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I like that Alex and I kissed so many times as he was leaving on Sunday. I love our laughs and sex and pillow talks and alll the kisses. I love the way he puts his body around me when he coached me in biz. Everything is great.

But, something was a little less fun last Sunday, the more I think about it.

He was tired, hung over from Saturday rave. His parking experience was overly long. He was a bit stressed out about coaching me I think.

I was a little stressed too. It was the last day of my period. He was coaching me.

He was wearing his hat most of the time, and in bed he had hat hair. Someone that kinda turned me off. Hats at night seem very pointless.

Everything worked out well still, but I am weary that he just doesn’t have enough energy for our weekly rendezvous. He doesn’t prioritize it enough to save his energy at least…I think. Not that I think it’s super warranted, because, we are not a couple.

Maybe I need to compliment him more to get more. Like compliment his hair. His sex ability. It can help him get more into these things, perhaps.

I told him sex+chats+kisses are da best. He said pillow talks are his favesss. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but now I’m thinking, what about the sex and the kisses?

I also noticed that he doesn’t send me kissy emojis.

Could be just his style. Could be cuz we are not a couple.

I don’t want to overthink it, but I also want to lower my expectations from him. Sigh. I don’t want to. I want to be all in, like a couple.

I didn’t get all horny after Sunday this time. I think my period made me less sensitive vaginally. Sex didn’t feel the same. I barely masturbated the past few days!

But we are still pretty awesome. We msg each other daily so far this week. That’s new. He doesn’t reply right away but he does reply with some care. We kinda secure the Sunday again.

One day one of us is gonna not be able to make it on a Sunday. I wonder what is going to happen then.

I think I just need to chill. No hard feelings, no matter what…

We are not dating…all these pleasures are extra, are bonuses, are…stolen golden moments that we are so lucky to have. I cherish them so much.

I like Alex so much, and our current arrangement is great. I hope it lasts a while.

Meanwhile, after he’s coached me, I feel that I have an assignment that I need to do very well on, in order to keep up with the him and maintain his interest.

I think about sometimes what I bring to the table.

Pillow talk for sure. He says that’s his fave. And we do have so much fun just talking about anything at all, and once in a while kissing each other.

I think I can compliment him more. That’s a way to win anyone over.

And being aware of trends seems to be attractive to him.

And doing interesting things.

I love how much we love kissing each other. We kissed three times as he was leaving.

I have never had this much fun with anyone, actually.

Matthew was also super fun…but our conversation wasn’t as full of laughs. Though our online convo was very smart and flirty. And sex was AMAZING.

Alex is someone that I would not have had sex with if I didn’t know him for a while. Definitely would not have swiped right.

But with time and with our mushroom experience, he is now super sexy to me!

I actually like that he is short, especially thinking that his playful personality and loudness developed around being short.

Sometimes I look at him and I see flaws, or that he is not as hot as guys I’m normally drawn to. Sometimes I think he looks so similar to me haha. His eyes, nose, lips are near identical to mine!

But everything about him feels right. His dick is perfect too. I want to suck on it next time. It would be my first Asian dick in the mouth! Ahahah

Wow. Alex is SMART.

1. So grateful to have his insight. Feeling very blessed that my wishes are coming true. Want to manifest more.
2. So enjoying our time together. The sex, the bedroom talks, and laughs, the business shares.
3. Feeling very excited about the future, with my new knowledge!

Some things I’ve learned:

What’s trending – e.g. the trending aesthetics, social media style, TT songs
Inexpensive marketing vehicle – e.g. IG reels are cheap to advertise on

My IG / Brand look is my foundation. When talking to Influencers / getting UGC, they will have a better idea of what to create for us.

Alex suggest:

• Delete existing posts, except for the tagged posts
• Group by colour to have 3 to 9 posts per colour / collection.
• Have 18 posts as our foundation
• Reels
• Audience insight – see what posts that IKEA fans liked of the IKEA posts

Ideas:

• Find influencers with the look and feel we want to get them to create content

ToDo:

1. Research brand looks (also see who they have as brand ambassadors)
2. Collect a list of influencers who have that look
3. Study Alex’s launch plans
4. Find photographers with the look I want

Haha…I know I’m not gonna come back to read this!

But this is a nice outlet. I can’t tell anyone about Alex. Or, I haven’t. If I were to tell someone, it’d probably be Cyndi. Nicole is too close to everyone in terms of physical distance, and she might get jealous that I have 2 guys and she has none. Ty might get jealous that I didn’t choose him. Cyndi has been very much busy dating and having eye pain…and not working much on KT. Cat might not care haha. Ok maybe Cat I can tell this to.

But I don’t need to. Who knows how long this will last.

Today, I woke up to a phone call. Went to check my phone, and dripped blood all the way to the living room as if I was leaving a cookie trail for a vampire.

Mixed feelings. First, glad I”m not pregnant. Haven’t been using protection with Alex, though he’s been pulling out. Two, will it end in time for our next rendezvous? Will there be a next?

Today, my feelings for him is an abstract one. Yes of course I still like him and am interested in him, but I’m not as much a slave to physical needs to procreate, seeing that my uterus is in take-down mode right now.

Also, I just saw Bunny yesterday. I was still attracted to him, interestingly. I was still horny. I wanted to have sex with him.

If Alex was in John’s position, I wonder if I would’ve done all this for him. John is still far more beautiful haha. I wonder if I would be quicker to give up on Alex because he is not as beautiful….so weird of me. So shallow.

I might not be though…Alex has been making me so happy. He makes me laugh. He compliments me. Our mushroom night and the 2 Sundays after, have been the most blissful experience for me in a long time.

Anyway, no point in comparing.

I’m just surprised at how good I am at being invested emotionally and physically in Bunny still. Maybe it’s because I have gemini ascension. Maybe it’s because I am just horny as fuck now that I’m reinvigorated by Alex. Maybe it’s because I’m non-committal and this arrangement puts me at ease. Maybe I’m a poly. I’ve never had multiple lovers…but it seems fairly natural to me. I definitely have often had emotional love affairs.

Haven’t seen Bunny in 2 weeks. Meanwhile have seen Alex 3 times and had sex twice.

I got Bunny lots of groceries from Costco as usual. I also brought the chilli that Ty made. Also brought King’s Cribbage and Uno.

We sat on the floor and played King’s Cribbage. It was a nice change. Though in the beginning I was a bit upset at him for not ordering food for us. And for not heating the chilli enough. Also for growing his facial hair way too much.

The game was mildly fun. Bunny liked it more I think.

After, he wanted to play Uno even! Haha

I was too tired to learn a new game, so we cuddled instead.

While cuddling, he as usual kept playing with his knee. At one point he cried.

At one point I cried, telling him that I don’t feel that he finds me attractive.

All that Alex sex….I still feel hurt that Bunny doesn’t want to have sex with me. He promised that as soon as his leg gets better we’ll have lots of sez.

I was more calm from being infatuated with Alex by then. It seems that I get horny the most on Monday and Tuesday afternoon. I miss him. But by the weekend, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be with him.

Today, I thought about how to make him fall for me. I thought about how I’m falling for him. I thought about how this would end. It’s just a matter of time. Flings never last.

I like him so much because we have had just the funnest time together.

That’s the truest reason above all.

It’s just so fun.

He is funny, good listener, non-judging, open-minded, smart, easy-going, curious. His dick fits perfectly. Pretty good stamina.

He is not the hottest in my book, and he is the shortest… but none of that matters.

Even with Matthew it wasn’t this fun…in terms of conversations. Matthew was a physical perfect match with me, and I was getting orgasms after orgasms. Ok I miss Matthew too.

Still find it really interesting that I’m so into Alex right now.

Went for a walk and all I can think of was him.

I think it’s because his dick was in me. Chemicals leak from dicks into pussies. I’m pretty sure lol.

I’m so sore today. Not fun.

Deep pounding + pre-period. What not to do next time.

I’m so happy to have had such a fun night though. Pretty much it’s been bliss the past three times we were together.

I thought my sex life was over. But here we are. Me wet as fuck and having two rounds of romantic sex on a Sunday early evening haha.

When I needed the engraving implementation, Ty appeared out of nowhere.

When I needed sex and physical touch, Alex appeared out of nowhere.

When Bunny needed a hand financially, I appeared out of nowhere.

Sometimes, we are very very lucky.

Went to Anna’s hotpot bday today. It was only ok fun. I got her a cake that was so so (the Korean couple at the cake shop was super nice though!) Hot pot was very yummy, but the soup rarely boiled haha. I think many of us had the runs!

Tomorrow is my day off…maybe I’ll learn some dance moves and cheer up!

Bunny was gonna go see a doctor today, for his knee. He asked me to help drive him there. But today he postponed it to tomorrow. Then later today he postponed it to Monday.

I get it that he doesn’t want to see a doctor, but it hurts that he doesn’t care to see me.

I can’t remember if it was 2 weeks ago that I saw him. I think so.

We are just phone pals now.

I want to sleep with Alex often. Or Matthew.

Now that my 41 years of no-cheating ethics have been broken, I might as well have fun.

I’m crying a little right now, thinking about how our relationship has devolved. Not that we were ever a good pair anyway.

Alex is probably only a 6 or 7 out of 10 kind of fuck buddy.

He is too much of an extrovert and partier. Flakey. And probably other flaws such as being vindictive.

Matthew was a 10 out of 10 fuck buddy. Though I just saw that he unfriended me on Facebook. Maybe because I’ve been vocal about the vaccine mandate. Or maybe cuz I’ve posted about John. Oh well.

Is there such a thing as true love for each other? Will I ever experience it in this life time?

The older I get, the less I expect that.

There was a moment in life that I thought about my soul mate a lot. The world has changed. I have changed.

I still have a lot of fun with Ty. Maybe he is the closest to being my soul mate. Like, an open relationship soul mate. I mean, I feel no physical attraction to him at this moment. I think right now I’m only wanting to bone Alex. Even Bunny, who is the sexiest of them all, has no draw on me right now. Maybe if he starts wanting me all of a sudden…but he doesn’t.

What is the meaning of all of this?

For Anna’s birthday, I was wither her family and that was it. Cytrus did bring her boyfriend, so there were 7 of us.

Someone like Anna, who is such a loyal friend, has only 1 friend showing up on her birthday? Wtf!

And Nicole…she had Jonas, but now she has just me and maybe 3 other friends. 4 friends.

John has 3 or so friends who would call, but no one has wanted to meet up this whole time! Except Ben one time.

Me, I have Anna, Nicole, John who I see more regularly. Cyn and Ty whom I talk to somewhat regularly. Then Elena and Cat whom I talk to from time to time. Jessica is a new friend. Alex is maybe a new friend. Lynsey is an old friend but I don’t really care to keep in touch. Jean and John are sweet but not very close. Also a bunch of acquaintances whom I don’t know if are for or against vax mandates.

Jing’s bday is coming. Do I want to get in touch? Mike Marich maybe?
Erin and Alex? I quite like them.
Krista and her dilf?
Mike Quinn and Lauren?
Ronnie and ECF group?

How did we become like this? So alone.

Don’t particularly want to be friends with anyone I know that’s in Vancouver.

I think, collectively though, some friends could be great as group friends.

I wish to have more group friends.

It would be great to be invited to a group that I love.

Had SO much fun last night with Alex. Omg. It was perfect. Aside from seriously painful cramps after.

I was going through some pre-period mood swings earlier that day.

Alex and I hadn’t talked about when to meet up. We did say to each other that we were free on Sunday.

I suddenly thought that maybe because he has his birthday party this weekend, that maybe he won’t come over after all.

But it worked out. He said he doesn’t really celebrate his birthdays.

He had to go meet an old friend at 4pm, who wanted to be friends again with everyone at AnimeBae. I thought maybe he won’t be coming until later. Surprisingly he came at 6pm.

He was only here for 3 hours, but it was perfect. It’s the right amount of time. We had sex twice, and talked before, in between, and after. It was just the way I like it. His dick feels so good in me. He made me laugh. He was asking a lot of cute questions.

He brought some wine, which surprised me. I thought we’d get down to business right away. So we sat on the sofa for a bit and chatted.

He told me about his break dancing experience, how it would grind the hair off the top of his head and he would get scabs, giant pieces of dandruffs! Ahahahhaha

Also he now has neck arthritis.

I know he is complex, but when he is so honest like this, it makes me think he is straight forward and I like that.

I was wearing the neon orange lace onsie that I wore to Burning Man. He was wearing his usual drabby clothes. He said maybe he should wear a bikini next time. I said I have 8 of these and he could try them on.

I was wearing a blue pushup bra. He asked to take that off, and much preferred the without bra look. I wore the onsie the whole time…actually hides my little belly well! I have slimmed down quite a bit the past week though.

He really liked my outfit. Liked the wig too. I wore the blonde one with bangs. I was hoping to not wear a wig for some of our sexy times, but, the wig stayed on so well, I didn’t bother.

He brought some lube in a bottle in a ziploc bag. We laughed at that.

He said it’s good for foreplay. I have almost forgotten that word!

I do like the foreplay though. It was so fun, kissing and touching each other. Laughing. I never had that with Bunny.

I told him I find him so exotic, even though we are both Asian. He thought that was funny and it made him feel special that he is basically my first Asian.

He was full of compliments, saying that my skin was really smooth. My laughing a lot was really cute. That I have an hour glass figure.

I said I like his skin tone. That his new tattoo wasn’t too big. His dick fits me perfectly. I like his hair. Oh and, “How did you find time to get abs?!” and kept touching his abs.

He asked me what I like in a guy’s appearance aside from abs. I said high cheekbones, nice shoulders, small ass, delicate features. He has these qualities.

I asked him the same, and he said ass, collarbone (huh?), v-line (I don’t think I have that”, and dimples above the ass (I don’t have that either). Interesting. But he was obviously attracted to me and said “It’s the whole package”.

He asked what kind of guy do I like…artistic or sporty. I said I don’t think of guys like that. I’ve always wanted to be in a power couple relationship. He said he was just thinking about that recently too. Said it would be nice to not be the one paying for everything.

He said he likes Taiwan a lot. He’s been there 3 times. Asked me about my top 3 street foods.

He asks a lot of questions to lead the conversation. I like that. He is also pretty good at sweet talking…in a not-trying-to-hard way. There’s a laid-backness in his tonation that I find interesting. Like he has no agenda. Like he is innocent and child-like and casual.

He talked about how ever since BTS is big, he now finds that he gets 3x as many matches.

He told me about the word Simp, and how it’s tricky to balance between being a nice guy vs. being a Simp.

I thought it was funny, but at the same time thinking, wow he is just telling me how he is actively looking for someone. Somehow it didn’t other me so much… I guess because I’m in a relationship.

If I saw him on a dating site for sure I wouldn’t have swiped right. But I have met him in person, and he is an attractive person. Fun, social, likeable, smart, funny, successful, resourceful, determined….all these taking into account, he is pretty good looking haha. Without all that, he wouldn’t have been my top three that’s for sure.

He is so tiny. I’m more used to it the second time, but first time I felt very strange… His ass is smaller than mine! I think he is 5’6 or 5’7.

All the tatts. I wouldn’t have picked him…but being with him in person I don’t pay attention to his tattoos at all.

His eyes and nose look like mine. That was interesting.

I wish I could say that he won’t be getting dates anytime soon, but it seems like he is doing quite good in the dating world! He’s dated white, half black, Asians…only Indians he doesn’t like.

While I don’t feel jealous yet, I don’t feel that this will necessarily last. I’m going to miss this…I guess just enjoy it while it’s here!

He wants to learn dancing with me, he wants to go look for some good Taiwanese food together. It would be so fun! I really like spending time with him.

I’d like to think we had moments last night. We looked into each others’ (slanty) eyes ahhaha. I was so content after sex. I opened my eyes and found him looking at my face. The other Alex has done that before too. I think guys feel really proud when they satisfy a woman good haha.

I was glowing.

He had to leave at 9pm. I don’t know why and I didn’t ask. For all I know he could be going on a date.

But who am I to judge? Bunny called shortly after Alex left, and we talked for a while. He had a good day watching a skating contest and doing some extensive rehab. I had a good day too, but my uterus had started to cramp up by then, and I had to be the first to say good night to Bunny. I was miserable for the next several hours! I’ve never had this before. I think Alex went too deep.

I can do this with Alex forever….once a week amazing passionate intimate sex. Buuut, I know things will change and evolve. I’ll just have to be open to changes.

After not seeing Ty for a really long time…maybe two months? I kinda gave up. I missed him. But whenever he is ready. I thought maybe it’s because I am not vaccinated.

Finally he reached out to me two days ago for chilli last night! And a walk before that. It was nice. He makes the world’s best chilli!

We walked around the seawall. It started hailing for a bit. We talked about mushroom. He just recently did a heroic dose of 6.5g. The going between frames of a memory experience seems very interesting!

It’s just so fun hanging out.

The chilli was amazing. He made a salad too. And after that, we had a sour beer while lounging in front of a city view.

We talked about my relationship. Alex. Getting badges/street cred for life’s elevator pitches.

We laughed quite a bit.

Sounds like he hasn’t been doing much the past month. I guess maybe he was sad about the breakup after all. Or maybe the full time job got to him.

We didn’t talk about vax, Knot Theory, or his work.

He gave me some chilli to take home. I’ll bring it to Bunny’s so he can try it too!

Bunny was in a better mood yesterday! He called at 11ish as I was with Ty. I didn’t pick up, thinking, that would be more similar to when Alex was “hanging out” with me.

He had some sativa and felt pretty good. The market was doing well, so that helped too!

We even chatted ’til after midnight. Usually he was the one who wanted to hang up and go to sleep. I was falling asleep and had to call it a night.

I think I’m more pleasant and forgiving with him these days because I have satisfied my needs elsewhere.

I feel more alive. I want to be more interesting, because when Alex asked me what I do that day…I was always working.

Now I want to take online dance lessons, grow my hair, get abs, earn more street creds!

I have been working out almost everyday. I am noticing a difference. A bit leaner now. Still need to lose maybe 4 to 5 kg.

I do think about Alex, but not a lot lot. Not like, pining over him. It’s a pretty good balance. I did kinda want to have sex again yesterday afternoon. I texted him that quenching the thirst just made me more thirsty. He said he think’s we always thirsty. If he said, let’s meet up tonight, then, I might become more interested in him…too interested. He’s a bit passive. In this scenario it works.

I didn’t tell anyone about us having sex.

I told Ty that I thought about cheating. I gave Stephen Hawkins’ wife as an example. He said he thinks I would feel guilty about it, since not cheating is such a core value of mine.

But, core values get updated.

This is a unique situation. Bunny is not physically interested in me for the past 8 months. I’m still with him because it’s cruel to abandon him. I’m not self aggrandizing. I can help him. I can help him get back on his feet by helping him make more money. And only I can help him, and only I am willing – of all the people in his life.

I don’t know if he is into me still or just seeing me as a friend, honestly. He is sweet to me. Has my best interest at heart. That’s all I know.

So, in order to stay with him, without feeling super stifled, I’m starting to be more and more ok with cheating, in this context.

Alex is so not the one for me, which helps too.

As a fuck buddy, he is also not the most enticing.

But, he is pretty cute. His face is cuter than I remembered. He is smart. Pretty funny. Unique. His tattoos were not as terrible as I thought…definitely not a turn off. His body is tight. His dick fits me perfectly actually.

He is so tiny…I think he is 5’7″. When we are in missionary position, he just looks so tiny to me.

I wasn’t my best either though.

I kept adjusting my wig. I had a bit of a belly.

I think my vag smelled too. But now, 2, 3 days later, I smell pretty awesome. No smell I mean.

6 days before my period.

I’m not too horny today. Tried to masturbate abut didn’t feel like it halfway.

Let’s get some goals accomplished instead!

I do hope to see him this weekend and get my 1 hour lesson that I paid $300 for lol. And sexy time too. I think I’ll be more open to being passionate this time.

I don’t know his attention span. I hope we can have this for a while actually. I think I need this right now. Meanwhile, I hope Bunny feels better soon.