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I feel so tired after Burning Man! It’s been two weeks and I’m not fully recovered. I don’t know if it’s worth it!

I was coughing for two weeks ever since the last 3 days of BM. I coughed and coughed. Was sick for 2 weeks. Got better as of less than a week ago.

All my aspirations were gone. I hate that!

Last week and yesterday I tried to masturbate, and I couldn’t orgasm!

Something is wrong with me

Since early July: Vaginal dryness and belly fat since I got back from Europe trip with Mom.

Since mid July: Ovulation spotting every month (relates to less estrogen)

Since early September : Can’t focus since I got back from Burning Man, can’t cum when I masturbate

Since…a while now, maybe before Peru: Needing to pee many times before bed time. (relates to less estrogen)

I think I have:

1. Adrenal fatigue
2. Hormone imbalance
3. Too much gluten and stress while travelling with Mom, or
4. Something in Peru (mold, etc)
5. Probably shouldn’t have taken certain supplements that Dave Asprey had suggest, or they were contaminated, etc. Current main culprit is Vitamin K2 and D3.

I can’t wait to feel better.

Do what my competitors do, but better.

Do what my competitors have not thought of doing. I’m super creative and innovative. I can think of hundreds of things to outsmart them.

We are also more agile than my competitors.

1. Be willing to spend more money this year, on building a
   1. great product and
   2. great brand and
   3. great team and
   4. better customer engagement / community culture and
   5. more marketing and
   6. more sales channel outreach, and
   7. track all performance with measurable metrics!
   8. Track progress in my planner! (design my own planner!)
2. How to build better, great products?
   1. Better quality control
      1. Hire someone on top of Martin if needed. Or ask him to hire someone. Extra layer of QC. But not hurt his ego.
      2. Track each iteration of production with barcode text (date)
   2. Better sizing to reduce return rate
      1. If CF needs a resizing, do it!
   3. Better inventory management to minimize OOS and delayed delivery
      1. Have in-stock inventory
      2. Have pre-packaged products
   4. Better silicone so less stretching out (chi xiang silicone)
   5. Always keeping track of what’s happening in the field. What are our competitors doing? We gotta keep up.
      1. Read their reviews
      2. Subscribe to their newsletter
      3. Visit their website
   6. Always keeping pulse on what people what. What do our customers want? What do our prospective customers want?
      1. ManyChat
      2. Email
      3. Email sequence for survey
3. Great brand
   1. Masha says: freedom, flexible
   2. Cyndi says: flexible, fun, stylish, unconventional
   3. I personally want to embody these values: innovation, excellence, better person, safety, love, quality, timelessness, contribution, community
   4. Possibly also: playfulness, creativity
   5. Who are my avatars?
   6. What brands do my avatar buy from?
      1. Lululemon
      2. Arc’teryx.
   7. Tell a better (founder) story, and put it everywhere. Website, IG, FB, our blog, interviews, podcasts, articles
   8. Always learning from brand case studies
   9. and growth hack case studies
   10. Not only learn from the best, but have the time, money, resources to execute what I have learned (or my team does)
   11. Craft a powerful hashtag and message. For example “We are..” “I am this moment” words: epic, timeless, better every day, gamechanger (great name for a collection), you are in my heart (collection name; shorter?)
   12. I want Knot Theory to have depth. To have a soul. To be playful, but in a smart way. To be lighthearted and funny, but in a brainy way. To be open, inclusive. Thriving. Inspiring. Brighter and more fun than Arc’teryx for example. More depth than Pura vida. (btw Lokai attracts youths. How did that happen?)
   14. Arc’teryx lessons:
       1. Amer bought in 2005, but started transforming in 2015
       2. Rebuilt company culture and brand story
          1. Most staff didn’t stay for longer than 3 years in its 25 years of existence, so they had to build the culture
          2. Brand story: #celebratewild. “I am this moment, this place”.  (too many messages but they are good)
             1. https://arcteryx.com/us/en/explore
             2. Branding agency for the brand story https://www.echostories.com/publication/arcteryx/
             3. This page is too long but has some good components
             4. Ideally should be very easy for our customers to relay the message and be our customers
       3. Specialize – can specialize rings for activities, comfort, etc
       4. Very recognizable style (because of logo also haha)
       5. Branched out to China
       6. Instead of having distributors in China, they took it over and marketed on TMall themselves. 20% growth yoy, but last year at 80% growth (http://gateway17.com/case-study-arcteryx/)
       7. Their growth strategy:
          1. “Growth comes from consumer centric product excellence, in store excellence, distribution coverage expansion and investing in brand awareness”, Wauters sums up.  (https://www.amersports.com/2014/01/arcteryx-growing-with-confidence/)
       8. Now has over 3000 storefronts since first store in 2006. Opening 4 stores in London, Vancouver, Shanghai, and Seattle in ~2014. Several hundred more stores / storefronts each year as part of their expansion plan.
       9. They are very aware of online growth. Also they partner with many athletes. They’ve been hosting athlete academies for over 10 years now too. But this last one is probably less of a growth hack.
4. Great team
   1. A team member is not expensive if they can generate more revenue than their salary
   2. Team must have pride in the company! How? Company is successful, direct exposure to customers being happy with product, pride in quality, and seeing growth.
   3. Will consider disclosing our income to Jay so he can be on more tasks.
   4. Transparency is good. Companies disclose their revenue too. It helps our staff know that we are winning. Especially if we share our income increase month over month, year over year
   5. Give team the opportunity to earn more, based on their personality. For example Jay loves to write. Should let him write about KT and earn a commission.
   6. Another team member might be driving more sales via IG referrals
   7. Or if they opt to not do these, still give incentive to perform well by measuring customer satisfaction level, returning customer rate, etc. Or give a yearly bonus based on company performance. This will be great incentive that is not toooo direct, so they won’t spoil the customer unnecessarily, but will have this higher goal of driving more sales and customers. (Make sure to not burn out my team, lose money by over-spoiling customers, etc.)
   8. Staff needs to have some control over sales and marketing, so they feel empowered to drive our revenue up! Repeat customers, etc.
   9. Is there a way to know the best way to incentivize a staff?
   10. Personality test on all staff I hire to test compatibility and to better understand how to lead.
   11. I don’t want my VA to lose the focus of their task, and dive too deep into spending their personal or work time trying out things unsuccessfully to drive sales. And I don’t want them to be too salesy, too commission driven. I don’t want them to destroy the brand with garbage articles or pushy customer service. And I don’t want them to not want to do the regular tasks because they are spending time making reports etc.
   12. Idea: Only on certain days they can work on driving more sales.
   13. Idea: customer care team is different from sales team. Do not share incentivizers. CC team should not be centivized by commission. Maybe just customer satisfaction.
   14. Need a VA who really understands Amazon so can deal with review / listing merge/split. Can potentially train Jay for this.
5. Better customer engagement and community culture. We want cult fans!
   1. Impact Theory University – learn how to build fan base
6. Marketing
   1. More stores
      1. Tradeshows or send samples?
      2. Which stores to target?
         1. jewelry
         2. sports
         3. police / firefighter / medical stores
      3. How to not lose the brand awareness while in these unromantic stores?
         1. classy brand packaging with strong brand image/message/story and with custom messages for the niche (e.g. use quotes from customers in this niche), or, even easier, amazing PDQ customized for the niche.
      4. Study the success and failures of Enso and Qalo in stores
7. Sales channels expansion
   1. Walmart (brand consistent?)
   2. Aim at big orgs. Hospital and more. We know them already. Firefighters, police, vets, army, etc.
   3. Be even more creative in finding new niches. Travellers, nomads, vegabonders, burners.
   4. Hire excellent sales people. Ask Laurent. Try John.
   5. Try sales people who belong to these specific niches.
8. Excellent wholesale program
9. Excellent referral program
10. Subscription program?
11. Study growth hack methods
12. Who can we partner with for growth and brand building?
    1. Influencers who are our audience and our fan
       1. e.g. athletes, moms, couples, relationship experts, people who work with their hands
       2. On our website promote the fact that we are always seeking partners
       3. On our website promote openness, inclusiveness, diversity
       4. Spotlight on our partners (stores, people, brands)
13. IG Growth:
    1. Hire an expert to revamp the account, come up with a strategy, set goals, and oversee the initial 3 months
    2. Have a guideline for aethetics of photos and posts
    3. Set up a way to always have high quality photos
       1. partner / sponsor influencers who already do high quality photos
       2. hire instagram photogs (e.g. from airbnb)
       3. work with photogs around the world
    4. Have milestones
    5. Have roadmaps and a continual, consistent action plan:
       1. influencer outreach
       2. giveaways / contests
       3. strategic partnerships
       4. community building
       5. growing and maintaining brand awareness on the account
       6. how often to post, what to post. e.g. Every Thursday post about excellence. Every Saturday post a cute animal.
       7. Measure response: engagement, conversion, shares, etc.
14. I’ve done this writeup before. Read what I wrote there too.

Today I was extra frustrated. Artsy was home and Briana was screaming while I took a nap. Atomic bike shop guy didn’t listen to me when I told him how to put the bike in. He ended up scratching the inside of my car. Fuck. It made me so mad.

Bunny was gonna call me when he was done skating, but he didn’t.

I talked to Mom on the phone and felt better.

Called him at 10:30. He told me that he called 3 times at around 8:40. Somehow I didn’t receive these calls. I was somehow more furious, because he didn’t try whatsapp.

We had a long talk for over an hour. I was mad at him and wanted to break up for real this time.

He didn’t really resist. He said if that’s what I want. He doesn’t want more anger in his life.

We talked more and my effort to make him feel less sad about his financial situation right now just made him feel even worse.

It was just all around terrible.

We said good night eventually. Not on bad terms, but, I really really need to break up with him this time.

I’ll want to change my mind, I know. But remember:

1. How lonely I felt when he came over and sat on the balcony alone
2. How unchallenged I felt when he does not reply with witty comebacks
3. How unfunny I felt when he does not laugh at my jokes
4. How uninspired I felt when he kept going in circles about his woes, can’t cheer up, rejected everything I said.
5. How stressed I felt trying to help his visual migraine problem
6. How angry I felt when he tells a “funny” story and it is about some car driver being an asshole
7. How unimportant I felt when he never wanted to hangout for longer than 3 hours, and always put skating and his friends first
8. How sad I felt when, nothing I did seem to help him feel better
9. How alienated I felt when he didn’t want to talk about the bad, and couldn’t communicate very well at all.
10. How unromanced I felt, when he didn’t remember our anniversary, didn’t celebrate my birthday, didn’t do anything proactive for Valentine’s Day.

This relationship is really not worth it for me anymore.

Sex was getting better, and he is very hot, butttttt

It’s gotten to a point where, I’m better off just masturbating and not have to deal with the other shit he brings into my life.

It’ll be tough, not having a Bunny to call at night. Not having reliable sex. Sigh. But I need to do this.

I hope his life gets better. I hope he finds a great girlfriend.

I hope I find a great boyfriend.

July 20, Johnny Bunny’s bday.

Boy, I’ve tried so hard to give him someone good. Hypnotist, psychic, etc. He is not interested in these.

We ended up going to Stem, Japanese eatery, for their omakase. It was quite nice!

But he is as usual quiet and hard to talk to. It was painful.

There were occasional fun moments, when we asked each other “would you rather” questions. He came up with some good ones. But overall, he was too quiet for me to hear. He was not responsive.

Every time we eat together, I want to break up immediately.

Sigh.

We came back to my place and had sex. The drive was hard for him because the lights were too bright.

Sex was fine. He came too fast so I had to finish myself off. Twice. Sigh.

I really really want to break up with him. I can’t take it anymore.

He is in such a dire state,  I don’t want to leave him high and dry…. he will need some major mindset shifts though.

My ideal life:

Live in a beautiful luxury place with views of water, with neighbours close by but I still have complete privacy. For example a high rise penthouse in Vancouver, with skylight, green house, indoor plants including trees, waterfall. Everything is grounded energetically. Have some grass. Modern and minimalistic decor. FIR sauna. Big balcony to host guests. Sea salt pool and hot tub. Shared, or, not-shared, but built in a way that I feel fine to use it even at night haha. Swim naked. Yes!

Voice activated smart house. drone servants.

Lots of anti-aging and brain-boosting devices. Like NanoVi, Cryotank, etc.

Private Chef. Personal Assistant. They live in the building!

I own 2 floors! One for office, one for home. Iron Man style.

Chef and assistant live in one of these floors too.

The next thing I visualize the most about is relationships. I have lots of cool friends who want to visit me! About 200. Like Tom Bilyeu and Dave Asprey have lot of cool friends.

They are interesting, inspiring, sincere people doing cool stuff.

To achieve this, it’s time for me to STEP UP!

Do amazing things.

Because of these friends, doors are open for me to try the latest, most cutting edge things. In beauty, in mind and body enhancements, in technology.

An of course, my health is excellent. I eat well sleep well, am happy, energized, and joyful. I laugh all the time. I have sex several times a week.

My boyfriend is my soulmate. He is smart, funny, and thinks the same of me. We are both successful, thoughtful, mindful, and we love each other. We both have the growth mindset so we are always learning and doing awesome things.

We live in such a big place, we don’t crowd each other. We both get lots of “me time” and “together time”. Love is wonderful. We are also best friends.

My ideal day is to wake up in this beautiful place, with my boyfriend in the place. We have amazing, intimate morning sex, or we cuddle furiously 🙂

We do our passion projects if it happens to be a “work day”. We are mostly concept people now. Others execute. We give the big, creative ideas and vision.

Sometimes we travel spontaneously!

At lunch, chef makes us delicious and healthy lunch, full of our favourite foods. We have hilarious conversations.

In the afternoon, we do some sports together, or hang out with friends together or separate. Or we work some more.

In the evening, it’s either a quiet night where the chef makes us dinner, or we invite friends over for a fun dinner, or we go to visit friends. Always enjoyable.

We wrap up the night with some cool mind and body enhancing tech. Sometimes we have sex. Twice everyday is too much, so we do it once a day, 3 to 5 times a week. We love touching each other. We love loving each other.

That’s it! That’s my ideal life. So simple! 😀

Great living environment, great health, passion project to work on, lots of socializing with cool sincere funny friends, loving each other with the love of my life. That’s it!

I truly think that there’s something relating to “charge” that can destress us. I feel a certain “charge” in me that goes away after:

being in summer air

being in the forrest

shower

green juice

exercise

swim

sleeping on soft bamboo sheet

There’s something here.

—

How do you know if you have high EMF or positive ion level or stress?

—

EZ water seems so magical.

I’m thinking:

natural wood flooring with grounding

something for the face – antiaging

something more powerful than IFR sauna and does not heat you up

does shower do something similar? negative ions

simulated forrest air. Ah…that must be what his device does?

blend tumeric, butter, and salt?

clothes, bedding, fabrics that help with this

imagine feeling that lack of stress, that lightness, always!

I messaged Mike yesterday.

He’s been on my mind again lately. I was listening to the Debaters on CBC radio podcast, and the word “philistine” came up. I thought of him. I wondered if I should message him, and decided against it.

What’s the point? He might ask me what’s going on, I might talk about dating John. Either way, it’s gonna be shallow, British-polite interaction.

Then, after talking to Mom the day before, leaving Masha a message, I was lying on the couch at 1am, and decided in the spur of the moment to send Mike a voice recording. I sounded upbeat and sweet. If he is still into me, surely he’ll find it very cute 🙂

It was Thursday at 2am. It’s now Friday late morning and he hasn’t replied. But somehow, I’m totally ok with it. He is usually too preoccupied by work to reply during the week. I think he’d rather have a real time conversation with me because it’s better. Or, he might not reply. But I think he is too polite not to. Either way, it’s fine by me.

I had a dream about him last night. We were talking together, along with another girl. Probably Emily, or someone similar. Then Mike and I had such a good time together, such amazing chemistry, so much laughter and joy, we just started rubbing our noses together fondly and kissing playfully.

The other girl was in a very awkward position. She eventually just went, “Okaaay” and left. I thought, “How rude of us!” But I can’t help but not care haha. I was too into this moment with him. And so was he. It was such an amazing feeling.

We talked about other things, he showed me a design he did and I complimented him on it. It was quite a detailed dream.

I woke up feeling happy about it. Rubbing my nose at the pillows haha. I closed my eyes and imagined the rest. Getting in bed with him and all.

I want to be with him, or, someone like him who makes me laugh, who can hold a fun debate with me, who laughs at my jokes. Maybe I want more than him. Someone adventurous, wanting to try new things, more business oriented, more growth oriented, more ethically inspiring, more compassionate.

Johnny Bunny has been sweet. He is so sexy. He turned me on in bed often. A year later I’m still very much physically attracted to him. That’s special too. I took a quick look on Bumble and anyone who is around his age looked totally awful. I was reminded as to why I didn’t want to break up with him, and to be grateful. And he is trying very hard to be positive with all the adversity thrown at him. He is special too. And I love the giraffe he gave me so much. It looks like him!

Still, a deeper connection and more common sense of humour are needed.

I got really upset at Mom twice during this one week visit to Victoria.

First time, we were laughing about me yelling across the restaurant to tell someone to put their cigarette butt out. I was driving us to FungJing’s birthday party and Jane’s. Mid laugh, Mom suddenly told me that I only focused on laughing and forgot to drive, like Coco (she had been criticizing Coco for being stupid for the past couple of days too). And that we’ll be late because we are driving at 40 something KMs per hour.

Second time, we were having a good time in my room, she was doing the 23andme spit test and I was packing. I tried on a pink wig. She went downstairs. I continued to try on another pink wig. It looked funny but good, so I came downstairs to show her. I was smiling as I came down, and she said, You’re still playing with wigs? Which ferry are you gonna end up catching (if any)?

Both times I clammed up and was so upset.

I just meditated. I thought back to my childhood. I tried to be there as my current self for my younger self. I tried to forgive Mom, like the clairvoyant in Bali told me to do.

I thought back to that day when we all took a photo together with uncles and cousin. Mom told me to not be in the shot.

I suddenly realized that, we were all laughing and joking, and she interrupted me by telling me to leave the frame. It was the same scenario all over again!

No wonder it triggered me so much!

So the key really is forgiveness. That will lead to true happiness.

The key is also to think back on this day, and see how I the current me could respond better.

I have a stronger, more developed personality now. I can handle this. Back then I was small, I was hurt, I was suffering from the shock of having alopecia. But now I’m confident, I’m more sophisticated. I”m in a good place.

Also, I want to be playful in response. I want to learn to do it. Like 小阿姨 and Sherry. I’l ask and learn from Sherry when she moves to Vancouver!

I asked myself to think of 3 ways I could’ve been playful:

1. I can throw my hat on the floor and ask, “Is this better?”
2. I can go and stand in the center of the photo and say, “我站中間好了。“
3. I can say, “If we all go naked then no one will notice my lack of hair!”

I made myself laugh. I also cried. What a revelation.

I’ll meditate on this day some more, until it melts away, until it no longer negatively impacts me, but rather, positively impacts me.

I think about how this is the reason why I am distant from people. I shut down when she did that.

I gave thanks to the drive that stemmed from that day which propelled me. But then I said to myself, I need to let go of that now. It no longer serves me.

To grow larger than life, to be happier, to experience more love and compassion, I need to let that old version of me go. I’ll embrace the new version of me, which is bright, light hearted, approachable, non-judging, inclusive, accepting, and loving. The new me makes people feel great, feel comfortable, feel safe, feel good about themselves.

I have about $561K in my business as retained earnings, as of 2018.

This means:

1. When I sell the business, there’s a lot of money in there to take out
2. If I take it out all at once, it’s a lot of tax

Ideas:

1. Take $50K out every year (10 years)
2. Spend more IRL to grow the business
   1. manufacturing
   2. marketing
   3. VA
3. Spend more on paper
   1. Consulting (marketing, branding, etc) Can on paper hire Masha.
   2. VA
4. Keep some in there. Maybe $50 to $100K, because I get first $900K tax free anyway.

Assuming 4 times multiple, If I want to sell the business at $4MM, I need to have a profit of $1MM. Why don’t I just fucking wait 4 years to make $4MM???

Should I even sell my business?

Right now I can sell my business for $500K. I can make that in 2, 3 years.

Conclusion

Fuck selling the business. I’ll grow it and live off it! It’s my baby and my cash bunny. It will grow bigger and bigger.

I can make money using the retained earnings to invest.

I’ll just focus on growing my business to a $2MM profit instead.

I woke up early today at 6:30, when i went to bed at 12:30. I think it’s just because I needed to use the bathroom though.

I woke up again at 8ish, felt a bit horny. The ginseng I’ve been drinking yesterday is kicking in! I gotta learn more about ginseng.

I haven’t been feeling horny otherwise. I don’t know why. My orgasms have been less intense too. I want to read more about orgasms in Dave Asprey’s book Game Changer.

Friendship. Is it also based on TED? A friend is worth keeping if he is informative, entertaining, or beautiful? Naaah….there’s more to it.

Good friends would:

Make you feel happier. Make you feel better about yourself.

Make you laugh and laugh at your jokes. Laugh together.

Non-judging

Inspire you to new thoughts or actions

Introduce you to new ideas, events, people.

My new listings:

I found a few categories that I can potentially get into and become #1 best seller in.

• #3,463 in Sports & Outdoors (See Top 100 in Sports & Outdoors)
• #7 in Sports Fan Rings

2. Stackable:

• #14,371 in Sports & Outdoors (See Top 100 in Sports & Outdoors)
• #30 in Sports Fan Rings

3. Bevel:

• #9,455 in Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry (See Top 100 in Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry)
• #76 in Exercise Bands

So my best bets are:

1. sports-fan-cuff-links
2. sports-fan-bracelets (might be in Clothing Category)
3. sports-fan-watches

Strategy:

1. Create a new CF Bevel parent in sports-fan-cuff-links (no competition)
   1. Delete the children first before I can add them tomorrow or tonight. Time it so I know when I can move them.  (Done. Batch ID: 290491018046)
   2. Add CF Bevel parent to sports-fan-cuff-links (Done. Batch ID: 290476018046) (Added battery info to see if it will not be marked as “Incomplete”. Batch ID:290596018046)
   3. Add CF Bevel children to CF Bevel parent
2. Create a new Striped ring parent in sports-fan-bracelets (small competition)
   1. Done. Batch ID: 290481018046
3. If CF Bevel migration successful, move striped rings to new parent
   1. See how many days it takes for the reviews to show up (OOS and In stock rings)
4. If the above are successful, move Comfort Fit to sports-fan-necklaces (has competition, but we can potentially beat them)
5. And move 8mm CF bevel rings to sports-fan-watches (no competition)

1. How do I maximize the 1000+ reviews from the original listing? It’s also got the age benefit!
   1. Use the 6mm bevel reviews for striped rings in the current listing
   2. Use the 8mm bevel reviews for CF Bevel rings in new listing
   3. Use it for striped rings. We’ll be adding more colors to it! That’s gonna take a long time
   4. Use it for the comfort fit bevel rings! But it might clutter the ring choices….
   5. Just move the OSS ring reviews to CF Bevel?
   6. If CF Bevel is selling quite well, remove stock in Bevel, just get its reviews (merge the 2 listings CF Bevel and Bevel, by creating the new barcodes in CF Bevel, then request for a merge; then remove stock or let Amazon rebarcode)
2. Todo: migrate old bevel silver rings with good reviews to the new CFBevel parent (sports-fan-cuff-links-parent) Done May 31st, but parent still has no reviews. (Batch ID: 291021018047, 291604018048)