Author: spacebunny@gmail.com

Oh Costa Rica, what a trip!

I feel so blessed to have experienced this trip, and I feel so blessed to be back, and I feel so blessed to be at this stage in my life at 44yo.

I’m young enough to enjoy everything like a 30yo. Old enough to have the experience and the financial / locational / time freedom.

Keilor has breathed new life into me. A 26yo being interested in me, and is actually sincere and sweet.

I feel reborn! I feel that I’ve lived a micro-life in Costa Rica where I eat-pray-love’d the shit out of it hahaha

Remembering my favourite moments in life, and finding the pattern – an exercise I did 2 years ago. I know that what makes me happy are: laughing so hard my belly hurts (usually a group setting), a romanic connection, cute animals, motion of freedom. (There’s a few more, but these are definitely the top of the top ones). And this Costa Rica trip ticked them all!

Ahh.. how lucky I am!

Many of it is by design. I sought out the cute animals, the surfing, and group trip. But meeting Keilor – that’s luck and it’s the cherry on top.

So I’m forever grateful for this blessing.

I have such fond memories with him.

When I was in my early 30s, I had a few sexy encounters. Matthew, Josh, Patrick, Idriss.

There was also that entrepreneur who looked 18…Brad. Sam from WifiTribe who was fun but micro. Mike Evans who was just a mutual crush.

Then from 38 to 42 – dating Nicolas (maybe this was at 32), Jeffrey, Alex, then John – it was dark times lol

Then 42 to 44 – the sexy encounters were Alex Pinto, Brandon, and Keilor.

I guess even though it felt like a dry spell the past 2 years, I still encounter someone once a year on average haha

A couple frustrations such as Sid (Actually not that cool or hot of a guy), Shuto (I mean, he is 2oyo…amazing that he even wanted to connect lol). Got hit on by several guy still, such as Suraj, Mylo, Allen, Arshan.

During this trip, people thought I was 30 or 31. That’s pretty good!

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My most favourite experiences with guys have always been flings, not relationships. I didn’t even feel much butterflies at the early stages of these relationships.

I thrive on sexual relationships.

What makes Keilor special though, is that he turns me on and he also makes me laugh, and we laugh a lot together.

Of all my sexy encounters, I think the only other person that made me laugh and cum were Matthew and Alex! Crazy when you think about it.

I mean, most guys are too stoic. They might make me laugh a little but they don’t laugh with me “hard”.

Most of these guys don’t laugh out loud! Sam and I had lot of laughs, but gosh, what a disaster in the bedroom!

Mike made me laugh, but he wasn’t a big laugher. Also we never slept together.

Also, I have spent one on one time with Sam and Mike, and it was surprisingly boring! No laughs.

Alex tells amazing stories and made me laugh, but he didn’t laugh much and he didn’t laugh at my jokes much. Sex was 10/10 though.

Keilor was the only one where we laughed so much together. Sex was 7/10, but good vibes is 10/10.

Sex ranking:

1. Alex Pinto – 10/10 – great dick, god-like skills, sexy vibes
2. Matthew – 9/10 – light hearted vibes, good looking guy, good fit, fun
3. Patrick – 9/10 – great looking guy, sexy, big dick
4. Josh – 7/10 – gorgeous, very touchy which was nice; no skills
5. Keilor – 7/10 – dick isn’t the best match, likes stuff I don’t like such as anal, pumps are too brief; good vibes lots of laughs
6. Nicolas – 7/10 – dick feels great (10/10). dick, face, body not as attractive to look at. Bad memories of this guy though.
7. Brandon, Brad, Idriss – 5/10 – not sure why, but not very fun
8. Devin – 3/10 – smaller, looked nice as a half indian half swedish ripped mix
9. Brett – 3/10 – first guy after Norm. Don’t remember much.
10. John – 2/10 – One time it was 8/10, but rest of the times, very brief and lame; no effort
11. Jeffrey, Alex R, Norm, and a really young guy who got me drunk (I think 17yr age gap and he wasn’t very cute) – ?/10 – So unmemorable. I don’t remember having sex with them lol

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After thinking about this, I’m realizing, my god, meeting Keilor is such a manifested, god-orchestrated experience!

What are the chances of this happening? It has to be a miracle!

First, what I love the most about this is that he became interested in me while I wasn’t wearing a wig, my hair was wet, and I was constantly rubbing sunscreen out of my eyes. Not to mention I wasn’t my most graceful self getting pummeled by the waves, climbing onto the surfboard like a drowning dog, and learning to surf as a total novice lol.

I just can’t fathom what about me had attracted him. But I’m glad he was attracted!

I sometimes feel that he must’ve been pleasantly surprised by the more glamorous version of me – blonde wig, cute dress, bikini.

Since this experience with him, I feel so much more confident about not wearing a wig. Reminds me of how Patrick had made me feel.

Second miracle is that he is playful! And he laughs out loud! It’s what I’ve been looking for! I didn’t realize how rare it was until I tallied up all my sex partners, and realized that almost none of them was playful. He was the first that made me laugh AND we laughed together!

This experience is such a gift. Thank you <3

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I learned that: during an arribada, up to 300,000 sea turtles nest at Ostional beach, laying millions of eggs!

It wasn’t arribada when we went, but we saw these hatched turtle egg shells!

We rode past some frogs and they made laughing noises! Instead of “ribbit, ribbit”, they went “jajajaja” (“hahaha” in Spanish)!

It was the funnest night. Hardly any photos, but I remember it all.

Also, the day before, I rode 2 BIG WAVES and felt AMAZING thanks to you @keilor!

I’m really glad we met. So much love for you.

 

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“Why are your eyebrows black?” was his ice-breaker question for me.

I was gonna explain microblading to him but realized he was 5 and probably just hadn’t seen an Asian before.

We played “hide-and-catch”…a more proactive form of hide-and-seek haha. Me and Wakim (5yo) were on the hiding team, and his sister Indira (11yo) was to catch us.

We roamed the hotel villa, even cut through the kitchen several times (which turned out to be ok because their dad Collin was the chef!)

At one point Wakim unknowingly took me to the security camera room to hide. It was 100% the best spot for the game! We giggled so hard. Indira eventually found us though. Smart girl.

In the evening, Collin asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. I had already heard about his culinary skills, and made a reservation for his 5-star dinner later that week, so, hells yeah!

A couple days later Wakim and I played together again. I didn’t have my wig on this time. He said, “You look astonishingly different!” Definitely the biggest word I’ve ever heard from a 5yo haha. And then we made some purple playdough empanadas together.

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I occurred to me today that I very much live in the grey zone. Everything is 50/50.

I kinda want a boyfriend, kinda don’t.

I kinda want to scale biz, kinda hold back, worried about added stress

I kinda want to grow my hair, kinda feel like, should I care so much? It’s outside of my control anyway. And what are all the benefits anyway? And I get a lot of benefits from being bald / wearing a wig too, such as not having to blow dry my hair, having a full head of gorgeous blonde hair (though I suppose I can always have this option)

I kinda want to be a nomad and travel around, I kinda want to work hard.

I kinda enjoy being in Victoria and kinda resent it.

I think if I decide how I feel about something, or condition myself to remove negative feelings / doubts / indecision, I’d go forth more effectively 🙂

I’ve been talking to Paul almost every week day since our video meeting about a week ago.

It’s amazing how quickly I got used to that and it felt weird to not talk to him.

But I didn’t want to talk for no reason. I didn’t even want to give him special treatment. Meanwhile, my brain is semi-melted, running in an infinite loop of “But I like him so much!” and “But he is married!”

This plus playing Spikeball 3 hours a day for 2, 3 days this past week or two,  has had me lying in bed a lot (either masturbating or resting). Sigh.

I watched some porn, decided to use a dildo. And I started crying. I’m not sure if it was a release or me being sad. I felt better after though, as though I had an orgasm.

Over the weekend, I only responded to his messages with an emoji, so on Monday, he didn’t reply to it. Makes sense.

 

Instead, he asked a question on Hampton ecomm Slack. It wasn’t very clear what he was asking. Two people tried and wasn’t able to help.

I saw their convo later, at night. I understood his problem, and offered a solution. I was excited because I figured it out!

This morning, he replied, “Ohhh thanks @Tanya Huang, you are a legend, I think this will work perfectly!”

That made me very happy 🙂

At least he’ll know that I’m smart.

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Had a video meeting with Michelle and Kristi today!

Michelle sells compression socks and did $5M last year with 24% profit!

Kristi did $2.8M last year with….low profit. She is struggling and is cutting cost.

They are both 43 (or 44).

They are both selling better than me! That’s inspiring!

I’m motivated to win!

I think I can do $5M this year. I need a plan. I need disciplines.

I think the keys are:

1. Contract out some stuff to the experts
2. Delegate out graphics etc
3. Aim to be worldclass (Our website and branding need work)
4. Think BIG! Think BIGGER! What’s going to bring in 3X revenue?

   Our shopify revenue is at about $1M
   Our goal is $6M total
   That means about $2M Amazon, $4M Shopify
   Which means 4X Shopify
   We can aim to 2X each tier (8x). If we can 1.5X each tier, that’s 5X.

traffic x CVR x AOV x Frequency

What does it take to double our traffic? (We have 43.5K visitors per month, goal would be 90K visitors)
– Better Ad creatives – potentially 5% increase
– More ad budget – potentially 10% increase
– Better ad management – potentially 10% increase
– PR outreach – potentially 5% increase
– SEO – potentially 15% increase
– PostPilot – how many to send? If 10% visit, that’s 400,000 postcards per month, which costs $200,000. If we do 1/10 of that, that’s $20K/month, and it’ll only increase our traffic by 10%
– More social media content – potentially 5% increase
– Influencer seeding – potentially 10% increase
– 60%

What does it take to double our CVR?
– Better website images
– Better website layouts?
– Lots of A/B testing
– Rank landing pages
Goal is 7% conversion rate

What does it take to double AOV? ($90/order)
– Target couples
– Sell more expensive rings
– Encourage buy more save more
– Upsell more rings and other items (discount when add more)
– Sell metal rings (in a set, with great ring box)
– Sell thin metal rings
– Sell ring boxes
– Sell collectable ring boxes and rings or ring holders
– Sell notes to go inside the box
– Sell engraved boxes
– occasion-friendly – people will spend more on a birthday or anniversary gift, and a wedding gift.

What does it take to double frequency?
– Better email automation (if the automation can add 30%, that’s and additional $0.3M).
– Better email campaigns (have a designer for this)
– Make it occasion friendly (e.g. custom birthday/anniversary message to do inside the box)

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Spikeball wasn’t super fun today for the most part. Lots of teaching the newbies

 

Wow, hard to believe it, but have been around the sun 44 times!

I guess in some ways it isn’t that long. If I was a person from the future, 44 is probably the equivalent of being 20!

Mentally, I feel like I’m in my early 30s. I get along best with someone in their 30s. Maybe not as energetic or “hungry” though. Or, I do get bursts of motivation and energy, but the most motivated times seem to be behind me. I don’t do all nighters (still to late nights sometimes). I think being a lot richer now than in my 30s also makes me more chill.

Appearance-wise, I do feel that I look older now. Maybe 30s. I want to get a facelift. Lighting determines a lot so I’m not sure exactly how “aged” I am. In some light, I look great, in some light, I don’t. I’m a bit chubbier right now due to inactivity in winter, so that makes my face look puffier and eyes smaller. I struggle with saggy eyelids, and a bit of marionette lines.

Physically, I feel healthy, but my skin is dryer. Have had 2 spasms the past year, lower back in the summer last year from practicing volleyball, and shoulder blade (probably from testing out anti-aging DIY pillows) 3 months ago. I feel that my energy is good, but sometimes I don’t have the motivation to do things that require more effort. Like snowboarding – seems like a hassle. Also, I haven’t run or done a lot of hard workout in a while.

Mood-wise, well, winter has been a dread, but now we’re coming into Spring and playing spikeball, I feel better. The past couple periods have been better mood-wise I think. Not exactly sure why.

Health-wise, good overall, but would like more energy, more power, and be more lean and toned.

Financially, really good! Net worth at almost $8M! Thanks to Bunny helping my money grow.

Romantically, well, nothing. Have a bit of a crush on Paul, but he is married. Sex drive a bit dead. Been 1.5 years since I had sex (Brandon). I don’t miss anyone, not even Alex. I’ve forgotten these encounters because it’s been so long. And I’ve forgotten what Paul is like because we only had a very brief encounter at ECF Live. I’d like to travel with someone I love, laugh lots together, make love, and make each other feel loved, alive, and thriving. But the reality is, being in a relationship comes with a lot of variables. I’ve always been happier when single. So maybe it’s a blessing not a curse.

Spiritually, I feel that something is lacking. I’m not doing anything inspiring.

Am I making the best use of my time here on this planet?

Am I having as much fun as possible?

Am I making the world a better place?

I’m chasing youth, I’m chasing wealth.

I want to stay young forever, of course.

I want to be rich and free, of course.

I shouldn’t feel guilty.

But no kids, no boyfriend….I should be able to dedicate time to something more.

What is it?

1. What makes me really happy? Playing Spikeball haha. Simple me.
2. Why do I love Spikeball? I love moving my body. I love laughing. We are always laughing about something – good or bad. That’s what makes Spikeball so fun.
3. How do I level up? Watch more videos, level up, enter tournaments.

What makes me feel like I’m living a good life?

 

What makes me feel like I’m doing something meaningful?

1. Helping others

What makes me feel like I’m making good use of my time?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I need a moment with myself.

I need a moment to give myself a pep talk.

Recent Wins:

1. Yesterday, sales were great, and conversion was great!
2. A couple days ago I set up Kno Commerce post survey, and it’s been so insightful and fun to read!
3. Today, I finally set up A/B testing with ShopLift. I also finally tried VWO and saw that it wasn’t good!
4. I got the CanExport Grant! $25K. Seems like so little, but, c’mon, it’s a lot haha. It’s 6-months salary!
5. Got several 3-hour fun Spikeball sessions the past week. My skills improving too!
6. Lost some weight from playing Spikeball
7. Improved skin with new skin care routine
8. Improved hair growth with new hair care routine
9. Stocks doing well
10. One of the most easy periods recently, and it started the day after my birthday.

What is bothering me:

Well, I’m hopelessly in love with Paul. I barely know him. I’ve barely spent time with him. I mean, maybe that’s why he is so attractive. Because so far, he is perfect.

He is funny, and he makes me feel that I’m funny. He is responsive in chat, which makes me feel valued. Yes he is smart, handsome, accomplished, competent, talented – but most of all, he makes me feel good. He makes people feel good. THAT is a skill that is rare!

He is amazing. And I feel very sad that he is taken. He is SO taken that there’s just no way in. He married his high school sweetheart, so they’ve been together for 15 years. Even if they somehow break up, he’ll take years to heal before becoming a normal datable person. There’s just no way. It’s like Tom and Lisa Bilyeu. They have so much shared experience, there’s just no way for anyone else to come in.

I tried to imagine that he has a small penis and that’s why he is so fiercely loyal. Actually I just check Tom Bilyeu’s nose, and he can very well have a smallish penis too lol.

I also thought about how Paul wears a hat or a toque AT ALL TIMES. That’s suspicious and maybe he has hair loss.

But the truth is, I’d love him even if he has a small dick and hair loss. He is that amazing.

But there’s no way to have him.

It’s ok. Someone amazing for me will come along <3

 

Another fun day at spikeball. Still the funnest day was the weekend before my birthday. I won so many games, laughed so much, and played so hard for 3.5 hours!

Today was pretty good. I wish my favourite people were there, which is actually just Suraj and Nicole. John used to be one but I learned now that he doesn’t laugh that much and he doesn’t want to play with me. Neither does Nick. Nick says I’m good but not when I’m on his team. Weird. I think it’s an excuse.

I’m playing better and better now. Better reflex, better ball control.

 

Had a video chat with Paul today.

We planned a week before, and I have been nervous since.

I have been whitening my teeth, taking good care of my skin, adjusting the filter on my google meet, checking which direction works best for the call (most flattering face, best background).

And today was the day. I wrapped up the meeting with Evgenia 5 min before meeting with Paul. I went to the bathroom 3 times.

The meeting started. He was wearing a toque and a brown plaid shirt (exactly as I predicted he’d wear..he’s been wearing it a lot). He had a mountain bike hung on his wall. His eyes were amazing – sparkly. His nose was cute. His teeth were so white. He looked cute.

I blabbed on about things, different than what I thought I’d say. He was nice and helpful. We had some funny moments. At 1 hour, he said he had to go. That was it.

There was no flirty vibe coming from him. I don’t know if I sent any flirty vibes….but I was wearing just my thai-die hoodie, unlike what I had planned on wearing before, which was a cute pink gym top with bananas on it. Glad I didn’t!

It would’ve been wrong of him to be flirty. I respected that he wasn’t. But a part of me wished that I was able to catch some involuntary attraction vibe coming from him. I didn’t feel much of that. Maybe his wife was in the house!

I learned that he married his high school sweet heart. They’ve been together for 15 years! So since he was 16. Wow.

He said he is going to get his finger tattooed instead of wearing a ring. Wow.

So, that tells me that 1) he is off the market for life, 2) he’s probably never been with anyone else – which means he is probably a romantic or has a very small penis or some big insecurity.

I would’ve stayed with Norm if we were more compatible. He probably would’ve stayed with me if I didn’t break up with him? He would most likely have cheated though, I think. And he was just insecure for no real reason. He had a big dick.

I would’ve been so unhappy in that relationship. Having had all the fun sex experiences I’ve had, I can’t imagine being with 1 person my entire life. It’s like staying in 1 country, or eating one type of food.

I also learned that he is quite a red neck…more than I realized. I thought he was a metrosexual… I’m a little turned off by the red neck / country-ness about him…

Another thing about him is that he always wears his hat backwards, or is wearing his toque. I LOVE the hat backwards look, but, I’m 99% sure that something is up. Either receding hairline or alopecia.

I seem to remember that the first time I saw him, he wasn’t wearing anything….just his beautiful hair….but….I could be wrong.

He had such a beautiful head of hair at his wedding though.

In any case, it doesn’t matter.

He is in a committed relationship, about to get his ring tatted on. He is very country. Very redneck. He probably is balding and has a small dick lol. His upper lip is very thin, which is a turn off too lol.

Alas, he is also super smart, very responsive in chat, very cute, and quite funny.

After he said he’s gonna tattoo his ring finger, he said he can still wear a ring for his grandma. I said, “She’d probably want you to have a neck tattoo for her though”. He said, “Yeah and she’ll get one on her butt.” We both said something about matching tattoos, and he said it’ll be 2 halves of a heart and they can come together to make a full heart hahahha

I mean, if we met years ago, we can be similar people today. But we meet today, and he is a redneck while I’m a….city hippie? We have similar roots – analytical, artistic, love designing products, not big on jewelry, like to play outside and get dirty. But…we are not that compatible as we are already set in our ways.

Plus he is 12 years younger.

At the closing party, I deliberately turned my head and glanced over at him, twice. I’m pretty sure he noticed. When Brian reached out to touch my back, I’m pretty sure Paul looked to see what’s up. Soon after that, when I was by myself, he came over to take a photo together with me.

I look back on that photo, and, while it was not a great photo of either of us, our faces were so close together for some reason. He is tall enough that his face shouldn’t be so close to mine naturally….but our cheeks were basically touching.

The other thing was when we were laughing together, our arms were pressed against each other, for a while. There’s a natural physical closeness that we have.

I feel that he is sincere enough that those moments meant something.

But hey, let’s be realistic. He is telling me he is getting a ring tattoo. If that’s not the biggest sign of commitment and non-flirting, I don’t know what is lol. He seems like the perfect guy, but someone else already has his heart.

Also, during our meeting, he didn’t ask questions about me. That’s a sign of non-interest. He was just being polite probably.

I want someone who is curious about me.  Cute, smart, playful, funny, sincere, high EQ, communicative. Around the same age as me, youthful, rich, loves spikeball. A successful e-commerce entrepreneur. Great dick. Great in bed. LOVES me.

I think he is a people pleaser. An ENFP or ENFJ. That’s another reason why I like him. I like people pleasers! They are kinder with their words and intentions.

Ah my biggest joy of life at the moment: Spikeball!

I can honestly say that it’s just so much fun, EVEN if I’m not buddies with the players.

So many people (older people) watched us play with envy, and even asked us what the game is called. I mean, we really did look like we were having a ton of fun! 😀

I haven’t played so hard in my life. Got there at 4:30, and finished playing at around 8pm. 3.5hours of play! No break either.

I’m what John called rinsed, and it feels good!

I’ve realized that it’s just so fun to be active! Playing spikeball is the best, volleyball maybe second.

This coming winter, I’ll for sure be somewhere where I can stay active! Maybe Costa Rica or Thailand or Bali.

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I won a lot today! Another reason why I had so much fun today!

I won maybe 8 out of 10 games.

The official game started at 5:30. I got there at 4:30, then Nicole arrived, then Pranav. We played for a while, then Sid came maybe around 5. I was surprised, but not thrilled.

If it was last year, I would’ve been thrilled! I would’ve hugged him and he would’ve picked me up and spun me around.

But he has proven to be not worthy of my affection. Last Noveween, he didn’t come to my party and didn’t tell me that he wasn’t coming. He said he was coming to the cold plunge, and he didn’t.

So this year, he gets the cold shoulder from me. And not even super obvious. Just enough to make him feel uncomfortable, and for me to not feel awkward.

The funny thing was Nicole asked me when Sid arrived, “Who is that?” Ahahahha

I just can’t believe that I found him attractive.

He is the only person there without major ug, but he is really not that cute. His features are plain. He doesn’t wear his hat backwards these days and that makes him a lot less cute. His face is so tiny. His legs super skinny. His skin not great. His nose a bit crooked and pointing downward. His movement – which I used to find cute – is not cute anymore.

He doesn’t have an audible laugh. He hasn’t been making jokes. He hasn’t been funny!

I noticed that he doesn’t compliment on my serves but complimented on Nicole’s serves. I wonder why. I’m just as good, and most likely better. Today I was standing near the nets, drinking some water. He stood somewhat near me and but didn’t talk to me.

I enjoyed playing with Toby today, because he has long arms like Suraj and can make some cool moves. But, he was one of the people who didn’t come and didn’t tell me.

Andrew wants to go have a beer as a group one day. I didn’t wanna. I don’t like these people enough to socialize. I just like to play spikeball!

Playing so hard I’m exhausted atm…that’s life! I want to do it often, and throughout the year 🙂

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Oh and I had a video chat with Suneal today. It was good! I like chatting with other entrepreneurs. It’s the equivalent of hanging out with good friends!

I want to hit Paul up for a video call. But I’m a little afraid to find his flaws when we talk. Right now he is perfect.

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I started putting medical tape on my face as of about 3 days ago.

It’s for smoothing out wrinkles, keeping my face moist, and preventing me from puckering up my face. Also it’s been working as a mouth tape for me.

I don’t know if it is going to be dramatically helpful. It’ll do for now, until I find a facelift surgeon!

 

 

 

It’s indisputable. 20 years from now, I’d look back to today and think, wow, I was so young in 2024!

What I want is to be able to look back and say, well done! Well done at life! Well done at making the most of it!

What would be the coolest things for me to do for the upcoming 10 years?

1. Travel and see more of the world with people I love
2. Meet more people, make friends who are genuine, kind, funny, smart
3. Get really good at something – spikeball, volleyball, surfing, surfskate
4. More freedom and less stress – have a team, mentally be more free and relaxed, physically too!
5. Make good use of my healthy body – have fun! Be active! See the world!

The thing is, as I get older, I feel that travelling is overrated. People are what matters. But then, I feel that people are overrated, friends are overrated, and so is a boyfriend. I feel that there’s no point in making an impact on the world. People are not worth it.

 

6 years ago, at 40, he lost almost all his money (2018). I had about $1.4M

5 years ago, he started investing for me, $100k.

4 years ago, COVID hit. I listened to his advice and tried to short Shopify. Made a mistake, bought 10x the options. Lost $150K. Revenge traded for a while, made $20K back in 4 days. Bought some stocks based on his advice and surf-traded daily. Fat fingered again, bought 10x the SPG than intended. This turned out to be the best mistake.

3 years ago, the money I made, $3M – he started managing it.

2 year ago, set up Mom’s IBKR for him to manage too.

1 year ago (2023), at 45, his net worth is $1.4M, and mine is $7.1M ($6.5M after paying him $600K)

Amazing!

He is gonna soar from here!

He’s bought a Porche. He is moving into Kengo building in the West End with $4800/month rent.

I’m so happy for him!

Now I just hope that his health improves.