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Day 1 of following a morning routine!

I’ll keep it up for a week and then evaluate!

Ok, so it was supposed to be 5 minutes, but I had so much fun brainstorming the ideas below! I did it for an hour haha.

Ideas start to flow after 15 minutes or so, so I think this is great for my business and my brain.

• Why do people follow certain IG accounts?
  • Know what we’ll get from the account. e.g. cute Frenchie photos. Funny captions. Informative caption about sea life, beautiful images of travel
  • It’s like TED. It’s about: T here is knowledge instead; informative content. E here is Entertainment still. We love to be amused. So cute photos, funny or clever caption. D here is something visually beautiful or sexy.
  • To be followed, the content needs to be consistent. Mycutestfrenchies will not post animals that are not Frenchies.
  • Also, to be followed, it has to be content that people want. What do people want?
    • I want: a dose of cuteness, motivational or inspiring ideas and quotes, interesting info, good looking guys, fashion style tips, fashion ideas and inspiration
    • Basically something that improves my life in some ways.
    • Health, wealth, love and connection. That’s what we all want.
    • What would my Knot Theory ring customers want?
      • Who are they?
        • Probably someone in a loving relationship
        • Someone active
        • Maybe has kids
      • Relationship / friendship tips – actual good info; maybe partner with someone.
      • Motivational quotes about relationships and love
      • Ring fashion – we’ll do a lot of good photos
      • Will they like photos of couples? Maybe a little bit but not too much.
      • Beautiful people wearing Knot Theory. Men and women. See which one gets more likes. Activities include:
        • drinking coffee, tea, smoothies, power shakes
        • sitting at a laptop or computer
        • working out
        • doing cool sports
        • travelling
      • I bet if we just post zoomed in photos of Knot Theory rings with good filters it’ll gain more traction than it does now, because at least it’s consistent. Gives a good idea of what to expect of the rings. And it generates a sense of “many people” wearing the rings. good inspiration for how to match the rings.
      • Action: See what watches and jewellery companies with great following are doing. Find 10 accounts. 
      • Action: start churning out these photos based on my findings of what works! Hire people. Tina. Airbnb “experience” IG photographers. Pay $10 per photo or less.
        
• How to get people to be my sales person?
  • Commission doesn’t seem to be a good way. Too old fashioned. Too “greedy”
  • Influencer points? (Street cred)
  • Donation to a good cause points? Or the option to choose between getting a discount or donating to a good cause? “Choose cause to donate to”, and one of them could be “me”. It’ll be funny.

• How can I get Mike to have a deep and meaningful and fun conversation with me? I like his brain. I like the way he thinks. Maybe there’s a layer of arrogance and contempt and pessimism. But he is different. He is witty and clever. He is hilarious. I want to be more hilarious. I can learn from him.

How can I get him to initiate conversations with me?

What’s stopping him now?

1. He is busy with work and this is not as important. Doesn’t make him money.
2. He is passive. Doesn’t take initiative to talk to people generally.
3. He has lots of other friends that are more interesting to talk to (maybe)
4. I have a boyfriend (maybe)
5. I don’t seem interested in dating him (maybe)

What is he interested in?

1. Human psychology and behaviour
   1. He was interested in who posted about going to female strip club. I’m not sure why…I think it’s because he is curious about people, but it could be that he likes someone.
2. Debating a topic
3. What apps might sell. Maybe.
4. What stocks to buy. Maybe.

He shares so little about his personal life with me. Maybe he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t ever reach out to me. He always replies. But it could be just out of politeness.

I can try asking him more about him.

How are you? What are you busy with these days?

Sometimes when I think about how little effort he puts into our relationship, I feel that I really don’t want to reach out to him.

The thing is, people who want to reach out are usually less cool. They want to hang out with me but I don’t want to hang out with them. Is it like that?

He does like me though. Just in very small doses perhaps. Like how he thinks Anna-Marie was “too much”, “too energetic”. Whaat. I’m even more so than her!

Everyone is different. Maybe I’ll just let this relation mellow out. I don’t want to, but that’s how he is turning it into. Into nothing.

I can be a very interesting person that everyone wants to be with, but he won’t know, because he has no way of knowing. Unless he checks my IG without me knowing.

Ok, conclusion: I’ll leave him alone for a while. I’ll ask him how he is doing in a month or so.

 

I’m excited about next steps!

I must admit I didn’t feel this way earlier today. Until I:

1. Exercised
2. Listened to motivating interview with David Asprey and others
3. Listened to Tim Ferriss morning routine

The mind is what you feed it. The body is what you feed it. And for both you have to exercise them. Simple.

1. Feed it with good stuff
2. Exercise it
3. Rest as needed

I’m going to implement a morning routine. I’ll start with TF’s.

• Meditate, breathe
• Drink ginger ginseng cacao MCT
• Journal – gratitude, plan for the day
• Exercise – cold shower

I might try it in this order:

• Exercise
• Drink
• Journal
• Meditate

 

I’m going to also implement a night routine. Set myself up for good dreams, good sleeps, relaxed and joyful state.

• Gratitude before bed time
• Visualize the life I want
• Flash card of beautiful words
• Maybe journalling

What I want in life?

• I want to laugh a lot
• Experience good friendships
• Have a best friend who is also my boyfriend
• Be surrounded by kind, sincere, smart, funny, interesting, accomplished people
• Freedom to do anything I want (money and time and health)
• Have someone I love to do it with (a boyfriend!)
• Accomplish some cools things! Build a house. Have a 7 figure business before 41. Have made and saved more than $4MM before 42
• Be very skilled at 2 or 3 things
• Feel joyful, happy, excited about life almost all the time!

I know what I need to do to grow my business at this stage:

1. More ring styles
2. More colors
3. Better translations in different countries
4. More reviews on my website
5. More IG-style ring photos
6. More marketing methods – affiliate, manychat, FB ads
7. More sales channels – Stores, wholesale
8. Automate / Systemize / Delegate the above
9. Venture into bracelets

Friendship / Relationships

1. Spend more time meeting new people and doing interesting things, instead of working all the time
2. More masterminds
3. Develop deep skills and meet people there
4. Broadcast my new skills / my learning process to attract more interesting people into my life
5. Be well-read
6. Be playful
7. Be a fun friend
8. Be a good friend
9. Be an inspiring friend

Health/Beauty

1. Go to bed early
2. Eat more veggies
3. Eat more oils
4. Eat less meat, better quality meat
5. Fast once a week
6. Exercise everyday – cardio, HIIT, yoga, etc
7. Facercise too
8. Microneedling
9. Meditate
10. Good posture
11. Dark and quiet room for sleep
12. Breathe! Train for higher lung capacity
13. Gratitude
14. Socialize
15. Massage

 

 

 

Omg I love new beginnings!

WifiTribe is done. Trip with Mom is done. I’m back in Vancouver, and I can:

1. Sign up for dance classes!
2. Learn to skateboard!
3. Sign up for martial arts!
4. Develop a beauty regime such as microneedling!
5. Develop exercise regime such as running and swimming and developing my abs!
6. Eat healthy!
7. Learn to invest!
8. Expand my business!
9. Grow and learn and live and be happy!

I have 3.5 months until Burning Man (August 25 ~ September 5). Then after that, the next trip is to Fiji during September 26- October 4.

I’m just realizing that Burning Man requires a lot of prep! Gotta get a bike, camping gear, and all the costumes! It’ll be fun thinking up the costumes though 🙂

Masha will be away in Europe June 2~June 12 and sometime in July around her birthday! I can’t wait. In June a girl will be staying here instead of me getting the whole place to myself. Annoying, but still better than having Artsy around. He is so super annoying now.

I still think about Mike a lot. The more I think back about our time together, the more I’m certain that he was into me. If he thinks back about me, he’ll know that I was into him too.

He made me laugh. He appreciated my sense of humour. And that means so much to me.

I can’t believe I’m still thinking about him after 1 month! Almost everyday I wish that he’d message me.

Johnny Bunny has been sweet. I was so impatient to him and wanted to break up again. I walked away mid-sex. I got mad at him 3 or 4 times in our 2 days together. He stayed patient. That’s a rare quality about him. I still don’t see us together, sigh. I wish he was as funny as Mike. And as conversational. That will make him perfect, pretty much. He is fine with chilling and just having a laid back time together laughing at shows. I’m not fine with that. I want to have deep conversations, intelligent debates, witty banter.

Masha talked to me about this, as she revels in being single and sleeping with a bunch of guys, having, finally, amazing sex with Jay the “greek god”. She keeps on trying to discover my pattern and find out what I’m stuck on, and wants me to get out of this relationship with John.

I realized that I’m not stuck on anything. I simply want to be in a relationship for now. I just wished it was with someone I feel that I can be with forever. Someone I can fall in love with.

Dating is like travelling, and each person is like a country. I’m just a bit sick of being a nomad for 10 years now, 29 to 39. I want to settle down in a “country”. Do the routine. Enjoy the small things. Enjoy that feeling of familiarity. Enjoy having someone care about me. Build on a foundation.

Mike is so funny, but he is selfish. He is cynical. He is hard to be with.

Bunny is rarely funny, but he is sweet to me. He is patient with me. He is willing. He doesn’t give up on us, ever.

We had a good evening last night, going to Bin 4. Sex before that. He tried his best, initiating sex when I got there like I wanted. It wasn’t the best sex, but I appreciate him putting the effort in. Bin 4 was delicious with and it was happy hour to our surprise! He was quite boring to dine with, but he was much more cooperating now than before. I said I was cold, and wanted him to rub my thighs. He didn’t want to do it in public, but he did it still.

Bunny has been tight on money and has become more money conscious. I don’t like that, but, will be good to see him thrive eventually. I hope I can help him.

Still need to break up with him at some point because I need the surprise factor and the depth and the belling-aching laughs. But for now, we can comfort each other.

 

 

 

Yesterday we went to support Buttermilk, Jen and Maggie’s band, playing at Molly, a local Irish pub.

I was in a bad mood for some reason. I was upset at Mike, for being so cold. I was upset that I missed the cheap flight skill share. I was upset that no one complimented me on my pink hair.

When Mike and I walked to the pub, I didn’t feel like talking to him. I didn’t feel like trying. He asked me what I did that day, I said work. I ask, You? He said, Same. He asked how I felt about going home, I said this tribe has been so antisocial, I kind of miss my friends. When I said antisocial, I meant him.

We got there, and we just ignored each other. I kinda hated him, like how I hated Sam. I guess it’s just an expectation that is not met. An expectation that rose out of having feelings for someone, and that someone does so little to meet that expectation.

I sat down with some people and talked. I had a beer and felt more cheery. The singing started, and I was dancing to the music in my chair. I started to enjoy it.

I think I caught Mike looking over my way a few times. Dunno if it was at me.

He was standing at the back, busy talking to a Boner (Bonus Triber), Christian. At first I thought, that’s how he is, not hanging on to existing friends, but better with new friends. Later on I realized I assumed. He knew Christian from before, and Christian is very funny!

I was so restless and wanted to stand up and dance. I went to the back and stood by AnnaMarie, Alex, Christian, and Mike.

I didn’t want to interact much with Mike, but I can’t help but listen in on their conversations. Him and Christian talked about cello. I think Mike really likes cello too. I started telling them about my encounter with Ashley Green, the cellist on the ferry that I went on an awkward date with. It must’ve been the beer – I suddenly said, Actually he looks like Mike! He is super tall, and looks similar! I didn’t want to say that. It was basically saying that I like how Mike looks.

I told the story of how Ashley was in a haagen daz commercial. Mike made fun of me for saying that ice cream is stored in the fridge. I reached over to lightly punch in him the belly. I think I felt how hairy he was.

I thought he left, but he came back from the wash room. He poked my arm to tell me that he was gonna go home. I nodded. I stayed for another hour or more. I was having fun.

A song came on. “I can’t take my eyes off you…” I told Christian that it was super awkward during the song, because anyone you have eye contact with, you quickly dart your eyes away in case they fall in love with you. Haha. Christian totally agreed. “….But I think I did have a connection with the singer though. I think we our souls locked.” Ahahaha

Today, when Mike came home, I was listening to this song.

I told him the story, he said, “There are worse songs.” “Like what?” He started singing “I touch myself” AHAHHAA

I laughed so hard. Then he started singing the Ding Dong song, and I was like, Whaat? We listened to that for a bit and I laughed even harder. My face was a hot and red from laughing.

Damn. I fell in love with him all over again. He makes me laugh so much. Always. He is so quick.

I went to take a nap. I got up and decided to sit on the sofa and drink some water and talk to him a bit.

I said, “Did you know that Ben’s Amazon business is making $8MM a year?”

“Is Ben your boyfriend?”

“What? No”

“Oh right his name is..Chris?”

“No. John.”

So strange, for someone with such a good memory, even with names, that he didn’t remember my boyfriend’s name. Either he is pretending to not remember, or he is mentally blocking it.

We started talking about success and money etc. He said we had a conversation about this before. I don’t remember it. But, it’s interesting that he remembered that.

We chatted a bit then I had to get ready for Maido dinner.

As I was getting ready, he asked if all my friends are good looking. I said no. He said the reason why he asked was, he had a conversation with a friend about if guys and girls can have platonic relationships. She thinks so, but all her guy friends are good looking. I’m not sure what he was trying to prove.

I think he really does remember a lot about things I’ve said. After watching Friends with Benefits, I said, I think it’s impossible that if two people are attracted to each other and are great friends, that they won’t date. Those are the two requirements for a great relationship.

I think that’s been on his mind.

I thought I had to rush to get ready, so I just said, There’s so much I want to say about that. And walked away, getting ready.

I said, I don’t have many guy friends, because they always hit on me, and I just cut them off.

I said that if I already told them I wasn’t interested, and they still try to touch me, then I feel disrespected. He asked if it’s second time or third time. I said second time.

I said, most of my guy friends are my girl friends’ boyfriends, because they don’t hit on me.

Then I remembered Nick. I said, Oh, I do have one platonic friend. Don’t feel any attraction to him.

He quickly said, “Me!”

Interesting. Trying to get me to say I’m attracted to him? Obviously he is starting to suspect that I do find him attractive.

I dodged it by focusing on the friends part. I said, “Are we friends?? We hardly talk! We’ve only talked for maybe an hour.”

“Do you really think we’ve only talked for an hour??”

“Well maybe two hours. Why do you keep track of it in an app?”

“Yes I log it.”

Hahaha

Hannah and Bronko came back, so we didn’t talk more about this.

I can’t help but think about him at dinner though.

This is the second time he sort of explores what our friendship is about.

Honestly I think he’ll find someone in the tribe eventually.

And I don’t think he is datable. Not for me.

But if he visits me in Vancouver next year, who knows. Maybe we can get to know each other better, or even hook up. Might be ok to have a fling. If he is sweet and smells good.

Mike was gone when I woke up this morning. I talked on the phone with Masha for like two hours. We laughed so much. It’s nice to have someone for company and support, when in a tribe!

Also booked a trip to Cotswolds! Felt very lucky that it was available less than once a week, and one of the days was the only day we can do it!!!

I talked on the phone with Danielle for an hour. She is 39 too! We talked about us being attracted to guys way too young haha. She pretty much stalked a guy who was walking his dog, and found out he just graduated from high school.

Then it was time to go to a persuasive writing skillshare by Audrey.

I thought it was the self defence skillshare, so I started shaving my head and then putting makeup on. As I was getting ready, I talked to Mike.

I guess he’s had almost no human interaction so he wanted to talk too. He is still sick, and the weakness in his voice shows it. He sounded very gentle and kind of cute. Kind of makes you want to protect him.

I told him about Cotswolds, and he brought up some photos of the area he used to live, which was close by. And we looked at some castle photos.

I noticed his body odour. Man. This is the third time that he smelled funny. First was when he smelled like mould. That is continuous. Second was when he was more sick. Now it’s just his body odour which I noticed for the first time. Granted he is still sick, but, how tolerant of me to still find him attractive!

I had told Danielle about my pedophile story, so I decided to tell him too, that one time I thought Steve’s cute nephew was a programmer in his 20s, but turned out he was 14.

Later on, I asked how many people he’s dated. He’s only had 1 girlfriend for 2.5 years. And sort of another gf (which he forgot about until 10 minutes later). He’s dated 4 or 5 people for 2 months or so. It was a bit cute that he was so eager to share all these details, and so honest about it.

I don’t know if it’s weird that he’s had a bunch of really short relationships. I’m just a bit overthinking on penis size and similar issues because of Sam.

Honestly he is such a loner, not very thoughtful, and a bit too cynical; I’m not surprised that these relationships are so short.

I told him about how I’ve only dated 1 person when I was 28. And I’ve dated 4 or 5 people in my life up ’til now. (Not a very stellar crowd either, now I think about it.) He doesn’t ask me about these things, but he does pay attention and remember them. I guess kind of like John.

I told him about Sam. Strange that the way I told the story was about how Sam thinks everyone was in love with us, and that no one wanted us to be together. And that guys would flirt with me when Sam wasn’t around. And that one girl was especially into guys who are taken.

These are all true, but it’s only a facet of the story.

It’ll suffice for now. It’s almost as though I was led to tell the story like this. Not about Sam’s messed up ness, not about his mental ex, not about how he wanted to date others, not about how he felt it too painful to talk to me after he told me about his suicidal thoughts. Not about his tiny penis. I guess these things are too personal for me to tell right now.

Mike gave me a high five when I told him that all the guys hit on me in Bali. Strange. He asked if this tribe is like that. I said I haven’t spent enough time with everyone to know. Fair enough he said.

I asked him if he thinks that funny people are messed up. He said no. That’s good.

I’ve been wondering about his penis size. Because he seems too awkward given that he is tall, handsome, funny, smart. I found a very reliable source: a gay guy who owns a gay spa who answered this question on quora. Haha.

He said that the size of appendages is a predictor, as in, fingers, and femurs.

Turned out that guys I’ve been with all have big hands, except for Sam, who has small, dainty hands! So far quite accurate. Masha said the same too.

Mike has big hands too. Long fingers I think.

So chances are he doesn’t have a dick size issue. So what is it? Why is he such a loner, and why has he been so undatable?

What I really like about Mike is that he is so smart, so funny, so witty, and the topics he thinks about are interesting and deep. I thoroughly enjoy every conversation we’ve had. Some heavy topics, which most people are not interested in, but I can appreciate. I wonder if this is rare to him, or he’s found more people who have the same depth as him, having been to an Ivy League school. I also like that (when he is healthy) he is usually happy and laughing a lot. He gets along with his family, which seems healthy. He isn’t a player. He has such a nice voice.

What I don’t like about him is that he doesn’t travel well, he doesn’t get too enthusiastic nor adventurous, isn’t too curious about new experiences, not very thoughtful, a bit selfish, and is a bit too negative and cynical. He works too much and is too much of a loner. I’d feel so lonely with all the alone time and work time he needs! Most of all, he doesn’t bring out the best in me. I don’t think he’s going to age all that well. He already looks a bit old. And I can tell by how much he burps and cracks his toes that he is not in his optimal health. And he eats everything. Not very health conscious.

Johnny Bunny has been cute. He sent me a video of a dolphin humping a girl, and said that’s him when I’m back! Haha!

Bunny has been cuter and cuter. Mike less and less cute.

I’m glad that Mike and I shared some more personal stories though!

Woke up today to the sound of Mike doing stuff in the bathroom. He was in there for probably 2 hours! I started to wonder what he was up to. Shaving? Yup! Is he gonna ask me out? Yup!

He came out shaved. I was like, whoa! Later on, I moved close to him on the sofa to get a closer look. I was like, Look at me look at me. He looked at me and I laughed. I said, “You do look like Ryan Reynolds!” He was all embarrassed said something about how he knew I was trying to compliment him but I shouldn’t have laughed at him. Hahaha.

He wanted to go to a waffle place. He mentioned it a couple times. I kind of ignored him because I wasn’t hungry yet. And I wasn’t sure if he intended to invite me.

I showed him the hilarious annotated maps on Nomad List, and we laughed. Vancouver and San Francisco are both accurate and funny.

We sat on the long couch and browsed on our laptops some more. Finally he got up and said he wants to go to the waffle place, and I’m welcome to join him.

He was so awkward. It’s like he has a real hard time inviting me.

I do think he kinda likes me.

It was half an hour walk away. So lots of time to chat. I miss chatting with him.

He is still sick though, so not as funny as usual.

I mentioned the first photo shoot I did. He remembered that I mentioned that I had a fling with a model, so he said, And that’s when you met the model/stripper. I said, No, I’ve had many photoshoots. That was later on. But I only ever had a fling with one model. And I explained how Patrick asked to see me without a wig, and said wow I’ve never been so turned on my entire life.

Mike has a good memory. So, I need not be too flattered. He does remember a surprising amount of what I have told him though, and seems to only recall these details about me not other people! Then again we hardly talk about other people.

I just remembered that Emilie said something about calling her mom to Mike, and Mike had no reaction. I asked what’s the context. She said she hasn’t called her in a month. Then we all went, Ohhhh. If she had told Mike, he forgot.

We didn’t flirt. But our arms touched sometimes.

He said he’ll need to live in Canada for half a year next year. I asked where, he said Toronto and Whistler. I said, Why not Vancouver! He said it’s not that easy to make friends. Unlike me, who meets people just from walking. And mentioned something about my love for magic. I told him he is a good looking guy and would have no problem making friends. And that looks don’t even matter for making friends.

Well, it’s next year. He’ll probably have a girlfriend by then!

I don’t think he is compatible with me anyway…

 

 

 

 

Since we got back from Machu Picchu, Hannah has been extra annoying.

She’s been seeking a lot of attention especially from Mike. And she is very absent minded when with me. Maybe with him too. I hate absent minded people. But mostly, I hate flirts. I hate people who flirt with guys I like.

Today, Mike and I were discussing stocks, and she eagerly wanted to participate. She asks dumb questions while being in the kitchen and can hardly hear us in the living room. It was mega annoying.

I want to just be in my room and not deal with her.

I think I need to work on feeling more secure.

Think about all the people whose husbands love them. They are very secure. Because they are lovely and easy to love!

Mike is sick since we got back from Cusco. I was feeling really under the weather yesterday too. But I feel fine today.

He sounds so weak and gentle. Kind of cute.

But he is not his normal funny self. He is just quiet most of the time.

I sat beside him for a bit while he figured out my phone’s data usage. That was the only time we were close. But he smelled a bit. Haha. Yes he is sick, but he really needs to work on smelling better in general.

 

 

Wow this chapter went by so quickly!

I hardly got to know these people, but many of them are boring so I’m glad Cyn and Ty were here and that the chapter is almost over!

There are a few people who are interesting and I wish I could get to know better though! Maggie, Heather. Maybe I will have time to get to know them.

Then there’s Mike.

Mike is one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. I love the topics he likes to talk about. I love his sense of humour. I’m amazed at how quick and witty he is. He makes me laugh so much.

He is charming. Inquisitive. Always laughing. Very smart.

Plus he is cute. It’s hard not to like him.

But he has his weirdness. He needs a lot of alone time. He can be a complainer. He doesn’t get too excited. Doesn’t travel well. Not very considerate or thoughtful. A bit selfish. And he smells like mould sometimes still.

Other incompatibilities include him being too tall and too young. 11 years younger than me. Also, he is not as adventurous as me. He is more prone to being closed off to new ventures.

Johnny bunny has been really good about calling these days. And he is sometimes funny. The other day we joked about him wearing a lama outfit, which means he is naked and wearing a saddle. Haha.

No one is as funny as Mike though.

I wish we can tell each other that we are mutually attracted to each other. I wish we could make out.

I wish in the future we can be more compatible, and make each other laugh.

But I don’t think either will happen.

I’ll just enjoy the remaining time here in Peru. If we progress in our friendship, great. If not, that’s fine too.

Some moments:

1. On day 1, he came over, and I answered the door. I thought he looked alright, but too much beard.
2. We talked a little bit as a group. I remember thinking he was a little bit annoying when answering the question “Where are you from”.
3. For dinner, he shaved. I re-introduced myself because I wasn’t sure if he was the bearded guy from before. We walked to dinner together and laughed. I liked his company already.
4. At Alfresco, he sat across from me and asked what was the thing I’m most excited about doing. I said, MP! Then he asked what was the second thing I’m most excited about. I said, riding an alpaca!
5. At some point I told him my Tim Ferris story and he loved the story. After dinner at the bar, he said I should tell AnnaMarie the story.
6. I remember we walked back together as he wanted to go home at 11pm.
7. Hannah, Mike, and I went to dinner together on second night. We laughed so much! He told my Tim Ferris story to Hannah. It was so cute that he already knew it by heart.
8. I think it was the third day, he wanted to grab lunch together. I told him my age and that I’m seeing John. I didn’t look him in the eye when I said that.
9. We hardly interacted for a while. He said no to all my invitations for walks. The only time he invited me to something was to get water. We had so much fun even in those 10 minutes.
10. One day he sat down beside me on the sofa to show me Vemo. I didn’t really ask him about Vemo. I think he just wanted to sit beside me.
11. Another day (or same day) he talked about how tribers can be creepy. He acted out different ways of saying “You’re hot”. In hindsight, I wonder if he was trying to say something.
12. On my birthday, he didn’t remember but Hannah did. Hannah posted a bunch of unicorn lama photos, which were hilarious. Mike posted a sexy lama photo that said, One year olde, still as sexy as ever. Aww.
13. He took out his sheet and said to me, You’re a fashion designer, what do you think of this? He was apparently very unapproved of the sequence on his sheet. I said, “I thought you were gonna ask me if that would look good on you.” He said, “Oh I’m gonna wear it!” Hahahaha
14. Cyn, Ty, Mike, and Hanna celebrated my bday with me at Alfresco! To hear him laughing with Cyn and Ty while I was getting ready, I felt like he was the husband I want to have, someone who can entertain the guests.
15. I sat on the bus together with Mike, when we went to Huacachina. He made me laugh so hard.
16. I said he has the negative space of Ryan Reynolds. He laughed. I remember him and Ty talking later on, and perhaps Ty mentioned something about him looking like Ryan Reynolds; Mike suddenly looked at me and told Ty what I said.
17. He was super loner and tired in Huacachina. He didn’t seem to care to be close to me, aside from some sandboarding moments. I didn’t get to sit with him on all other rides, and it broke my heart to hear him laughing with Emilie on the last ride back. I was miserable. But eventually I got over it. He is charming and he has made many people laugh, including guys. As the 3 of us got off the bus to take the small van home, he was in so much pain. I lightly touched him on the shoulder.
18. We booked the flight to Cusco. We chatted a bit about Lokai bracelets, IG illusion etc. He was quite a pessimist.
19. He doesn’t have wifi in his room and asked to take a meeting in our rooms. I was surprised that he chose my room over Hannah’s. Later on we joked that he was trying on my outfits in my room, and stretching out my mermaid pants.
20. Him and Hannah went to cafes to work. Pervy guy showed up at window naked. We joked about this in our chat group.
21. I came home one day after the man in a fedora and a cape walked me home. He stuck his head out of the bathroom while I was in the kitchen, and said hi. That was adorable. I think he was naked.
22. We hopped into Uber for flight to Cusco. We joked about how I’m gonna seduce an alpaca/lama to let me ride it. I touched his shoulder and said something about letting me ride him (pretending that would be the conversation I’d have with the lama). He quickly spun that into a joke about how this is how I seduce men in general.
23. At the airport, he was busy working on this work. I felt very neglected and alone. He is not too thoughtful.
24. First night’s dinner, Joe and Emilie were a bit left out, while Mike and I have some serious discussions. Especially Emilie, because she is not into that type of convo. I liked that we can have these deep conversations and I love these conversations.
25. Day 2 morning started out well. Mike noticed the beautiful snowy mountain outside the window, but the window is too high for me to see anything. He held his hands out and said something like, “Ready babe?” and lifted me by my armpits to see the view. That was so adorable. Turned me on a little. The fact that he called me babe…haha…that’s our inside joke that I call all my girl friend babe, and Tom Brady calls everyone babe.
26. At breakfast, we talked about how we are the average of the 5 people we hang out with the most. I told him that ever since we met, he’s been so witty that I feel like I need to think faster to keep up. (Joe also said he felt like he was so boring when Mike just kept firing jokes.) Mike was obviously flattered.
27. That night though, not too fun. Emilie flirted with him, and he kept giving her attention by asking her questions, and sometimes ignoring me, almost as though on purpose. Emilie is the type to cut people off too. I was hurt.
28. On the other hand, he sometimes looked only at me when he talked, and he fondly talked about our jokes about him taking a call in my room and trying on my clothes.
29. He also remembers a lot of what I said. Like, when I mentioned the weirdest gift I’ve gotten is a C++ book printed out. He said, Is that the guy you went to UVic for?
30. On the way home, I let them have their moment. I talked to Joe instead. He was kind and sweet. Mike, despite talking to Emilie, started listening in on my conversation with Joe.
31. He asked Emelie what her Chinese name was. She tried to play games and said, “I’m not gonna tell you!” He ignored her and asked me. I had just asked Joe what his relationship situation was, when Mike rudely interrupted. It could be just the timing, or he was starting to get jealous.
32. It took me a lot of courage to gather myself together, let go of my ego, and face everyone the next dat as my cheery self. If Mike and Emelie are into each other, there’s not much I can do. They are both single, and they are more similar in age. She actually looks kinda like me. So am I the uglier version of two similar people? I hope not.
33. I came down for breakfast about half hour late. They had been laughing so much. I came down and the laughter kinda stopped. Mike tried to be kind though. The breakfast continued and ended with Mike and I in a deep conversation again. I can talk to him for a long time.
34. He wanted to go explore. I wanted to tag along. He didn’t want me to. Sad again.
35. He went ATV’ing in Sacred Valley and was gone all day. I hung out with the rest of the tribe and they were so boring.
36. Emilie showed even more interest in Mike. Mike ignored her. Seemed to be more into me again as he showed me the photos from Sacred Valley, and lied down on the floor beside me. With a virgo though, ignoring doesn’t necessarily mean not interested!
37. He awkwardly referred to our MP trip as “riding me” and couldn’t even look at me when he said that. He asked Joe and Emilie and pretend to have forgotten that I would be on the guided tour with him. I know what he was trying to do. I know he wants me to ride him, or to joke about it. Honestly, it’s as though we had brain to brain communication as I was hoping to joke about getting a piggy back ride from him on MP. I imagined that moment for several days! But the mood wasn’t right on MP…we didn’t have any alone time and he was super sleep deprived.
38. Day 3, Mike woke me up for MP trip at 3:10am. He opened my door and called my name, and I softly said Yes? I was naked. I had to get dressed in 5 minutes. I went down, no makeup. He kept looking at me, smiling a bit. He quickly touched me and said, You made it! It was a bit cute. I put my legs across the isle and onto the seat beside him. He laughed and said, Get your own row!
39. We sat together for 2 hours on the bus for one leg of trip. We were touching as the space was cramped. I asked him what his favourite natural phenomenon was. He said, “My body”. HAHHAA. Then he said, I suppose it’s better if I say ‘Your body’, but that’s a bit creepy.” Then he said, “Your smile. Your laughs.” Whoa. Did he just mega flirt with me? I didn’t know what to say to that. I said nothing.
40. He also remembered my Chinese name and said it perfectly after a few tries.
41. I told him my bunny drawing first memory. He said I was dressed kind of like a bunny (in my alpaca sweater). He said something about him being fuzzy like a bunny. I gently stroke his fuzzy back-of-the-wrist area, like petting a bunny. That’s probably the most flirty I’ve gotten.
42. I can tell he wanted to take a photo together on MP but he couldn’t bring himself to. I had no makeup on so I had no desire to. He took a photo of us while walking in front of me, and gave me almost no notice. My cellphone had slipped down my pants, and I was fishing for it when he took that photo! Hahaha. He said he wished it was a video.
43. I tripped over a rock on MP. He was behind me and saw it. He joked, “Did you have a good trip? Where are you planning for the summer?” Hahaha
44. He listens in on my conversation about John always. When I was telling Emelie about John, he turned around, walking backwards, and shook his head at me. When I talked to Joe about John, he mentioned again about how I was gonna break up with him months ago.
45. Joe helped me get rid of a spider on my bed. When I told that story to other people, I noticed that he rolled his eyes. I think he was jealous.
46. On MP, the guide took a photo of the 4 of us. Mike asked me to stand in the middle. I think it was him who joked about being them being the dads, because him and David are both so tall. He said something else to tease me. I squeezed his waist right after the photo was taken…like secretly flirting. He laughed.
47. When David asked me if I had fun on MP, I said yes, I just wish I got to ride something big. Mike immediately turned around and said to David, “Time to step up Dave!” I wish I had said, I want something furrier! Haha.
48. When we were in the elevator coming back from Cusco, my arm touch the back of his hand. I hope he can appreciate how soft and smooth I am!
49. Sometimes I want to hold him so bad. Sometimes I just want to lean against him, and feel protected by him.
50. I miss him so much already. He made me laugh so much. He is not the one for me, at least not as the less compassionate and thoughtful person that he is. But he has his incredibly attractive qualities. I have so many great memories with him. I want to say to him, “You are much hotter than Ryan Reynolds. Some people might say you look like Ryan Reynold’s negative space. Don’t listen to those people!” I want to write a letter to him to tell him to keep in touch because I want him in my life. I want to tell him that he is always welcome to visit me. I say this with a bit of fear because whenever I appreciate someone more, they disappoint me. There’s still 10 days. Who knows what could happen. I hope it’s something good. Please let it be something good.

I’m attracted to him, but he is not for me. Yet I want him to keep in touch and be in my life. That’s a paradox, no? What if he brings a gf to see me! Really I just want to keep in touch so that we can hook up one day. That’s probably not the best idea. Unless, maybe he will mature into a more thoughtful and caring person. At this moment, he brings out some bad qualities in me actually. Like, being a loner, being more selfish. I’ll need to keep looking ’til I find that person who makes me a better person!