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Wow, what a crazy day.

Let’s start from last night. Jeff wanted to get on the phone (4th time) which I loved. I was hoping he’d ask.

But due to miscommunications, we both waited and when I asked him, he said he was going to bed. It seemed like he is the passive aggressive type. Kept saying it’s fine, but it really wasn’t.

But I demanded/begged for a short talk. I didn’t want to go to bed without talking to him, when we said we will. I was looking forward to it!

So we did. And it was nice. We had phone sex again.

The next morning, we started the conversation early. I masturbated to thoughts of him before getting up.

He said he was nervous about meeting me. He worried that I might not find him attractive. He doesn’t think that he’ll not find me attractive.

I told him that I thought I might throw up like Molly did. He said he felt the same, and said, brb, barfing. lol.

Mom called and I told her how cute Jeff has been.

But part of me felt like, if he doesn’t look attractive like I expected, then it’s a test for me. For me to learn to be less shallow.

I felt like he is the one for me, and I will want him no matter what he actually looked like. I had looked through his photos a thousand times, and even though he looked different in every single photo, I felt that there’s no way he could look bad. All these photos are hot.

And I told him that. I told him that I like photos of him, and I had looked through them a thousand times. He smiled.

I thought, I hope that’s a reassuring smile, rather than a worried smile, worrying that his photos were from a while ago and didn’t look like him now.

Then, as if by irony, he sent me an elevator selfie as he was going home. He looked about 50 years old in the photo! I was coming home from the post office, and my heart sank. WTF. His hair looked puffy and grey, not like the blonde fauxhawk in the profile. His face looked puffy and grey. His body posture was awkward. His head was big. It was the most disappointing photo in the world.

I was sooo sad. I felt mislead. I looked at that photo very closely, trying to find traces of him that I like. I can’t. I even played that video of him training Molly, just to try to match his voice to the photo. I can’t. He looked so old. He looked like he should have an old man’s voice.

I thought that was why he was so nervous about meeting. I thought he was testing the waters with a recent pic, after I said I liked his profile pics.

I thought there’s no way those profile photos were recent. I asked him.

He was shocked. Said that’s not a good sign.

Meanwhile I called up Norm and cried to him. I said I really wanted this to work but he had turned out to be ugly. God knows how long ago those other photos were taken. I was crying pretty hard. I really really like him and I really really want it to work.

Norm said the pic doesn’t look that bad, and that I should apologize to Jeff.

Jeff said his profile photos were from last summer, so less than 6 months ago. After learning that, I said, we should still meet.

Then he sent me a better photo with better hair and lighting. He said that’s how he looks right now and if I still feel it doesn’t look like his profile photo and we should stop wasting each other’s time.

He looked hot in that photo.

Wow. I felt relieved. As though that photo must be the real one, and never mind that ugly one. I felt even more convinced that he was my type, strangely enough.

But he was damaged. I told him he looked hot and I was sorry to be blunt. He said it was fine and that no feeling will be hurt…. but I don’t think that’s the case. How could that be the case? Again he seems to have the tendency to cover up his feelings.

I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up.

I said I felt miserable.

He said why? and explained that he was driving. He went to Whistler to visit his parents this weekend.

I thought he didn’t like his parents, but he said he does. He visits every couple of weeks. Then again, he also gets to ski when he is up there.

I asked him to let me know when he’s arrived.

For 1.5 hours, I just lied in bed feeling miserable.

Meanwhile Brad messaged me, saying that if I hadn’t completely got over him, he is through with his stressful biz stuff and is kinda craving me. I told him that he was cold under stress and was a turn-off, and that he needs to learn to handle stress.

He actually wrote back and apologized and said he really didn’t know how to do it. He didn’t even pleasure himself. Last we met up was mid or late November. So for 1.5 months he was stressed.

I told him I was even more stressed out during that time and I can’t relate to how cold he was. He said I didn’t message him either. I said I met an amazing person 3 weeks ago, who might be the love of my life.

He said he was so happy for me, and that I deserved it. I said thanks.

Meanwhile, Jeff finally arrived at his parent’s house. He sent me a photo of the west coast trail he took, as a way of letting me know that he had arrived.

I called him immediately. We talked about today. I tried my best to communicate that I find him hot in all his photos except for that one today. He tried his best to tell me that it’s ok, he would’ve done the same. But he said it’s a wakeup call, and that we should just have coffee first and see how it goes.

I didn’t like that, but I said ok. I cried and said I don’t want to not like him.

I told him I’m so attracted to him. He said he is attracted to me too. I asked how can he be sure that I’m not ugly. He said I sounded sexy. I said he sounded sexy too. Not just his voice, but also the way he talked. And his voice was amazing. He suddenly got all sexy on me and we had phone sex again.

To be perfectly honest it was half forced, because I was still distraught by what happened. I really do think he is gonna be hot, but at the same time I feel like I failed the test. I reacted to an ugly photo. Even though I had told myself that I’d like him no matter what.

I guess, in my defence, I thought he was intentionally using younger pictures of himself as the profile pics. That would’ve been a misleading act and very appalling. But he wasn’t.

And I did try to confirm first. I asked him when his profile photos were taken.

In any case, I hope I didn’t mess up.

I want this guy. I love him.

Jeff, We are going to get married. You’ll be 39, I’ll be 38. We will love each other so much. We will make each other so happy. We will stay together forever.

Ha, we are crazy. This is such a strange start!

On Monday, we chatted for the first time, for 3.5 hours. After that, we told each other how turned on we were, and we had phone sex.

On Tuesday, I told him I had an epic orgasm, thinking about him. Before going to bed, we had phone sex again.

On Wednesday, which was yesterday, we chatted. No phone sex. Just talked and laughed, for hour and a half.

I like him so much, I can’t even believe it. I would marry him.

I mentioned Starman, how I loved the show but couldn’t find it anywhere. He said, “I’ll find it. It’ll be your wedding gift.”

Haha. It’s the second time he joked about getting married. I love it.

I love so many things about him. Things I didn’t expect to ever find again in someone. That he is monogamous, funny, smart, ambitious, patient, loving, sweet. His voice is perfect. He just seems so perfect.

I told him that our virtual relationship is like getting one level deep into the Inception world. We would’ve dated for 30 years by the time we meet in person. He thought it was funny and that I was so cool for thinking that.

We informally decided that we should get married, have 100 puppies and 1000 bunnies. We’d move to the States. I’m surprised he’d move to the States. He seems so settled in. He’s got a place in Deep Cove, close to his family. He gets to ski all the time. I like that he wants to move to the States and is flexible.

I told him about me not wanting kids. He hesitated on that topic. He obviously possibly wants kids. He said it might just depend on the person you meet. And he said he has a puppy anyway. I guess it’s too early to dive deep into that.

The reason why we even talked last night was because he said he was nervous about meeting me. I couldn’t tell if it was because we had a little fight or because he felt self conscious about not having abs.

You see, I kinda engineered a fight by being dramatic…I know I was strange…but I felt that it would be part of our Inception relationship. I wasn’t planning for it to be too big..though he did walk away from it and made me feel a bit sad. But he came back and we continued to like each other. This flight response might be something we need to deal with later on. And of course, my temper.

As for abs…well, I did bring it up in the past once. And lasts night when I sent him a pic of a toned guy wearing just an apron, using the same stove that he just got, his first reaction was that he needed to get back to his gym routine in order to look that good.

He said last night on the phone that he builds muscles easily, but he also gains weight around his midsection. He said that he gained 10 or 15 pounds the past couple months. Hmmm…… I am a little worried.

I do hope that we like each other physically. I mean, I have no hair. He’s gonna have to be fine with that too.

I wanted to talk on the phone with him because I felt that we needed it. I wasn’t sure if he was mad at me from our little fight. It was good that we talked. We were both so into each other.

He said that he’d die if this didn’t work in person. Said that he’d take me with him lol.

I actually cried today, thinking about how much I want him, and that I possibly love him, and that I too, worry that we won’t love what we see when we meet.

He made me laugh so much on the phone. He loves that we laugh at the same things, and that I think about cool stuff such as our existence. I want to tell him that I’ll love him no matter how he looks. But, I don’t know if it’s the truth.

When we meet in person, it could either be a beginning or an end. I hope it’s a beautiful beginning.

 

 

 

 

Last night, I talked to Jeff on the phone for the first time.

He had suggested that we talked, but he didn’t bring it up after I arrived in Vancouver, so I went to Costco.

We kept chatting through out the evening, but he still didn’t say he’ll call me, so I took a shower.

It’s been too cold. I knew I should put moisturizer on, but instead I crawled into bed naked, and kept chatting with him.

I was starting to get a bit sad that he hadn’t called. Though I was really nervous too, because 7 years ago I chatted with Ross, and when we met, I didn’t like him at all. I didn’t like his voice nor the way he talked.

But with Jeff… earlier he had sent me a video of him training Molly. I loved his voice. (And Molly was sooo cute!)

Finally, we got on the phone. I told him I didn’t want to get on the phone because I was naked. He said, Hold on, I’ll take my clothes off. And get the lube. Hahaha

I told him I have a man’s voice and hope he likes it. He said, Show me that husky voice!

He called. I was so nervous. His voice was amazing. His thoughts so clear. And his choice of words – I’ve never met anyone with such great vocabulary. And he was hilarious.

Two new things I really liked about him: 1. He said he got me a book that he thinks I’ll really like. Who does that! (Maybe Dad actually). 2. He seems to be very monogamous. I told him about Anderson and the two boys, and his reactions were like mine.

Two things I was a bit weary about: 1. He had two failed startups, now he is doing great at this company, but he wants to start one new startup (Reminds me of Dad) 2. In some ways he was a bit vague about his past relationships. When I asked him what he wanted, he just said he has room for someone in his life (something like that).

We laughed so much. We talked for 3.5 hours! Finally, we got off the phone.

I went to Whatsapp to send him a kiss, and noticed he had just send me one! And he said, “You are super sexy.” I said I was about the say the same, and that I was so attracted to him.

He said he was hard the entire time he listened to my voice. I said I was about to go touch myself.

He said to think about him when I do. I said, “Fuck. I’m so wet.” He said, “Call me.”

I thought about it. Ok, I’ll do it. It seemed too soon, because we hadn’t even met yet…but, I wanted him so bad. I called him. We masturbated together…I had 3 orgasms.

We are so crazy.

—

This morning, I woke up super horny and wet.

I went to get my invisalign fitted.

Meanwhile we chatted and wondered if what happened last night was real. Did we have full on phone sex?! Yup.

We hadn’t even met yet!

Now it’s gonna be extra interesting when we meet.

I really really like him. So far he seems to be everything I had asked for and more. He is, possibly the one. It would be so amazing if we can live happily ever after.

I think all my gods and angels for this. I hope we are very attracted to each other when we meet, and that we have an amazing first date.

If we do start dating, I don’t want to rush it. I really want to get to know him a bit better, go on more dates with him, before having sex.

Though we kind of already had sex!

Wow, I’m really liking Jeff more and more.

We haven’t met yet, but we’ve been chatting everyday for over a week now.

My only concerns now are whether we are attracted to each other when we meet, and, whether he is a grateful type of person or not. Also, he likes cold weather sports. I like to be in tropical areas.

But he’s been surprisingly like what I want:

• smart, funny, successful
• seems to want monogamy and to get married
• wants to grow in life (self development) – total surprise!
• was involved in a few startups, and wants to start a new biz this year – another surprise!
• I was worried that he is a bulkier type of guy, but forgot that he posted a photo that showed his upper body, and he is lean
• likes to cook for people
• about the same age (1 year older)

1. Grow email list – pop up to give 10~20% off on first order – there’s a plug in
2. Reviews – there’s a plug in
3. Ring section directs you to a new part of the site – new shopify site at a discount (ask Clement or use Bill Alexandro or Chris G’s code)? new url? new shopping cart? new mailing list?
   1. buy new url
   2. set up redirect in shopify
   3. set up new site in shopify? This will be the most difficult part – reverse site with landing page concept
4. Its own blog – can build once the site is set up
5. Niche markets content – how to, features for the niche, etc. – can build once site is up

 

 

Begin with end goal in mind. In 2017, I will make $3MM USD in revenue, $1MM USD profit.

Ideas:

1. Tony Robbins course will teach me how to ramp up Knot Theory
2. Give away a Free ring on the post card. That will help me gain emails! Hard to say no to free
3. I noticed that many brands are actually very specific. Oakleys for glasses, Icrebreaker for merino wool clothing, Nike for shoes (but also apparel). It is okay to stick to just one very focused niche per brand
4. For broader brand ideas, look to Bed, Bath, and Beyond
5. For great Amazon category ideas, look to BBB and Costco, and great sellers on Amazon
6. I’ve wanted to seek something that is more persistent…but everything has a life span. Don’t get too hung up on that.
7. Homeoutfitters and Dollarama pretty much dictates what not to sell.
8. BBB and Costco – model them but do better or have something unique

 

Some ideas seen at BBB today: (Note it’s not as much about kitchen nor sports…even though they carry some of those too)

1. bed wedge ($140 foam wedge)
2. pillow covers (I’m drawn to bedding..need to be unique tho..special fabric somehow)
3. garbage bins (stackable)
4. bathroom stuff in general (not very giftable though)
5. spa pillow
6. Observe what has a big and constant section (at the back, on the shelf)
7. Robes (expensive and quite timeless)
8. Minus33 Merino Wool is a brand to check out (two products generating $80K/month)
9. Sunglasses. Worth creating a singular brand for?
10. “KOR” might be too boring? Think about GoPro.
11. “Smooch” with “Red Smooch” line for period stuff. Red “x” stitching to show off brand (it’s a kiss!). Other info printed on inside. No tags.
12. Other lines such as “Smooch of the Day”, “First kiss”, “Smackin’ sexy”, “Sucking face”, “xoxo”
13. Brand called VOYA, or BORA, or KORSICA, or FLUX (merino wool, temperature control. very common name tho)
14. More category ideas:
    • Entrepreneur
    • Travel
    • Workout
    • Beauty accessories
    • Toiletries for travel
    • Home stuff for young ish ppl

Ideas at Costco:

1. Merino wool base layer tops and pants, touques, socks
2. Kids books and toys seem popular
3. Observe what has a big and constant section

---

To make $3MM/year, I’ll need to make $25oK/month.

If taking six months to get ready, then I need to aim for $500K/month.

Biz facets:

1. Silicone wedding rings – aggressive ads, promo, post card, funnel, influencer marketing; getting into chains stores such as jewelry stores; SEO content for mom, dad, firefighters etc – $200K/month (need to 5x the sales)
   1. I know there’s enough market for it. Qalo does $11MM/year. Total market at least $20MM/year.
   2. In 2017: $470K on Amazon.com, $40K on Knotheory.com, $55K on Etsy.com, $33K CAD on Amazon.ca; Total is about $600K USD
   3. Amazon can probably scale just a little bit more. 20% more ($600K)
   4. Etsy probably just 10% more ($60K)
   5. Knotheory.com can probably 5 times ($200K)
   6. Total is probably just $860K.
   7. Need more platforms to bring it to $2.4MM
2. Photobooth props – $30K/month ($360K) ~ $50K/month ($600K) (see also notes on how to sell more props)
   1. Girls Night out – Feb to August – $20k+ ($160K)
   2. Chic Birthday – April to Nov 15 – 3000BSR – about $10k/month ($75K)
   3. 1st birthday girl – Jan to October – 5000 BSR – $6K/month ($60K)
   4. Sweet 16th – Jan to Oct – 5000BSR – $6K/month ($60K)
   5. Pirate props – Feb to Oct ~8000BSR – About $4K/month ($40K)
   6. 40th adult – Jan to Oct – 10000BSR – about $4K/month ($40K)
   7. 40th women – Jan to Oct – 15000BSR – about $3K/month ($30K)
   8. 50th adult – Jan to Oct – 15000BSR – about $3K/month ($30K)
   9. 60th adult – March to Nov – 15000BSR – about $3K/month ($30K)
   10. Hawaiian – Mar~Sep ~8000BSR – About $4k/month ($30K) – 162 22
   11. NYE – Dec – Can do $25K (37 a day average, can sell 1500 sets)
   12. Grad – March to July ~10000BSR – $4k/month ($20K)
   13. If do all 12: $160+75+60+60+40+40+30+30+30+30+25+20=$600K/year
   14. But probably can’t sell until June (need to create them)
   15. Can sell on Etsy too!
   16. And Amazon.ca
3. Sunglasses x 6 – $40K/month
   1. Helios Arc
   2. O.R.B.
   3. Contacted Jeremy to research
   4. Customers don’t seem to be brand loyal
   5. Wayfarer and Aviators are classic. In black and brown turtois shell
   6. Blenders doing lots of social media (easy to give this away)
   7. EyeLove doing lots of charity
   8. How to differentiate? Find more success example
      1. good name
      2. good brand image
      3. military grade something
      4. great warranty
      5. charity – seems important
      6. influencer marketing
      7. Eyelove – Charity a huge component
      8. Duduma – price
      9. Blenders – cool factor I guess
4. Merino wool base layers x 6 – $40K/month
   1. There are factories in Canada
   2. Costco makes them too cheap
   3. Can still sell on Amazon tho
5. Period Panties x 3 – $20K/month
6. Bedding items x 4 – $20K/month
7. Bath items x 4 – $20K/month (BBB inspired)
8. Something else 1 (a subcat per Jeremy’s recommendation) – $40K/month
9. Another subcat from Jeremy (ask him for ideas) – $40K/month
10. Something made in USA, Canada (bath bombs) – $25K/month
11. Idea from Canton Fair, or dropship (cat lovers, moms), or power sellers, or affiliate – $25K/month

200+30+40+40+20+20+20+$40+$40+$25+$25= $500

 

I finally understand why it hurts so much that Brad didn’t reach out to me since Friday, and that we didn’t have sex since…about two weeks ago.

I’ve been crying every day. It’s a deep down pain. I can’t stand up…I fall onto my knees and I pray. I want to curl up and…die.. It’s so painful.

I’m realizing that, this year, I’ve been rejected so many times. Not one decent guy wants to take me out on a date. Not one decent guy wants to invest in me. Not one decent guy persist. Why?

Matthew, Patrick, Fin, Brad, Max, Will….they ALL disappointed me before anything even began. They just don’t really like me that much. Except Matthew I guess. But not enough to persist.

It’s not even like I was asking for a lot.

There’s Sam who wanted more, but he is 25 and a fucking moron. And Blake who actually took me out to a nice dinner, but he is a bi-polar drug addict. And he surely didn’t treat me nearly as well the next time.

 

So forget about decent. There’s just no guy that wants me it seems.

Why?

I’m beginning to feel the reality of being alone forever.

 

 

I’m starting to realize that love is just as important as health and wealth.

Well, health and wealth are awesome. Being in pain is no fun. Being poor is no fun. But, having no love…that’s a harder thing than I thought!

It’s not going very well with Brad.

Sex is fine. He is polite and fairly sincere. I can’t pick out anything very wrong with him.

But, he isn’t very curious about me. He doesn’t take a lot of initiative.

It’s so painful.

It makes me wonder why I’m so unlovable. No one wants to date me. No one has put serious effort into me. Ever.

Is it my hair? Is it my vibe? What is it???

Matthew Hussey said that, be a train that is leaving, not one that has reached its destination. He says to let the guy know that you like him, and be willing to walk away.

I want to say to him:

I’m attracted to your personality, I enjoy how you look physically, and I like what you’re doing with your life. Plus we had such a cute start…

But it’s important to me that a guy is curious about my life as I do his, and that we genuinely want to see each other often…even if we can’t meet, we still check in and say hi.

Basing on that you hardly talk to me, I’m guessing you’re not that interested…and with that I just can’t be turned on.

Sigh. What’s the point of saying all that. He is just not that into me. But then, no one is. Not Matthew. Not Patrick. Not Josh. Not Fin. Not Max.

None of these guys want to date me. Wanted more than sex. Wanted to treat me well.

No one has wanted to date me in the past 4 years. Wow. No one. What’s wrong with me?

Is it me or is it the city?

Is it that stage I was in in my life?

Is it my current age.

Sigh. I don’t know. I want to not think about this too much. When it comes, it comes, I guess.

I’m putting my best foot forward. I’m going to events where I think I’ll find people I’m attracted to. I’m even online on those dating apps still. I think…that’s all I can do.

I just feel so sad though. There’s so much frustration. When you want love and there is no love. I’ve been crying every other day.

Is this a simulation? If so, can I ask for love and get it, please?

Dear God, I want a loving boyfriend. A boyfriend that warms my heart and my soul. A boyfriend that I love and loves me.

Thank you.