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I’m so drawn to Mike. Ugh.

At the same time I’ve given up on him. I recently learned a few things about him and I know we can never be. I mean, I knew that before, because we have such a big age gap and height gap. But, he is British with a Canadian passport, he is cute, he is funny, he is smart, he is interesting and interested. I really really like him, especially when I first met him.

He is so funny. Funnier than I realized before. Maybe he is funny because he is messed up. Like many comedians. Like Sam.

He is often a loner. Not a team player. He does not travel well. Not very adventurous. Doesn’t swim for some reason.

Overall, not the companion I seek.

I read up on his sign. He is a Virgo. What an annoying sign. Likes to be taken cared of. Likes to stay at home. Overly critical of self and others.

I feel a bit defeated that I seem not able to attract him right off the bat, even though, duh, I have a boyfriend, I’m 11 years older, have very different temperaments, much shorter.

But, I read that Virgos take time to build friendships first. As much as hate that he is not super attracted to me already, I’m also glad that it’s this way. It’d be much worse that he starts hooking up with other girls.

Step 1 to attracting a Virgo man –	Show how funny and quirky you are.
Step 2 to attract a Virgo man –	Have good manners.
Step 3 to attract a Virgo man –	Be open about your values.
Step 4 to attract a Virgo guy –	Support him.
Step 5 to getting a Virgo guy –	Be kind and loyal

I think I already do the above. I’m acting as a supportive friend. I’m very open and honest. He laughs at my jokes.

Part of me believes that we can be good friends for a long time. Then again, he is not one to keep in touch, so who knows.

My ideal situation for at the end of the chapter is to have a solid friendship with him, one where we both keep in touch with each other.

 

Let’s start with the day I left.

In the morning, I left John’s place and came home to pack.

Masha was busy getting ready for her date. We both cleaned the house.

John came over at night and we had sex. It was nice. Not a lot of conversation but that’s just how he is. Then he took me to the skytrain. We had a really nice last kiss on the lips and necks.

I wanted to cry because I would miss him. But I also wanted to break up with him. I appreciated him taking me to the airport, but I also resented him for not getting me a skateboard because he forgot.

After I arrived, I called him. The next day, he didn’t say anything. I sent him a good night message and he wrote back. Third day, he sent me a bunny and a kiss emoji. Today, nothing. Sigh. What a fucking shitty boyfriend.

I want him to show more affection, but at the same time, maybe this will make it easier to dump him.

I wonder if he’ll remember my birthday. If not, it’s a good time to dump him. Honestly. I will.

I know he has a lot on his mind, but, I really can’t be in his life. He is not fun.

—

My roomies Hannah and Mike were really funny the first 2 days! Then yesterday and today we hardly saw each other. That’s ok though.

Mike is 6’5, 28, and like a mix of Jim Carrey and Tyler (but more handsome). He is British. A software engineer. He made me laugh so hard, and he was so interested in my stories, and laughed at my jokes, that I was so drawn to him.

But I reminded myself, that I don’t want a big age gap. I don’t want a big height gap either. I keep thinking about him, but, pull it back girl. Just be friends!

I told him about John. I told him that I want a guy close to my age. He didn’t show any sign of anything. He is young. Maybe he isn’t interested anyway. He seems to be close to Jen. They have fun. Maybe he likes her. Yes, go like someone your age!

Sigh.

---

Cyndi and Tyler came over from Bogota today!

They are so funny.

We discussed why I always find non-funny or broken guys.

I think I know best. I think it’s because I place these first:

1. Good looking
2. Loyal
3. Kind / Sweet / Nice / Sincere towards me

These are definitely important traits, but I think it is very important that the guy is:

1. Funny
2. Finds me funny

And there are a ton of other things.

I want a husband who is smart, caring, sincere, loyal, successful, funny, good looking, about the same outgoing/sociability as me, thinks I’m funny, beautiful, smart, and special. Adores and admires me. Is curious about me and life, driven, has a sense of wonder, has a growth mindset, good temper, good EQ, good problem solver. Has a good handle on life.

I will manifest my dream husband into my life! End of this year, says the clairvoyant!

I feel quite lucky these days.

1. Relationship with Mom and Dad is good.
2. Relationship with friends is good.
3. Relationship with John is good. He is getting funnier and laughing more.
4. Health is good. A little big fat at the waist, but can wok on it. I exercise (run or swim) every other day when in Vancouver. Stamina can be better, and can get sick less often, but I just got some prescriptions for blood work, so that’s a good start. Dr. Snotgrass says it’s really hard for women to keep up with the iron. We tend to lose it as we age. (Eating black sesame candy right now :))
5. Business is good! 60~80% better than last year this time. Working on expansion.
6. I’m finally going to Peru to Macchu Picchu! I’m a little bit reluctant to move, but it’s on my bucket list for a long time now! I’m lucky that I get to go.
7. Investments: Stocks are doing better this year so far too. Going up. Private mortgage has been paying me $1045 per month on a $120K investment. Total I have $1.2M CAD networth.
8. Artsy is moving out. Dunno if it’s really gonna happen, but that’s good news!

I’m really excited about these things right now:

1. Expanding my ring collection and my business in general!
2. Getting my own apartment when I’m back.
3. Building a routine and get better at something

I get excited thinking about all the time that I’ll get when I have my own place again!

I can sleep well, not have annoying kids screaming / crying / playing video games. I’ll hang out with Masha sometimes not all the time. She talks too much. I appreciate her good influence on me. But I think it’s time to move out.

I can host dinner parties and activity parties! Laugh all the time, build great friendship.

Will I live in the same building? In Yaletown? I think as long as it’s central with a pool it’s good! If I can see BC Place and some water, I’d be so extra happy.

I’d love to get better at skateboarding and / or martial arts and / or volleyball when I’m back. Improve on my Spanish too. Cultivate lots of interest to make myself a more interesting person. Meet lots of interesting people. I want to build roots and foundation, optimize and gain proficiency through practice.

John is like that. Maybe he is what I need. He’s been more fun to be with lately. I’m starting to like him more.

I know I’m going to go through some form of transformation after 1 month in Peru. Plus 2 weeks in Europe. But this is how I feel now.

He isn’t super funny, and not super inspiring (in terms of success or contribution to the world or life goals or how he treats his mom), and a bit too conservative, too easy to sink into a stagnant relationship, financially uncertain (?), not super good at solving problems or being proactive or taking care of someone. Bad communicator. A bit of a complainer. Eye / neck health issue. Too into sports. Not as much into deep thinking.

But, he is loyal, reliable, has a handsome face and a hot body, doesn’t drink or smoke, doesn’t care for kids, maintains good health through being active and eating a healthy diet, doesn’t party hard. Is a gentleman. Has grace. Is kind. Has great taste (in fashion, cars). He tries. Tries to be a good boyfriend.

Hard to believe I’m turning 39 in less than 2 weeks! I want to have $4M by 40.

If I invest $1.2M with 10% interest every month, what happens?

Year 1) 1,200,000 x 1.1 = 1,320,000

 

2) 1,320,000 x 1.1 = 1,452,000

3) 1,597

4) 1,757

5) 1,932

6) 2,126

7) 2,338

8) 2,572

9) 2,829

10) 3,112

11) 3,423

12) 3,766

13) 4,142 ($4MM mark)

14) 4,556

15) $5MM

So only $300K more.

Let’s say I scale my business 2X this year. $1MM revenue. I’ll be doing $400K profit.

Let’s say next year $2MM revenue, $800K profit.

Then I’ll have $1.2M + $1M (have to pay tax) = $2.2M

That’s still 6~7 years before I hit $4MM

I’ll be 47.

Then when I’m 49, I’ll have $5MM

16) $5,514

17) $6,065

18) 6,672

19) 7,339

20) 8,072

21) 8,880

22) 9,768

23) 10,745 ($10MM)

8 years of investing $5M, I’ll have $10M. I’ll be 57.

Unless I sell my business for $4MM (Assume $3MM gain after tax). Then I’ll have $4MM at 40. It’ll fast track everything by 7 years. When I’m 42, I’ll have $5MM. By 50, I’ll have $10MM.

I need to look at how to establish my Trust structure so I can sell my business without paying as much tax.

Let’s say I don’t sell my business. How long will it take to grow it to $15M worth?

I’ll need to triple it. Maybe 6 years.

2020: $3M

2021: $4M

2022: $5.5M

2023: $7M

2024: $8M

2025: $10M revenue ($3M profit)

I’ll be 45.

Then I’ll have $10M by 45.

—

I take back what I said today.

John was very cute and funny and smart today. Masha and Stan annoyed me. John cheered me up and was very socially savvy. I’m starting to like him more and more.

 

Hi Tanya!

It’s been a while since we had a conversation!

Nice to have a date with you, talking about anything and everything we want to talk about!

You are very lucky. You know that?

The world is your oyster. Or, deluxe sushi with large pieces the fill the entire mouth, lightly toasted flan with fresh berries for dessert, plus cuisines from around the world haha

A fews things I learned recently:

1. When you feel good, you pay it forward. When you feel bad, you pay it forward. This is how we do, as humans. So it’s important to make people feel good, and it’s important to be able to make self feel good. It’s essential to the world’s health being.
2. We each have a value to a person. It doesn’t mean they are correct. It’s highly subjective to their perception of us (which could be very shallow or misguided), their own experience (and there’s no way for us to get the complete picture, because it also includes their take on their experience), and our relationship (chemistry, power dynamics).
   1. Some of these values include:
      1. Do they give me love? (to be loved)
      2. Do they inspire the love in me? (to love)
      3. Do they make me happy?
         1. As in, my mood right now (laughs, new mindset such as compliments, food, drugs)
         2. As in, help me become that person who is happier (can get what I want to get in life such as a cushier life, more attractiveness, more fulfillment)
            1. As in, physical changes (fitness, health, physical appearance)
            2. As in, internal changes (mental, spiritual fulfillment/englightenment, knowledge)
            3. As in, material gains (house, yachts)
      4. Can I make them happy? If I succeed, it’ll make me feel happy.
3. Story telling has one of the greatest impact on another person. It’s also a fast way to connect with someone.
4. We can tell any story about the same fact. From different angles, with different emphases. So make yourself an interesting person.
5. A great way to make a story more engaging and fun and memorable is to re-enact something. Anything. Act out a dialogue, a facial expression, a movement, a voice, a sound effect.
6. How we make people feel – That’s how we charm. that’s how we become the most attractive person. That’s how we become the most important person to someone.

 

I feel pretty lucky in general, especially after my run today!

Things are good. I’m grateful.

Mom and Dad are healthy and happy.

My business is doing quite well.

I’m healthy and happy.

I have friends and boyfriend who care about me.

—

Just now I feel a little bit sad that John didn’t message me much at all today. Yesterday he didn’t either, but he called me and we talked for over an hour. It made me feel that we are on the right track. Even though talking to him isn’t that fun at all. He is rather boring. So why am I so sad when he doesn’t talk to me much? I think I naturally like to get attached. I naturally want to talk more to each other. I can’t remember the last time a guy who is interested in me talks so little to me. This makes me feel that he is not interested in me. But, I think he is. Just that he doesn’t have the habit of talking more frequently.

So, I should feel happier, because:

1. He called yesterday and we talked for a while
2. He doesn’t entertain me that much so it’s ok if he doesn’t call every night
3. We are on the right path. No need to worry. We haven’t fought. We had a good convo last time. It’s just the way he is. Not personal.
4. Learn to give the guy lots of freedom. He’ll come back for more.

I’d like to have more, yes.

1. Give more to Mom and Dad. A dream house for Mom, and more money for Dad. Get them preventative health care.
2. Business can do even better! More profit, more sales, more team, more free time.
3. I can be healthier and happier. More energy and focus. More time. More friends.
4. I can get a better boyfriend, who makes me laugh, inspires me, motivates me, brings out the best in me, makes me very happy, and vice versa. I’m still searching for you! But for now, I’ll learn to be a better girlfriend with John.

 

My Dear husband:

1. Is mentally and physically healthy – I’m pretty good, yes.
2. Can handle stress well – Pretty good, yes.
3. Can solve problems well – Yes
4. Is emotionally available – Yes
5. Is emotionally stable – Almost Yes
6. Loves me and shows it in ways I can appreciate – Likely Yes
7. Is super funny – I’m funny yes.
8. Finds me super funny
9. Adores me
10. Admires me
11. Makes me laugh
12. Has a sense of wonder – Yes
13. Has a growth mindset, and grows at similar pace as me – Yes
14. Is happy – Yes
15. Is positive – Yes
16. Is supportive – Yes
17. Is encouraging – Yes, can be even more so.
18. Is inspiring – In some ways. Can be even more so.
19. Is generous – Yes
20. Is adventuresome – Yes
21. Is sexy – Yes
22. Is smart – Yes
23. Is charming – Yes
24. Is loyal – Yes
25. Is sincere – Yes
26. Is honest – Yes
27. Thrives in this world – Yes
28. Is playful – Somewhat, yes.
29. Does grand things (travelling to exotic places) – Somewhat, yes.
30. Does unusual things (cool hobbies, has great stories) – Somewhat, yes.

1. Is mentally and physically healthy – John, yes.
2. Can handle stress well – Not sure.
3. Can solve problems well – So so.
4. Is emotionally available – So so.
5. Is emotionally stable – Almost Yes.
6. Loves me and shows it in ways I can appreciate – Not quite. Not enough physical touch and words of affirmation.
7. Is super funny – No
8. Finds me super funny – No
9. Adores me – Somewhat. Not always.
10. Admires me – Somewhat.
11. Makes me laugh – Not often.
12. Has a sense of wonder – Not quite.
13. Has a growth mindset, and grows at similar pace as me – No.
14. Is happy – Not especially
15. Is positive – So so.
16. Is supportive – Yes
17. Is encouraging – Yes, can be even more so.
18. Is inspiring – In some ways. Can be even more so.
19. Is generous – So so.
20. Is adventuresome – So so.
21. Is sexy – Yes
22. Is smart – Not sure.
23. Is wise
24. Is charming – No.
25. Is loyal – Yes
26. Is sincere – Yes
27. Is honest – Yes
28. Thrives in this world – Somewhat
29. Is playful – Somewhat, Not really.
30. Does grand things (travelling to exotic places) – No
31. Does unusual things (cool hobbies, has great stories) – Somewhat, yes.
32. Is patient – Somewhat, yes
33. Has grit – In sports yes. Not sure about in business
34. Is open-minded – debatable
35. Not judging – yes
36. Good at resolving conflicts
37. Good at creating a lasting, passionate relationship
38. Good at creating a close bond with people
39. We can have deep conversations
40. Has a positive world impact

I had dinner with Jennifer tonight after picking her up from the airport. She said something very true:

If a guy had to change to suit your needs/wants, he’ll change back eventually. (e.g. after marriage in the case of her friend’s husband. He no longer helped with cleaning)

I also realized something while talking to her. John is such a bad conversationalist, and that will never change.

I really really can’t be with him.

He hardly talked to me today. Only when I talked to him. Just like I predicted.

It’s because:

1. He probably just doesn’t need/want to spend a lot of time with me
2. His friends wanted to hang out
3. He is mad at me for something but not telling me (probably for being grumpy because I thought I got HPV from him.)
4. He is turned off by me because I suspected that I had HPV.

I don’t think he is quite as stressed out as before. And yet he is still not talking to me much.

I miss it when he was romantic with me, taking me to Nuba!

What happened?

It makes me so sad.

How I want to have found the one for me. But he is so far from it. So close yet so far.

So handsome. And sometimes very sweet. Not a player.

I’m balling now. I’m so unhappy with him in so many ways.

Today I felt so rejected.

The end is near between me and him.

I want to try tantra with him for valentine’s day. But I don’t even know if we will last until then.

I know he is not the one for me. I just wanted to play and have fun with him for 2 more months, until Peru.

But, I’m starting to question whether I am having enough fun.

The lack of conversations. The lack of depth, laughter, curiosity in our conversations. The poor communications. Conflict avoidance. Lack of physical touch. Lack of physical affections. Lack of imaginations.

I’m so bored. So frustrated.

I’ll see how this week goes, and will try to last ’til VDay. But, I’m mentally prepared to let him go.

 

Week’s RPM

Get diaper bag refund – waiting to get complete file from Jay

Set up Forecastly – 70% there, just need data to be updated, and see if the inventory order projection is accurate

Prepare for Point Roberts trip. Prepare the Bliss 8 barcodes and ship labels. Go on Tuesday or Wednesday. (morning, before USPS closes)

Clean out my ring inventory (silver, warehouse ones, sell them or destroy them)

• New rings arrive: stackable, more comfort fit, striped, bevel
  • Week 1: give Martin stackable package design
• V Day Promos in place
  • Week 1: have a plan for rings and scarves
• Decide what will be useful metrics reporting, and make use of Forecasting and Sellerboard
  • Build metrics or ask Jay to manually report for now
• Add FBM inventory for all markets

Meal wrapped up at 6:45pm! Tomorrow start eating at 10:45am!

Audience

Married couples who want to buy for each other

Husband who wants to buy for wife

Wife who wants to buy for husband

Wife whose husbands are in hands-on work

Channels

Facebook groups

Pinterest groups

Manychat – cheap buyers – need to be creative – need incentive

Mom blogs, fashion blogs

Influencers

Facebook Ads – video, slide shwo

IG Ads – video

Our emails

Our IG

Our FB

Our Pinterest – better conversion than IG

Our blogs – first entry

Our website – better homepage, upselling, sales, more reviews

V Day gift idea websites

Latest trend websites who might have a V Day special

Ideas:

1. Gift Card – 2 hours (for him, for her, for couple for weddings)
2. Gift guide – 2 hours
   1. focusing on matching rings, as well as for him, for her specials (can re-use this too, for bloggers, other websites)
   2. can also categorize by price ($100 and under, $50 and under, $20 and under, and include scarves, bow ties)
   3. Ryan can make this. Will take me 2 hours to mock up content
3. Update our homepage banners – 2 hours
   1. Creative Market or Ryan or both
4. Update Amazon store front with the same graphics as homepage – 2 hours
   1. Creative Market or Ryan or both
5. Email gift guide – 3 hours
   1. Need to consolidate mailchimp first (2h)
   2. Draft email (1h)
6. Post gift guide on IG and Pinterest – 2 hours
   1. Jay can do this
   2. Need pinterest and IG friendly versions – Ryan or Jay or me
7. 2 days to do the above
8. Create a little V Day gift ideas video (2 days)
   1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27G46NyLnw0
9. Contest – photos! (post V Day? Your romantic photos?)
10. Contest – 1 hour
    1. stories! with photos? Ask your customers to submit their best (or worst) break-up story in 140 characters or less on Twitter. Pick the best break-up story and give them a shout out on social, and a (grand) prize for sharing their story.

       Or terrible date story
       Or vintage love story
       Pick 2 or 3 from above, and do one contest each week leading up to V Day

11. BOGO or any V Day sale (sweetheart sale) plus free shipping! – 1 hour, 3 hours if making an email campaign (Ryan needed)
12. Blog topics – 1 hour each article (Who will write it?)
    1. date night ideas
    2. V Day check list
    3. Make a dinner reservation
    4. Get a haircut/trim your beard
    5. Plan your Valentine’s Day outfit
    6. Buy gift cards
    7. Pick out a floral bouquet
    8. Get a box of your sweetheart’s favorite candy / silicone ring
    9. Find a babysitter and clear your schedule
13. Cross promote with someone else? socks? nails? (opi, jamberry, metal rings)
14. Also celebrate singles / self love
15. Promote random acts of love (https://squareup.com/townsquare/7-adorable-valentines-day-marketing-ideas)

 

Ah, a very nice night with John tonight :))

I’ve been wondering about how to cook for him at his place. Do I cook ahead of time? He doesn’t have a microwave to reheat the food! Do I bring a blanket because I’m on my period? So many parts for what seems to be an easy date night.

Thankfully, Masha’s brother’s birthday is tonight! Thank you! Masha took Bibi to her parents. Right away I asked John to come over, between 5pm and 8pm.

Bibi was crying and making a mess. Finally Masha left at 4:30. I got ready, started the purple yam, and went down to meet John wearing my Bambi dress, without a bra or panties!

He loved how I looked. He later said the moment he saw me he was turned on, and that he loved that I dressed up for him. I asked him what he liked, he said everything. I asked for more details, he said heels first!The tight dress. And the blonde hair, surprisingly. My body. My face. I wonder if it’s his order of importance. From the bottom up.

The purple yam in the oven made the house smell nice. I said we need to have sex first (because the longer we wait, more blood comes out). It’s nice to have the caya, which is a birth control normally, but on period days, it holds back the blood! And the gel helps solidifies the blood.

Sex was quite good! He was really turned on by me. I gave him a long blow job. And I think he is learning to pay more attention to my satisfaction in turn! We had quite a satisfying orgasm together.

Then I started cooking. the miso black cod that Mom made. I added ginger and green onions and it tasted even better! John really enjoyed it! And he liked the prawns too. And he like the oyster mushroom and brocollini too! And the purple yam with butter! The dessert was red bean sticky rice cake, which he thought was good but not his fave.

We stretched out on the living room floor. It was nice bonding. I taught him a bit of yoga stretches, so it made me look good too.

Then we had pomegranate juice with lemon. He added ACV to it which tasted alright!

Then we cuddled in bed. I was still horny so I asked if he wanted to watch me masturbate. I got a nice one…mmmm. Feeling very satisfied, I started giving him a blow job. He got so turned on, he turned me around and put his dick in me. Round 2! That’s rare. It was very nice. Most satisfying night yet!

We wrapped up at 8:30, 5 minutes before Masha came home! What a perfect night.

Oh I did tell him about how I didn’t like having Masha around me and him because she crosses the line. When she got home, she was like, you guys are finished already! And told me about how she would not be able to stand that. It was frankly a bit annoying.

I’m surprised though that he hasn’t said thank you for the night yet. He usually does! I hope he got home safe.

I was a little paranoid that he only spent 3.5 hours with me on a weekend. Is he dating someone else? But, that’s not unusual for him since the beginning. And I know Tanja moved in with someone and the guy cheated anyway!

I feel that he is just more of an introvert who needs more alone time. He doesn’t seem like the type to date more than one person at a time.

I like that he calls me more often now. And he is slightly more talkative now. And our sex is getting hotter. And he is sweet to me.

I think Masha is jealous. She can’t help it of course. It’s natural.

 

 

 

 

Omg, I’m so thrilled about 2019!!! Ah, a new year. What a fun new beginning! I think I’ll celebrate more often, like, in the book 4 month year, Or, every month!

What is my goal for this month!?

1. Relationships: Forgiveness. See the good intentions in people. See the magic and opportunities in every situations. See the brilliance in myself.
   • How do I keep it up? I’ll recite this everyday! I’ll listen to myself say positive phrases every day:
     • Tanya you are so smart. You have creative ideas and you find opportunities. You think beyond the boxes!
     • Tanya you will increase your income by 20% this month! You will find many ways to accomplish this.
     • Tanya you see the love and good intentions in people around you.
     • Tanya you spot the magic and opportunities in every situation.
     • Tanya you are a brilliant, beautiful, world-class bright light. Your smile, laughs, sense of humour, and love shine bright and light up everyone around you!
   • How do I measure this? I’ll do a check-in at the end of each day!
     • How is my mood today?
     • Was I forgiving?
     • Was I loving?
     • Did I love myself?
2. Health: HIIT, breathe, intermittent fasting
   • How do I keep it up?
     • 20 deep breaths in the morning, midday, and evening
     • fasting 5 days a week (start with 3)
     • HIIT sprint and swim every other day!
   • How do I measure this? Weekly check-in!
3. Wealth: Keep the grand vision in mind. Have $2MM more cash by end of 2020. Build a dream house for mom ($1MM needed), give dad more money per year (Set aside $300K more for extra dividend income), and buy or rent a condo with gorgeous views for myself (Set aside $600K for dividend income for rent, or buy with downpayment)
   • How do I get there?
     • Recite and visualize this outcome daily
     • RPM, baby!
     • This month, focus on creating a dream team, building useful metrics, and creating more sales. Get the most out of Valentine’s Day!
   • How do I measure this?
     • By end of January
       • Have a new VA (for pinterest, PR outreach, admin) and a blogger
         • Week 2~3: interview
         • Week 4: hire and train
       • New rings arrive: stackable, more comfort fit, striped, bevel
         • Week 1: give Martin stackable package design
       • V Day Promos in place
         • Week 1: have a plan for rings and scarves
         • Week 2~4: out reach and execute (and delegate)
         • Include: consolidate mailchimp, make use of manychat
       • Build metrics or ask Jay to manually report for now
         • Week 1: decide what will be useful metrics reporting, and make use of Forecasting and Sellerboard
         • Week 2~4: test out if these reports are indeed helpful, improve and repeat!
         • Remember that inventory management will also help me make more money; get rid of old stock, get new stock in quickly.