Month: December 2021

I can do it and I want to do it!!!!

YES!

I want to reach $10MM because that will give me even more freedom haha.

I want to reach $10MM because that will help me gain some street cred on ECF! I want to find a husband on ECF 😀

I want to reach $10MM because I want to make as much money as possible while young. I want to reach $100MM before I retire. I want to have more money than my cousins who will get lots of inheritance.

Of course, health and love come first. Great health, great love, and a wealth level that range from very comfortable to life-changing and world-changing!

Strategy:

1. Increase each tier’s performance:
   1. Traffic 3x
      1. More ads – IG/FB, reels, etsy, google shopping
         1. Create brand that looks like YSL(?) and target their audience
         2. Gather a list of brands that look like YSL(?0
      2. v Hire FB advert staff in-house or get an agency
      3. Influencer seeding – try it ourselves first, then if want, try it with Kynship.
      4. Collaborations
         1. product co-creation for brands/influencers with passionate fans
         2. brand-collab with brands who have similar audience
      5. Etsy: increase ad spend to double
   2. Conversion rate 2x
      1. More reviews
      2. Easier to find rings
      3. Better FAQ layout and content to answer all questions
      4. Chat bot perhaps
      5. Create niche-specific landing pages (also good for SEO and ads marketing)
      6. Etsy: Free shipping, upselling, and FAQ info in listing images
   3. AOV (Average Order Value)
   4. CLV (Customer Lifetime Value) 2x
      1. Membership?
      2. Subscription?
      3. More email promos / customer engagement
   5. Rate of returning customer
      1. Same as above
   6. Rate of rescuing abandoned cart
      1. Cuter rescue email?
   7. Email opt-in rate
      1. A/B test different pop up forms
      2. Learn from the best
2. Branding
   1. Dark theme! Make it cool. But still eco (with a splash of green plants, or natural stone) and fun (maybe real cats etc) and worldclass. Try some new ring designs to see how it’ll fit
   2. Design 2 amazing IG grids with very intentional purpose for each image (what brand feel we want the visitors to get, what product questions we want to answer, what hero products we want them to see, what curiosity to intrigue, what )
   3. IG highlight with reviews etc
   4. Lots of reel content from influencers or a hired content generator
3. SEO
   1. Always updating website homepage and adding blog articles
   2. v RankHarvest – focus on engraving, customization, v day
   3. Articles
   4. Meta https://www.shopify.com/blog/how-to-write-meta-descriptions
4. Better email marketing
   1. Which sender to use (Shopify email or Klaviyo or Pabbly?)
   2. Build journeys – better welcome, follow-up, etc
5. Set 90 day goals, 6 month goals, and 1 year goal. Weekly goals too!
6. Actively network, contribute (give), and ask questions (take)
7. Spend 1 day a week to learn and implement new things/improve SOP/improve efficiency, etc.
8. Take weekends off to socialize!

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Goals:

1. One Year:
   1. 12X our revenue
   2. Have a SODA’d operation with local and virtual teams
2. 6 Month:
3. 3 Month:

Improve our capacity:

1. Hire 1 more VA, perhaps from Eastern Europe
2. Move to a warehouse
3. Get a second engraver machine
4. Train a second engraver
5. Start using Wizmo and DesktopShipper

What to do about Amazon?

1. Replace Sellerlabs with Zontools (or whatever that other thing is called)
2. See if we can replen FBA
3. Launch Foxfire.
4. Remove all bad inventory (B4, B6, Rose Gold, high return items) – if we can send more inventory in
5. Get good reviews
6. Downvote bad reviews
7. Regular release of new listings
8. Regular release of engraved listings

Local inventory:

1. We need to QA all inventory so the person fulfilling the orders always fulfills with good inventory only
2. Wall organization when we move to new space
3. Dump all bad or old inventory

Products:

1. Create new moulds for Bevel
2. Create new moulds for CF with less flow line effect
3. Create new moulds for CF with inside grooves for Amazon (under Foxfire or KT brand)

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Etsy:
2020: 2.3X sales ($85K), 70% growth in traffic (1.7X), 22% growth in conversion, 2X orders
2021: 3X sales ($250K), 188% growth in traffic (2.8X), 14.5% drop in conversion, 2.5X orders, higher AOV because of engraving. Growth started in June.

Shopify:
2021: 2X sales ($150K), 18% growth in traffic only, 2X conversion rate (2.55%). Growth started in June too.

I think engraving started catching on in June! Started in Feb. Probably took 4 months to get ranked on Google?

We can expect more competition this year, but we can also expect higher revenue from a full year of engraving!

$400k sales from these two sites in 2021. Can expect at least $1MM in sales in 2022 I think, just from having engraving offer for the full year. But we want to amp it up and grow to beyond that! At least $2MM! I think we can do $4MM if we aim for $10MM. Or we can do $10MM!!

 

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In general, there are SO many things to focus on. So, which should we do first?

1. Clear Goal: Grow 12x while operating smoothly – good customer experience, good team experience.
2. Minimal effort, maximum result
3. Pave the foundation for massive expansion -automation, staff, warehouse

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Things that we can do to boost sales:

1. Etsy – better listing images with clear return policies, free shipping etc (estimated $2000/month revenue increase)
2. RankHarvest SEO (estimated $2000/month revenue increase)
3. FB and IG ads (estimated $10,000/month revenue increase)
4. Send out more emails (estimated $1000/month revenue increase)
5. Create more email journeys
6. Increase Etsy ad budget (estimated $2000/month revenue increase)
7. Influencer seeding
8. Collaborations with influencers
9. Better IG feed, and reuse this better content in ads, blogs, landing pages, etc. (estimated $800/month revenue increase)
10. More IG reels and stories (estimated $200/month revenue increase)
11. Launch more engraving designs (estimated $2000/month revenue increase)
12. Launch gold fill on all designs (estimated $500/month revenue increase at first)
13. Launch 2 tier rings (estimated $500/month revenue increase at first)
14. Launch more colours e.g. pale gold
15. Renew Amazon inventory and be able to sell FBA again
16. Import / add more reviews to Shopify esp. ones with images too  (estimated $500/month revenue increase at first)
17. Hire someone to write seasonal and useful and high search volume low competition articles, to boost our ranking (estimated $500/month revenue increase at first)
18. Hire the same person to do the same for our niche-specific landing pages

Estimated $22,000/month increase

That’s $264K/year increase.

We want a month to month traffic, conversion, frequency, and AOV report

To boost ring productivity:

 

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Goals:

January: 
– FB ads management start

1. DesktopShipper set up
2. Hire RankHarvest
3. Do a high end photoshoot
4. Launch motivational rings
5. Launch gold filled rings
6. Launch 2-layered rings
7. Feature and launch Valentine’s Day rings
8. Look for a warehouse to rent
9. Teach VA to clean up old orders
10. Clean up our inventory
11. Start on new moulds with Fred (bevel cf)
12. Train Faroo
13. App can take new fonts
14. Taxes

February:
– Envelopes arrive

1. Hire another VA from Eastern Europe
2. Continue to look for warehouse to rent if not found yet
3. Train a new fulfillment and engraving staff
4. Boost Etsy conversion
5. Launch horoscope designs

March:

1. Influencer seeding with wedding season in mind, possibly with Cody
2. Move into new warehouse March 1st, ideally.
3. Buy a second engraver

April:
– 20,000 envelopes arrive, hopefully goes straight to warehouse

May:

1. Launch Summer designs
2. Summer collabs
3. Summer photoshoot

June

July

August

September

1. Start Xmas influencer seeding
2. Promote Halloween rings
3. Xmas photoshoot

October

1. Add Xmas listings to Etsy

November

1. Start promoting for Xmas in first week, leading up to Black Friday (25th)

December

Page 118

Consider the past month and describe one moment when you felt really good, like you were participating in something particularly meaningful.

You then ask him what made it feel meaningful. You ask why it felt good.

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The past month the one moment I felt really good was when I was on mushroom with Alex and his friends. He had his arms around me, and we were laughing super hard.

Why did it feel meaningful? Why did it feel good?

It felt amazing being in his arms. I felt safe, protected. He would make sure that everything is gonna be ok for me that night because he cared.

It felt good because we were laughing. I love and miss having a group of friends.

It felt good because I loved the touch, and how I felt so close to Alex. And it was exciting, because I was becoming attracted to him. And I know that he was attracted to me too. And we were both so horny.

It felt good because in the group I have a “boyfriend” who is the cutest and smartest in the group, who likes me and is holding me. I love that so much. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel like I’m getting special attention. Extra love. Extra attentiveness.

It’s meaningful because this feeling is the essence of happiness for me.

It’s also meaningful because we are experiencing something new (the northern lights, new friends, higher mushroom dose or this particular strain of mushroom) and building friendship.

Love, touch, intimacy, friendship, group friends, laughter, new experiences, adventure.

I need to find a boyfriend like that.

I need to find a group of friends like that.

We need to do fun adventures.

Ugh…

I was so into Alex. And we had such a build up towards the weekend…

Then he bailed on me last minute.

That’s the second time in the past 4 weeks. So basically I only see him once every 2 weeks, just like with Matthew. And there’s a 50% chance of him cancelling on me last minute.

On one hand I’m not surprised. On one hand I’m so disappointed. On another hand I’m kinda hoping it wouldn’t be a regular thing….but, he doesn’t have the best track record in general…I kinda knew that since he always missed his flights.

What happened was that he drove over a nail and his tire blew. He said he’d need to fix that and then he’d uber to me if he had to, to get to my arms (strange way to put it…I felt like the protective figure….the big spoon).

That was 1pm. 6 hours later, after much back and forth of me telling him how much I wanted him, and him being quite convincing that he’ll come…he said he ate some fried chicken and was in a food coma. WTF!

I was so upset.

He said he was also moody from the car issue.

I said we both go through a lot of stress in life/biz, and I thought he was the type of person to take stresses in stride. His tire blew and they can’t fix it…that’s enough to bring him down so much that he can’t see me???

And to get into a food coma???

I was so wet earlier, and was so turned off after this.

He said he when he is with me he wants to give me all of his attention and he just couldn’t that day.

Putting it that way helped, but I was still sad.

In a way I get it. Guys are less resilient. They can’t take stress as well (except for extreme cases such as Elon Musk). I think if we were to find an average, girls take stresses better than guys, but there are more outliers in guys.

I didn’t respond to his last message. We’ll see. I hope it works out well.

—

Went to see Bunny today. He was expecting me to visit him yesterday (Saturday). I didn’t realize I committed to that…I was planning to meet with Alex. I was also busy working, so Bunny said it’s fine if we meet today (Sunday), which would’ve been great if I got to meet Alex. Instead, I was actually working all night.

Bunny and I haven’t met up on weekends in a while, so, I was actually surprised that he wanted to see me. I saw him during the week already.

I think he is feeling better the past 2 days. Talked to some of this friends, and wanted me to visit. When I went, he had a smile on his face. Haven’t seen that in a while. He said the mushroom helped lift his mood too.

He was so distraught and hopeless just last week.

Part of me feels like at a higher consciousness level, he was in deep sorrow because I was hooking up with Alex. And when in the past two days Alex disappointed me and we are not great anymore, Bunny felt better. It’s probably not the case, but, I felt that way.

Sometimes I surprise myself at how I don’t feel very guilty about all this.

I can totally have sex with both Bunny and Alex and not feel guilty. Except, Alex has my attention. I like being with him so much.

I was still horny around Bunny today. He was a bit more touchy, but still not even touching my boobs. I was a little upset and got up to leave. But I managed to hide my sadness mostly, reminding myself that he’s already improved today.

He ordered some really yummy chicken shwarma for us, and we watched South Park post covid special – sooo good, so brilliant. That was really uplifting. That’s something Alex and I can’t bond on.

We then watched an episode of Price is Right from 1976. It was hilarious!

Then we cuddled. I was topless (wearing pants cuz of period). Bunny was in knee pain again…every time we lie down to sexy cuddle he is in pain. Made me roll my eyes… but he was almost in tears so… not his fault. He rubbed my back a bit. So little action compared to what Alex and I have done.

When I was leaving, he did give me a decent kiss. But, I probably didn’t seem as appreciative as he thought I would be. I mean, no sex for 8 months. No making out. No nothing. A kiss isn’t gonna be enough. Also I prefer Alex’s lips. They are smaller and smoother, and felt like the same size as mine.

Physically it’s as though Alex and I are made for each other. I think chemically too. Being around him is just so uplifting. I’m always so happy. That’s why he is so addictive. That’s why I’m so into him.

When he said he wants to give me his full attention when he is around me, I didn’t realize it’s a conscious thing. I give him my full attention naturally…

Bunny’s dick never felt as good, except for that one time on my birthday.  Strange because their dicks look very similar. Similar size and girth.I pretty much have forgotten how Bunny’s dick feels…but it wasn’t like Alex’s dick. It sometimes hurts. Alex’s dick, when it enters me, I felt like a mac laptop booting up. I literally turn on.

Decided to give each other nicknames.

What turned me on the most was he said “my” sexy bunny. Oh my. I was so wet from that.

Also he use red heart emojis with me for the first time <3 <3

In general he is not very good at saying sexy things to me (he would lead by ask me about work), but the important part is that he puts effort in haha. At least, some effort.

And according to that book I read (His Secret Obsession), I need to find a way for the guy to be able to “win”. I’ve been keeping that in mind.

I’m a bit doubtful that this book will be as effective as it claims (by letting the guy be the hero), but, we shall see. If I told Alex that he “rescued” me from being almost dead inside because of my sexless relationship, would that make him feel like a hero?

So far I’ve been doing lots of things right, by chance. Like asking him to help me with brand advice.

Then again, nothing changes in the fact that he wants kids and I am in a relationship. What happens if we go too deep?

Well, I’ll think about it when it comes to that. He is going to Japan in April. Who knows what will happen then. Who knows how long this will last.

For right now, I am SO attracted to him. Everything about him. I don’t think I’ve ever been so attracted to someone. Maybe Matthew. 14 orgasms is still the record. I like that he always let me have as many orgasms as I wanted and then he’d finish. Alex comes faster than I’d like, but we talk and laugh, and have sex again sometimes. Alex is the type to date with sincerity I think. Even though we are not a couple, we both act somewhat like we are. There’s no other way.

I’ve been masturbating so much, it’s almost impacting work. I need to remember that this ain’t no time to slack. Do some good work and ask him lots of questions! This is a great opportunity.

But the orgasms I get from thinking about him…wow…so good. I’d lie there, in a bliss soup, imagining the conversations we’d have. I doubt he is THAT into me. I’m a little obsessed.

Why is that? I don’t know. Something about him….or just my lack of comparable experience in my entire life. Someone who is smart, funny, playful, fun, successful in biz, perfect size, great in bed….this has never happened before.

White meat doesn’t even turn me on much anymore. Not Asians either. Only him. I’m under his spell.

Then again, I still think Bunny is very hot. And I kissed him yesterday. And I think if he’d touch me in a sexy way I’d still be turned on. I wanted to have sex with him yesterday. I was so horny. But, he was not.

For that, I think it’s fair that I have steamy sex with Alex.

And I’m grateful for Alex being in my life (as long as he makes me happy not sad haha).

He kept saying “can’t wait”, but we haven’t figured out when we’re meeting up. Sometimes it’s all very last minute with him.

 

 

Yesterday was a tough day and I cried.

Etsy put us in vacay mode. Ella ghosted and didn’t work for 2 days. DesktopShipper still wasn’t working. Mom needed help setting up IBKR wire.

But at the end of the day I realized I had way more to be grateful for. I think I also cried because of how I’m in a sexlationship with Alex, which is a dead end because he wants kids. And in a relationship with Bunny, which is also a dead end because he is not a good match.

Bunny was having a hard day yesterday too. Sigh. I want him to heal. Poor baby. I prayed for him.

Didn’t talk to Alex yesterday. Thought about him though. Missed kissing him. The most memorable thing he said last time was “Did you…like..miss me?” and the most memorable thing he did was wanting to hear me sing and actually sang with me. He is so adorbs.

I’m not quite as horny as the first 4 weeks haha….but still very horny. On Monday his car got broken into so I kinda felt like he wasn’t thinking about me. I think we are good since last we talked so I wasn’t as “attached”.

Today (Wednesday) he messaged me. That was nice. He just says “Heyyaa! Hows ya sunny day today? Ring factory caught up on orders?”

He’s not very romantic when messaging…

I said we needed nicknames so we can stop calling each other heyyaa. He said he’d call me Bunny Hops, or just Bunny.

Well….that’s fine. I can’t think of a better name for me.

I can’t call him Bunny though…

I said I can be Bunny and he can be Hops. Or Pablo (the name he gave my polar bear purse)..or Mochi (the name I was gonna give my polar bear purse). He chose Mochi haha.

We exchanged work updates.

I said I wanna kiss him so bad. But then I made the mistake of saying right away that I wanted to kiss his dick too.

He got all hard on that second part. Didn’t say anything about kissing me.

But overall we good. Now we have nicknames for each other.

Sometimes I feel that we’re just paving way to date some day. But then it’s not for marriage.

But maybe I don’t want marriage anyway….I don’t know. I like the idea of finding each other to be the only one for each other. But I think sex will get boring eventually.

Maybe we’ll be bored of each other sexually eventually. Who knows. Then it wouldn’t hurt so bad to let it go.

But I think there’s something undeniable. We fit each other perfectly physically. Our hugs are perfect. His dick fits me perfectly. We’re both passionate and sexual.

Mentally and personality wise we seem to be a pretty good fit too. We both laugh at the same things often. We are biz oriented. We are driven and ambitious. We love sex, cuddles, pillow talks. We are pretty outgoing. Pretty adventurous and curious.

I think he is more of a partier and drinker. And he lives at home. And he loves tattoos. And he loves being on-trend (hanging with 20 somethings). He wants to have kids. I think these are places where we can diverge.

And I know we will eventually….but right now, it’s so good. Right now, it’s amazing actually.

 

 

Mark came over today to help set up Desktopshipper. He is dorky looking, but very nice guy, and fairly smart!

We talked about Alex a little bit. He says Alex is very easy to work with, and that he has lots of warehouse space…until his container arrives.

I was thinking about Alex here and there while Mark was here.

This morning I stayed in bed longer, thinking about him.

I’m smitten.

I hope he is smitten too 🙂

Talked to Mom today to get Grandpa’s story straightened out. Trip down the memory lane was fun. Mom wants to confirm her story with siblings.

Talked to Bunny about how Grandpa used to make so much money, enough to buy 1 house per day.

This motivated me to set my revenue goal to $36 million.

I can do it!

While I have Alex, I should speed up too. Pick his brain, show him I can execute so he wants to help me even more.

I have love on the brain but it ain’t no time to slack!

Lots of BFCM orders lately, but mostly Nicole and Anna (and Elena) were the busy ones. I’ve been…busy thinking about Alex.

Meanwhile Alex is busy thinking about NFT.

Being with Alex sometimes lifts my mood and makes me nicer to Bunny. But it definitely has backfired too.

I am so in love with him right now.

 

Hadn’t seen him in 2 weeks because he cancelled last minute cuz of his uncle’s bday. He didn’t respond to my message request of him kissing every inch of me (to make up for cancelling), so I was super disappointed and sad for a couple of days, until I clarified with him (glad I took the initiative to clarify..wish I did it sooner!) Then he was 1.5 hours late today cuz work stuff. Was a bit upset at him for that and didn’t know for sure how excited I should be. But after he arrived, everything was amazing.

I wanted to say how I’m so super attracted to him, but I didn’t. I wanted to give him a blowjob but I didn’t. Will save those for when he treats me extra good.

Tonight was the 4th time of our sexy night since we started about 5 weeks ago. So far everything is still incredibly hot and exciting!

We had more time today. He was here from 6:30pm to almost 1am. We had sex twice, and talked the rest of the time.

I was wearing my light purple hair and white lace onesie and white lace stockings. My makeup was gorgeous.

He was wearing a fucking cardigan haha. Wtf. It’s not what I asked for! I asked for techwear or a black apron! But he just bought that I think he was proud of it. His fashion sense is odd and the least impressive haha

He asked “Did you, like, miss me?” Surprisingly unsure for him. I said “Yes of course.” And he missed me too.

He said he got a new hair cut for me. “For me?” haha yeah right. It was cute though.

He brought some kiwis his dad grew. (He grew over 2000 this year!) I showed him the chayote squashes that Mom grew that I was giving him.

Gave him an ashwaganda pill.

We started making out in the bedroom. He tried to kiss “every inch of me” but we both laughed and he wasn’t super committed to it really. We mainly just kissed a lot on the lips. Like we just couldn’t get enough of each other.

His dick felt amazing as usual. It fit perfectly. When we cuddled, he said again how our bodies fit perfectly together. He is 5’7.5″. He’s dated someone who was 5’11”! He said usually the person would be too big or too small, but I fit perfectly. I said I normally date 6′, so it usually doesn’t fit so perfectly like this either. He said 5’10”, 5’11” would be his ideal height. I said his height is good and it probably gave him a certain personality and I liked his personality. He said he liked my personality too. I said, “It’s because I was huge (super tall) as a kid” haha.

There were many sensual touches, kisses. Everything just felt sooooo great. I could go for longer sesh, but doing it twice was great already. He actually tried to do it the third time but we weren’t super horny then.

We talked so much. He has all these stories of him being suspended in school, even at lunch time. He tried to sneakily stayed in school during lunch and some kids would rat him out. So funny. We were so different. I told him how I was every teacher’s fave. Mr. Tierback got himself a birthday cake and dedicated the first piece to me.

I sang and danced today. I told him about the singing course I’m signing up for. He said he wanted to hear me sing. We sang Stay by Rihanna together. We were so cute!! I think he was worse than me haha…cuz it was too high pitched of a song for him. I tried squeezing his balls to help him reach the higher note haha. He said he liked my voice and that there’s a grittiness to it. I think I could’ve sung better if we were standing or sitting up. Either way, I’ve never done that with any guy. I adore him for singing with me from start to finish.

At one point Bunny called. I think it was 9:30pm. Then he called again at 11:30pm. I told him I was on the phone. I actually called him at 3pm thinking then he wouldn’t call during my time with Alex. He was in a bath and didn’t call me back ’til late. He hasn’t been that into me either, really. (Turned out he was feeling miserable that day. He felt much better the next day though, and his knee improved by 5 smidges!)

Alex and I talked about Bali and shared our photos.

He was looking at my phone at one point and Bunny messaged. He quickly swiped it away. Meanwhile, earlier, he talked about when he has kids one day, he wants to take them out of school for a while to explore the world.

It’s such contrast.. We are so perfect together, and yet, there were reminders that this is only temporary. I’m with someone, and he wants kids.

I don’t think I’ve met anyone more compatible with me in life. Not even Ty, who is so similar to me.

Come to think of it, I’ve always wanted to date a good marketer…for that’s my weakness. Maybe that’s why I’m extra drawn to him.

He was thirsty so I took out the coconuts that I actually bought for us. He liked that so much. We sipped on the coconuts while hugging/embracing each other. So cute.  I said we could be in a coconut milk commercial. He said maybe porn.

We also started eating the kiwis he brought. They really were quite sweet! Not as juicy as store bought ones though. He spooned them and fed me. Aww so cute.

Nearing midnight, he said he should get going. But I mentioned we hadn’t even talked about his NFT project. He got all excited and talked for another hour. It really was exciting. He is SO smart in this arena. Seriously. It was very impressive and very attractive.

I was inspired to do more with Knot Theory after that talk.

Ugh I’m so crazy about him! If he didn’t want kids…

I’ve never had so much fun with a guy in my 41 years of life. How can that be! Is this what it’s like to date someone you like and connect well with? Is it always like that with him (with his other girlfriends), or is it us? It’s not just me that’s for sure, because I’ve never had this. I need this.

No we are not gonna be long term. I suppose that’s ok. It’s hard to put myself in that state of mind, but one day we might be jaded of each other and not passionate anymore… or maybe one of I’ll still be into him and he’ll have moved on to find a wife to have kids with….or maybe he’ll be so into me that he no longer wants kids….

I think my biggest chance of winning and not getting hurt in this game is to be very successful and social. Meet lots more people.

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I just remembered that Alex said with is first girlfriend he didn’t know what he was doing, so for the first 4 to 6 months they barely had sex and she wasn’t enjoying it. Then he figured it out, and they enjoyed it, and they were doing it every night.

Ugh. I wish I could do it with him every night. At least every other night or twice a week.

I wonder what it’s like to be with someone who wants to have sex often.

I guess now he is so stressed and older, he probably doesn’t want it everyday. I mean, even once a week is amazing. It was only once every 2 weeks with Matthew.

I wonder if he does get married, if he’ll have kids and eventually get divorced. Then can I have him? hahah

Oh I want him so bad.

I don’t know his ugly side, and he doesn’t know mine.

I guess that makes him so desirable to me.

Oh I remember now why I never considered him….cuz he was drunk often! And that’s still true!

There’s gotta be someone like him but doesn’t want kids, right? Someone who also doesn’t get drunk all the time and wants to be covered in tattoos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Had the Limitless mushroom pill this morning, felt just the bad. A little bit like Moda but without the focus.

At 2:30, went to pick up Bunny to go see physio. He was 10 minutes late, and I was put in a bad mood immediately.

Bought a pizza for $4 at shoppers, got Bunny some melatonin and l-theanine, and some xmas earrings. Felt a bit better.

Physio gave Bunny positive outlook. He felt a bit better.

Went to the beach and sat for a bit cuz Bunny hasn’t been out for so long.

Went to Tim Horton’s and got him lots of coffee for the week, and I got some donuts.

Went back to his place and we both did some exercises.

He wanted to watch stocks and wheel of fortune again but I didn’t. So I worked.

Then we had pizza. Cuddled on the couch a bit while he felt uncomfortable.

Sigh.

That’s the story of our relationship.

I can’t take any more of this.

He can’t take any more of this. His health issues I mean.

I just feel miserable whenever I’m with him.

I felt so happy when I was with Alex.

But, Alex didn’t even reply back to what I wrote.

I now feel sad thinking about Alex too.

I’m miserable this week.

I want to date someone who make me happy, makes me laugh, laughs at my jokes. Someone that I can laugh lots together with. Someone who has the capacity to love me and does. Someone with lots of resilience, resourcefulness, a kind heart, is outgoing, has good friends.

Sigh.

I want that.

Just took 1 pill with lime juice.

I feel a bit queasy. Surprising since it’s such a small dose.

I feel a bit weak too.

I feel like I should be thinking bigger. That I should use this time to do some thinking. I don’t know if it’s making me smarter in any way though…subtle if any. Maybe I should Just work haha.

 

I proudly messaged Alex on Monday, the playful “I need every inch of me kissed”, though it was super late, close to midnight.

It’s now just past Tuesday midnight. He read it and did not reply.

I think I’m losing him.

That makes me so sad.

I don’t like that side of him, whatever the reason. Well…I guess there could be a legit reason. It’s been a busy week for all.

I need to not dwell on this.

I thought we had more time.

It was so fun with him…I didn’t think it would end so quickly. I secretly wish to date him. I simply can’t go back to dating Bunny after this…

Bunny is so boring, so negative, and, 100% void of sexual desires.

Well, at least Alex helped me realize what I was missing.

Maybe I need to actively find someone to play with…sigh

Alex was perfect to play with.

I didn’t realize I had so few options.

He is short and Asian, but he is getting matches apparently…

Sigh.

I don’t like this.

Well, I guess I need to distract myself with dancing, work, and friends.

Sex is probably not in the cards for a while.

I’m thankful for the biz success, the wealth, the health. I really am.

Mom and I were discussing how we are so lucky to have health and wealth, and that we need to thank our ancestors.

Bunny, Cyndi, Nicole, Elena – all have health issues. Anna is more ok. Tyler is alright. Maybe Asians fair better?

If Alex can no longer be my fuck buddy…I think I’ll give Bunny another 4 months or so…it’ll be 1 year without sex. I’ll need to start dating others.

It’ll be a long road…maybe.

Think about it. I like younger men. Men my age are not healthy anymore, unless they are Asian. Asian men are less open-minded, so my alopecia might not be ok by them. I like successful people with their shit together. Smart, funny, nice body. Come to think of it, Alex is so rare…

I think, God, all this is in your hands. I will not overthink it. I hope I continue to have this amazing sexlationship with Alex, that we have so much fun together, that we don’t hurt each other. I hope we both find lasting happiness and love, whether we become more together or part ways. I hope Bunny finds health, wealth, and happiness. And love.