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Alex and I celebrated our 3 month anniversary. It feels like we’ve been together for much longer than that! In reality we haven’t even been togethr for 2 months, because I was in Taiwan for 3 weeks. And we missed 1 week when we nearly broke up.

It’s kind of been bitter sweet.

Really, if he has a career, and has good income and good savings, this relationship is good and we could’ve avoided a lot of struggles.

But I know that I’ve said in the past, I just want someone who loves me. And loyalty is the most important thing. And the guy doesn’t have to be perfect. Also, he has everything I asked for on my wish list.

He has blue eyes, nice body, tall, our sex life is pretty good (though right now he is stressed), looks young for his age, pretty smart, pretty funny, is 5 languages of love, has common sense, and is considerate.

Is he good for me though? Do I like who I am when I’m with him? I think these are very important questions.

As much as I like his place, and how it’d solve his problem of having bad roommates, and how I’d get to be downtown, and how we’d see each other more often…I’m very unsure about moving in with him.

He was super stressed and not horny yesterday, because of his roommate issue. He gave him the notice yesterday, and almst forgot that it was our anniversary. I felt that he can’t seem to handle issues or stress very well. That is a problem.

At the same time he was very sweet, attentive, holding the umbrella for me, was gonna take me to Season’s in the Park, the most romantic restaurant in the city! We went to Stanely Park to see some Xmas lights. It was lame. I suggested we go to Van du Sen Gardens to see more lights. It was much more beautiful there.

We had a romantic walk amongs the beautiful lights. All is well. He seemed tired so we decided to go to a Starbucks nearby, and to go to Sandbar for a romantic dinner.

At Starbucks, we were playing a game of staring. I asked that we play a game where we start out smiling. He didn’t want to do that. He just wouldn’t smile. Then I got pissed. I held down my anger though. We drove to Granville Island in silence. After I parked, he asked, Are you sure you want to date me? We talked it through, and was ok. But, I didn’t like that he was so unwilling to cooperate, and so willing to give up. Sigh. But at least we didn’t let it ruin the night. We made out some in the car, then walked to the restaurant.

We were lucky again in getting a very nice spot by the fireplace at Sandbar. Last month before going to Taiwan and China, we got a sweet spot in a restaurant in North Van too. The mood was amazing, with the fireplace, live piano music and great singing by the panist! We were sweet to each other. He was smiling. I think he was making an effort.

We discovered the day before that the psychotic woman he dated was Agnus, the girl that Jeffrey dated before me! I want to beat her up for hurting Alex and Jeffrey! So we talked about her yesterday. We talked about Alex’s Japanese girl friend after her too. It was weird talking about ex’s so much yesterday.

We came home. I was horny because it’s been 2 weeks since I saw him and 3 weeks since we had proper sex. Sex was pretty good. I think I came 3 or 4 times. He didn’t come. He wasn’t horny. But he did try his best at pleasing me.

Sleep was fine. He was so tired. I didn’t toss and turn and wake him up this time.

Ths morning was good too. We photographed his hands. He helped me with the lighting too. He was very good. And he showed me his bike tutor videos. I had more respect for him because bikes are more complex than I realized. And also, he looked so cute in the video!

My main conerns for this relationship:
1. I feel that I want him to have certain things that he does not have. Money. As in, good income and savings.
2. He gets stressed easily. Doesn’t seem to be very good at handling a stressful situation.
3. We probably can’t be a power couple. He is too gentle and not ambitious.
4. 5 years from now, will he have made the money? If so, what would our life be like?
5. Is he fun?
6. Can we travel together?
7. 20 years from now, will he have made the money? If not, will I have to pay for everything? Like Mia does.
8. Do I want to be more like him in any way? Because we’ll become more and more like each other.

Because he is so stressed right now, we are not having a ton of fun.
Because he is so poor right now, we are not having a lot of fun.
And he is stressed because he made some bad decisions and remains poor.
And he is not very good at managing his stress, thus making some bad decisions.
I almost wonder if he is unsuccessful because he’s not very good at managing stress.

But he does have potential. He’s made two successful websites. Made lots of videos.

If I believe in him, it’ll help him reach his full potential.
If I support him, it’ll help him achieve too.
I need to be more patient and less critical of him, to do the above.
And we’ve had a fun date. He has a fun side. We can have fun together I’m sure. We’ll build more fun chemistry together given more time. Plus his current stressers will pass.
Is he good for me? I don’t know. I feel that so far he hasn’t been particularly good.
Though he’s been very caring and loving. That’s really nice.
That in itself is very beautiful and rare.

Oh Alex and I have not been doing well. I asked for a sign if I should be with him and got this….I wonder if this means he is not the one…sigh.

It’s only been <3 months! Why on Earth is it so difficult?

It all started with his roommate. What a fuckhead. He is ruining us.

Basically he woke Alex up between 3~5 am 3 times this past week. Alex was a zombie. I learned today that he didn’t just do that becaus he was tired. He needed time to himself. Sigh. He has that all week! But he was too tired after work each day of the week.

But if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Imagine how bad it’d be if I moved in.

Sometimes I feel that he is more trouble than he’s worth. I’ve been sad so much this past week or two.

He is special to me because he was all 5 languages of love. And he had a good temper. And sex was good. But even all these are changing lately because he is tired and stressed. And he seems to get tired and stressed easily.

My feelings for him come in waves. Sometimes I love him, sometimes I feel nothing. Sometimes I think of him as a loser. I seldom admire him. That’s probably not a good sign. I’m not very proud of him. I try my hardest, but I did not fully convince myself. I guess I’m proud of him for always listening to me and taking action on them. Except for the roommate situation.

Also, Ireally want a guy who is more stable financially, and growing his career in a good way. Man, who knew that these things would be so important!

Ideally I want a guy who is better at business than me, so I can learn from him!

Man, if a guy is older instead of younger than me, it’s lamer that he needs to learn from me!

I was so hurt that Alex didn’t have it in him to see me this weekend. Worse yet, he didn’t message me cute things in the morning like he did the past 3 weeks.

Today, we talked on the phone and almost got into a fight. On Saturday, he agreed to let me help him look for a roommate. Today, he said he just agreed to think about it. WTF. When I told him the good news of all the potential renters I found, and how Cyndi has been helping me, he got stressed.

Does he ever get stressed easily. It’s like my anger.

Times like this I feel that he is such a loser. And I can’t stand that he can’t fix his situation. And I can’t stand that he won’t let me fix his situation either.

I’m ready to end this. It’s not gonna be easy, because, well, I thought he was the one.

But he is not.

I can’t change the fact that he is a loser. A self-justified loser. But then I guess that’s what losers do. Always finding excuses for why they had to change course. They are just running away from problems.

Please, God, I don’t want this relationship to end before I go to South Africa. I want it to be peaceful, amicable. In South Africa, if I find someone good, or not, I will end it when I get back. It’ll be better that way.

It’s partially in my control. I won’t pressure him to find a new roommate. I won’t even talk about these things.

We’ll be celebrating our anniversary next weekend. Please, please let it be fun.

It’s been great seeing Alex transform. I encouragd him to get a new job related to bike, he did. I inspired him to make more money, he fought and got a better salary.

I suggested that he asked Steve about the direction of the company and the scooter / bike revenue split, he asked and got answers. He didn’t like getting put to fixing scooters at work, I told him to talk to Ketti, using Steve’s vision about the direction of the company as his argument, he did, and now gets to focus on bikes at work.

He’s done a lot.

But part of me is stil questioning, is he a loser, or is his success up and coming?

Can I proudly stand beside him? I don’t know. Because I don’t know if he has it in him. There’s a lack of ambition, lack of drive, lack of direction. I can’t always be influencing him. I don’t always have faith in him. Sigh. I wish I did. I wish I believe in him whole heartedly. I think I need to see grit and good decisions.

Today we talked on the phone. He is all excited about building his VR game. He wants to learn the unreal engine and build a game from scratch.

I think:
1. It’s a big project
2. He doesn’t have all the skills – 3D graphics, writing a game from scratch.
3. It’ll take him at least 2 years to get to the point of fund raising.
4. In the mean time, VR will be moving forward real fast.
5. On the other hand, he might give up before then.

He talked about refreshing his renewable energy site. He talked about building a cutom bike app. Now he talks about building a VR game.

It worries me that he is all talk. And the latest one is the least viable one. Most competition, longest time and most effort needed to get a working prototype.

I’m not an expert, but I want to guide him. I’ve been guiding him to resolve each issue so far, guiding him to success. I don’t claim to know everything, but so far it’s helping him. I think the fact that I’m financially healthier than him also means something. Sometimes I don’t feel that he has the right to claim to know anything about what’s better business-wise or financially, because he has had no savings, no credit, and was working for $16/hour part time before I came along.

Some possible traits he has:
1. Has problems working 5 days a week. Working 5 days a week drains him.
2. Focuses on the wrong things for too long. Photography, mod-building, dead-end bike jobs.
3. Is proud to be a good person. Doesn’t care as much about money nor saving it for retirement.
4. Has been poor for too long. Can’t think out side of the financial box.
5. Often a victim. Escapes instead of facing the problem.

I’m starting to think that we won’t work 🙁

1. I don’t want to grow old with someone who cannot support himself. I don’t want to have to support him. If he continues this way, I think I will have to.

2. I don’t want to always feel bad about spending money when with him.

3. I don’t want to be like him – limited vision, impractical approach to making money, victim mentality, poorman mentality, running away from problems, too weak to stand up for himself, can’t think outside the box.

4. Runs away from problems. Might run away from me.

5. He is so loving All five languages of love. I really like that about him. He can be really funny. He likes many things that I like: VR, penthouse, great view.

6. He has a good temper. He is considerate. He is supportive.

7. I really want him to succeed. I want him to be location independent. I want him to have enough money to spend on anything he wants, and things we can have/experience together, such as buying a penthouse, travel.

8. He has had success before. It just wasn’t very well-managed. God knows I haven’t managed my business very well either. If he’s succeeded twice with his sites, there’s something there.

I just called him and apologized. I told him that sometimes I have a very strong opinion about the sequence of things he should do, but that’s because I care about him. And that I trust that he’ll know best what to do. He said he wasn’t sure. But at least we are ok again. We kissed each other good night.

I don’t know if this is right, when we’ve only been together for less than 3 months, and we already broke up once, and had almost-fights 2 or 3 times. They were all caused by me though.

I cried. I don’t know why I cried. I’m stressed abous us. I’m stressed about moving in together. I’m stressed about my biz.

Sometimes it feels like I’ve been single for so long, I’m really happy and free like this. Go to bed whenever the heck I want. Eat whenever I want. Sleep comfortably all by myself.

God, please show me a sign that Alex and I should be together.

This morning I thought about how much I like Alex.

He is so sweet, so attentive, so good to me. In many ways he is perfect for me.

In the evening when we talked on the phone, he seemed sad. Work isn’t as fun as he had hoped. He had to work on the electric scooters and he didn’t like it. It seemed like he found the electric stuff really hard.

It was a bit of an unattractive moment. He seemed like an illiterate person who doesn’t want to be given the reading job.

But I thought about how he is actually very good at teaching himself things, and encouraged him to learn it. He seemed receptive….almost too receptive. I hope he is real about it haha.

His work is getting him down a bit. It tires him out, and he is frustrated that he won’t get to do bike design. (Though he was clear-headed enough to advise Steve to not design new cargo bikes yet, and to order ready-made cargo bikes first.) I wish he can get used to this job and find it easy.

I think I need to remember that his talents won’t completely be the same as mine. And that his bad might be his good also. And I shouldn’t compare him to other people’s boyfriends. Most of all, I need to remember that he loves me very much. He hasn’t said so yet, but we both feel this way, I know. No one has ever loved me this much. For that, he is a keeper.

I need a company who can:
• Create a site like Enso – mobile friendly, SEO’d.
• Create good photos

I thought I lost him, but he msg’d me the next day and wanted to talk.

He had calmed down and was now more receptive to communicate our differences. He appologized for putting me through this. I appologized to him too.

The past three days we talked on the phone every day for hours. Today we’ll finally see each other! I hope everything goes well 🙂

I like him a lot. We like each other a lot.

He is not happy with his current roommate. I might’ve been receptive to move in with him right away, but I’m going to be in South Africa for 1.5 months.

What are some possible scenarios?
1. He keeps this roommate until March 30th, then I move in.
Pros
– I do like his space – close to downtown, close to the sea wall, close to Kits for volleyball, great view.
– We’ll get to live together
– Motivation for Alex to make more money

Cons
– Too soon to move in together perhaps. But we gotta try it to know if we are compatible.
– Paying more rent. Paying $1300 instead of $700. ($600 more!)
– Older place

2. He gets a room at Cyndi’s, or somewhere that is less than $800
Pros
– He gets to save up some money
– Good influence from Ty and Cyn, potentially

Cons
– We will be losing out on his gorgeous space. Vacancies are rare. Rent is higher in equiv. places

3. He moves in with me
Pros
– We can possibly both pay much less rent. Maybe $1000 combined. I save $200 a month, he saves $700 a month. We can use that money for other things and have more fun.
– So much space! And a modern place.

Cons
– He’ll need to store or sell his furniture
– Not sure how long we get to stay here
– Farer for him to get to work; if he drives my car, I’d have no car to use. But it’s actually not THAT far. Only 27 minutes!
– If it doesn’t work out then he’ll have to find a worse place and pay more

My husband is great to me and great for me, as I am to him and for him!

He is fun, funny, smart, and handsome. We love each other SO MUCH and have so much fun together!

We share the same morals, same love languages, many same interests, and same sense of humour. We are absolutely loyal to each other and crazy about each other.

We have amazing physical chemistry. We love each other’s bodies. I love his face, dick, ass, skin, body type, and everything. He loves my face, bald head, tits, ass, skin, and everything. Sex is earth-shatteringly awesome.

We communicate with each other so well. We rarely fight. We are best friends! He is my sunshine <3

He is similar to me in age, and looks young like I do. We are both healthy and fit too.

He is internet business savvy, and we both run successful businesses online. We like to help each other in our businesses too! We are an awesome team and a power couple.

We both have the time and money to travel, and we love travelling together!

He has good common sense, and is high in IQ and EQ. He is emotionally stable and positive. I am becoming more and more so too.

I love everything about him. I adore his uniqueness, his perfection and his flaws. He turns me on. I love how I am and who I’m becoming as I spend time with him. We are so in love.

For the first time I feel like I’m home. I feel so loved, and I love him with all my heart. He is the one.

I’m back in Vancouver!

No more Alex. Too bad. But, it’s a new beginning.

I’ll learn to be less piercing when I speak, and manage my anger.

Last day in Taiwan! I was so excited, but not right now.

I woke up to a stuffy nostril this morning. Not sure if I was getting a cold.

I wasn’t gonna talk to Alex anymore, because I wasn’t feeling great. He left a message that was choppy because of bad connection, so we talked on the phone for a bit.

While talking, he started heating up a pizza.

Before that, he wasn’t being very sexy either.

I was pissed.

I said I was gonna let him go. He said, “kisses” (which is lame btw), and I ignored him.

He messaged me to apologize. I told him how I felt. He said he was dumb to do that.

I was still upset, so I said I didn’t want to feel this way after 3 weeks of waiting to see him. And I told him that he didn’t need to come to the airport.

That was over 2 hours ago, and he still hasn’t replied.

Well. I’m surprised and sad. I thought he’d tried to call me or at least say something.

But I won’t message him again. I’ll just have to wait and see.

If this falls through, I’ll be fine. I’m fine on my own. I’m going to South Africa with a bunch of people. I might meet someone.

I’ve already turned on my OkC profile again. A bit quick I know, but I’m really pissed that he didn’t reply.

For 3 whole weeks I’ve been waiting to see him. I had been missing him. And we seemed strong. And now, he acts like he isn’t enthusiastic. Sigh. I definitely was too eager when I thought I’d move in with him soon.