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Thought Jeffrey was gone from my life, but he was just at a different pace than me. He arranged this date, and was super sweet!

He picked me up at 1pm. Actually he was 10 minutes early, and just waited. We had some tea by Blim, the silk screen print shop. Walked around Chinatown, then headed to Blim.

Blim was a very interesting place! Full of crazy. The instructor Yuriko was pretty eccentric (in her video, not so much in person). The assistant pilot was a bit loopy too. As he helped us pick out our shirts, he kept showing us his ass crack. They are both very nice though.

Jeffrey had wanted to learn to screen print, and so have I! And I had wanted to make that “Patio Furniture” shirt, so it was a double dream come true for me! He made a “West of Denman” shirt with awkward hand holding. It was pretty funny and cute too. It was such a good idea for a date!

He ended up picking glow in the dark, pink, and black for his colours. Haha. His hand gestures are a bit gay too actually.

I did 4 colours on mine, and it looked quite good!

After that, we browsed some stores in Chinatown; some nice menswear, and a really weird store with old stuff. Old phones, old cameras, old maps, old taxidermy.

After that, we went to Bodega, for a squid ink seafood paella! We both ended up with black teeth and lips and fingers. I think I turned goth.

Overall it was a fun day!

He was quite cute. Very sweet. Very thoughtful. Very generous. Funny.

The only thing is, I compare him to Jeff. Sigh. Jeff is really smart. Jeffrey is smarter than average, but probably not as smart as me. Definitely not as smart as Jeff, because Jeff is probably genius level.

But, I’ve never met Jeff. And Jeffrey has lots of amazing qualities, such as being more emotionally steady and stable. Very reliable. Eats healthy (pescatarian).

He didn’t make any move on me. There’s nothing that suggested that he was checking me out. He hugged me at the end. That’s it.

Jeff was so intense, so passionate, so funny, so smart. Gosh I miss those qualities. I know that if we tried we’d still not work…but I really like those qualities.

Jeffrey is a kind person, probably patient. He is able to stay at job for 16 years, and be in long term relationships (8, 9 years). I don’t know if I like that he is at a job that he entered 16 years ago though.

Oh and he asked me what I wanted. I said, I’m seeking a soulmate. He said he sees himself as having a family, with 8 kids. haha.

Realistically, I think he is great, and I want us to be friends. Good friends. I like spending him with him. I just don’t think he is the one, because he is not spontaneous enough, and he is not so smart that I can be his number one fan.

But I really like him. I really do. And today my sales are good. And I worked out (21 day fix, dirty 30). I feel very grateful and happy!

 

It’s been 20 days since our virtual relationship ended. So much has happened since. Unpleasant mostly.

I usually get over someone after 2 weeks, especially since him and I never met…I thought I should be over him by now.

But, today, I still remembered our first phone call, and I cried. I cry in such an ugly way haha. It’s a deep pain I guess. I never cry in such a way. This hurt me bad.

How I wish we could still be together. How I wish there’s an explanation that makes it still possible for us to date.

But, I know it’s not.

I saw photos of him on my phone by accident today. I deleted most memories of him, such as our chats, but I kept his photos in one folder. I forgot that I hadn’t deleted photos of him off my phone. I drew a heart of “Jeff + Tanya” back then too.

Maybe it is especially tough to let go because I was manifesting us being together. I was manifesting hard.

And yet, it didn’t work.

Dear Universe, Please help me find my true soulmate!

By December 31, 2017, my businesses will have generated $3MM USD for the year 2017, from which I will profit $1MM USD.

In return for this money, I will provide the best products, the best end-to-end customer experiences, and the a wide range of products for my customers.

I believe my businesses and I will have this money in our possession. My faith is so strong I can now see the money before my eyes. I can touch it with my hands. This money already exists and have my name on it.

I will launch 10 highly desirable and profitable products, and create world class viral and creative marketing.

Ingenious ideas, brilliant opportunities, and amazing people come to me at just the right times.

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for hot and cold water readily available!
2. I’m grateful for having all the amenities and furniture in this place!
3. I’m grateful for Louise Hay – she is awesome!

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz generates $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit – Yes, working on it! Working on video today. I’m reading Think and Grow Rich, I have Business Mastery experience to help me, and I have tools such as Extractafy and VideoBlock to help me, and I have friends such as Ying and Stan and Lana to help me! And the Badasses!
2. I have more strengths, stamina, and toned body – Yes, I’m working on it! Trampoline day today 🙂
3. I attract my soulmate and we live happily ever after – Yes, working on it! The place is now pretty tidy (thanks to failed sex date). I will start on my Soulmate (and life) vision board today! On good path to attract my love. Tony Robbins also taught me to not focus on loss, less, and never. I choose to be happy, and my decisions shape me life.

8:30 ’til Noon – Morning medication with Louise Hay, trampoline, breakfast shake. Surprise interruption phone call from a guy from BM, wanting to pitch me social media packages. 

Big Picture on how to grow my biz to reach $3MM:

1. Maintain sales and rank on Amazon and Etsy
   1. PPC ads – all ads are up. Waiting for results to come in, and will refine.
   2. Better listing search terms on Amazon – need to prepare spreadsheet to A/B test
   3. Price split testing – Will wait after CashCowPro fixes this tool
   4. Enhanced listing, perhaps – haven’t started on this
2. Scale up sales on website
   1. FB Ads – working on Video!
   2. SEO – need to hire a blogger for content
   3. Improve conversion rate – improve end to end customer experience – need to sit down and plan this. Also try out the Extractafy theme. The shop finder based on keywords is lame. Might return the whole course though. Download the FB videos beforehand.
3. Add more profitable products on Amazon
   1. Sourcing agent
   2. Decide on market – considering the bag market
   3. Create brand

Agenda for Today

1. Work from 12:30 to 9, take 1.5hr break (work 7 hours)
2. Create a basic ring video ad for FB, basing on Buzzfeed – all day (3 or 4 hours) – shorten the text display time, get as much image/footage in as possible, figure out what image/footage needed, add music
3. Upload product reviews from Janine to KT – 0.5h
4. Spend time on VA – Keesha report download issue, get them to use refund genie – 1h
5. Create vision board! – after 8pm
6. Read Think and Grow Rich – flex
7. Go to Staples and buy some q cards and  – 1h
8. Walmart – optional – red curry paste, body moisturizer, avocados – 1h

Day’s Summary:

Tomorrow:

1. Print out my list of to dos from journal entry (vivid vision)
2. Research what Willow’s and Everette, and other big sellers are doing. Amazon Exclusive – who are more likely to get – 2 hr
3. Contact sourcing agents – 0.5 hr

This week:

1. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only
2. More on CashCowPro for price split testing – once confirmed that more rings are coming
3. Invest for dividend income
4. (Weekend) Listen to FFL speeches – Is it good to listen to it during weekend to get motivated for the week?

It was the weekend. I still worked, but I didn’t document my time really.

The past week I was very distracted by Tinder msgs, which ended in vein. It was such a waste of my time. I can’t believe how big of a liar Matty was. It was eye-opening.

Made bunny mugs with Anna, Wilson, and Emma! It was actually a lot of fun!

Chatted with Jay. He is ok. He is nice. Mildly entertaining.

On Sunday I worked on my videos all day. Very time consuming. But I believe it will do well.

It occurred to me on Sunday that I can make Matty’s life miserable by letting him know that I told all his Facebook friends and family about his dick-sucking fantasy that he said he’s never told other people.

Then I was a bit disappointed to realized I had already deleted him off Tinder, and I deleted our Whatsapp convo (so I can’t really take a screenshot..but I wasn’t going to send a screenshot to his Facebook friends and family anyway..it takes too much time.)

But then it occurred to me that I can message him on FB, lol. So I said something like, I messaged all his friends, and don’t mess with a software engineer. Then I blocked him on FB. The only thing was, often people don’t notice the FB msgs from non-friends.

But not long after, he unblocked me on Whatsapp, and msg me to ask if I msg’d him on FB. He said he can’t see it (he is dumb). So I msg’d him to say, I noticed  you blocked me on Whatsapp. That’s low. I don’t appreciate liars. I sent screenshot of your dick-sucking fantasy to all your FB friends. Have fun! Then I blocked him on Whatsapp.

I blocked his calls too, on my phone. But I didn’t block the txt msging. I didn’t know they are separate. He texted me that he is gonna call the police. I hesitated for a moment. Nah, there’s nothing he can report on me. I blocked his txt too.

So that was it. Heart pounding during this event. Got a bit of satisfaction. Felt that we are even. He wasted my time, totally lied to me (Unbelievable..he even said, he was always honest. He even asked me to ask him 3 questions and he’d be totally transparent about them. He even talked about every detail of what we are gonna do. Unless, he really meant them, but later got back with his gf, otherwise, he was just a pathological liar. It was too detailed for a normal person lying here and there.) I think it’s more than fair that he suffered from the idea that everyone knows he wants to suck dicks.

It still was on my mind a lot yesterday, and a bit today – a mix of satisfaction and guilt.

On a different note, it’s been about exactly 2 weeks, and Jeff is still on my mind. He really affected me deep. 10 days was 1/5 of the time we chatted. I should be over him by now. I still think about him.

Oh and I also got on the phone with Jeffrey on Sunday. He messaged me on Saturday wondering if I wanted to go for a drink. Said he ate a bunch of raw garlic and that made him crazy so that must’ve been why he was msging me. I was just heading out to make some bunny mugs, so I didn’t get to the bottom of why he never msg’d or called since V Day.

On Sunday, I asked him what the deal was. He said he really didn’t think it was that long, and he really was interested. I called him because I felt like it needed to be clarified on the phone.

His speech was hard to understand because he was talking fast and apologizing and wanting to have a date that day, or Monday, or Thursday, like he was desperate. Not hot.

The only reason why I wanted to keep this relationship up is because I think he can be a guy friend. He seems like a nice guy.

Sigh. Jeff was way cooler. Cooler than anyone. The way he talked, the stuff he does, and how much he loved me. I don’t have any hopes of ever being with him, but I want to meet someone cool again.

I listened to Louise Hay’s  meditation Sunday night and Monday morning. She is great!

Woke up at 7am

Can’t remember when I went to bed. I was quite sad last night. I thought I was gonna see Matty for sex, but later he said he had to work. That’s all fine, but, later when I checked at around 11pm, he had blocked me on WhatsApp! WTF?!

I couldn’t understand why. He seemed genuinely wanting to meet (It’s for sex, why wouldn’t he?) He went into details about the sequence of our sex..oil sex, followed by shower sex, followed by regular sex, then late night sex. There are so many details in the convo that gave me no reason to doubt that he was lying about his intention.

There was an oddness the day before. I think he deleted me from Whatsapp, because he never “read” my last couple messages. Considering we just talked about very sexual details, it was weird.

My messages were simply, are we meeting today? I’m planning out the day. Later in the day, he replied in Tinder. So I think he did delete me. I replied in Whatsapp, and we chatted in there, talking about sexual stuff, like we did the day before.

I thought that, if we did hit it off, I’d ask him about this odd behaviour. That made me look at his Whatsapp again late last night, and that was when I discovered that his profile didn’t show an image, and when I went into it, it showed no “last seen” time. I think that means I was blocked.

What a blow! And why? It’s not like I was smothering him. He was the one that kept talking to me while I worked.

I checked his distance from me in Tinder. He was 12km away. I don’t know how far away he usually is, but 12km away is not Langley like he said he was going to be (to work at midnight). Ok, maybe he was relocated. I checked again at 8am out of curiosity if he is moving (getting off work).  He moved to 8km away. And now, around 10am, he is less than a mile away. I guess I don’t really know what’s going on.

In any case, I just don’t see any justifiable reason for blocking me. Someone else had his phone? He is not single?

I feel that I really, really don’t know a person, based on chat. I need to recalibrate how I judge a person based on chat. I thought he would be a nice rebound after Jeff, but didn’t expect him to disappoint so much also.

Thankfully Jay is still texting me, and was being sweet. He is kind of a lone, aimless, laid back person, living in the Valley, someone I probably wouldn’t want to date. We have almost nothing in common. He has a decent sense of humour. That’s why we still talk.

He asked if I was still looking for my soulmate. I said, Yeah, why would I stop? (A moment later I was crying and wanting to stop Tinder and online dating altogether, ironically. Deep down I know I need to keep looking, but it’s terribly frustrating.)

He said, “You shouldn’t. I’m can’t believe you haven’t found one yet.” He told me that “guys must be falling in love with me left right and centre.”

I said thanks, I wish that was the case. He said, “Guaranteed. Because I’m smart, independent, outgoing, has a great sense of humour, and is gorgeous.”

Such sweet things to say. It tells me that he admires me, but I sense he also doesn’t seem to believe there’s a future for us. We have so little in common after all. Plus he is probably too hairy.

For now, it’s fine just chatting with him. Even though I kept saying, Let’s meet soon, I’m fine with us not meeting. I’m so lonely I could use someone like him. Just to chat with. Kinda sad I know.

I don’t want to be on Tinder nor Bumble now. Not even OKC. Maybe I’ll wait ’til Spring. Too much frustration, too many weirdos, and it seems to be low season for dating.

It’s been 2 weeks since Jeff was gone, and I’m still crying. Not crying about him specifically, just about my dating life. All the heartless, insincere people I’m met the past few years. I mean, all of them really. Matty was the last straw. His strange behaviour makes me question my ability to read people. And all the people I’ve met make me question why I’m attracting them into my life.

Dear God. I appreciate everything you’ve given me. I definitely do.

I don’t want to be sad. I know it’s not good for attracting good stuff into my life. But I’m so sad. I’m balling right now.

I want to meet the one. I want to meet my soulmate! Please. I’m ready. I want to love him, get to know him, care for him, laugh with him, and enjoy life with him. I want to be loved.

 

Today is kinda a take it easy day. It’s the weekend. I worked on my Buzzfeed style video a bit. Chatted with Jay from Tinder. I’m not in a rush to meet him now. I’m content just msging him. I don’t need more disappointments. And I don’t want to meet him and then lose him too. He supports me mentally by being a fan of me.

Started day at 8:30a

Had 2 glasses of water, did workout, drank protein, set up time with Joy my Life Coach from Tony Robbins, watched Autumn Calabreze’s interview again (didn’t know who she was and thought she was annoying, but now that I like her workout, I like her too. She is very determined. She is the same age and height as me too!) Showered, shaved, moisturized (Just in case Matty and I hook up). Messaged Matty. He was online, but didn’t reply, didn’t read my messages (Sigh).

Added more Amazon PPC ads for coloured rings. I learned last night that purple, pink, white, teal – many of these rings aren’t indexed! Need to place ads for them.

It’s now 12:30pm. Today, main goal is to create those FB video ads!

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for invisalign and Ken. I can feel my teeth moving today. Almost there! Ken is nice to me. And the team too.
2. I’m grateful for having the affection of guys yesterday. Maybe it’s just yesterday, but it was fun.
3. I’m grateful for the movie Arrival. What a mind opener. I’m grateful for my life, my future.

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz generates $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit – Yes, working on it! Working on video today. I’m reading Think and Grow Rich, I have Business Mastery experience to help me, and I have tools such as Extractafy and VideoBlock to help me, and I have friends such as Ying and Stan and Lana to help me! And the Badasses!
2. I have more strengths, stamina, and toned body – Yes, I’m working on it! Cardio day today. I felt the workout!
3. I attract my soulmate and we live happily ever after – Yes, working on it! I’m swiping on Tinder and chatting with various guys. These experiences will help me attract my soulmate! Cleaned up the master bedroom a bit yesterday. Will finish cleaning it up today! On good path to attract my love. Tony Robbins also taught me to not focus on loss, less, and never. I choose to be happy, and my decisions shape me life.

11am ’til 2pm – Um…Talked to Amazon support ’til Noon. chatted with Matty, got turned on, masturbated, took a shower.

Big Picture on how to grow my biz to reach $3MM:

1. Maintain sales and rank on Amazon and Etsy
   1. PPC ads
   2. Better listing search terms on Amazon
   3. Price split testing
   4. Enhanced listing, perhaps
2. Scale up sales on website
   1. FB Ads
   2. SEO
   3. Improve conversion rate – improve end to end customer experience
3. Add more profitable products on Amazon
   1. Sourcing agent
   2. Decide on market
   3. Create brand

Progress:

Set up Amazon PPC ads now. Will check back in 2 weeks.

Agenda for Today

1. Work from 1 to 8, take 2hr break (work 6 hours including 1 hour already worked)
2. Create a basic ring video ad for FB, basing on Buzzfeed – 3h+
3. Register for Helium10 and find out if I can get money back
4. Organize birthday banner and photo booth props shipping – if hear back
5. Go through emails – 1 hr

Day’s Summary:

 

Tomorrow:

1. Print out my list of to dos from journal entry (vivid vision)
2. Research what Willow’s and Everette, and other big sellers are doing. Amazon Exclusive – who are more likely to get – 2 hr
3. Contact sourcing agents – 0.5 hr

This week:

1. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only
2. More on CashCowPro for price split testing – once confirmed that more rings are coming
3. Invest for dividend income
4. (Weekend) Listen to FFL speeches – Is it good to listen to it during weekend to get motivated for the week?

Started day at 8:30a

til 9:15 Email, AmzTracker day 4 (skipped yesterday) kedge ring giveaway, msging Matty from Tinder

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for friends like Anna and Wilson! They are good to me.
2. I’m grateful for 21 Day Fix! (Thanks to Ying) I had wanted  varied workout plan, and got it! Gonna do that now.
3. I’m grateful for the Internet 😀 Just taught me that morning hydration is important (might try 1L of water in the morning)

9:20 to 11am – workout leg day, breakfast salad (veggies, 2 eggs, coconut oil, salsa, garlic hummus), checked on some browser tabs, watched 10 minutes of morning affirmation (he was great! But prefer no accent).

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz generates $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit – Yes, working on it! I’m reading Think and Grow Rich, I have Business Mastery experience to help me, and I have tools such as Extractafy and VideoBlock to help me, and I have friends such as Ying and Stan and Lana to help me! And the Badasses!
2. I have more strengths, stamina, and toned body – Yes, I’m working on it! Leg day today – feels great! Sweated lots, and legs were shaking!
3. I attract my soulmate and we live happily ever after – Yes, working on it! I’m swiping on Tinder and chatting with various guys. These experiences will help me attract my soulmate! I cleaned up the kitchen yesterday. On good path to attract my love. Tony Robbins also taught me to not focus on loss, less, and never. I choose to be happy, and my decisions shape me life.

11am ’til 2pm – Um…Talked to Amazon support ’til Noon. chatted with Matty, got turned on, masturbated, took a shower.

Big Picture on how to grow my biz to reach $3MM:

1. Maintain sales and rank on Amazon and Etsy
   1. PPC ads
   2. Better listing search terms on Amazon
   3. Price split testing
   4. Enhanced listing, perhaps
2. Scale up sales on website
   1. FB Ads
   2. SEO
   3. Improve conversion rate – improve end to end customer experience
3. Add more profitable products on Amazon
   1. Sourcing agent
   2. Decide on market
   3. Create brand

Agenda for Today

1. Work from 2 to 11:30, take 2hr break (work 8.5 hours including 1 hour already worked)
2. Create PPC ads based on Helium10- 2h – spent most of the day doing it. All keywords up in PPC ads now.
3. Create a basic ring video ad for FB, basing on Buzzfeed – 3h+ – didn’t do it
4. Organize birthday banner and photo booth props shipping – 1h – need to know qty
5. Get Keesha to fill out empty listing images – 1h – I did it, just 2
6. Go through emails – 0.5 hr – sorta did it

Day’s Summary:

Spent way too much time with guys from Tinder. I was really energized by the 21 day fix workout. It’s really good. But I felt restless and can’t focus after. Not sure if it’s just because I didn’t eat enough.

Matty from Tinder was really hot. He is into watching other guy fuck his gf, or double-teaming. That really turned me on. I came 3 times! But then, I didn’t hear from him after 6:30pm, and then still nothing the next day (today. Already noon.) I try to not focus on it too much. Yesterday was his 2nd day on Tinder, and he broke up with his gf of 6 years just recently, plus he is from Coquitlam and not good with computers. Not a match.

Talked to Jay at night. It started off slow. Then we were flirting. He is 6’3. I thought he was short. So that’s good news. He is 220lb though. Not sure if that’s fat. The main thing is, he doesn’t lead a very inspiring life (neither does Matty). Jay is from the valley. He is doing a masters in criminology for no reason. We have very little in common. He seems quite attracted to me though, and thinks I’m smart.

I thought about how to proceed with these two guys, but feel that they will just fizzle out before we meet.

I’ve talked to so many guys so far. No one is setting up a date with me. And the only guy that did, Jeffrey, didn’t talk to me after. Sigh. What is going on here? I feel that something is wrong with me.

I need to believe that I’m ok. I”m ok, I’m good. I’m attractive. I’m going to find my soulmate.

Tomorrow:

1. Print out my list of to dos from journal entry (vivid vision)
2. Research what Willow’s and Everette, and other big sellers are doing. Amazon Exclusive – who are more likely to get – 2 hr
3. Contact sourcing agents – 0.5 hr

This week:

1. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only
2. More on CashCowPro for price split testing – once confirmed that more rings are coming
3. Invest for dividend income
4. (Weekend) Listen to FFL speeches – Is it good to listen to it during weekend to get motivated for the week?

I was absolutely knocked out by Amazon suppressing my most popular ring today.

People who click into it would not see anything! I did my best to resolve it (have Amazon resolve it), added a bunch more ads, and then watched Arrival (so good!) Then talked to Mom for 3 hours to destress.

By end of day felt better. Did my love meditation.

Started day at 8:30a

’til 10:30 Jumped on trampoline for 20 min, showered, no soap (too drying)

10:30 to 10:45 Banana, protein shake, edamame; AmzTracker Kedge giveaway 20 (day 3)

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for access to this book, Think and Grow Rich!
2. I’m grateful for the book The Soulmate Secret!
3. I’m grateful for my trampoline!

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz generates $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit – Yes, working towards it! I’m reading Think and Grow Rich, I have Business Mastery experience to help me, and I have tools such as Extractafy and VideoBlock to help me, and I have friends such as Ying and Stan and Lana to help me! And the Badasses!
2. I have more strengths, stamina, and toned body – Yes, I’m working towards it! Feeling sore from yesterday – muscles are building!
3. I attract my soulmate and we live happily ever after – Yes, working towards it! I bought Soulmate book by Arielle Ford, and have 2 meditation that will set me on the right path to attracting my love. Tony Robbins also taught me to not focus on loss, less, and never. I choose to be happy, and my decisions shape me life.

11~1pm – Some distractions. Wanted to find out more about Helium 10 to decide on how to proceed today. That took about 1 hour. Helped mom with Costco account, bought her the book the Soulmate Secret, answered some emails, read some emails, ate more edamames, activated my CIBC credit card. 

Big Picture on how to grow my biz to reach $3MM:

1. Maintain sales and rank on Amazon and Etsy
   1. PPC ads
   2. Better listing search terms on Amazon
   3. Price split testing
   4. Enhanced listing, perhaps
2. Scale up sales on website
   1. FB Ads
   2. SEO
   3. Improve conversion rate – improve end to end customer experience
3. Add more profitable products on Amazon
   1. Sourcing agent
   2. Decide on market
   3. Create brand

Agenda for Today

1. Work from 1:30 to 8:30, take a 2hr break (work 7 hours including 1 hour already worked)
2. Call Pam from Tony Robbins – 0.3h v
3. Create PPC ads based on Merchant Words and Keyword Inspector – 2h
4. Improve listing search terms and images – delegate if can – 1h
5. Research what Willow’s and Everette, and other big sellers are doing. Amazon Exclusive – who are more likely to get – 2 hr
6. Contact sourcing agents – 0.5 hr
7. Go through emails – 0.5 hr

6 hours of work…see if can get everything done!

Day’s Summary:

Mom called in the morning about Costco bill.

Tomorrow:

1. Create a basic ring video ad for FB, basing on Buzzfeed
2. Print out my list of to dos from journal entry (vivid vision)
3. Organize birthday banner and photo booth props shipping

This week:

1. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only
2. More on CashCowPro for price split testing – once confirmed that more rings are coming
3. Invest for dividend income
4. (Weekend) Listen to FFL speeches – Is it good to listen to it during weekend to get motivated for the week?