My Site

I don’t know what it is exactly… I feel sad. I cried.

I’m annoyed by a lot of things. I’ve been annoyed at Mom ever since I got back. More so than usual. At first I attributed it to Sam. I think he had a bad energy that rubbed off on me. I’ve been hiding it. Secretly rolling my eyes. That’s probably like how he treated me too. I wanted nothing but good for us, and he was filled with contempt. I felt like that towards Mom…and I don’t know how to not feel that way.

And in some ways I’m probably justified actually. Sometimes she is so negative without knowing. Steve asked me about my muscles the day after the workout. She said, “Oh he only asked about your muscles not you? He only cared about his business?” Ugh. I hated that. TBH it did cross my mind briefly, but I quickly corrected and thought of it as his form of caring. But she planted that seed in me. And today when he asked again about my muscles, I felt that he didn’t care about me.

And I’m sad about Steve too. Yesterday everything seemed fine. But today, he didn’t message me all day. I felt so neglected. He forgot about booking me in for tomorrow until I reminded him.

Sure he probably had a busy day as he told me he would, but he’s been on my mind all day. I wanted him. I wanted to make out with him. I wanted to make love with him.

And yesterday, we didn’t even get to kiss. He didn’t try to kiss me. He didn’t touch me. We had just had sex 2 days before. It felt so weird. But then again, I was keeping a bit of a distance too. I didn’t know how to behave. Maybe he was the same way. He was attentive though.

I think there are two things at play here. I’m falling for him and I have started to expect things. I have started to wonder where we stand. I should not worry. Remember the other time, a couple days before our date, when I thought maybe he had flirted, and I flirted back? And he didn’t reply for hours? And I started googling “How to not take things personally”. Omg. I need to remember that I can get that way. I felt so insecure about whether he liked me or not. I played back to when I went to his studio, how he didn’t complement me on my mohawk upon seeing it for the first time.

Then when he replied, I was so relieved. And, more than that…he said he checked out my alopecia video and thought I was awesome. And that he sent it to his mom too.

Remember that. Remember how he can be subtle. Remember how I can be a bit insecure.

Remember how he was super sweet and passionate during sex. Remember how he thanked me that next day and said he felt great. Remember how he was very thoughtful the day I went in for a session. Feel it in his act, not in his words.

Don’t let Mom inject doubt and negativity into my mind.

But that’s what I can’t stand. I can’t stand living here with Mom. She can be so different from me, in a way I dislike. She is so opinionated. So judging. So black and white. So small minded. So slow. So dumb. UGGGGHHHH.

I hate that she is always stressed out about the tiniest things. I hate that she can’t see the big picture of my biz when I give away products. I hate that she is so opinionated about everything that every person does.

I honestly can’t live in Victoria. I can’t stand her.

Strange how I’m less tolerant of her, after my session with Tunjung. Granted I haven’t bee meditating. And I have been in a bad mood. Until I met Steve….I was in such a good mood 2 days ago when we had sex! But the high has come down….

I’m scared. I’m scared that Steve isn’t into me after sex. That he just wanted to be polite and friendly. I’m so scared. Why?

• Because guys sometimes just want to get laid. And same here.
• We had sex a bit too early on – second date! From kissing to having sex…it made me wonder if he was taking this seriously. Though the same can be said about me.
• He hasn’t told me anything about previous relationships. He did say that he is loyal.
• He kinda wants kids. It makes me worry that he already dismissed me like Jeffrey did. And also, I kinda dismissed him myself because of this.

I’d feel better if we talk it out, have great sex again, and that he takes the initiative to call me or arrange a date with me.

I said to myself before, that we can be friends. But now, it’s gonna be near impossible….I’m so attracted to him. And then, I had the idea that we’d just date for the next 10 days…but now, I want him to want me for much more. I don’t want us to end. But we are so new. I don’t know much about him yet. I’m quite sure he is not playful enough nor funny enough for me. And I don’t like that he is at the start of his biz. But….he seems to have so much to offer. More than anyone before him. I adore him.

I want to cry but I don’t know why. I did cry. I don’t know if it’s a deep down love for him or feeling turned on that made me cry. It’s kinda like the great sexy cry. Or is it foreseeing the pain that is to come, when we end? I don’t want this to end. I want us to just really like and appreciate each other, adore each other, and have amazing sex.

After amazing sex with Steve, I decided that I will get a pack of 5 sessions with him, since I wouldn’t mind see him more often.

I got there 10 minutes late, which is terrible for a 20 minute session! He was nice about it.

We hugged, he said he liked my blue hair, I paid for the 5 sessions, I got changed, he set me up, and we started. He was very professional and we didn’t really flirt. He was sweet though. Asking if I liked the music. Giving me a towel on the side. Attentive about adjusting the strengths of the electric current for each area. He also added the inner thigh kegel stimulator because we talked about it.

The current was stronger this time, so it was more of a muscle grab than a buzz that made me giggle a lot.

He said I had good balance and strength. Wasn’t sure if he was just being nice and encouraging, or was impressed. He did say I was awesome at the end…not sure what about though.

He said that the wall of gears kinda looked like a BDSM wall. Haha. I said yes, add a collar and a whip next time.

A guy had an appointment after me. He was patient though. As he was paying, I said goodbye to Steve. Steve wanted to get up to say goodbye, but I was on my way out.

Later on I thanked him for the session, and he apologized for not giving me a proper goodbye. I said that’s totally fine. Maybe whip me next time when he’s added a whip to the wall.

He said I was so funny. He’s cute like that. Thinking that I’m funny. Though I kinda wish he could be funnier….at least in messages. We do have fun in person though.

I wasn’t as horny when I saw him today. But I did wish that we had a good kiss. Maybe if I wasn’t so late haha.

I wasn’t sure if he’d be up for making out during his work hours either. I tried to not expect that.

I really don’t know where we are heading. Though I think at the very least he’ll come visit me in Vancouver while I’m there, because he hasn’t visited the EMS studio there, and there’s a new one opening in Yaletown!

I wouldn’t mind doing him the favour of being his spy. Come to think of it, maybe he can be my spy for asking Qalo about wholesaling!

I really like him.

There are some things I wish wasn’t in the way, like him being in Victoria or him being less funny/playful, or in the middle of just starting a biz. Or the fact that he wants kids. But so far he seems to have so much to offer as a boyfriend. He is loyal, sincere, reliable, patient, honest, sweet, smart, and a go-getter. He doesn’t get stressed out he says. That’s amazing.

I learned today that Uncle Ted’s marriage with Aunt Martha was an arranged marriage! I had no idea. I thought he had said to her when they were getting married, “I’ve finally got what I wanted.” Today he said he didn’t feel much when they met. It took some time.

In all honesty, based on what I know about Steve, he is such a great catch. If this were an arranged marriage, I’d jump on it in a heart beat. I’d feel super lucky.

Let us not forget about his amazing body, dick, ass, lips, and how great he is at making love. Oh man. He is the best I’ve had probably. Sure Matthew and Patrick were great too, but, with him, there’s more soul.

 

 

 

I was so nervous about this date. Technically it’s our 2nd date…and third time seeing each other. This is the time that, for sure we are gonna kiss and maybe more, so I was nervous.

I didn’t want to wear a wig because I wanted to make out haha.

He came to pick me up. Mom wanted to check him out so she secretly stood by the window. Ugh.

He came wearing a nice light grey shirt and some nice dark denims, a fresh haircut, and sunglasses. He was hawt.

I hopped on his giant truck. It was so big, I was wondering if he was compensating…

We laughed a lot on the way to dinner. Mostly from excitement. We talked about kegel balls – the product I’ve been looking into selling. I told him about a woman who can carry a surf board with her pelvic floor.

We had a vegetarian dinner at Be Love. It was quite bad, despite the great review. I was too excited to eat anyway.

He made me laugh when he suddenly thought about how the woman with the strong pelvic floor would’ve had a place to hang her purse at dinner. He is cute.

I freely ordered because it was gonna be my treat. Buuuut…I discovered that I forgot my wallet. He had to pay for that $86 meal…ouch. I felt bad. Because he has just started his business. He was good about it though.

We walked around downtown. Still didn’t kiss or hold hands yet…but we both wanted to.

At one point my shoe fell apart.. man… We head back to my place so I can change my shoes.

It turned out well because after that, we went to the Fireman’s park to climb the tree. He helped me get up and that was the first time we held hands.

We got to the top and talked and laughed. And, finally, we kissed. He was a good kisser! I had told him moments before that I can get an orgasm just from my ears kissed. It quickly turned into a passionate make out session and he went straight for my ears haha. He was a bit too good at it… groping my ass, my body, my breasts. Kissing my ears, my neck. He was turning me on so much. My knees were weak and it would’ve been safer to make out on the ground. So we came back down.

Funny how we went up the tree as strangers and came down as a couple.

We kept kissing and making out….it was exactly what I wanted. He was sooo sexy. There were deer and people nearby too. But that’s ok.

He leaned me again the soccer field fence and we made out some more. His dick agains my pussy. I felt his dick through his pants by accident. He was not small. But it was off to one side of his pants so I worried that it was crooked.

We made out some more in front of his truck. Then I said Let’s go see your new couch! He was a bit shy that he lived in a basement suite. I said I used to live in my mom’s basement. He said that made him feel better.

It was actually a nice place! It was newly renovated, and his stuff was all new. His new couch was amazing! It was so big so we can make out some more on it.

It was the first day of my period though….

I was just gonna take my socks off I said. He said, me too. And took his socks off as he went to get some candles haha. We both loved candles.

We made out really hard and eventually got naked. His dick was super erect and it was PERFECT! It was big but not overly big. It was super straight. His balls were cute too. He was just beautiful.

His chest was gorgeous, muscular, hairless. His nipples are perfect. His ass. OMG. The cutest ass I’ve ever seen my entire life.

Actually his dick was also the best I’ve ever seen. It felt heavier than any dick I’ve ever touched. Not sure why. I sucked on it. I wanted to suck on it more, but we started having sex before I got to.

He was so good at making love to me. He was perfect in every way. He kissed my lips, my ears, my neck. He liked my nipples and played with them. He pounded me just right…his dick felt AMAZING in me.

I wanted to be loud, so bad. But he had an upstairs neighbour.

Still, I revelled in the sex. I’ve waited about a year to have good sex!

We showered after. It was cute.

Then when I came back, he had folded my pants. WHAT. I’ve always folded the guys’ pants, but never experienced that myself. He was the sweetest.

He was clearly tired. I kept kissing him while naked in a towel. He kissed me tenderly and romantically. He gently brushed his hand down my side and it felt so good.

 

Finally he gave me a ride home. Everything was amazing. It was everything I had hoped for and more. I was soo happy.

I want us to be a happy couple for as long as possible! I like him a lot.

Hi Steve!

I think you’ve done an incredible job with Charge Fitness. We’ve only just met, but I’m already so proud of you 🙂

Here are some ideas for your business.

1. Create all customer personas you can think of. How old are they? What are their hangouts? What do they care about? (Saving time? Getting abs? Improving neuro health? Improving joint pain? Amplifying their sports performance?) Think about out what specific benefits are the reasons why they would choose EMS.
2. Minimum dose, maximum effect
   1. With this concept in mind, you can ask some powerful questions. For example, how can I let as many people know about Charge Fitness as possible, with as little money/time/effort as possible?
   2. The fact that you already gained traction with limited exposure, means: more exposure = more customers
   3. Ideas to reach a lot of people with minimum dose:
      1. Partner with businesses with big mailing lists, so they email their thousands of staff or customers about you. e.g. big local companies such as Shaw or Telus, athletic events such as the marathon or Spartan Race or Tough Mudder, golf clubs (old rich people who are active), yacht clubs, crossfit gyms, bouldering gyms, biohackers (nootropics lovers, cryotherapy lovers). Rehab-related organizations too – physio clinics, arthritis foundations, etc.
      2. Partner with influencers (find them on Instagram, details below)
      3. How to maximize word-of-mouth with your existing customers?
      4. Search Engine Optimization (SEO)
3. SEO
   1. Great way to get free traffic. You want to be on page 1 when people search on Google.
   2. What do your prospective customers search for? Come up with a list of potential searches that will lead people to sign up to Charge Fitness. e.g. “Best gyms in Victoria”, “Personal trainers Victoria”
   3. Get on Yelp, and get happy customers to give you reviews. Get at least 9 reviews. Why? Because when you google “Best gyms in Victoria”, Yelp comes up as a top result. When you click into it you’ll see that the most reviews these gyms have is 8. Get 9 good reviews, and you’ll be ranked #1 on this list. This is free traffic!
   4. Blogging is a slow but steady way to improve your SEO ranking too.
4. Instagram
   1. Follow all fitness influencers in Victoria, and follow their followers
   2. Build a relationship with these influencers by liking and commenting on their posts
   3. Then DM them to invite them for a free session
   4. Get them to talk about you to their fans on their IG. Maybe just a great photo of their workout, maybe a bigger incentive such as another free session (barter).
   5. Have your social media guru devise an IG contest. Or talk to influencers about contests. They are probably experienced.
5. Barter
   1. Bartering with your service is great because a session is worth more to the recipient than what it costs to you. Plus it fills up your studio so it makes the business look great!
   2. If you have a booking for 1 person, it’s probably not a lot of extra time and effort add 1~2 more people to that session. When you barter, you can give these time slots. This shows scarcity too (because you’re not just giving away any free session time slot).
6. Gather useful information
   1. In the first-time survey form, can add:
      1. “What convinced you to come?”
         1. You’ll discover what specific line converted this person. And you’ll see a pattern of which demographics get converted on which points.) For example, what convinced me to come was that you are yummy. Hahaha. Ok seriously what convinced me was when you mentioned the fast and slow twitch muscle toning, and improving neuromuscular connections.
      2. “What results do you hope to see?”
         1. This will definitely help you discover what lines to pitch to your prospects. For me, I hoped that EMS will help me play volleyball better and improve my neuro health. Oh and perhaps gain some abs!
7. Split Test Your Street Sign
   1. What is the most persuasive line for random walk-ins? Maybe it is, “Come in for your free 20-min session!”, or, “Better joints and better muscle tones”, or, “Minimum dose, maximum results workout!” 😉
8. Barter for a good PR
   1. A good PR is connected to all local media – TV, newspaper, radio. My friend got me on GlobalTV, CBC news, CBC radio, and the Vancouver Sun (to talk about alopecia), just by calling her usual contacts….contacts she built over the years. Find a PR with this type of influence in Victoria.
   2. Invite a bunch of good PR people individually for a free session. If they love EMS, barter a free membership in exchange for their service.
   3. Their fees are usually thousands a month, and if they are good they can get you repeated exposure – so this will be worth it!
9. Throw Mini Launch Parties
   1. If the PR can do this for you, that’s ideal!
   2. Invite a small group of reporters or influencers, who can mingle and experience EMS during the party.
   3. Throw several of these, so you are taking many small risks, learning from each one, and improving the next one.
   4. Having several parties also means that you’ll get a series of publicity.
10. Check out the Vancouver EMS studios. Not only will you learn from them, they can be your potential business buyer in the future.
11. Fill up your time slots however way possible, even if it’s free (e.g. from bartering or free trial). When you have as many new people in as possible, you can collect many data points and learn lots to help you going forward.
12. Think of ways to work with personal trainers
    1. Can they incorporate EMS into a session with their customers?
13. Send out follow-up emails to people who didn’t sign up. Find out why.
    1. Come up with counter points to help you refine your pitch to future customers.
    2. For example, compare to 1 on 1 personal trainer sessions, EMS is not expensive. Compared to crossfit, it’s also not expensive. Compare to the results you get in the time and effort put into exercising, it’s very much worth it.

I hope you find some of these points helpful 🙂

xoxo

Tanya

Steve has been cute. Saying all the sweet things to me, like I’m beautiful, I’m awesome, he is so looking forward to seeing me, he’s so glad we’ve met, etc.

It’s all just words for now, but I’m a sucker for nice words.

I get so horny just from that. And that he has such a toned body. And that he is so driven.

I’ve masturbated so many times. I think 3 times just today. 3 times yesterday. And even when I’m not masturbating, I’m day-dreaming about him. About making out with him.

I can’t wait! I can’t wait to kiss him and touch him.

But at the same time, I’m a bit worried. Worried that we are not sexually compatible.

I never worried about that before. Until Sam. He was a lousy kisser – his lips have no pressure. He had a tiny dick. What if Steve had something bad too! Or what if he is not happy with something about me?

I haven’t seen a topless photo of him. I do know that he has a tattoo on his shoulder though.

I hope we like kissing and making out with each other. I hope we are super into each other. I hope we also love each other’s naked bodies, and have amazing sex!!

He hasn’t been funny. Maybe cautious. Maybe he’s not funny. I don’t know…  but he is so gentle and sweet and, from what I can tell, honest, reliable, emotionally stable. And he is not boring. He is just not as weird or funny or playful as I’d want. But that’s ok. Right now I just need a gentle soul like him, to heal my wound. I appreciate him.

1. What to do next with the rings?
   1. I’ve learned a lot the past few days
   2. Define Knot Theory’s tone
   3. Define Knot Theory’s customer personas
   4. Update competitor research: Where are we at in this market place? What do our competitors have, what do they do? New comers?
   5. Based on above: What collections to come up with next? For men and women. What’s the story? What’s the packaging? What’s the differentiation?
   6. Talk to Martin about Pantone matching and opaqueness
   7. Follow up with Leo about rings
   8. Pinterest set up
   9. Website Email funnel set up
   10. Instagram shopping set up
   11. Blogging set up
   12. Marketing plan for each persona
   13. Hire a graphic designer for newsletter etc
   14. Hire a marketer to approach stores and gyms and websites
   15. Set up affiliate program
   16. Find a secondary supplier who can do advanced rings
   17. Motivate Janine. We need at least 10K audience. When that happens, she can get a bonus
2. What are the three products I want to explore?
   1. Glitter
      1. Differentiation: penis, biodegradable, our blend, story
      2. Same audience will also like: fanny pack
   2. Kegel balls
      1. Differentiation: color/style, packaging, story
      2. Some audience will also like: baby ear protection, diaper bag
   3. Baby ear protection
      1. Unicorn pink version
      2. Plastic version
      3. Baby elastic band version
3. Diaper bags – let’s see if the launch helps

I went to check out Steve’s EMS fitness studio yesterday!

It was very cool. So far I’ve been so impressed with this guy. And he is the sole owner! He did all this all by himself.

We were very polite. Not flirting really.

The buzzing from the EMS outfit made me laugh though. I felt like I was wearing a vibrator.

After the session, we talked for an hour before I realized it was already noon and had been parked one hour overdue.

Steve and I seem to get along really well. He is not especially funny so far, but we have fun.

I didn’t get an especially flirty vibe from him that day. I put a lot of time that morning into shaving my head, and putting on my make up. I showed up and he was shocked to see me in a mohawk…not in a bad way…in a neutral way I guess. But he didn’t make a comment about it. After I got home I thanked him for the session and said I’d take him out to dinner or lunch. He said he loved my energy and liked my smile. I guess Alex never wanted to compliment me on anything other than my smile. It’s the guys’ way of being more deep perhaps. Hahah.

I was pretty sore today from the EMS I think. I told him that. He said something not very funny in response. I said it could also be that I was using the super strong massager, and that thing was like a meat tenderizer. He asked “Don’t you need an operator for that?” I was…confused. Was he flirting with me? I said, “Maybe! It’s basically heavy-duty machinery.” That was super flirty of me.

He didn’t reply for the whole afternoon! I was starting to get anxious. It’s very weird. He usually replied right away. I second-guessed his flirting. Maybe he wasn’t flirting? Maybe I flirted too hard? Maybe he is on a date? Omg he could be seeing other people. Maybe he is not attracted to me and just wants to be friends?

At 9pm I started reading an article about How to not take things personally. Maybe this “be friends” thing isn’t gonna work. I’m taking this so personally.

Finally, I put my phone away and just lied there. I decided that, maybe he just had a busy day.

Just about then, he replied, “As a heavy duty mechanic by trade, I feel I’m qualified.”

WHEW. He WAS flirting! And he IS interested! Omg my insecurity.

He asked how my work is going, and he said he had a couple amazing meetings today and he can’t wait to tell me about them when we see each other again.

And then he told me that he checked out my alopecia video and thought I was awesome.

WHAAAT.

And then he said he told his mom to check it out too, and she was intrigued.

WHAAAAT!!!

He said I was special and he was glad that we met.

I wanted to cry. This guy is something else. Though so far Jeffry, Sam, and maybe Alex have all said I was special.

To think half hour ago I was in a state of pain, wondering if he liked me at all…and now learning that he likes me a lot.

I still think we shouldn’t be together, and I still don’t want to be together, because he is not funny and playful enough for me. And because he is tied to Victoria. And he kinda wants kids. These are all deal breakers.

But I would really like to spend time with him while I’m here in Victoria. I do really like him. And I want to make out with him so bad. His muscles turn me on so much. His arms. His just-the-right-size hips. His perfect height. I want to have great sex with him.

 

 

I was dreading to go on a date with Steve! Because I was busy trying to find a new product to buy, and my previous date in Vancouver turned out to be the most boring date everrr. Oh and I didn’t think he was very funny or cute.

But I got ready, and met with him at Penny Farthing on Oak Bay avenue. I’ve never been! Only once with Lynsey when it was first opened, over 15 years ago!

I stood outside a minute early and messaged to let me know that I was blonde today. He showed up, and holy shit, he was way better looking in person, he was tall (maybe 6’3 or 6’2), and his body was fucking hot. Probably hotter than Matthew’s. (I just remembered how badly I wanted to meet someone with a hot body…when there was that guy I saw on Tinder who was visiting Vancouver and had a hot body..and I tracked down his IG and followed him. Steve has a nice body, and he is also cute…not photogenic at all, but very distinct look. I liked it! He has a cute nose and high cheekbones.)

I had tea while he had a beer. Right away he said I looked good. I said so did he.

We talked about lots of things. He was easy to talk to. He started an EMS fitness studio just 4, 5 months ago, with his savings from being a heavy duty mechanic. He’s had no help from his parents from the sounds of it…been on his own since high school ended. His dad already passed away and his mom and step dad both drink a lot. He is close to one of his 2 sisters though. He is the youngest.

He is very honest and gentlemanly and does what he set out to do (becoming the owner of a fitness studio!) and is fit. I really like all these qualities about him! Oh and he doesn’t get stressed. He seems very emotionally stable to me. Oh and he eats healthy, organic. Also I just have the feeling that he’ll be really sweet to me always.

We have pretty much the exact same juice recipe! And he dated a girl who had a mohawk! And his mom has alopecia! Very interesting.

He is 36. 2 years younger. We talked about what we wanted in a relationship. And….he kinda wanted kids. That made me sad. He tried to say that if he finds his best friend and soulmate then he is ok without kids. But, I already know I won’t force him. He was not especially playful or funny, actually. And his job kinda requires him to be in Victoria. I want to live in Vancouver.

We walked to Willows beach after. Sorta in the dark. We talked about spirituality, mushrooms. He was into all that. He even foraged mushrooms. Some would oxidize and turned blue green when you open them. I asked if animals eat them. He said he is certain that squirrels eat them! Ahahahah

A couple times he said I was cute. I really enjoyed being with him, glancing at him once in a while and liking how tall he was…just the right height. And his nice cheekbones. We laughed and talked ’til 11:30. 4.5 hour date. Not bad.

I gave him a hug in front of our house. I was on the sidewalk and he was on the road, so it was a good height difference to hug. He held me under my leather backpack, which was right above, almost my ass. We had a longish hug. He asked to see me again. I said sure. He messaged to say that he had a good time. The usual.

I masturbated that night. And it feels like for the first time since Matthew, I had a good orgasm. I had three more today. I imagined being in his strong arms. I imagined him eating me out, biting my neck, and that we have passionate sex. I feel that we’d have amazing sexual chemistry.

I want to try out his EMS technology. Because it’s supposed to rejuvenate your long and short twitch muscles. But I can only be his friend. Sigh. I’m ok with that I think. If he was really funny and playful, then I might not be ok with it. He seems like a purist though…which Tunjung said is the type of guys that is good for me.

In any case, I had a good time. It was a great date!

I find it harder to be around Mom since I got back from Bali. There’s nothing new about how I feel about her, but I’m more annoyed this time it seems.

1. I find her way too opinionated.
   1. e.g. I came out of the ferry. She had prepped me tea and food. I told her I bought a coke. She said, “You’ve grown so much acne and you’re drinking coke?” I have not had any coke in front of her for probably 9 years. I have maybe had 3 cokes in 9 years. What’s with this judgement? What’s with the acne comment? I just got back from Bali. My skin is terrible from all the sunscreen I think. But it’s so untactful of her to say any of these things. It annoys the hell out of me. I don’t want to say, “Listen, this is how I feel when you do this,” because then she’d have to feel extra careful around me. But that’s the kind of person she’s turned me into. Being too careful in order to not elicit opinions. Feeling that I’d rather not do certain things so I wouldn’t have to listen to her fucking opinions.  They are thoughtless comments. Brain farts. I resent that.
   2. e.g. When someone cute visits us, like Mark, she told everyone that I took forever getting ready. Why did she do that? To embarrass me? To flatter Mark? What a fucking teenager.
   3. I under-react because she over-reacts. I wish I could be more normal around her – get excited without feeling like a negative comment will be made.
2. I find her wasting time talking and thinking about the tiniest things
   1. She tells the most boring stories about the tiniest things

What do I do?

I mean, she is not controlling. She just talks out loud. All her thoughts and opinions. I should not take it personally. I’ll just let it roll over my back and do my own thing. Let my actions and attitude do the talking.

Focus on her positive traits. She is thoughtful a lot of the times. Spoils me. Loves me. Supportive of me. And allows me to tell her a lot of things without being judging or opinionated actually. That’s why I feel I can talk to her freely.

Understand that certain experiences probably led her become this way. 

Maybe expose her to more new, fun experiences so she doesn’t sweat the small things.

I fell asleep last night, before it was bed time.

I was buried in my fluffy blanket. My ears were covered by it.

Suddenly I was half awake. I saw the blue blanket, on my left side, in my peripheral vision. I thought I was lying on a guy, who was wearing jeans, and had his leg up, pointing at the ceiling.

I was so convinced that it was real.

I could feel him. His heartbeat, his presence.

I asked in a surprised tone, “You are here?!”

He said yes.

I woke up.

It was so surreal.

I wasn’t sure who that was. It could’ve been Norm, or my next boyfriend. Or my husband. Or my soulmate. I hope it’s my husband / soulmate.

I don’t think about Sam as much and as emotionally now. It’s better now.

I do have the Lady Gaga song in my head though. A million reasons.

Today at times I felt sad that he had the entrepreneurship I wanted, and his projects are ones that I’d love to work on with him. And for a moment I thought, what a shame that we can’t build our dreams together. But then I remember his complexity, his darkness, and his tiny dick.

Part of me feels that the tiny dick is something I can get over. But really I’d much rather be with someone with a beautiful dick. His dick was no just small, but also tapered and smooth…I felt a little grossed out by it.

I’ve been chatting with a few guys on Tinder, Bumble, and Inner Circle. None of them impresses me so far….except maybe Tyler, a structural engineer who is somewhat funny.

I hope to find someone as funny as Sam or Alex O.. Something about these British guys. I realized today that Benedict Cumberbatch reminds me so much of Sam and Arthur combined. He is oddly attractive. Not overly attractive though.

I feel very lonely and at times desperate to find my forever partner. Or even just the interim partner that Tunjung had said I’d meet.. She said I’d meet two and then the third one would be long term.

At times I’m quite happy to be single. My non-single friends aren’t having more fun at all. Look at Anna and Wilson (Wilson keeps joking about having a threesome with me), Cyn and Ty (They are engaged now…but they are bored with each other too), Stan and Lana (Stan doesn’t even love her..). Ken Takagi. Brandon Young.

When partnered up, you worry about losing each other too.

I hope I won’t have to worry about that too much. I hope these upcoming relationships don’t hurt too much.

And if Tunjung is wrong…if I’m just gonna be single forever…well, so be it.

Mom and Dad are happily single.

But Debbie is happy with her boyfriend. Maybe Darlene and her hubby too (with a tone of sadness though). Oh and Tom and Bec! Maybe Vanessa and Anthony..not sure. Oh and Jen Chiu and her husband. Yes, they are still happily married.

I hope to find you soon, my love <3 <3