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What motivated you, or what is your compelling reason, for attending Date With Destiny?

I want to live with passion and abundance again.

I’m not living with a lot of passion right now.

2 years ago my business was doing exceptionally well. I felt excited and passionate and unstoppable. I tried to expand but that didn’t work out. I explored the world and had fun, and that further cause my business to slide.

Right now I’m still doing well but with a lot more uncertainty for the future and a lot less profit.

I’m now taking action. I’m hustling.  But I don’t feel the abundance, the luxury, to enjoy life at the same level as before.

I get it though, that this is part of the journey, the life of an entrepreneur. And I still have fun building my business, trying different things.

I miss having a thriving business. I miss feeling unstoppable.

I want to find my passion and my success again.

I think my passion is directly related to how well my business is doing. When biz is good, I’m exploring the world, improving myself, and loving life. When biz is not as good, I feel jaded and numb. Food doesn’t taste as good, new experiences don’t have their thrill, and I’m constantly in the back of my mind, a bit worried.

I celebrate the small wins, I tackle the obstacles, but it is as though there’s a dark cloud over me.

I’ve saved up more money than 99% of my friends, but I’m not as generous. I’m afraid that I’ll run out of money before I die, or be limited by some lack of money.

I feel that I can’t give freely financially until I have financial freedom. That is, $4MM, or at least $2MM, the minimum I need to live a worry-free life off interest, while supporting my parents if needed.

 

Describe the one thing you most want to learn, change, or reinforce.

Learn to hesitate less and take action more.

It’s like a mental blockage.

I take forever to execute certain things in business until it’s too late. Procrastination. Maybe it’s due to lack of urgency, or maybe it’s because I have too many distractions (biz and personal) that I don’t do the most important things first or timely.

It helps to have someone like Stan.

In volleyball, I hesitate to hit the ball, and often let my teammate (who are more experienced) to get the ball instead. It’s as though I am too polite. In this team sport, when I fail, it very clearly ruins the game. So I shrink away. I’m like a supporting actor to the main characters. I set the balls, and my teammates get the scoring shots. I’m actually a pretty good setter, but it goes unnoticed because it doesn’t score. My teammates don’t set the balls to me very often, because they take the shot when they can; and when they do set it, they set it to someone else because they’d rather set it to someone who is more likely to score.

I think if I play 2 on 2 I’ll improve. I just need to find partners around my level to play with.

And if I go to courses, I’ll also improve.

Last year, I was away a lot so I didn’t try to find practicing partners. I also tried to take a course but no one showed up. Next year I’ll be away a lot again. Maybe it’s time to pick a different sport! Volleyball hurts my knees anyway.

How will you know if you have achieved your outcome from this program?

If I have freed myself from the mental blockage that causes me to hesitate.

Have found a path to living life with passion and abundance.

What are some of your goals for the next 12 months?

I have many travel plans next year: A month in Peru with a group of digital nomads, taking Mom to Europe, Life and Wealth Mastery in Fiji, and 80 Days around the world with some good friends.

My business goal is to have a thriving and growing business that is 99% delegated and systemized for growth, so I can travel happily and stress-free. I want more abundance in time and wealth.

My personal goal is to be my most funny, quirky, daring, smart, generous, no-hesitation, and kind self, because it makes me so happy! Plus there’s the side effect of becoming more magnetic, inspiring, and attracting more interesting people into my life.

Another goal is to learn a new skill or cultivate an existing one. Maybe learn Spanish, or skateboarding!

What has been your primary focus in life? Where have you put the most time and energy?

My higher level focus has been to have more freedom and joy in life by having more health, wealth, and love.

The past 9 years I put most of my time and energy in building a successful business. The past 2 years I focused more on building meaningful relationships. The past six months I’ve been back to spending more time on my business again, because it needs my attention.

Please Describe 4 events that have shaped your life

1. Punished for self expression: I was a smart but eccentric kid. One time in kindergarten I stood up singing in the middle of the class, and the teacher totally humiliated me and made me stand facing the wall for the rest of the class. I learned to be less self-expressive.
2. Alopecia: Losing all my hair when I was 10 years old. I learned self-consciousness, depression, low self esteem. I learned to be cautious about what I said to other kids, because I used to speak before thinking, and I said some mean things to my classmates. I became a super polite and nice kid, to avoid having other kids retaliating by making fun of my hair.
3. Embracing alopecia: I formed an alopecia support group. My group inspired me to be more than ok with my alopecia. I came out to all my friends on Facebook and Youtube. I learned that I can make a mental shift in an instant, and turn something that had been a major hold-back in my life into a major positive. It’s one of the most enlightening and rewarding experiences in my life.
4. Succeeding in my business: After 5 years, I finally found success. I learned that it’s important to persevere, to try many things (to succeed faster next time). I also learned that I can be more of my eccentric and fun self when I’ve found more financial freedom and self confidence.

I haven’t journaled in a while. Feel a bit out of touch with myself. Let’s improve that 🙂

Life has been interesting.

Roomie
I moved in with Masha (and her two kids) 2 months ago. It was great, until she went to Ibiza for 10 days and left me with Artsy. While she partied, I had to baby-sit a super noisy teen ager. When she came home, I told her I have to move out. But she’s been disciplining him and it’s liveable here again. So I’ve decided to stay. Rent is $1000/month, which is way cheaper than me renting my own place (around $2000/month). Plus the view is unparalleled, and the pool and sauna are amazing, and it’s nice to have Masha as my roomie for the most part.

I must admit that I liked her a lot more before she left for Ibiza. I admired her ability to juggle being a mom, an entrepreneur, and still having time for dancing etc.

When you live with someone, you see things more clearly. She has been a lousy mom, a distracted entrepreneur who parties too much, and she is borrowing her health from the future. Well, sort of. She’s been sick one way or another since I moved in. Right now she has pneumonia and an ear infection.

She’s also become more and more self centred. I don’t know why. Can’t stop talking about herself. Letting go of her responsibility as a mom a lot of the times.

But she has so many great qualities too. And I need to be less judging.

Some of her great qualities include, she is very chill about anything I do. She is generous with money and help and food. She is non-judging, which I can learn from. She is very happy in general. She has a good sense of humour. She has a zest for life. She asks good life questions sometimes. Oh and she rarely speaks badly of people. She is always appreciative and optimistic. She is easy to live with, easy to communicate with.

I can learn some good traits from her. No one is perfect. I will appreciate her good, and accept her bad.

DUAL – Don’t judge. Understand. Accept. Love.

I want to be a better human being. A more charismatic one. One that people want to be with and love.

Business
I’m being more proactive and more hardworking these days. Sales are not yet reflecting this, but I hope they will soon.

I’m delegating. I’m planning to systemize. I’m building a team.

Love
I’ve been dating John. Sometimes I like him, sometimes I don’t. I think he is not interesting enough to be the one for me. But, it’s nice to have him sometimes.

Health
I’ve been swimming, which is great. I’ve been feeling a bit of abdominal discomfort. I suspect that it’s my endometriosis. I’m going to try out castor oil!

 

I’ve been feeling very stressed.

1. I haven’t found a place to live for September 1st. I can live with Masha, but I’m worried that it’s too much. I’m worried that I won’t have enough privacy or alone time to be focused and productive.
   1. Solution: Spend time in a library. You can walk there!
   2. Spend a week or more in Victoria for a change of scenery. Go to library there too.
2. I’m not sure about continuing my relationship with John. It’s really stressful because I kind of enjoy time with him and I kind of can’t stand him. I love being loved. I love that someone cares for me. I love so many things about him. But the sense of humour, cheapness, bad conversationalist – killer bad traits. Cheapness can be fixed. Conversation skills can be learned. Sense of humour at this age, that’s harder.
   I wish so much that we can be the one for each other. He seems to be the closest to what I want so far! How I wish that he was just more funny. So many people are….why can’t he be? If he was funny, other things are all good. He is pretty much perfect. Sigh. I’m so sad about it. I don’t want to break up with him. Right now I’d rather have him than not have him.
   Good:
   1. He is so sweet. He is trying his best to be an attentive boyfriend, I can tell. He really wants to make it work.
   2. I do miss him when he is away and I look forward to seeing him.
   3. When we talked on the phone, I actually felt closer to him. He was really good at encouraging me, and he can make me laugh.
   4. He is hot. Great face, great body, great smile, beautiful penis of just the right size. Perfect height.
   5. He has his life together.
   6. He drives me and opens the door for me. Super sweet.
   7. He texts me good night every night.
      The Bad:
   8. He is so boring. Honestly. He is a terrible conversationalist and story teller. He doesn’t talk about deep stuff or very interesting stuff. He doesn’t really find what I say to be funny. His sense of humour is so weak it’s unbearable.
   9. He doesn’t seem to have (good) friends.
   10. He is stingy and cheap.
   11. He seems hung up on the past. He can’t open up very well. His dad’s passing away. Maybe even his ex.
   12. Sex is not quite fulfilling. But I wasn’t even that turned on by him.
3. Business sliding
   1. It’s been a while. I want to make it grow!
   2. I’m taking steps to achieving that though. I’m going to the Orange Hat conference.

I don’t want to date him anymore.

John is one of the cutest guys I’ve met. He is 6’1, the perfect height. He has a lean and muscular body. A mischievous smile. Small face with high cheekbones. Cute ass. Nice legs. Nice dick. Cutest phohawk hair with natural blonde streaks.

He drives a BMW (3 series, but still, looks brand new). He skateboards really well. Was a pro when he was a kid. He is an investment broker (I think). He lives in Kits.

He adores me. We chatted for a bit, 3 weeks before I came to Vancouver. I had dated Steve in the mean time. The day I arrived, he messaged me. By second date, he deleted Bumble. He messaged me every night before he went to bed. He messages me everyday with sweet things. I felt completely secure with him. I know that he is into me and only me. He is not browsing around.

He’d say things like, I don’t ever want to drop you off. I don’t ever want to leave. He seems to have no judgement of me. He likes everything about me. My style, my mohawk. He remembers things that I’ve said.  He opens the car door for me. He held me hand as we climbed rocks.

There’s really a lot of great qualities about him.

But I feel very little towards him.

On our first date, I thought he was soooo boring. Something about him is very…boring or annoying. He is vocally agreeable. Always saying “yes yes yes” or “nice nice nice”.

Another thing I don’t like about him is that I’m pretty sure he is cheap.

He keeps taking me on free dates to the skatepark. On Saturday I invited him over for dinner. I made an incredible meal, with fresh wild sockeye salmon with lemon and basil, avocado salad, organic zucchini and basil and tomato stir fry, and fruit salad.

He brought, a dozen cherries.

WTF.

He kept saying thank you and that the dinner was the best he’s had in a long time, and he opened a new bottle of carrot juice in my fridge, ate some of my almond butter chocolate cups and took one to go.

What else has he done. He has tried to return a watermelon to the grocery store. His friend offered him a mushroom pill, he took it and said he’ll save it for later.

He is cheap. No doubt about it.

I was losing interest. I didn’t bother saying tonight last night.

This morning he asked if I wanted to go on an afternoon adventure. I said tell me more. He said we’ll go to a skatepark and he’ll teach me. Then go drunk in some water later.

Yes, another free date.

I told me straight up what I thought. I said:

I didn’t mean to call you out like this, but people who are generous are generous with their heart also. It’s important to me to know early on that I’m not wasting time with a stingy person with a closed off heart.

Now we are going out to dinner tonight. We’ll see how this goes.

I still think it’s rather hopeless because he is still not fun. But we’ll see. He has other good qualities.

I matched up and talked on the phone with a new guy today. James. He seems very sane, has his own biz, is location independent, has a condo in White Rock, and is very interested in my life. He is possibly decent looking, but is only 5’9. He is very serious though. Not very funny so far.

I found him so quickly. I had a sudden realization that, Steve must’ve been going on dates with other girls.

Our first two dates, I think I must’ve been the first one he liked. He was so thrilled about me.

I think he may have started chatting with other girls or even gone on dates after that.

All this time I thought it was just about kids and not living here. I forgot that, I stopped searching once I found him, just like Bella did and what most girls would do unless the guy is lacking. But guys are different. Guys will keep looking.

We both have been on Bumble for just two weeks, and, because I thought he didn’t look that great in his profile, he must’ve not gone on many dates. Come to think of it, I could be wrong.

Not to mention, he meets so many customers, he could’ve met people at his gym too.

I thought:

1. He was loyal because he is a Taurus and he said he was loyal
2. We had a strong connection, so he must’ve stopped swiping too.
3. He wasn’t very popular because his profile wasn’t great

And I stopped swiping because:

1. I was too jaded to really go out on dates while sad, one was already a chore
2. Had a good date and didn’t want to bother with the other clearly worse guys
3. I just needed one guy to help me get over Sam
4. I was only here briefly
5. I was busy with work and family
6. I was too focused on whether I select him or not, and not realizing guys now-a-days are selectors too.
7. I was convinced that I’m the best he’s encountered haha
8. I have the tendency to laser focus my energy on just one guy. I’m monogamous at heart.
9. I needed a rebound.
10. I needed just good sex from one guy.

Now  I know that:

1. He will take time to fall in love and become loyal. Guys take their time to commit, especially when new to online dating. They will browse around instead of going with the first good one they found.
2. Guys will keep swiping even after an amazing date and connection and sex (Like Johan!)
3. If his profile was good enough for me, it’s good enough for many girls. Also, there are many much uglier profiles on Bumble. His looks relatively good.

Alex was probably a rare one. He also falls in love quickly like I do. It was without a doubt that we only liked each other. Jeffrey was sweet but even he tried to go on dates behind my back. Sam certainly has wandering mind and was quick to start swiping. So was I.

Lessons learned:

1. Remember that a guy hasn’t chosen you yet, unless you’ve gone on several dates and he consistently shows that he chose you and that you have his undivided attention.
2. Keep on going on more dates with other guys. Fill your roster so you have 3 decent candidates at all times.
3. You don’t know the guy yet, in the first 2 months! Remember this! It takes time. Go slow. Don’t build up too much expectation. Get to know him.
4. Don’t give too much up front! Give your loving energy and words, but not money or time or effort.
5. Go light on committing and deciding! Don’t act like the person is your one and only…guys can feel the intensity and it makes them feel that you really really want a committed relationship with them too soon. It stresses them out and pushes them away.

Steve messaged me this late morning on and off, until around 4pm, he asked if I would be going to a session tomorrow. I realized then for sure that he wasn’t into arranging any dates with me before I leave.

I told him no. I told him that I didn’t feel that he wanted to see me or even talk to me much. I said I would’ve liked seeing him more, but he wasn’t prioritizing me high enough.

He said he wanted to be sure himself, and that I would be away for over a month, and that we are just testing the waters right now.

I said we have no future because he wants kids, and that I didn’t want to say it out loud before because I didn’t want him to value us or me less.

He said he felt like a fool and he made assumptions about me wanting a committed relationship.

I said I do, but short term is ok.

I said I just wanted to talk about going forward instead. The next few days. I said I wanted to have great sex with him and not feel rushed.

He said he was busy the next three days.

Wow. I didn’t expect that.

It felt shitty.

I said, “Ok. I guess this is it.” Then, 6 hours later, he finally replied.

He said, “Ok, but I’d love to hang out and continue to get to know you better when you come back to Victoria. I guess time will tell :)”

I wanted to reply so badly, something rude.

So I’m here, writing my hearts out. I don’t think I should reply to him.

I want to say:

If you can’t prioritize me into your life in the span of 3 days, then why would I want to hang out with you, ever?

You want to get to know me because I’m brilliant and business savvy. You don’t get these benefits of me when you don’t value me.

—

My lesson here:

When someone is a deal breaker, just spell out what you want instead of hiding it. But..if we were to have a casual thing, I don’t think I would’ve gotten much respect either.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that I was moving. But I’m not someone who lies.

I wanted to be honest, I wanted to be sincere, I wanted to be giving, I wanted to be loving. I did all that. And what I got in return was, getting slated.

Where did I go wrong?

If I just kept the moving to Vancouver fact to myself…would things have been different? Or the kids thing even? Maybe that’s what I could’ve done.. I would’ve had a much better experience I think. Then, I can be the one breaking his heart when I leave or tell him I don’t want kids “with him”, haha.

But that’s not me.

If I were to do it all over again, I probably would’ve done the same thing. I don’t want to hurt someone on purpose.

I’m trying to imagine if I was him. I meet someone who wants kids, and will be going away soon. Would I still try to get close to him? Yes. That was Idriss. And we dated like we were a team.

But everyone is different. And Idriss did hope that we can date. Steve is much slower at falling in love. To be honest I think the fact that I was leaving for a month and a half was what troubled him more. Fair enough, because I don’t intend to live in Victoria.

I want to say: When you said you can’t make time for me today, tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, it became clear to me that you are not sincere. We don’t need time to tell. I was wrong about you.

Come to think of it, I will send that.

Sent. And blocked him because there’s no point in hearing back. It’ll just change my mood.

In the future I need to learn to not give so much up front! Breadcrumbs.

I suppose my intention was to have some good sex and to get over Sam. And I got that.

I just wish that FOR ONCE, it’s bittersweet instead of this shit. Honestly, not once was it bittersweet. NOT ONCE! Guys don’t treat girls well whether it’s just for sex or if it looks to be a committed relationship. Or, am I doing something wrong? Do I bring out the worst in people?

Idriss actually was bittersweet the first time.

But not Josh, not Brad, not Fin, not Matthew, not Steve, not Patrick.

No one was willing to hold on to me and be sweet to me until the last day of our short fling.

Why???????

I’m so at a loss. I’ve been so supportive, so fun, so everything to these guys. They tend to value their existing friends more, having this preconceived notion that I’m dispensable.

There are well-adjusted men out there. Where are they? I want to be with them.

I talked to Masha for a while today. It was good to be able to do that. She has become a close friend. I’m still weary of us competing for guys down the road. I really really hope it doesn’t come to that! I hope we stay best friends 🙂 <3

Last night Steve finally messaged me. He apologized for the late reply. Said that Whatsapp doesn’t always notify him. Sigh.

We messaged back and forth for a bit. He asked about my lunch. I was surprised that he remembered.

As much I was disappointed in him in general, I decided to send him what I already typed out about his business anyway. He got the email, and he was very touched. He said I was smart and he was taken aback by this. He said no on has ever wanted to help him in that way. Sent me a kiss.

Well, that was it. Today he messaged me late. 11:30am. It wasn’t a real time conversation either. He trained his nephew and they are still hanging out. He is obviously not making plans with me today. He hasn’t yet made plans with me tomorrow.

I’ve decided now. I’ll just be friends with him. I do want to ask for the favour of him emailing Qalo about wholesale on my behalf, in the near future.

It makes me so sad….that he wasn’t trying harder to spend time with me. That he can go the whole day without messaging me back.

I cried even when he said how much he appreciated me doing that business idea list for him. I always do that. I always give so much. But I get so little back it seems.

I bought the books on being a better girlfriend, on keeping the guy. And I learned a lot. But nothing really helps me with the situation at hand. I tried to be ok with it, but I’m not.

I need to see this for what it is. I’m here for just a few more days, and he is not making much of an effort to see me or even talk to me.

Well, I’m guessing it’s that, he doesn’t care to. I’m not a priority. I don’t want kids. I don’t want to adopt. He basically already has kids…his nephew and niece.

I’m so sad.

I just want to spend time with him even it’s for a short while. I just want to have more sensual sex…make love. I just want quality time, quality touch, quality conversations.

I really want to justify his actions. I want to believe that deep down he is a good guy. And I want to, for once, not break a friendship….but it’s so hard.

Steve messaged me this morning, around 10:30, after 24 hours. Today, we messaged a couple times back and forth, then he hasn’t responded for 8 hours now. Didn’t even check his Whatsapp.

I’ve been battling in my head, am I reading too much into this. Yesterday he was busy. But still, too busy to write anything? Today, he didn’t check all day….what could it be?

Maybe he is out on another date.

Sigh.

Whatever the reason is, it’s not acceptable to not reply within a few hours.

Is it so hard to be sweet to me for a couple weeks?

I so want to be loved.

I want to text him to tell him off, because I’m mad, I’m sad. I feel unimportant.

I gotta let him go.

I spent yesterday typing up some business ideas to help him.

I won’t send it to him now. It’s his loss.

I’m like Ted from How I met your Mother. I’ll always have hope. I won’t be jaded. I’ll be true. I’ll have a sense of wonder.

I didn’t realize that even just my subtle feeling of disappointment on that date was already bringing this downhill. Man. Guys can be so sensitive these days.

Unlike the old days…guys seemed to be more resilient. People, in general, were more willing to try.

Sigh.

I feel so sad.

I thought we had something, even if not long term.

I want to give him the benefit of a doubt. Maybe he had a busy day. But two days in a row?

Even if it’s business related, it’s not good for our relationship in the long run.

Oh well.

I think I’ll just not get into any relationship for now.

Hey, at leasts I no longer think about Sam.

I just wish with Steve it was more bittersweet….like we both want to make it work but we know it’s not a good idea.

Instead, he is just becoming distant.

I will think about something else now. I’ll occupy myself with something else.

I’m brilliant. I’m beautiful. I’m smart. I’m funny. I’m a high quality woman. I’m a great catch. I’m the one. I’m the one and only. I’m sunshine that brightens and warms the day. I’m so fun and pleasant to be around. I’m sexy. I’m inspiring. I’m lovable. I’m enough.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m a little scared to take the next steps. So let me write this out to help clarify my own vision and help me feel more confident about my decisions.

1. Rings
   1. I have the women’s collection colours readily picked. I will get Martin to sample all the colors. Sort out the fact that some colours are inconsistent and find a solution. e.g. Always go darker if in doubt. Always check in sunlight. Avoid translucency (we want opacity)
      1. Black grey and white already done
      2. We can use existing purple pyramid
      3. Still need to sample 8 colors (possibly more to choose the right one)
      4. Also try 3 metallic (for the Iguana collection perhaps, and pearl white)
      5. Black sparkles and more glitter based (Xmas)
      6. neon (maybe later)
      7. light blue and light pink (pearlescent?)
      8. rose gold still popular I think
      9. chevron rings for women
      10. filigree rings for women (try hollow and not)
   2. Men’s collection (sample on the right rings and sizes)
      1. Paramedics blue/white
      2. Black and purple perhaps
      3. Red white blue
      4. copper comfort fit
      5. orange and blue
      6. solid red
      7. gear ring would be a cool idea (steam punk)
      8. mountain ring (speak to the people!!! hikers, climbers; try pre-order)
   3. Get started on brand identity and tone of voice and then design packaging
   4. Ring box option? Gear for Xmas
   5. What are some other preps for Xmas?

I had been a bit sad about Steve…couldn’t quite place the reason. I think it’s because we weren’t intimate at all when I went to a session with him. But then, it wasn’t to be expected, and I let that go. I just missed being intimate with him, and him not initiating it made me insecure about us.

But then in Wednesday, he said good morning and we started chatting on and off. He said he’s been tired since our last date (on Friday) and had just recovered. Turned out he gets up at 5am everyday automatically, so he usually goes to bed at 9pm.

Sometimes a little clarification makes everything brighter again. I was wondering what took him so long to initiate another date.

So we went paddleboarding yesterday. I guess I was a little sad that he came quite late…4:20pm. He worked, boxed, trained his nephew, then came. It’s not super late, but when you know he goes to bed at 9pm, it isn’t a lot of time for us to paddleboard, have dinner, then have sex.

I think my face kinda showed the disappointment. I’m a bit hard to please.

We did all that though. Paddleboarding was somewhat fun but not extremely. He was sometimes funny. He was just funny enough for me to want to keep him really. Plus he has so many other great things about him. He is fairly outgoing. I like that. He is very thoughtful. I noticed that he expresses his love through acts of service. He would open the door to his car for me often. He changed my paddle to the right length for me. He hid our slippers for us before we went off to the sea. He set up the candles and music before we started having sex.

I wish he was more of a words person though. More compliments. He says nothing during sex. He rarely compliments me. He is not very wordy or funny during chat.

He is such a great catch, yet at the same time, I feel not fully head over heel. Yet at the same time, I’m balling right now thinking about letting him go. I really like him.

He is a good guy. A giving guy. A loyal guy. Someone who probably will love me forever if we get into a relationship.

He wanted me to teach him to be location independent, and he wants to live in the warm climate all year round. He thinks very much like me!

He want to sell his business eventually. He traded stocks recently and did well. He is kind to people. He is patient. He is smart. His dick is beautiful. He butt is adorable. His body is hairless. He laughs out loud.

Can I be with him long term? I don’t know…sometimes he seems too boring to me. But sometimes he seems alright.

The biggest thing however, is that he wants kids. He asked yesterday if I would be willing to adopt. I didn’t answer him. Honestly, this relationship will never work because kids are something he really wants. He said on our first date that if we were best friends then he probably doesn’t need to have kids. I really think that it will still surface.

There are things I don’t like about him…like the fact that he hardly messaged me today. Or that he doesn’t compliment me enough. Or that he is not playful enough. But, these are things that he can improve upon. We can both work to make this relationship work.

But the kids issue, and, two more things – his biz at its infancy, and him living in Victoria…these are deal breakers.

The kids thing is 100% deal breaker. The other two are 80%.

Well, I hope I’ll see him two more times before I move to Vancouver. Though realistically I think we’ll only see each other one more time. He might come visit me in Vancouver though. Either way. I’ll be ok.

I’ve wanted to cry since the beginning of this relationship. Today I really cried. Sigh.

It was good to have him help me get over Sam and get some good sex finally! That I really really appreciate.

And how cute were we, kissing in the tree!

I’m gonna miss him. I don’t think we can be friends after this, until I’ve found someone else.

I feel like he can though. I really don’t know just how much he likes me.

We are similar in that, we both didn’t have any long term relationship for about 9 years. I think it means we are quite willing to end a relationship if it’s not a fit.