Gemini

Been thinking about Matthew ever since I agreed to have sex with him.

The truth is, he seems so ideal for me, if he wasn’t a cheater.

Then again, I haven’t seen him in 6, 7 years. Who knows if I still find him attractive, or if he finds me attractive.

I’m 52kg right now. I was 53.5kg just a couple days ago lol. Been careful about what I eat, and been following Jillian Michael’s workout (3rd week 7 workouts so far). My body is almost ready for Matthew haha. I hope it’s good enough for him.

I hope we have an amazing time! I’ve been reading about Gemini’s and they definitely are soul-less cheaters. I can’t fall for him.

 

 

Planning

Priorities:

Things on the plate:

  • Merge listings
  • Double check that Judy has everything for sending the rings
  • Send red/green/blue line rings to those on the wait list once the rings have arrived
  • Improve listing conversion rate
    • ring measurement photo edit
    • ring measurement photo upload
  • Improve sponsored ads
  • Train Maria to do more tasks
  • Hire Keesha
  • Train Keesha
  • Design diaper bag
  • Research more products
  • Plan China/Taiwan trip
  • Plan money for Dad/Mom
  • Plan taxes, accounting for the money I’m gonna give Mom and Dad.
  • Sell Tencent stocks
  • Pay Elena
  • Pay CC bills

Thing I need to do in Asia:

  • Visit Dad
  • Visit Anderson and family (bring gifts)
  • Get my luggage from Shanghai
  • Maybe visit Tina and Chris in Shanghai
  • Maybe visit Jing in China
  • Maybe go on a small vacation with Dad?
  • Set up bank account for Dad, and be able to deposit money monthly
  • Get Dad a new computer
  • Visit ring factory
  • Visit (maybe) purse and panties factories
  • Visit (maybe) YiWu
  • Continue to train VA
  • Mom’s taxes
  • Think about if I’m moving out of here, Burnaby. If so, were would I go?

Things for VA to do on Sunday (her Monday):

  1. Read my emails replies in hello@knotheory.com
  2. Watch the youtube videos (send links)
  3. Handle as many questions as possible and saves as draft
  4. Handle Etsy fulfillment

Before going to Alopecia meetup, I should:

  1. Buy some food
  2. Remember to bring laptop
  3. Be back by 6:30pm
  4. Go over the emails and see if Maria can address most of them. Add templates and videos as needed.

$3K/month Yaletown Condo. Matthew – let’s have sex

Ah Matthew. He messaged me yesterday as I was browsing for a place in Yaletown (I’m thinking to buy a house in Victoria and rent it out, using the rent to pay towards renting a place in Yaletown.)

I was drooling over this place, $3K/month:

loft5 loft4 loft3 loft2 loft1

$3000 / 1br – 883ft2LARGE FURNISHED 2-LEVEL YALETOWN LOFT (1238 Seymour Street)

LARGE, FURNISHED, RARE, upper-level designer loft in trendy Yaletown’s The Space! Larger and higher than most lofts – 16ft soaring ceilings, huge bedroom upstairs + den/office space with corner windows. Spacious walk-in closet. Huge floor to ceiling windows, hardwood floors throughout with motorized blinds. North and West city and park views. Building includes access to exercise room, party room, and barbecues. Walking distance to downtown core, seawall, and Granville/ Davie St entertainment and food.

Furnished with king-sized bed, leather sofa, custom bar counters, and lots of shelving space. TV – basic cable and internet included!

One-year lease preferred. Credit-check required. $200 move-in fee charged by strata payable upon move-in.

SECURED underground parking included. Email for details/viewing. AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY.

It’s such a dream home for me. I don’t think I can afford it. I made probably only $170,000 CAD last year, and can only withdrawl $11,000 personal income tax-free.

Oh one day soon I hope I can afford it!

I have about $500K CAD saved up. In 2016 I hope to make $350K. In 2017 I hope to make $700K. Then I can afford it. With about $1MM in the bank, I can get $8K/month on interest. If I only invest $800K of it in interest-generating investments, then that’s $5K/month. Enough to live off of.

Anyway, back to Matthew.

I woke up at noonish, and my mind was a bit preoccupied with unsure thoughts about Brodie, part hate part lust. At around 2pm, I was in bed, browsing Yaletown condos to get an idea of the price, and chatting with Norm.

Matthew msg’d me. My heart suddenly started to race. I don’t know why. I’m so into him. He usually quickly dispels any thoughts I have about Brodie. I was happy for that. I’d rather lust about Matthew, who is cuter, funnier and has lately been lifting me up from emotional valleys that I seem to arrive at more frequently than not. I know he is not the most ethical person…sigh….but he is unique, he is special, he is fun.

His opening line was, “Wait, you have a BSc in Comp Sci?” I’m not sure if I should’ve been happy about it or not. I can’t believe he forgot about that, but I’m glad he knows that now, and I’m glad he was browsing my profile.

He told me about his Taiga biz. I wasn’t too thrilled about it because I know that’s a biz he started with his gf.

I took the opportunity to ask him about foosball. Turned out he spent 15 years honing his skills, and was competing nationally. Crazy! I was even more attracted to him. I love that he has the consistency to develop a new skill and become completely proficient at it. He’s developed so many that I know of. Piano, foosball, Japanese. He is a good programmer too, and already doing well with his business. I’m so jealous. He has everything good. He has the good looks, the smarts, the sense of humour, the charm, the money, and the luck. His life just seems utterly wonderful.

At the same time I’m so attracted to him. Alpha’s are freaking attractive, obviously.

We flirted as usual, and then I said I wanted him to come over…when I’m ready, in 2, 3 weeks.

He was eager to come over last night or tonight….but, I’m still on my period and I feel fat. I have a belly I’m desperately trying to get rid of. I think it’s passable with other guys, but not with him.

Also, I’m starting a VA (Keesha) on Sunday and don’t want to be distracted. I know after sex with him I’d be high for days.

Also, this place is a MESS. I was motivated today to clean the kitchen, laundry area, wiped the floor. I was motivated to eat less too. Sex is a huge motivator for me!

I really hope that Matthew and I can have an amazing time, and that we’ll see each other at least once a month.

I don’t know if I’ll meet his expectation, physically, and in other areas.I just hope he likes my body, and my brains. I hope he treats me well. I don’t want to be ghosted again. He has the tendency to do that.

I know I still find him attractive, despite there being signs of receding hair line. It’s hard to imagine him looking less than perfect….I wonder how well he’ll deal with balding…

But we don’t care about that right now.

Still suck at volleyball, and hating my team

This team sucks. I hate being treated like a second class citizen. People don’t pass to me, and they tell me where to stand. Even Brodie sucks. He never stands beside me anymore. He always stands between Jamie and Dan. I’m looking forward to this season ending. I wish I didn’t bring him in. It’s not fair to me. Maybe he didn’t do it on purpose, but he isn’t helping me have a better time.

Jamie’s second team seems better. People are so encouraging. Like Steve today. And Derrick last time. And they pass to me, giving me opportunities to play. I like them.

I’ll see about drop-ins. Maybe I’ll have more chance to play in a drop-in game.

I’m a long way away from being able to have fun in a game that Brodie is in.

I guess it kind of reminds me of learning English when I first came here. No one wanted to be friends with me.

But I did get some ok friends eventually. I went from having

Brodie brought a girl friend to the game today. Wtf.

Adrianna. I actually met her in the bathroom, because I thought I was making her wait for the stall as I tried to figure out my onsie. She was friendly.

I have met her before, I realized later on, at Noveween. She is a big chubby…big boobs. She was wearing a boudoir outfit showing off her cleavage.

I remembered her because I went to talk to Brodie at the party and suddenly noticed that she was sitting beside him and not participating in the conversation. She was sitting really close to him and pointing her chest at him. I thought, Oh no, I’m cock-blocking Brodie! So I got up and left.

Later on Tina said she tried to intro them to each other, and they said they came together. Lol. I said it felt like they were gonna makeout and I was in the way. Tina said, Oh I don’t think Brodie does that. Hmm….really? Who knows.

I do think Adrianna is into Brodie. Dunno if the attraction is mutual. She came today and sat for the entire 1.5 hours watching him play. Wtf does that if not interested??? It’s not even like she brought a laptop. She just sat there and watched.

Also, she look the time to freshen up her make up in the bathroom.

I think that’s his neighbour that he mentioned. I think he trains with her too.

I’m not threatened because I don’t think he is that into her, but I think bringing her today was showing off a bit.

I’m curious if he’ll try to bring this up next time I see him. My mind was on him all day today and yesterday, it’s really surprising. He is not funny or interesting. It’s just that he has a nice body. And he is nice. And spending 2 days a week with him makes it pretty much impossible to not have feelings.

I even read up on his horoscope to understand how he might flirt. He is a cancer. Like Mike. Wow – I didn’t know what those people are like. I guess I’ve never interacted with a Cancer. They don’t make the first move. No wonder. He is the first guy I know who doesn’t make a move on me. Except for Nick Cumming, lol.

I sense that he is at least mildly attracted. When he saw me he made a point to hug me, like he really looked forward to it. I felt that I didn’t care that much if I hug him when I see him, but he seemed to really want to hug me. He always breaks into a big smile when he sees me.

I was thinking about telling him that I’m attracted to him but want to be friends only. But now I think I’ll hold it. I think I’ll tell him only if he makes a move.

My only concern is that if I flirt with someone else in front of him, he won’t treat me as nicely. I guess I’ll just try to not flirt in front of him.

It won’t really happen except at parties and possibly when I hang out with his friends…if he has cute friends.

If he flirts with someone in front of me, game over.

But I guess I shouldn’t be too sensitive about that. I want us to be friends anyway. I want to make out and make love with Jackson, Ashley, Matthew. Not him.

VA; Brodie

Started Maria, my first VA. I must say, her English is not good enough. I’m hesitant to continue with her. Also, she is not too bright.

I’m hoping to hire Keesha. Her English is much better. Her IQ score is 119, as opposed to Maria’s 93.

Played volleyball with Brodie today.

I was excited to see him. I had fun with him training me. We played foosball after and that was fun. On the way driving him back, I talked a lot and he had nothing interesting to say, which disappointed me. I was horny after. That’s pretty much the usual scenario.

Physically he is attractive to me now. I don’t notice his flaws anymore, such as his face shape, his nose, his buggy eyes.

But it does bother me that he is so unimaginative and unfunny. Then again, he did design a pretty wicked logo for his brand. I guess that requires imagination…maybe.

In any case, he is not that fun to talk to. But my body doesn’t know that. I get so friggin’ wet.

I keep imagining how I’d turn down his advances, because every guy does it eventually, from my experience.

At the same time, I think he may not ever do it. I’m both happy about that and a bit bewildered lol.

Right now I want to make out with Jackson the most. I definitely can’t make out with Brodie before the party on March 19th, because then if I see Jackson, there’s no way I can do anything with him. I’d not get to learn any volleyball anymore.

Who knows, maybe he has f buddies and/or crushes and that’s why he is able to not make a move on me.

I tend to not believe that he isn’t attracted to me. So far only one guy I’ve hung out with has never hit on me, and that was Nick. Oh and maybe Tyler too….but it’s complicated with Tyler.

I think that there’s a reason why I’m turned on. It’s because he is also attracted.

We talked today about moving to Yaletown. I want to buy a place in Victoria and rent it out, using the rent to pay for Yaletown rent. He wants to rent out his Surrey place, and do the same. I didn’t realized ’til today that we are doing the same.

Really, he is perfect for me. Except for the lack of sense of humour. Too bad.

 

 

VA Day 1 and 2; dreamt about Brodie

Started Maria, my first VA, yesterday!

I’m not sure how good she is yet.

It was a lot of work to set her up, but I’ve documented the process.

She was a bit slow on Day 1. That’s ok. She said her internet was extra slow yesterday but it was a one-off.

Played volleyball with Brodie today. It was fun. I learned that I need to hit the ball when it’s in a small window in front of me lol.

Also, I need to not put my hands together before the ball is near.

He trained me for about an hour…then we walked about business and stuff. And then we tried to play a little bit more but we already cooled off.

After that, we played foosball and then air hockey (first time for me!) It was fun.

I had lots of fun with Brodie, playing sports. He is patient even though we aren’t dating. I didn’t even feel any vibe from him today. I didn’t put eye makeup on today so I probably looked worse today too. But I’m starting to think that the lack of attraction is mutual. We can be friends after all.

Cyn is throwing a party when she is back. Double denim party, on March 19th. I got so horny just thinking about that Jackson might be there lol.

But who knows. I just know that I don’t want to have made out with Brodie and then can’t make out with Jackson. If there’s a chance to make out with Jackson, I’d choose him first I think.

Brodie is looking cuter these days, but he really isn’t the funnest person. We have fun doing physical activities, like kids would. But, nothing beyond that.

However, I had a long nap after coming home, and I dreamt about him! I dreamt that he applied to be some sort of special agent job, and they turned him down because he didn’t have 2 jobs in his job history. Then he started crying!

I was surprised that he started crying, so I gave him a big long hug. After a while he said he was actually horny now.

That was the start of our “relationship” lol.

So then we held hands and went to what seemed like a furniture store in a mall, where he can talk to a lady about qualifying a job he had so that he can qualify for the special agent job. After waiting a while, he came out of the shop really happy because they decided to count that job lol.

I don’t know if we kissed in the dream.

I don’t really fantasize about him. Even though, he is cute enough that I don’t mind him being close to me or even making a move. But, I’m not tempted, right now, to make a move on him.

Before I met Ashley, I was so tempted.

But Ashley is not in my life right now (I so wish he can come to the denim party!) and I don’t really think about him much any more, but I also don’t think about Brodie either.

I have almost no memories of Jackson nor Matthew. And I’m tired of thinking about Josh or Patrick. So really, there’s no one to fantasize about.

I so want to make out with someone cute for real. Someone who is really into me and will treat me nicely. None of the above guys really qualifies. Sigh.

How can I get more sincere attraction from attractive guys?

Motivation: self study

I’m motivated by:

  • Looking cool
  • Looking good
  • The increase in possibility of hooking up with cute guys.
  • Wins and successful results (e.g. $$$)
  • Progress – becoming a more capable person, or a better person
  • Becoming more attractive in general
  • Being impressive and admired
  • Bragging-rights for me and for my parents
  • Experience that is so great I can look back on it and feel amazing about it
  • Great sex
  • Petting cute animals
  • Having a great story to tell
  • Not having to pay, a good deal/discount, avoiding paying something I don’t have to.
  • Not losing
  • Not be embarrassed
  • Being respected

 

Lunch with Norm and Sylvia; Summer’s Bridal Shower

Woke up at 11am, did half of Jillian Michaels abs work out, showered, then headed to 12:30 dim sum with Norm and his 6month gf Sylvia.

I should workout like this every day 🙂

The food was ok. Sylvia was ok. She wasn’t super fun, wasn’t energetic nor charismatic nor “interested”. She seemed to not concerned with what I think of her nor was she at all insecure, which were I guess the cooler facts about her.

I thought long and hard about what to wear, but it didn’t matter. She seemed indifferent to everything. Our sense of humour didn’t jive. Norm tried hard to bridge the conversation…

There’s that charm that I guess many people lack. I hope I’m more charming than most people!

2 hours in I was ready to leave. I got home and tried on various wigs. My “my little pony” wig actually is quite good! I know I seem undatable, way too weird, way to childish and k-pop, to be considered gf material. But it’s not like any of these guys are bf candidates. I’ll find an occasion to wear it 🙂

In the evening, I went to Sum’s bridal shower. Her sister Kirin hosted it. Their house was BEAUTIFUL!! Tall ceilings, grand furniture, impressive and classy decorations.

About 20 people came, and they were all very nice. She does have a lot of good friends who care about her. I don’t think I have that.

Her sisters Kirin and Ang were really nice. They looked totally white for some reason.

The food they prepared were AMAZING! Bacon-wrapped dates, tandori chicken, mouse, grapes wrapped in (goat?) cheese, amazing salsa on bread, raspberries wrapped in white chocolate….they were better than the foods at Annie’s baby shower!!

The drinks were great too. Some had cool fresh sprigs of herbs in them, most had berries. So much thought went into it.

We sat around and she had to guess the person who wrote the card, and the person will bring her a gift.

Mine was the first, and she was happy to get the ties, bow ties, and a bottle of Vera Wang Princess perfume. That set was $270USD, which was $370CAD. A big gift. The biggest gift there. I wonder if they knew. Either way, I hope she appreciates it lol.

I sat by Ashriya who was Kirin’s daughter. She was 9 and lived in this beautiful house. I told her her name was beautiful. Her sister Morgan was by Summer, writing down gift notes. Lexi was beside her.

I actually really liked her. She was very straight forward, as kids are. I think ever since that Patrick told me she didn’t want to have kids but like kids, I realized it’s ok to like kids but not wanting to have my own.

I don’t like all kids, but I liked Ashriya. She asked for my name, and said she liked my name too.

She asked me how I make friends. Interesting question. I said, “Well, I just say, you wanna hang out sometime? But sometimes if it’s a guy, it’s a little bit harder because they don’t know if you want them to be your friend or your boyfriend.” I asked her, “How do you do it?” She said, “We just say, wanna be friends? And then I say, sure, wanna be best friends?” Hahahhaa. I miss those days.

I told her that it’s harder as I get older because some ppl already have a best friend. She said, yeah, or sometimes you don’t know if they just want to be friends because I have lots of stuff.

She asked, “Wanna see my room?” I was actually really curious about her room the moment she told me she lived in that house. We went up, and her room was so cute! Immediately I noticed a upper “floor”…it was a tiny triangular area with a glass siding. We went around to the other side of the bedroom wall, climbed up a sofa, into an “escape room” which then lead to this “floor”. It was so cool! Turned out they built this house from scratch, and asked the kids to design their dream house. She was 5 so she just drew marshmallows and and candy canes like it was a candy cane house hahaha. What a bunch of lucky kids!

We sat around and talked about water slides. It was fun to just be all dramatic like kids are when I’m with her.

She showed me her brother’s room, which was awesome too. Sports themed. Then she showed me her sister Morgan’s room, and it was probably the best. It had shelves filled with toys, including plush bunnies. There was a little walk-in closet, and some tiny room that was just for fun….I think it was safari themed?

The best part was that there was a lizard (Crested Gecko) in her room! Ashriya showed the lizard Jinx to me. It was the first time I ever touched a lizard! It was so cute and so beautiful! It was a big-headed gold lizard. Its feet were so soft. It kept walking so I kept putting one hand in front of another for him to walk onto.

Then we came back downstairs. She immediately went to confess to Morgan that she took her lizard out. Aw. So cute. Morgan wasn’t impressed, but was ok with it. Ashriya said, Are those my pants? Lol. They share pants.

So Ashriya really liked me. Everyone liked my pink dress (the one I bought for maybe $10 when I was in Shanghai). People complimented me on my earrings, my dress, my figure, my style. Awww.

Christy was there. She was nice. She has been vegan the past month. Same old with her she said. Still single and feeling sad about it. She couldn’t take her eyes off me, which was strange. I asked if it’s because I’m wearing a different wig, and she said no it’s just that she hasn’t seen me in so long.

She looked about the same, maybe a bit more nasal labial fold wrinkles. Her and I were the only good-looking people there I think. Summer’s sisters were not bad. The rest are just very average looking people. I sorta see why Summer wants to be associated with my, Christie, and Cyndi.

I think people liked me because I looked good and was outgoing. And the kids liked me because I was nice and was the youngest looking one. I’ll enjoy this while I can 🙂

3 years of tax done, hired a VA, sucked at volleyball today

Met up with Irene Cheung, CPA. She was so nice. I didn’t want to stick to her for the upcoming (or, 2015) tax year, and made up an excuse that I might choose a partner so I haven’t decided what to do yet. She launched into a big lecture about how I shouldn’t partner with someone. Yikes! I felt guilty for lying, and at the same was really impressed of her advice. Maybe she is a competent accountant after all.

I was getting hooked on volleyball after figuring out how to spike quite far. I practice with Brodie last week on Monday, played on Thursday, and drove to the open gym again on Friday. Lori, the woman at the open gym counter, now knows me. Yet, I sucked today. Made me feel extra defeated. Brodie was the star. So was Jamie. And Dan kept passing to Brodie, ignoring me. After class, he hogged Brodie too. I don’t like him anymore. I left without saying goodbye to Brodie. He should’ve come to say goodbye. Oh well. Not like I have a crush on him. He seemed a bit into me today though…before I started to suck at volleyball anyway. (I think right now I’m still a bit crushing on Ashley. I want to see him and make out with him. But no guarantee because he is so thick.)

The only good part today was that everyone liked my shirt. Jamie, Brodie, John all complimented me on my graphic racerback with a topless Stormtrooper lifting weights printed on it. I looked cooler than I played lol.

Another big progress was hiring a VA! Maria. She seems nice, though her references are iffy, and her English not perfect. I’ll ready her job offer this weekend. We chatted a bit, and she is really sad that she can’t have babies, at 37 with ovarian cysts.

There’s another girl, Keesha, whose application I just received yesterday. She has great potential! I’m interested in hiring her too. Her English is near perfect, her asking salary is low, I like her name, and she has an IQ of 114. (Maria’s is 93.)

If Maria is $370, and Keesha is $250, that’s $620/month. I can afford that. I can then either keep both, or choose one of them after 1 month. I have a feeling that Keesha will be great.

I hope they are both great! And that I can have both of them help me really expand the brand!

I’m getting slimmer, but it’s taking a while (longer than 3 days, sigh.) I want to be slim and fuck Matthew!

New Identity

I feel that I’m adapting a new identity. An identity as someone who has the ability to provide, the ability to earn, the ability to succeed, the ability to build on success, the ability to enjoy life to the fullest using her new found abilities 😀

I made about $100K CAD in December, $25K CAD even in January. I made $250K CAD in 2015.

This is my income right now. I’m no longer that struggling starving entrepreneur making