Author: spacebunny@gmail.com

I woke up this morning and felt ok. I wasn’t sure what was the first thing that came to mind, but it wasn’t Jeffrey. It wasn’t like how Jeff was on my mind first thing in the morning for 3, 4 weeks.

I think I’ll heal much fast this time. Maybe cause I wasn’t as in love. Maybe because he wasn’t the one. Or maybe I’m getting tougher.

Still, I’m crying right now.

I’m crying after reading about how Molly cried about Wally actually. I think her pain just reminds me of mine. I was easily triggered.

I can’t wait to find my love, my soulmate.

For a brief moment I thought I could be with Jeffrey. It was so brief. Maybe 1 week during my birthday. That was it.

Now back to sadness.

Oh I want to be happy.

Talked to Cat yesterday though, and it helped.

Jeffrey and I were chatting more than usual yesterday, because we were both lonely and missing each other.

But at the same time, the more I chat with him, the more I see a mis-match. I don’t know what he is saying, and he doesn’t know what I’m saying.

Matthew and I hardly ever misunderstood each other. Jeffrey is just not as smart I guess.

Cat called, of all my friends. Cyndi acted so cold. Nicole didn’t even respond.

Cat sounded differently yesterday. She sounded like a seasoned oracle. She sounded older and more confident.

She said it without hesitation, that she felt Jeffrey and I were on different wave lengths, and that he is just a stepping stone, someone to help me better understand what I want in my dream husband.

Interesting. What she said I already knew.

I read the “Dream Husband” article I wrote on Feb 12, 2017, 2 days before meeting him. I will make some edits.

Later in the day Jeffrey messaged to say he misses me. He said he didn’t know what to do. Basically he really wants to have kids. Was with someone for nearly 10 years, and she didn’t want to have kids.

He was sad but was joking around. He was drinking wine by himself.

I emailed him a long letter telling him that he is amazing and if I wanted a baby he would make me feel safe enough to do it with him, because it seems like he can love someone forever.

He sent me a photo of him in bed. He said he took it while saying he misses me so much.

I cried.

This morning I saw his reply at 4:30am. He couldn’t sleep. He said he missed me. But he also said a bunch of other things that showed he wasn’t a very smart or deep thinker.

He kept saying he didn’t know what to do. Said he is sad but there’s no solution. I really don’t understand him. I can’t help but reply that he just needs to look for women who want kids and are <33 years old.

He said it like it’s not as easy as I think it is (not sure if he meant getting over me or finding a date). I don’t know why he would have a hard time finding a date. Maybe he needs better photos. And write something in his profile.

I feel like he’ll have an easier time than me.

But, I believe in what Cat said. The best is yet to come 🙂

 

 

I just read my “Dream Guy” article. Written on Feb 12, 2017. That’s 2 days before I met Jeffrey. It’s 3 days after Jeff and I ended.

I read it and I cried. Jeffrey is pretty much all of it. 95%. Plus he has cool characteristics that I didn’t expect, like being so outgoing and wanting to know my friends.

But, to be perfectly honest, I had doubts about him.

1. I don’t always have a lot of fun with him. Somehow it’s often boring to be with him. I don’t know why. Like we are on different wave lengths.
2. His upper body is not hot. No pecs, thick waist, chest hair stubbles, slouchy shoulders
3. His jaw a bit too wide for me
4. His dick is curved
5. His balls are not symmetric
6. His balls hang super low
7. He isn’t very smart
8. He is very old fashioned in terms of furniture and tastes in decor
9. He is not the best kisser. Too much tongue
10. He is a bit boring in the bedroom
11. He checks his phone too often

I do love his blond hair and hair style. His loving personality. He is funny. He is tech-savvy. He is reasonably smart. He adores me. He compliments me. He thinks I’m a 10 out of 10. He thinks I’m beautiful bald. He is generous. He is kind. He is elegant. He is thoughtful. His dick is big. He has great stamina. He has a great smile. He has beautiful blue eyes. He has a good job, good career that he loves and is paid well for it. He is open to try new things such as yoga. He is tall. He has toned legs and arms. He is clean. He can cook. He is organized. He is efficient.

I’m gonna miss what we had, so much.

Sigh. Just when I start to feel that Jeffrey and I will be together.

He messaged me on Wednesday night asking if he can come on Thursday because he might be skiing and camping on the weekend.

I was a little disappointed but I tried to not let that bother me. I wanted to spend more time with him, but now it’s just gonna be an evening.

He had suggested that we cook. I thought we were gonna go shopping, and then make something complex, like paleo vegetarian pizza.

But instead he brought salmon and asparagus over, and I supplied quinoa.

When he first came in the door, he said, Omg you’re so beautiful. I’ve forgotten how beautiful you are. (Later he said it was probably because of my smokey eye makeup lol. But still. He is sweet.)

He cooked mostly. It didn’t turn out like how I imagined. Imagined teamwork. Instead, he was really quick, a bit stressed, and when I kept touching him he made a comment about it. So I stopped altogether. I wanted to cry. Something was off.

After dinner, he brought up the kids thing. I reconfirmed that I didn’t want to have kids. He said he knows he’d be really sad if he doesn’t have kids. He said he didn’t know what to do. I said, You do know. I said he should find someone else, and that he should have kids because he would be a great dad.

Then I started to cry. He asked if he should go home. I said no.

He asked what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to get naked. And we had sex.

He had a rather messed up day where he forgot things. Physio appointment, appointment with a friend who was going to check his shoulder. He had to get up early the next day for an important training presentation. Oh and he ran 10K for no apparent reason.

He was tired. He said he would stay up with me. But his eyes were closed. There was no point so I took a shower and went to bed. It was midnight.

I kept crying silently. I didn’t sleep.

At around 4:30, he was a bit awake. I started playing with his dick and masturbated. I had a tampon in so we can’t fuck.

His dick got hard real fast. He seemed like he was gonna cum, so I was bit rushed to cum. I’m not sure if I really came.

I noticed that he was still hard after. Turned out he didn’t cum. So I started going down on him. He enjoyed that so much. I sucked on him ’til he came. He said that was the best he’s ever had. I’m not surprised. I went down on him a little bit once, and he was already overjoyed. Most girls don’t like to give I guess. I almost never do it to the point of having cum in my mouth. But, I wanted to be memorable to him. It was probably the last time I see him. And I do like him a lot. His cum is tasteless. Probably because of his clean diet.

We showered, then cuddled for an hour. He said there’s no other place he’d rather be than here, but he had to go to work.

I had given him a bottle of black truffle oil. He took his tequila, and all the food he brought. A little strange, but I guess it makes sense…we are over anyhow.

I cried some more after he left. I messaged Mom about this. Mom was so sad. We talked on the phone for a while.

Deep down, I was starting to really like him, and I was starting to envision a life with him. I mean, he must’ve been too, that’s why the kids thing became important.

I felt that something was gonna go wrong actually, before he came over. I thought that maybe we’d have a fight. But instead it’s this.

When I was cleaning, I move the “Everything in this box IS” box into the closet. I thought to myself, Yeah! 1 out of the 3 things I want is coming true! At this amazing manifestation rate, for sure I’m also going to make $3MM this year, and have abs!

Now, it’s a different story. It’s back to square 1.

I told Mom, it’s ok. We thought Jeff was great and was the one, but he wasn’t. Then Jeffrey came along and was even sweeter. Someone else will come. Someone perfect for me. I believe it.

 

 

 

I’m grateful 🙂

Had an awesome birthday, and Jeffrey was so great.

I learned a few things about Jeffrey.

He can talk to anyone. He made an effort to connect with all my friends at the party. I was impressed! He was so funny and a great story teller. Leif came, which was a surprise. He was a total recluse. Jeffrey went and talked to him, and said he was a good guy.

He total Tyler a crazy story and Ty was laughing so hard. He even related to Cat! And he impressed Nicole!

He said my friends are amazing, and I’m amazing.

There was an awkward moment when Lisa pointed out Norm being my ex. He diffused it with humour.

He is just so cute.

While he liked everyone, towards the end he said he wished they’d leave soon (so we can be alone haha)

We were more like a couple than I intended. Maybe because I just touch him and kiss him so naturally.

He took a video of us kissing. And he couldn’t stop watching the video. He says he wants to share with the world on his IG, but he knows it’s too early. He says he decided a while ago that he wasn’t going to date anyone else, just me. He wasn’t sure where I was at, but he said he is like that. The way he talked about me actually brought a bit of tears to my eyes. He really likes me.

He is, from what I can tell so far, exactly what I wished for.

Physically I’m attracted to him, though his body is not perfect like Matthew’s. I mind that a little bit…but, he is still attractive.

The only things holding me back are that we haven’t had a very deep conversation. And, for several reasons, I didn’t have butterflies with him like I did with Jeff. Maybe because Jeff broke my heart. I was crying so much around the time I met Jeffrey, and still very hung up on Jeff.

But Jeffrey is the real deal. I can’t imagine Jeff working the party like Jeffrey did. Jeffrey has a high EQ and a kind heart.

And he is so much better at communicating!

And I thought we didn’t laugh very much when we hung out, but he made me laugh a few times this weekend. For example, when getting the balloons refilled at the mall, we saw a guy taking a weird route between a wall and a garbage bin. He was all stealth but knocked a fire hydrant lid off as he did so, and the lid made a huge sound as it landed. We both looked and tried not to laugh. Going into the mall, we saw a garbage bin by a sign. Jeffrey took a detour and walked between the sign and the garbage. I thought it was hilarious.

When we were at the dollar store, he bought some googly eyes. So cute. We got to the car with 32 filled balloons. Nicole and I sat at the front, and he sat at the back with 32 balloons. We couldn’t even see him! He can’t hear us either, because he balloons are really loud.

He Instagrammed a video of him trapped in the balloons, and another one of him wearing the googly eyes. He also put his face to the car window and silently cried for help at the pedestrians. Ahahaha. He is just too cute. I thought about whether I can have him in my life forever. If he is this fun, then I think so!

When the guests have left and we finally got the bedroom, I brought the balloons and the strobe light in. He went to change the playlist, and walked into the bedroom with a glow stick on his penis! Ahhahaha

He was a bit drunk, which was probably why he was more verbal than usual. He told me that he’s been waiting to meet someone special, and I am special. I said he’s probably said that before to someone else, he said he never had.

We humped for a while, but he didn’t cum. Maybe because of the alcohol. We humped really hard though. I thought we broke the bed springs. Turned out the slacks under the bed had fallen so the mattress sank. It was fixable.

He wanted a break. When I went to brush my teeth, he saw me and said I had the hottest body ever. He came onto me from behind, which was really hot. But the angle didn’t quite work, because he was too tall. I went to grab shoes. He was confused, and for some reason thought I got clogs. When he saw that I got pumps, he was so turned on and said, we can make this work. And fucked me ’til he came on my back.

He used words like “forever”. I think he wants to be with me forever.

I feel that there’s a bit of sadness in his past that he has not told me. He seems to seek comfort in me in a way that I think he had sadness in the past. I wonder what it is.

The next morning, we woke up at before 7am, and started humping again. Haha. Poor neighbours.

His dick really isn’t straight. But more straight than Norm’s. And he is huge.

We had sex, went to White Spot for breakfast, had sex again, took a nap, then had sex again.

He then helped me clean up. He was so great at it. So efficient. We cleaned the place in an hour.

We then went to Power Yoga together. The teacher Chloe was so good. Jeffrey didn’t like the Highgate location nor the class as much though.

He was really tired after the class, and seemed distant. I was a bit put off by it. But he seemed to still try. Wasn’t moody.

He later said sorry if he seemed distant. He was a bit distracted by work stuff, and he was really tired.

He said he was gushing about me to his mom, so he needed to send her a photo of me. I said my mom has a folder named “Jeffrey” on her Desktop.

He “loved” the photo of me when I was drawing at 10. When I just had alopecia. He said that was the same me as I am now. I wasn’t sure why he was so attracted to that photo. But ok.

Mom is now really into Jeffrey. Haha. Makes sense though. He’s been nothing but amazing.

Soooo….for my birthday, Jeffrey took me to Miku, which was super nice of him.

He was so sweet. Picked me up. He had suggested two places, and I picked Toshi. But we couldn’t make a resos there, and the wait was huge, so he suggested other places. He asked what do I really want. I said sushi, and thought of Minami and Miku. He called them up, while driving(!), and found two spots left at Miku, at the bar. He was pretty good at handling this.

He was such a gentleman. He kept saying how beautiful I was, kept saying thank you for letting me spend time with you on your birthday.

We had amazing sake and sushi. Came back to my place.

Oh then he gave me my presents: a succulent plant I called Bubbles, a air/body spray, and a moss scented candle. He was running around Yaletown looking for a gift for me earlier that day. He was just the sweetest.

We made out on the love seat. I asked him if I can take my wig off. I did and he said I look so beautiful.

We kissed more, then went to the bedroom. He was just so amazed by my body. He ate me out a bit. Then, he got naked too. Holy shit. He was HUGE. The hugest I’ve ever seen.

I was worried that his dick would be crooked, like Norm’s. That’d turn me off. But it was pretty straight. Not perfectly straight, but pretty straight.

I’ve never held such a big dick. It felt like a muscle.

He was surprised when I said I wanted to suck on it. Like no one has offered lol.

Then we put on a heat and ice condom, and had sex. He felt good inside, especially doggy style. He wasn’t as good when I lied down on my belly. Matthew was flexible, so maybe he was able to thrust better in that position.

But doggie style felt really good. He wasn’t too big for me. I was really wet and he loved it.

He loved my body too. My ass. He said I was the most beautiful person he’s been with. He is so great.

After sex, I asked how soon before he can go again. He said, with you, right away. Haha! I’m surprised he is like this at age 39!

We had sex 3 times. Sorta…he didn’t cum the second time. We went to bed and had sex again around 7am. So 4 times! Impressive.

He said it was everything he hoped for and more.

His balls hang low and are kind of huge. But I can get used to them.

He doesn’t have much of a waist line, but he has no belly! That was surprising. A hint of abs even! He just has a thick upper body, and no ass. His legs are nice and toned.

I had to work a little bit at night. He said he’ll be where I am. That was really cute. I decided to work in bed.

I showed him some behind the scene things on Amazon. He got really tired though. He has some meetings the next day, training 50 ppl over skype. These 50 ppl will train the ppl in 50 offices. That’s kinda cool, that his role is so high up.

He was so sweet, cuddling me to sleep. He said he can’t wait to wake up next to me.

I thought we were restless throughout the night. I felt that I hardly slept, and every time I woke, I thought he woke too. But he said he slept fine!

I liked the 4th time the most, because it was without a condom. He felt really nice in me. I liked watching him in the mirror. His side profile was hot.

All in all sex with him was pretty good. I watched him get dressed, then I got dressed. I didn’t wear makeup. Hope he still found me attractive. At the door he was checking out my ass in the mirror.

He sent me a photo of me from Miku later on, and said I was “da best”. It’s the second time he’s said that.

He really is a sweet guy. An unusual one.

I am into him. But I wish I was more into him.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe my expectations are too high for a boyfriend. I feel that we don’t “connect” at a deeper level.

He is smart, but as far as I can tell, not very smart. I think he is funny, but somehow I notice I don’t have a ton of fun hanging out with him (such as at the aquarium). We have no chat chemistry… his chat manner is weird to me. He uses weird emoticons.

I do like him though. He is sincere, genuine, and has good principles. He is a good guy. Such a rare one.

And yes I still think about Jeff. And, I actually still cried today. Jeffrey doesn’t message me often. I miss how Jeff was. I miss the funny conversations we had.

Saw him on my phone again in the “online now” section, even though we aren’t friends. Stupid FB.

Thought about how, if he didn’t message me back then, he definitely wouldn’t message me now. How could he be like this. I thought we were special.

Masha said that she thought she met her soulmate more than once. They turned out not to be.

I hope Jeffrey and I do fall in love. I hope we have that deep connection that I’ve been seeking. He is so great in so many ways….

 

 

Third date with Jeffrey. We did yoga, looked at old China and old furniture, picked up my mug at 4Cats.

Not sure how to feel.

He works very slowly, unlike any other guy.

—

Well, that was how far I got before getting distracted and checked out what Capricorns are like. They move very slowly, yes. “Don’t be surprised if you get a peck on the sixth date,” these sites say.

I messaged to thank him for the fun day. He messaged back saying thank YOU, and that I was good company.

Overall I was left very confused. I thought we’d kiss by this date. I thought he’d say something about seeing me bald for the first time today.

I slept for a few hours. Yoga was tiring!

Then talked to Mom about how I didn’t know what to think about my date with Jeffrey, and my doubts.

He likes old and old fashioned things. I like new and futuristic things.

Though, I thought he was smarter than my first impression of him. And, he seemed like he could potentially be a good complement to me. He is supportive, interested in my biz (and asked good questions). Even though he isn’t an entrepreneur, he is interested in starting a biz. At the same time he has a stable, well-paying job, doing what he is really good at. His bonus was $21K in stocks! Plus he gets $500 every 3 months to eat anywhere in Yaletown. That’s pretty cool.

I thought he was funny, and I like his personality. He talks to strangers easily, has no qualms about trying things like yoga, and is optimistic and kind.

Before going to bed, I messaged to wish him a fun day at Whistler.

—

Today, I woke up late, and was sore. I had to lie down a couple times. I was horny. Had some good orgasms. It felt weird. It felt like I had real sex.

Orgasms are pretty amazing. Different feeling all the time.

He didn’t message me all day. I figured it’s because he was busy skiing.

But later in the evening, he msg’d back. Said he didn’t go skiing. He spent the day unpacking instead. Suddenly I felt kinda shitty. Why the heck didn’t he message me all day? He mentioned getting more matches on Bumble…I thought for certain he went on a date today.

I said to myself I don’t want to date anyone anymore. I thought about how silly it was to think about messaging my friends to say nice things about me to Jeffrey, when they meet him at my bday party.

I prepped myself a bath with Himalayan salt, baking soda, and some essential oils, and listened to Louise Hay, to cheer myself up.

I felt so sad. I wanted him to like me. But he is a good catch. He has lots of options. Fair enough that he’d go on more dates. Maybe my baldness scared him away?

I swiped a few more guys, chatted with a guy on OKC.

I felt better after the bath, and I saw 3 messages from him. He said he wanted to let me know that I was DA BOMB. Hmm….plot twist!

He said he felt that we should’ve kissed…but he thought it might’ve been weird. He said I was unlike anyone he’s met, and that he is smitten.

Wow. Really? I really wouldn’t have guessed, based on how unemotional he seemed during the date, how he hugged me twice when we parted seemingly because I probably looked disappointed. How he didn’t message me after the date until I messaged him. And how he didn’t message me all day.

He said he super liked me, and that he’ll be more forward with his feelings from now on. He said I looked gorgeous.

I’m turned on. I’m starting to imagine a future with him. Could he be the one?

What an unexpected turn of events.

I learned that he loves Futurama. That’s awesome 🙂

 

 

 

Today is all about finding great products to sell!

I did yoga, jumped on the trampoline, and now, I’m ready to find as many products as possible today! These products will help me make MILLIONS this year!!!!!

I’m grateful for Ying, for her insights and her tools!

I’m grateful for Tony Robbins, for his teachings and his coaching program, and his systems!

I’m grateful for Mom, for her belief in me.

I’m grateful for Jeffrey, for being cute and funny, and giving me a Saturday to look forward to 🙂

Today, I’ll find as many as 50 products, contact all suppliers, and we’ll go from there!

I live with PASSION!!

I still miss Jeff terribly.

I think about him everyday. I cried again today.

I really want to let it go. But I haven’t been able to.

I miss all the good things about him. His amazing ways. No one compares.

Jeffrey is sweet, and amazing in his own ways. But, he is not as smart, and is so laid back.

Jeff is so cool. So smart. So…intense.

I need to remember:

1. He was short tempered
2. He held a grudge and refused to reconcile
3. He didn’t try to make it work

I think that was the biggest thing. He didn’t try. But if he is bipolar or any other mental illness…can’t blame him. Maybe he realize he can’t be in a relationship after all.

I’ll let him go. We can both move on.

 

 

What a weird mix.

I arrived in Victoria on Wednesday. On Thursday night, I went to bed and suddenly missed Jeff a lot.

Where I slept…that was exactly where I “bonded” with him. I remember when our conversation started to make my heart pound.

I went back into the thought loop of what I could’ve said, and why he didn’t do this and that. I started crying uncontrollably again.

It’s been exactly a month since we “broke up”, yet I still feel so much for him.

Deep down I know we have lots of incompatibilities, even though there are lots of compatibilities that made it seem like we are made for each other. If we start spending time together, we’d be miserable too.

But it’s so hard to let go. I hardly hold a grudge of the bad things he did. Why is that? I mainly just remember the good. I don’t want to remember the bad anyway. I don’t want to think of it as something meaningless.

But, not putting him down and not pointing out the bad of that relationship, make it harder to let go. I guess it’ll just have to be that way.

I still think about, are we meant to meet one day? What if we are both downtown? What if we are both at a pub? What if we just walk by each other and pause for a moment, smile, embrace? Of course if that was the case, it can’t end right there.

If he would just message me, tell me that he misses me, I’d be there in a heart beat. If he would just tell me that he was bipolar but now he is on meds, and hopefully one day we would date, I’d be happy. I miss him. I just want to know that he missed me too and that he wanted to be with me if only he could.

But, even if he wants to message me, I’m sure if he sees Jeffrey on my wall he’d think it’s a bad idea to contact me. Then again, if he didn’t contact me a month ago, there’s no way he would now.

On the other hand, Jeffrey has been cute and seems smitten with me.

He is funny, pretty good looking, and has a lot of great qualities. He is a sweet guy and I want to spend time with him.

We can’t date though. He is not smart enough, and I don’t feel that him and I can ever be a power couple.

My soul mate is coming. I know.

He’ll be everything I want. Smart, funny, loyal, sweet, handsome, sexy, positive. We’ll have so much fun together and we’ll fall in love; we’ll be a power couple and live happily ever after.

 

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for Jeffrey! He is sweet to me.
2. I’m grateful for the cocoa milk powder epsom salt bath that Anna made, and having a nice bathtub to use it!
3. I’m grateful for having organic foods so available to me (and clean fresh air and water!)

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz generates $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit – Yes, working on it! Finished Buzzfeed style video, uploading it today to FB ads. I’m reading Think and Grow Rich, I have Business Mastery experience to help me, and I have tools such as Ying’s JungleScout to help me, a life coach, and I have friends such as Ying and Stan and Lana to help me! And the Badasses!
2. I have more strengths, stamina, and toned body – Yes, I’m working on it! Will do a 21 day fix yoga work out later today!
3. I attract my soulmate and we live happily ever after – Yes, working on it! The place is messy again, but I’ll clean up today before heading to Victoria tomorrow! I will create my Soulmate (and life) vision board while in Victoria! On good path to attract my love. Tony Robbins also taught me to not focus on loss, less, and never. I choose to be happy, and my decisions shape me life.

Big Picture on how to grow my biz to reach $3MM:

1. Maintain sales and rank on Amazon and Etsy
   1. PPC ads – ongoing –
   2. Better listing search terms on Amazon – Keesha downloaded the report – I had no idea we had some really good search terms! Will optimize.
   3. Price split testing – Will wait after CashCowPro fixes this tool
   4. Enhanced listing, perhaps – haven’t started on this
2. Scale up sales on website
   1. FB Ads – posting ads today!
   2. SEO – need to hire a blogger for content
   3. Improve conversion rate – Added buzzfeed style video to ring page on KT site. Seems to help with sales. improve end to end customer experience – need to sit down and plan this. Also try out the Extractafy theme. The shop finder based on keywords is lame. Might return the whole course though. Download the FB videos beforehand.
3. Add more profitable products on Amazon
   1. Sourcing agent – contacted!
   2. Decide on market – considering the bag market; will follow Jungle Scout approach this week!
   3. Create brand

Agenda for Today

1. Work from 12:30 to 8, take 2hr break (work 7 hours)
2. Create FB ads campaign using new buzzfeed video!
3. Order messenger bag sample or get more details
4. Design photo booth props for birthday
5. 6pm – Call with Ying!

Day’s Summary:

Tomorrow:

1. Print out my list of to dos from journal entry (vivid vision)
2. Research what Willow’s and Everette, and other big sellers are doing. Amazon Exclusive – who are more likely to get – 2 hr
3. Contact sourcing agents – 0.5 hr

This week:

1. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only
2. More on CashCowPro for price split testing – once confirmed that more rings are coming
3. Invest for dividend income
4. (Weekend) Listen to FFL speeches – Is it good to listen to it during weekend to get motivated for the week?