Month: November 2021

I like him so much because we have had just the funnest time together.

That’s the truest reason above all.

It’s just so fun.

He is funny, good listener, non-judging, open-minded, smart, easy-going, curious. His dick fits perfectly. Pretty good stamina.

He is not the hottest in my book, and he is the shortest… but none of that matters.

Even with Matthew it wasn’t this fun…in terms of conversations. Matthew was a physical perfect match with me, and I was getting orgasms after orgasms. Ok I miss Matthew too.

Still find it really interesting that I’m so into Alex right now.

Went for a walk and all I can think of was him.

I think it’s because his dick was in me. Chemicals leak from dicks into pussies. I’m pretty sure lol.

I’m so sore today. Not fun.

Deep pounding + pre-period. What not to do next time.

I’m so happy to have had such a fun night though. Pretty much it’s been bliss the past three times we were together.

I thought my sex life was over. But here we are. Me wet as fuck and having two rounds of romantic sex on a Sunday early evening haha.

When I needed the engraving implementation, Ty appeared out of nowhere.

When I needed sex and physical touch, Alex appeared out of nowhere.

When Bunny needed a hand financially, I appeared out of nowhere.

Sometimes, we are very very lucky.

 

Went to Anna’s hotpot bday today. It was only ok fun. I got her a cake that was so so (the Korean couple at the cake shop was super nice though!) Hot pot was very yummy, but the soup rarely boiled haha. I think many of us had the runs!

Tomorrow is my day off…maybe I’ll learn some dance moves and cheer up!

Bunny was gonna go see a doctor today, for his knee. He asked me to help drive him there. But today he postponed it to tomorrow. Then later today he postponed it to Monday.

I get it that he doesn’t want to see a doctor, but it hurts that he doesn’t care to see me.

I can’t remember if it was 2 weeks ago that I saw him. I think so.

We are just phone pals now.

I want to sleep with Alex often. Or Matthew.

Now that my 41 years of no-cheating ethics have been broken, I might as well have fun.

I’m crying a little right now, thinking about how our relationship has devolved. Not that we were ever a good pair anyway.

Alex is probably only a 6 or 7 out of 10 kind of fuck buddy.

He is too much of an extrovert and partier. Flakey. And probably other flaws such as being vindictive.

Matthew was a 10 out of 10 fuck buddy. Though I just saw that he unfriended me on Facebook. Maybe because I’ve been vocal about the vaccine mandate. Or maybe cuz I’ve posted about John. Oh well.

Is there such a thing as true love for each other? Will I ever experience it in this life time?

The older I get, the less I expect that.

There was a moment in life that I thought about my soul mate a lot. The world has changed. I have changed.

I still have a lot of fun with Ty. Maybe he is the closest to being my soul mate. Like, an open relationship soul mate. I mean, I feel no physical attraction to him at this moment. I think right now I’m only wanting to bone Alex. Even Bunny, who is the sexiest of them all, has no draw on me right now. Maybe if he starts wanting me all of a sudden…but he doesn’t.

What is the meaning of all of this?

For Anna’s birthday, I was wither her family and that was it. Cytrus did bring her boyfriend, so there were 7 of us.

Someone like Anna, who is such a loyal friend, has only 1 friend showing up on her birthday? Wtf!

And Nicole…she had Jonas, but now she has just me and maybe 3 other friends. 4 friends.

John has 3 or so friends who would call, but no one has wanted to meet up this whole time! Except Ben one time.

Me, I have Anna, Nicole, John who I see more regularly. Cyn and Ty whom I talk to somewhat regularly. Then Elena and Cat whom I talk to from time to time. Jessica is a new friend. Alex is maybe a new friend. Lynsey is an old friend but I don’t really care to keep in touch. Jean and John are sweet but not very close. Also a bunch of acquaintances whom I don’t know if are for or against vax mandates.

Jing’s bday is coming. Do I want to get in touch? Mike Marich maybe?
Erin and Alex? I quite like them.
Krista and her dilf?
Mike Quinn and Lauren?
Ronnie and ECF group?

How did we become like this? So alone.

Don’t particularly want to be friends with anyone I know that’s in Vancouver.

I think, collectively though, some friends could be great as group friends.

I wish to have more group friends.

It would be great to be invited to a group that I love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Had SO much fun last night with Alex. Omg. It was perfect. Aside from seriously painful cramps after.

I was going through some pre-period mood swings earlier that day.

Alex and I hadn’t talked about when to meet up. We did say to each other that we were free on Sunday.

I suddenly thought that maybe because he has his birthday party this weekend, that maybe he won’t come over after all.

But it worked out. He said he doesn’t really celebrate his birthdays.

He had to go meet an old friend at 4pm, who wanted to be friends again with everyone at AnimeBae. I thought maybe he won’t be coming until later. Surprisingly he came at 6pm.

He was only here for 3 hours, but it was perfect. It’s the right amount of time. We had sex twice, and talked before, in between, and after. It was just the way I like it. His dick feels so good in me. He made me laugh. He was asking a lot of cute questions.

He brought some wine, which surprised me. I thought we’d get down to business right away. So we sat on the sofa for a bit and chatted.

He told me about his break dancing experience, how it would grind the hair off the top of his head and he would get scabs, giant pieces of dandruffs! Ahahahhaha

Also he now has neck arthritis.

I know he is complex, but when he is so honest like this, it makes me think he is straight forward and I like that.

I was wearing the neon orange lace onsie that I wore to Burning Man. He was wearing his usual drabby clothes. He said maybe he should wear a bikini next time. I said I have 8 of these and he could try them on.

I was wearing a blue pushup bra. He asked to take that off, and much preferred the without bra look. I wore the onsie the whole time…actually hides my little belly well! I have slimmed down quite a bit the past week though.

He really liked my outfit. Liked the wig too. I wore the blonde one with bangs. I was hoping to not wear a wig for some of our sexy times, but, the wig stayed on so well, I didn’t bother.

He brought some lube in a bottle in a ziploc bag. We laughed at that.

He said it’s good for foreplay. I have almost forgotten that word!

I do like the foreplay though. It was so fun, kissing and touching each other. Laughing. I never had that with Bunny.

I told him I find him so exotic, even though we are both Asian. He thought that was funny and it made him feel special that he is basically my first Asian.

He was full of compliments, saying that my skin was really smooth. My laughing a lot was really cute. That I have an hour glass figure.

I said I like his skin tone. That his new tattoo wasn’t too big. His dick fits me perfectly. I like his hair. Oh and, “How did you find time to get abs?!” and kept touching his abs.

He asked me what I like in a guy’s appearance aside from abs. I said high cheekbones, nice shoulders, small ass, delicate features. He has these qualities.

I asked him the same, and he said ass, collarbone (huh?), v-line (I don’t think I have that”, and dimples above the ass (I don’t have that either). Interesting. But he was obviously attracted to me and said “It’s the whole package”.

He asked what kind of guy do I like…artistic or sporty. I said I don’t think of guys like that. I’ve always wanted to be in a power couple relationship. He said he was just thinking about that recently too. Said it would be nice to not be the one paying for everything.

He said he likes Taiwan a lot. He’s been there 3 times. Asked me about my top 3 street foods.

He asks a lot of questions to lead the conversation. I like that. He is also pretty good at sweet talking…in a not-trying-to-hard way. There’s a laid-backness in his tonation that I find interesting. Like he has no agenda. Like he is innocent and child-like and casual.

He talked about how ever since BTS is big, he now finds that he gets 3x as many matches.

He told me about the word Simp, and how it’s tricky to balance between being a nice guy vs. being a Simp.

I thought it was funny, but at the same time thinking, wow he is just telling me how he is actively looking for someone. Somehow it didn’t other me so much… I guess because I’m in a relationship.

If I saw him on a dating site for sure I wouldn’t have swiped right. But I have met him in person, and he is an attractive person. Fun, social, likeable, smart, funny, successful, resourceful, determined….all these taking into account, he is pretty good looking haha. Without all that, he wouldn’t have been my top three that’s for sure.

He is so tiny. I’m more used to it the second time, but first time I felt very strange… His ass is smaller than mine! I think he is 5’6 or 5’7.

All the tatts. I wouldn’t have picked him…but being with him in person I don’t pay attention to his tattoos at all.

His eyes and nose look like mine. That was interesting.

I wish I could say that he won’t be getting dates anytime soon, but it seems like he is doing quite good in the dating world! He’s dated white, half black, Asians…only Indians he doesn’t like.

While I don’t feel jealous yet, I don’t feel that this will necessarily last. I’m going to miss this…I guess just enjoy it while it’s here!

He wants to learn dancing with me, he wants to go look for some good Taiwanese food together. It would be so fun! I really like spending time with him.

I’d like to think we had moments last night. We looked into each others’ (slanty) eyes ahhaha. I was so content after sex. I opened my eyes and found him looking at my face. The other Alex has done that before too. I think guys feel really proud when they satisfy a woman good haha.

I was glowing.

He had to leave at 9pm. I don’t know why and I didn’t ask. For all I know he could be going on a date.

But who am I to judge? Bunny called shortly after Alex left, and we talked for a while. He had a good day watching a skating contest and doing some extensive rehab. I had a good day too, but my uterus had started to cramp up by then, and I had to be the first to say good night to Bunny. I was miserable for the next several hours! I’ve never had this before. I think Alex went too deep.

I can do this with Alex forever….once a week amazing passionate intimate sex. Buuut, I know things will change and evolve. I’ll just have to be open to changes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After not seeing Ty for a really long time…maybe two months? I kinda gave up. I missed him. But whenever he is ready. I thought maybe it’s because I am not vaccinated.

Finally he reached out to me two days ago for chilli last night! And a walk before that. It was nice. He makes the world’s best chilli!

We walked around the seawall. It started hailing for a bit. We talked about mushroom. He just recently did a heroic dose of 6.5g. The going between frames of a memory experience seems very interesting!

It’s just so fun hanging out.

The chilli was amazing. He made a salad too. And after that, we had a sour beer while lounging in front of a city view.

We talked about my relationship. Alex. Getting badges/street cred for life’s elevator pitches.

We laughed quite a bit.

Sounds like he hasn’t been doing much the past month. I guess maybe he was sad about the breakup after all. Or maybe the full time job got to him.

We didn’t talk about vax, Knot Theory, or his work.

He gave me some chilli to take home. I’ll bring it to Bunny’s so he can try it too!

Bunny was in a better mood yesterday! He called at 11ish as I was with Ty. I didn’t pick up, thinking, that would be more similar to when Alex was “hanging out” with me.

He had some sativa and felt pretty good. The market was doing well, so that helped too!

We even chatted ’til after midnight. Usually he was the one who wanted to hang up and go to sleep. I was falling asleep and had to call it a night.

I think I’m more pleasant and forgiving with him these days because I have satisfied my needs elsewhere.

I feel more alive. I want to be more interesting, because when Alex asked me what I do that day…I was always working.

Now I want to take online dance lessons, grow my hair, get abs, earn more street creds!

I have been working out almost everyday. I am noticing a difference. A bit leaner now. Still need to lose maybe 4 to 5 kg.

I do think about Alex, but not a lot lot. Not like, pining over him. It’s a pretty good balance. I did kinda want to have sex again yesterday afternoon. I texted him that quenching the thirst just made me more thirsty. He said he think’s we always thirsty. If he said, let’s meet up tonight, then, I might become more interested in him…too interested. He’s a bit passive. In this scenario it works.

I didn’t tell anyone about us having sex.

I told Ty that I thought about cheating. I gave Stephen Hawkins’ wife as an example. He said he thinks I would feel guilty about it, since not cheating is such a core value of mine.

But, core values get updated.

This is a unique situation. Bunny is not physically interested in me for the past 8 months. I’m still with him because it’s cruel to abandon him. I’m not self aggrandizing. I can help him. I can help him get back on his feet by helping him make more money. And only I can help him, and only I am willing – of all the people in his life.

I don’t know if he is into me still or just seeing me as a friend, honestly. He is sweet to me. Has my best interest at heart. That’s all I know.

So, in order to stay with him, without feeling super stifled, I’m starting to be more and more ok with cheating, in this context.

Alex is so not the one for me, which helps too.

As a fuck buddy, he is also not the most enticing.

But, he is pretty cute. His face is cuter than I remembered. He is smart. Pretty funny. Unique. His tattoos were not as terrible as I thought…definitely not a turn off. His body is tight. His dick fits me perfectly actually.

He is so tiny…I think he is 5’7″. When we are in missionary position, he just looks so tiny to me.

I wasn’t my best either though.

I kept adjusting my wig. I had a bit of a belly.

I think my vag smelled too. But now, 2, 3 days later, I smell pretty awesome. No smell I mean.

6 days before my period.

I’m not too horny today. Tried to masturbate abut didn’t feel like it halfway.

Let’s get some goals accomplished instead!

I do hope to see him this weekend and get my 1 hour lesson that I paid $300 for lol. And sexy time too. I think I’ll be more open to being passionate this time.

I don’t know his attention span. I hope we can have this for a while actually. I think I need this right now. Meanwhile, I hope Bunny feels better soon.

 

 

 

Well, so, Alex came over today.

I asked to hire him for 1 hour, to ask him questions.

I paid him $300 via e-transfer. I don’t know if he saw it.

I wanted to keep it professional, and I didn’t want him to have a chance to not get the pay. But what I got instead was no business advise.

He had partied until 6am the night before, going to 3 raves with Eddie. One was an old Vietnamese people club haha. And all of them were high and full of energy!

He was over an hour late, arriving at 4:20. He said he waited 25 minutes for the parking spot.

I wasn’t thrilled about that. I was working, so it wasn’t so bad. But, I was thinking, I’m no longer horny, and I don’t want to be involved with someone who is so flakey.

But I met up with him in the lobby. We were both wearing masks. He hugged me in a way that’s like, a feeling of relief.

Right away as he arrived he wanted to order food. I wanted to get down to business!

We sat down on the sofa, and he just lied down on my belly. Suddenly we were close again, like the mushroom night a week prior.

We talked about VR. We watched some youtube videos together on VR, Mario theme park, and we laughed and got amazed at things together. It was all so natural. And we were able to share info on VR. It was fun. It’s how boyfriend/girlfriend would be, I think. It’s how I wish Bunny and I were. Three years…we were never quite this close.

He rubbed my thigh as we sat shoulder to shoulder and talked more. He actually is really cute, cuter than I remembered! His hair – he put effort in and it looked nice. He smelled alright too!

Our pho’s arrived. It was quite yummy. He was pretty sweet, cleaning up spillage, helping set things up.

After dinner, we cuddled for a bit on the sofa. We kissed. It was nice, but I didn’t have butterflies. I think the guilt was at play.

Actually I was so nervous about today, I didn’t sleep as much last night. I talked to Bunny and I thought, this could be the last time I was faithful to him.

Today, he called just before Alex got here. I felt it was a sign from above to tell me to not stray.

When Alex was over an hour late, I thought, that’s such a turn off, for sure I’m not gonna sleep with him.

But then when he was here, and he just touched me like it’s so normal. He tried to warm my feet. We cuddled. We talked about that’s what we miss in relationships.

We kissed for a bit, and moved to the bedroom. He wanted to have sex…I said I needed more time. I meant, ’til next time.

We made out. I didn’t moan much. I was under pressure. I told him I’ve never cheated before.

But we ended up naked. We made out. Eventually, we had sex.

He is actually a good size, and he fit me perfectly. I started moaning when he put it in. His dick curved to the left a bit. So when  I was on my right side, it felt extra good.

We had some good moments. I was near orgasm and it felt really nice. I wish I wasn’t wearing a wig though!

He was so tiny. I think he’s 5’7′. But he has a toned body and a really cute face. His tattoos weren’t bad at all actually. His chest was bare. I was afraid that it would be covered in tatts. His ass was surprisingly dry/leathery. The rest of him was smooth and nice though.

We talked for hours in bed. We talked so much about so many things. He’s had a very interesting life, from working on a cruise ship, getting fired and dropped off in Alaska, to moving to Japan, taking over a bar, and selling shower heads on Amazon. Had a break dance crew. Etc etc.

It was pretty fun. I think it could be funner if I would let go a bit. And not having to wear a wig.

Bunny called twice during. I called as soon as Alex left. I told Bunny about Alex’s story. Didn’t feel guilty so much.

I think some of my needs were met today, and I’m grateful of it.

It’s been exactly 1 week since mushroom.

It’s interesting…

I was SO HORNY for the first 2 days..masturbating 6 times a day…then it drops to yesterday where I didn’t even feel like masturbating.

I wasn’t feeling particularly sad in the sense of dopamine or serotonine deficiency, which is good.

I just feel sad about me and Bunny. I wish we could work out. I wish he wasn’t in such a dark place. I wish he was healthy and happy and rich – and horny for me! Well, I’m close to making him rich. He officially doubled my $1M on Friday! That means I’ll give him $400K. That’s a pretty good pay day!

But he whines about wishing he didn’t miss out on last year. Ugh. In such times I feel that he’ll never be happy.

There’s no fun nicknames anymore. There’s no cuddling. There’s no joy. There’s, of course, no making out and no sex.

Can you really blame me for falling for someone else?

I cried last night.

I don’t want to be “soft-cheating”, as in, making out with someone, no sex. But I also have needs. Needs of being held and kissed in a loving way.

Alex and I chatted a bit today on Whatsapp. He volunteered to put be my shirtless model. Haha.

I hired him to be my business coach for an hour tomorrow. I have no idea what tomorrow is gonna bring.

I haven’t been thinking about him much. I haven’t been as turned on. I’ve been busy working, fixing our Amazon listings.

But tomorrow I’m gonna look cute for him. I’ll likely act like I was fighting hard to resist his pull, knowing me, haha. It’ll be fun I think. I hope we have a good time. And I hope I learn a lot from him. His business acumen is one of the things that makes him attractive to me. I hope he lives up to it haha.

I think I’m open to making out, and having an intimate convo. Haven’t had that with Bunny in years.

I hope he doesn’t smell. That would be the hardest thing. My nose has been too good! I smell everything.

I really never thought there would be a day that I’d be so into Alex.

And to be more into him than I am into Bunny.

This weekend I’m asking Alex to coach me on launching and marketing.

I’ve been wanting to ask him lots of things about this for a long time. I’m glad I finally get to. I’ll pay him so I don’t feel guilty and so hopefully he’ll put more effort in.

He asked if that is my version of netflix and chill haha.

I’ve been so turned on just talking to him and thinking about him. This is with me not knowing how many tattoos he has, and knowing he is vindictive and had really hurt Shawn…

But after he helped create the most amazing night of my life that day at Spanish banks, watching the norther lights while high on mushroom…he is special to me. He made the night. We laughed so hard. We cuddled so perfectly together. He touched me lightly down there. He grabbed my hip just right. I felt so much bliss in his arms. I was forever changed.

I loved that when we sat down by the fireplace we held hands while talking. Him rubbing my ankles. Me grabbing his knee. Him grabbing my thigh. So natural.

He smelled like feet and he was wearing a pearl necklace and we were talking about business…haha…but still it was enjoyable.

When we sat down at the dining table and talked to Verge and Keyii, he was so open. Everyone was. Maybe it was the mushroom…but…I like it. I like them being so open, so unpretentious.

He had to lie down at the end of the day cuz mushroom made his stomach weird. When I was leaving, he sat up. I didn’t expect that…I wasn’t sure what we were and was ready to jet.

But, the messages he sent me after were a bit of a disappointment. He just wanted to Netflix and Chill.

I wish I was worth a bigger effort to him.

Maybe I shouldn’t put out then haha

It’s just that, I crave him. I crave sex. At least, making out. I think sex would be truly crossing the line. Am I ready to bend my rules?

The thing is, Bunny still hasn’t said he loves me. He is perpetually sad. Being with him has been boring, depressing, angering.

He’s helped me make a lot of money. He is sincere. He is ridiculously handsome…but..our relationship is pretty shitty.

It doesn’t help that prolotherapy damaged him.

It doesn’t help that his knee is badly hurt.

How long will it take before he heals from both?

I think he will….but it might take several more months.

I truly hope he’ll find happiness. That we’ll both find happiness.

Meanwhile, I’m dying in this relationship.

I crave romantic touches. I crave that sexy feeling. I want to laugh.

Alex has been that.

I think I’ll just play by ear. If Alex is good to me, I might make out with him.

I feel I almost need to teach him to treat me better. So, I’m better off to not give in quickly. More self control, but flirt and charm to show interest. And maybe a tiny bit of making out cuz I need it. That’ll be my tactic.

—

I’m also sad that this will be an end to an era. An era of me never have cheated. An era of me being pure to Bunny.

I wish Bunny’s knee was fine. I wish his TMJ and Neck were fine. I wish he was in a better place mentally and physically. I wish we complemented each other perfectly.I wish we have sex, amazing sex.

He is so beautiful, so handsome. He is sweet. He is innocent (I think). He won’t cheat on me (I think). But these qualities are not enough….

I want someone who also makes me laugh. Someone who loves me deeply. Someone who is a problem solver, and action taker. Someone whom I can have meaningful and intellectual conversations with.

It’s interesting that Ty and I never reached that point of me being tempted…but Alex…

In a perfect world, I’d be with Bunny, and Bunny would be just like he is, except we’d have the sexual dynamics of me and Matthew, the intellectual closeness of me and Ty, the complementary entrepreneural drive / power couple skillset like me and Alex.

Today is Nov 3rd Wednesday. Mushroom was Friday night / Saturday. I was masturbating 6 times a day on Saturday and Sunday. Monday maybe 3 times. Tuesday twice. And after going to Bunny’s last night, no more sex drive. I dunno why….is it because he is so depressing? We didn’t even cuddle. I worry for him.

I often wish that God or his dad in the heavens would give him a lucky  break. I mean, I guess I have been that to him. I dug him out of his financial hole, and can help him get rich. He has helped me get rich. We are both grateful of this.

Now if we can figure out his health issues, he would be golden. He might even be funny and sexual! He would be a much more compatible partner then. Sigh. Dear God, please help improve his health.

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Talked to Dad, Mom, and Bunny today (Nov 3). Dad moved to Yilan and seems happy. I’m happy for him because a smaller city means more chance of having friends. Mom was fine. Creating an InterativeBroker account for her.

Called Bunny at 1pm and he was all tired as usual. He’s been a kill joy the past couple of weeks, maybe because of his knee taking so long to heal, maybe it’s the lack of sativa pills. No more cute nick names for a week. No cuddles as of yesterday. No sex and no making out for at least 6 months now. (I thought it was since April, but I just realized that we didn’t even have sex on my birthday).

 

The reason why I called him was because I realized that the prolotherapy may have caused the delay in his knee healing. I called to let him know that maybe he didn’t have as much to worry about.

He gave me the good news that MAC is now at $22. He said I’ve made $2MM from SPG and MAC alone! I do have a lot of be thankful of Bunny.

I was talking to Mom later today and told her only good things about Bunny. Sigh, it really is up to me to portray Bunny well to others! It’s that easy to do.

Bunny called later to say he felt better today after sativa. Good!

I’m more calm now about my feelings for Alex. But still really want to make out with him. I thought about why I’m drawn to him so quickly. I think it’s because I’ve always been a little attracted to him, he is the power couple complement I have been wanting, he is interested, and he is sweet to me. Oh an mushroom brought us closer. And we both laughed harder than ever in our lives. Most importantly, Bunny hasn’t wanted to be physical with me for a while now. It doesn’t matter how hot he is or how sincere he is. I’m surprised that Cyn and Ty lasted that long!