I chatted with a guy named Jeffrey. Him and I are going on a date on V Day. That’s how.

That’s not how I wanted. But, oh well.

I thought about so many scenarios where we could’ve met. I desperately wish that we could. I want to turn back time so we could, in any of these scenarios, meet.

But then I thought about how he has a strange temper. We would’ve met up, dated a couple times, and something will sure erupt. That would’ve hurt even more!

So, maybe this is better.

Sigh.

I checked out Aries 2017 horoscope. Last year’s was pretty accurate. Lots of travels. Good luck on hiring. Not much on love. It was what I wanted.

This year, it’s as what I hoped for too. Supposedly lots of love opportunities, especially in January (sigh) and April and August. I’m hopeful once again 🙂

It also says that I’ll be able to find good helpers / partners. Even marriage partners. I’ll be looking forward to that too!

http://meow4134.pixnet.net/blog/post/338634779

It says this year paves way for an amazing financial year next year. I can’t wait for what’s to come this year and next year!!

I’m grateful for this book Ask and It is Given that Cat lent me. It’s helping me feel better during this time.

I’m grateful for Mom. She has been so supportive. As always. She is my angel. I’m grateful that we got closer during this experience.

I’m grateful for my friends. Cyndi was good to me. Norm was good to me. They are supportive of me during this. Even Bec, Jennifer Liu, etc.

I’m grateful that I was able to attract someone very close to what I desire. Very close. It shows that manifestation is working better and better, more and more specific. Now I just need to add more details.

I’m grateful that this experience allowed me to see how important patience is in my dream husband. How important it is that he must be thoughtful, not give up on me, good at communications, and mentally stable, and emotionally mature.

I’m grateful that Jeff was sent to me so I can know these things. I’m grateful that we did have some good times. When we return to the source, we can laugh about it.

I’m grateful that my business seems to be doing fine again. I’m grateful that I have the equipment to film videos. I’m grateful for the FB course.

I’m grateful that I have this almost brand new laptop with a perfect screen and great battery! I’m grateful that I have a desktop to help with my neck.

I’m grateful that I get to live here. With all the space! And cheap rent. And everything can be accessed within walking distance.

I’m grateful to have a trampoline! And a great soundtrack to bounce to, thanks to BMFlorida!

I’m grateful that I have my health. I’m grateful that I have learned to take the high road twice now with guys.

I’m grateful that I can start fresh now, with new guys! An upgrade!

I’m so in love. His gorgeous, loving, and everything I want and more.

I love his eyes, his cute nose, his infectious smile, his sexy voice, the way he moves, his cheekbones, his jaw, his hair, his shoulders, his super hot body, his height. I love everything about him physically.

I love his personality and sense of humour! He is super funny and quirky. He is light-hearted and fun. He is patient, caring, loving, and mentally healthy. He gets enthusiastic and passionate about things, but he doesn’t get really upset or unreasonable. We almost never fought. If there is a conflict, we both work to work it out!

He is so smart! I am such a fan of him. He is capable. He is intelligent. He is wise. He is thoughtful too, and has common sense.

I love how he loves me. He is generous, kind, passionate, and romantic. I love the flowers and the massages from him! Love how he spoils me and surprises me.

He loves how I look without hair. He adores me.

We make love often, and it’s the most amazing experience! We are so majorly attracted to each other. We have such a deep bond, and we have the perfect sexual chemistry. Sex is so amazing it blows our minds. We love pleasing each other. We love the same things, and we want to try new things together.

We are so compatible. We love doing the same things for fun. We share the same interest for science, sci-fi, tech, animals, personal development, and are adding more.

We also teach each other new things, expanding our horizons. We are always amazed with each other, and becoming bigger fans for each other each day.

We have that synergy that allows us to be amazing in business together too. We amp up each other’s businesses, and we start to create successful businesses together.

We go on adventures, we explore the world together. We laugh so much, ponder on things spiritual and practical, and are in PEAK STATE often. Being with each other gives us a high.

We are loyal to each other, of course. There’s no one else better than each other.

We are so in love. We can’t imagine being with anyone else. We are so grateful for each other, and for the Universe for bringing us together. We are so happy together. We love each other so deeply.

Our friends and family are happy for us too. We are a stunning couple and we have the most stunning and memorable wedding.

We live happily ever after! <3 <3

Ok! New Beginning 🙂

I woke up today and felt better.

I sent Jeff the letter last night at 11:30pm. He saw it right away.

I don’t know if he read it. It was very long.

I didn’t expect him to reply. But I did my best, so I’m happy. No regrets.

He didn’t reply.

Cat called today. She just had her surgery. First thing she asked though, was, How was your date?

Well, didn’t happen. I almost cried as I described it. But I didn’t really cry.

I mean, he really wasn’t very good towards the end, was he? And he didn’t try to remedy it.

Cat thinks he’s started to see someone else. That didn’t make me feel very good. But, I don’t blame him if he has. After all, I made out with someone else!

But, now I think about it, I send the letter. It praised him. If this doesn’t change his mind, then he is not good enough for me. Worse yet, there’s something wrong with him.

Ok 3:20pm on a Saturday. He just called me. My skin was burning from nervousness. But, turned out he pocket-dialed me. WTF!

I guess that means he was thinking of calling me, at least.

Because you don’t pocket-dial someone unless they are on your phone’s main screen. Unless it was just call history.

In any case, it’s time to move on!

I deleted him from Whatsapp. I archived my FB msg to him. After V Day, I’ll delete him from my phone, and unfriend him on FB. I could do that today, but, a little voice tells me that our first date would be on Valentine’s Day coming up.

I have a sliver of hope, to be perfectly honest. But, It’s 0.00001%.

I think he’s moved on, and so should I.

Just unfriended him on FB, removed all photos of him from my phone. He is not a match for me.

I still kept his phone number, just so that I know it is him, if he replies to my text.

---

New Beginning!!

I created the box. Everything in this box IS!

I put in it:

I meet my Dream Husband in 2017

I live happily ever after with my Dream Husband

I have abs

My biz makes $3MM USD in sales, $1MM USD in profit in 2017

I seem to really want a husband now, hey?!

That means I will get one 🙂

I want to attract an amazing guy into my life. One that I love and loves me. One that makes my life happier and vice versa. We are a movement when we are together.

Dear Jeff Bunny,

I want to say that, you are an amazing person, one in a million. I’ve been crazy about you for so long. I love everything about you. You are smart, funny, quirky, passionate, sexy, ambitious, and I could go on…When you said you got me a book, I just melted. You are what I wanted and more.

I don’t know if that day when I said I wasn’t feeling it, that changed everything for us. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.

When I looked back to try to understand why I said that, it’s because of how some of my friends made me feel real shitty that day. I gushed about you too much I think.

But maybe you gave up on me for reasons I wasn’t aware of.

I used to think I’d have to be perfect to find the perfect guy to be in a perfect relationship. But the real magic happens when two people grow and bond together. No one is perfect. Perfection is stagnant. The willingness to talk, listen, and understand each other better, is what makes a loving relationship grow deeper.

That’s why I wanted a guy with a growth mindset. When you said you’d hired a life coach, I thought, How did I get so lucky to attract you into my life?

I didn’t understand why you stood me up by default, and why you shut me out without giving us a chance to talk on the phone that day.

I’m not one to give up so easily. But I guess you’ve given up. I get the hint now.

Gosh, we could’ve been an amazing couple. Laugh together, go on adventures together, share what we know with each other, have real amazing sex, and truly, madly, deeply love each other. We could’ve been invincible.

And the gifts! I have no idea who else wants the custom made Prince and George Michael coasters. I also happened to have found the cutest card one day with two bunnies that are meant to be. I thought it was a sign that we are too.

I’ll remember the good memories we had and try to let go of the bad. And I wish you all the best in getting what you seek.

I just wanted to let you know how much I adored you, in case I didn’t express it clearly. Life is too short to regret for things we didn’t say.

It’s almost V Day. Happy Valentine’s Day, Bunny.

Tanya

 

I wrote the Jeff Bunny letter to let go. To feel better.

It caused me to cry even harder. I hope that’s part of the healing process.

I still feel so drained and sad.

Today would’ve been our first date, 3rd try.

Hard to believe that it’s not meant to be.

If only he’d be open to communications. And not get pissed off so easily.

But these are big ones.

How I wish that he’d still try to make it work.

He is online right now in Whatsapp. So am I. But we are not speaking.

I don’t think he’ll try. Not today anyway. Maybe Valentine’s Day? Maybe years from now? Maybe never.

---

I went on Bumble, and saw 5 Jeffs. Strange. I never met a Jeff before. Now there are so many. What is the Universe trying to tell me? That there are many like him out there? Or that I’m thinking about him too much?

I saw at least 4 Jeffs outside of Bumble…in articles, other dating apps, etc. Ugh.

I was surprised that he was still on Whatsapp here and there. Instead of leaving it behind. I hate the idea that he’s met someone, but that’s probably why. That’s probably why he can let me go.

I hope his date fails miserably. I want him to come back to me. But, it’ll not happen.

It’s Saturday night, and I’ve deleted everything about him from my phone pretty much.

It’s so hard to let go. It’s hard to not think about him a lot. I talked to Mom, Cat, and Norm on the phone to help distract myself. Not getting much work done…

I really, absolutely need to remember that, even if we met up, he has some fatal flaws:

impatient, self-centred (only cares about his interest), moody, cannot communicate his feelings, short tempered, willing to cut off communication on a whim, gives up on me too quickly

These are not boyfriend nor husband qualities! These are terrible qualities!

I want my guy to be:

Patient, loving, thoughtful about my needs and wants, has mood stability, can communicate clearly, is good natured, has the growth mindset and open-minded mindset so is open to what I have to say during a conflict, and won’t give up on me!

I believe. I will find this amazing guy of my dreams! <3

Dear Jeff Bunny,

I think you are amazing in so many ways. Your sense of humour, your accomplishments as a nerd and an athlete, your ambitions in life, and how adorable and passionate you were when we fell in love.

I love that you wanted to marry me! And I wanted to marry you too! I love that you wanted to find the Starman TV show for me as my wedding present. I love that you got me a book. I love that we laughed so much together and have similar sense of humour. I love that you were super funny. I love that we talked for 3.5 hours on our first phone date, then had phone sex. I love that we had phone sex many times after. Your voice made me feel safe. I loved hearing your voice.

I love that you were interested in personal development. I love that you were interested in cooking. I love that you were close to your parents and your brother.

You were everything I wanted and more.

How I wish we could get married and live happily ever after. There’s so much I want to experience with you, and I know you want to share so much with me too. And I love that about you. We could have had so much fun. We could’ve hiked together, have amazing real sex together all the time, and explore each other’s worlds. We could have been a power couple. Together, we would’ve been invincible.

I really don’t know what made it so impossible to make this work again. What caused you to give up on me, give up on us, lose patience, and assume the worst.

Just a couple days ago we had a fun chat and then phone sex. The next day you were impatient and mean. All I needed was for you to day, “Babe I’m tired tonight. I know I said I’ll call, but how about tomorrow?” Or even just pick up the phone so we can feel where we were at. I wasn’t mad at you. I really wanted to make it work. But you refused to even let me try to reach you, to clarify and understand.

We don’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. We just have to listen to each other and communicate what’s on our minds clearly, so we can resolve each conflict as they rise, and grow stronger as a couple. But you shut me down. You don’t talk and you don’t let me talk. Of all the amazing qualities you have, and the amazing chemistry we have, this one thing kills everything. We have no chance together anymore.

I think, you need to seek professional help. This isn’t a typical human behaviour.

I’ll remember the Jeff Bunny that I loved and adored. The Jeff Bunny that I had so many fun conversations with, that I was crazy about each and every day the past 2 months. I’ll eventually stop crying and get on with life. But I hope you get better.

Love and kisses,
Tanya Bunny

Dear God,

I know you’ll help me find my dream husband soon. I believe.

I wake up each morning with my husband by my side. He is so beautiful, inside and out. I feel so lucky to have him with me in this life’s journey.

We love each other so much. We complement each other, we make each other laugh, we better each other, inspire each other, encourage each other, care for each other, and just have a ton of fun together!

We always have each other’s best interest at heart. We are always there for each other. We feel so safe in each other’s presence. We feel bliss when we are together.

We make earth-shattering love. We have stimulating conversations. We go on amazing adventures. We explore this fantastic world with so much thrill and joy. We are grateful for each other.

We are soul mates.

I’m so grateful to enjoy this world with a soul mate this life. It’s a privilege 🙂 <3

Thank you so much,

Tanya