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So nice of Mom to send a driver to pick me up. He was really talkative too. I learned about Eva Air’s family feud.

Taiwan is so warm, humid, and….unpleasant to look at. But it helps that Mom is here. She set up my bed in the living room, and prepped dinner for me. It was good to finally end the 24 hours of travel. We had the sweetest wax apples and guava. We also had tonghao, soy soup, turnip cake, fish, and tofu roll of some sort.

—

Woke up at 4am because I went to bed at 9pm. Got 7 mosquito bites on my face, and maybe 8 more on the body.

I also woke up early because I thought my Badass mastermind was at 5am…it was 8am.

—

Instead, I started catching up on some messages, and decided to finally message Matthew. I decided to just send him a cat sticker.

It’s quite unbelievable that, just as I was picking out a sticker, he messaged me!!!

He didn’t say bon voyage before my trip, which I thought was weird….but now he asked if I had a good flight. I’m still amazed that we thought to message each other at the same time.

But he was a little distracted. And not exactly horny. I think he has another conversation going on, and it wasn’t a sexy one.

After a little while we did talk about the more sexy stuff. He was still very cute.

I wasn’t going to talk about oil sex yet, but the conversation sorta led me to bring it up. I asked if he’s tried it, and he said never. He wanted to try 🙂 I didn’t make it too clear whether I had done it before or not.

I really miss him. I’m super distracted now by the trip, but he is on my mind. I want him. I like how he flirts with me and seduces me and turns me on. All while being cute and funny.

—

Badass meeting was fine. I wish my rings were doing better. I went up to rank #3 recently, but dropped to #8 today (April 5th)….wtf.

Ben A. is doing over $115K now with so many products. I wish I have that too. I have dropped to $33k…

We are doing a spring clean on the group, weeding out the non-active members.

—

Took bus 72 to see Dad. Missed the first one because I didn’t wave at it. Waited another 17 minutes.

Slightly awkward time with Dad initially. We talked about dogs mostly. XiaoHei is so fat now…and definitely older with more greys and browns. Dogs age so much faster than us.

Dad looked, well, same old I guess. Has a belly. AhNi looked good. Grandma looked fine too, but not as clear minded as 3 years ago. She didn’t keep calling her mom this time….but she still constantly made noises. It’s a bit more bearable now.

We had lunch…it was a super big lunch as usual, with 10 dishes. But Grandma doesn’t sit with us anymore. She has her own diet now.

We walked the dog twice, talked about astronomy, talked about me giving him some money, talked about him wanting to live in Nanping with the relatives, talked about his eye, talked about his land that isn’t sold yet.

I hope for this:

1. Dad’s eye gets cured
2. Dad gets the $20K CAD I intend to give him
3. Dad sells his land with decent price and gets good money from it
4. Dad gets to have a good time in Nanping
5. Dad gets to do what he wants to do in life, and have XiaoHei with him
6. Dad is accompanied by good friends
7. Dad feels proud because I’m doing well

—

Had dinner with Jennifer. We talked a lot. It was really nice to be able to speak English and Chinese to her. We had Thai at Xifan University night market. It wasn’t very good. She walked me home, which was really nice.

The thing on her mind is whether she should stay in Taiwan to gain more experience, or go back to Canada. She enjoys being in banking, but is being overworked.

—

Second day in Taiwan today. It was fun. Hung out with Mom and Mia.

We ate the most delish butter and red bean pastry. Then we had the best liver soup. I had majiang noodles too. First time in a long time. It was a cheat day.

Then, we went shopping. Bought lots of stuff, including 5 pairs of new shoes for me lol. I got the most awesome rain boots.

In the evening, we met up with ShangYi. I hadn’t seen her in over 20 years! She was my favourite cousin.

We had a delicious meal at NanGan Tofu Village. I loved that place! The tofu soup was great, the seafood pancake was amazing, the tofu ice cream was amazing too, and all-you-can-eat.

I treated everyone. It was $1400NT…about $56CAD.

ShangYi was nice. Not super funny, and didn’t ask me many questions, but we got along fine. I’d love to spend more time with her in the future.

 

On April 1st, I met up with Cat at :30pm and we took the skytrain and the bus to the airport. We arrived at 9:10pm. Had food court dinner at the airport.

I’m surprised that she was a good enough friend to come keep me company at the airport ’til 11:30pm!

I went through security at around midnight, and flew out at 1:30am, April 2nd.

Arrived in Shanghai after an 11 hour flight. 4am local time. I think we arrived 1 hour early. The flight was smooth, though the lady beside me was not the chatting type. That’s ok. I watched a few episodes of Daredevil season 2, ate way too much, and got up to stretch a few times. Daredevil season 2 really wasn’t that engaging. I’m pretty stiff…maybe more than usual….during this flight. China Eastern….nothing special. I think Matthew said it was one of the better ones though. I wonder if he flies business class. Economy class is really quite painful…I never thought it was that bad…but this time it stood out to me as an torturous arrangement. Surely there are better ways to go through an 11 hour flight.

I can’t wait for our fuel / energy to become super abundant, so that we can afford to have spacious planes, equipped with a fitness room, private quarters, beds, etc. Wifi would be excellent too.

I don’t ever feel like a seasoned traveller, even though last time I travelled was in June (to NAAF in California)…that was only 10 months ago…And before that I travelled to Las Vegas in Jan, and Thailand in Feb.

I miss Matthew. I’m surprised that he never messaged me to wish me bon voyage. He did like and comment on my FB posts though…

Last day in Vancouver (March 31st) was a sunny day. Makes me not want to leave. I dread this entire trip. I don’t like visiting friends and family that much. I like having sex with Matthew and getting my biz to make more money. But, I think once I get into the situation I’ll feel better.

Waited a long time to get through the plane transfer lineup. I watched Daredevil while I waited, so it wasn’t so bad.

Pudong airport is almost identical to the Guangzhou airport….but better (or, after 3 years it’s gotten better). I was able to get wifi using my Canada phone number this time! AND I was able to find charging stations that use North American wall outlets. AND I was able to find a local VPN that gives a free trial, and is only $18 RMB per month (<$3USD). Foreigners pay $10USD for ones that are English-based…like StrongVPN or Astrill.

Starbucks was expensive. About $7CAD for a grande matcha latte…or $6USD. But I can afford it lol.

After some figuring out, I got charged up at a charging station for my laptop, drank latte while I got a bit of work done, replied to FB messages, and watched some more Daredevil. Now just 1 more hour before we board!

It’s nice to have Mom set things up for me in Taiwan when I arrive 🙂

I just gotta do some product research using Jungle Scout, before Canton Fair! Oh and book hotels and regional flights for my China destinations.

Silver rings came with the bow tie boxes. They are not perfect….but there is potential.

Sold Elena the sewing/embroidery machine. She gave me a giant bathbomb and a bubble-gum flavoured exfoliating lip gel from Lush for birthday! Awww….so sweet 🙂

Thought about Matthew so much more since he messaged me that bunny-related photo at Cartem’s donuts. I think I thought too much of it. It’s just a photo. I’ve taken photos of myself to send to him, and he has too. A photo is nothing that special. Him thinking about me….that’s only natural. We had such an epic night!

I do like him a lot and I still smile when I think about things he did or said. Like wrapping himself up in the multicoloured unicorn towel – every time I saw the towel I thought of him wearing it in such a hot way. Or how I laughed when I saw him using a tiny cup to drink water out of…because he couldn’t find any cup except a tiny little one in the cupboard (the rest were in the washing machine). He said it was his 5th cup of water.

Or when he said, “Don’t look at me when I cum!” and made a half-wink-tongue-out gnarly orgasm face. He is just adorable.

I decided to go to his Facebook for the first time in a long time to get some photos of him to look at during my Asia trip. It was a bit of an unbearable task for me, because I didn’t want to see pics I didn’t intend to see. Gf pics that is. Thankfully, I didn’t see any. Just his best friend…a very smart-mouthed girl. Her caption for the photo below was, “Tap on phone…Grndr doesn’t work in Shanghai…”. She’s funny. I’d like her I think. They flirt with each other sometimes. I wonder if they dated.

I quickly found two pictures that look like his actual self, and quickly left. It’s like sneaking into someone’s house and grabbing what you need and getting the hell out quickly.

He is so gorgeous. Like an elf from LOTR, haha.

I just realized that he has a pretty long neck. Like me!

Ugh. I must remember to not get carried away… He is a gemini. A player. There’s no heart. Just dick.

As much as I adore him. As much as he seems to be the perfect match. When I’m back, I’ll need to find a back-up fwb…maybe from Tinder. And definitely reach out to Patrick and Ashley. Hmm….they both can play elves in LOTR. I guess my type is elves.

 

 

Matthew messaged a pic to me today. Just a Cartem’s donuts blackboard with a hopping bunny (since it’s Easter-ish still).

I messaged back about bunny-shaped donuts. We messaged a bit about whipped body butter and his biz, since Nicole was coming over to help me make them (‘cept she forgot the blender).

I’m surprised he messaged me. It’s kind of sweet. But, he was not flirty in his response. Like he is missing me / has me on his mind, but not horny.

Nicole brought the yummiest yam gnocchis and pesto from Zara on Granville Island.  She forgot the hand-held blender which we were gonna use to make whipped body butter.

At around 5:40, I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to pick up money from Martin, so she drove me there in a rush, Thelma and Louise style. Then she drove me to FedEx to pick up 5 giant boxes containing 500 bow tie boxes. She’s a good friend 🙂 I’m lucky.

We talked a lot about dating, sex, contraception. She is so careful and cautious. In a way it’s good because she intro’d me to this contraception method using “Contragel”, an all natural spermicide, and “Fem Cap”, a silicone cervix cap.

The pull-out method (Matthew) is a bit sketch. Really shouldn’t be risking it.

She told me about her Tinder dating experience. She’s seen one guy so far, and isn’t too into him. Lawyer turned firefighter turned possible-IT-entrepreneur. Their dynamic is so different from me and Matthew…or me and anyone else. Just like Cyn and her dates. It’s interesting.

Turned 36 today! Wow. Time really flies.

I’m happy. Truly quite happy 🙂

The two most happy things are my biz doing well, and Matthew being so amazing.

I also loved that I got to have lunch with Masha at Heirloom today, and hung out with Anna and Wilson for dinner. Anna is just incredible. She made me raspberry mousse, matcha macarons, edible cookie spoons, lavender ice cream, and root beer ice cream! The meal itself is amazing too. Thai soup with basa fish. Vermicelli with pickled carrots and daikons, two kinds of yummy chicken. Soooo spoiled! She even gave me pesto to bring home. They are such kind people, and so good to me.

I got home, and wanted to read what Matthew said to me again. I’m so turned on by him. As I read our conversation, I saw him “typing” to me! Crazy. He was thinking about me too.

He asked about my bday lunch and my day. Aww. We flirted a bit. I think he passed out though…

He has just been so adorable. I wish he was mine and mine only.

My birthday is today!

Well, it’s 2:45am right now. I’m writing about yesterday.

Today, I got up at around noon, did my 12th Jillian Michaels workout! I’m quite proud of that, because that’s twice a week for the past 6 weeks! I do see more ab definition now. And am slightly more trim. I think if I do 6 more weeks, I’ll have abs.

Showered, then saw Ty’s message about hanging out. I was going to get lavender today (because Anna was going to make me ice cream today!) and turned out that Ty had a lot of lavender left, and so he gave me a bunch!

We went to Deer Lake. Ty came to pick me up, and he was on phone with Cyn when I hopped in the car. It was a bit unexpected, and appalling. I think, it’s because I wanted to have a personal conversation with Ty, and was finding out that nothing is personal. Ty and Cyn are closer than I can be with either of them, just like Norm and his gf Sylvia are closer. Sometimes I’d like to believe that Norm and I are close, but part of me knows that he’ll share some of the secrets I tell him with her. Some of my personal info. I need to be more aware of this.

I wanted to be closer to Ty. I think it’s because logically, I feel that he is a great catch – funny, loyal, similar to me, and a very good boyfriend. I don’t know if I can see him sexually, because there’s no point in doing that. I just feel a bit angry that Cyn takes him for granted. She is hogging a great guy, stringing him along, dating other guys, and expecting waaay too much.  She thinks she is so amazing that she deserves all of the above, AND sustained passion. It pisses me off.

I guess I shouldn’t judge. You just can’t be in someone’s shoes fully and understand exactly why they are the way they are.

I think I’m pissed also because she wasn’t the best friend to me the past few months. It’s just harder to be happy for her. She didn’t feel as hurt, because I was never her best friend. Ty was her best friend. So, that’s ok. She won’t be my best friend either.

Anyway, Ty and I walked around Deer Lake. It was so beautiful out! We had a pretty good time.

I asked him what’s going on with him and Cyn, and asked how I can help. He said they decided to be together, and not sure what else is next. Interesting. Cyn never said they decided to be together.

I hold back on talking anything sexual with Ty, just in case one day we end up together. But, now I feel it’s not gonna happen. No one will be higher up in Ty’s world than Cyn. This life time they have is about them together. Ty and I weren’t meant to be. And that’s ok.

I just feel that Cyn is not as dedicated as she should be. Anyway…back to no judgement. It’s their shit to figure out.

Ty came back here and we chatted more about life, past life regression, imprints, and my idea of how lifeforms evolve. It would’ve been funner if it lasted longer, but it was still fun.

—

Dad called to wish me Happy Birthday! We chatted for a couple hours.

I posted a picture of me in my denim overalls. Got a few likes (40+) and got a few happy birthdays.

Matthew wished me an early happy birthday at around 11:30pm. I was on phone with Dad, so by the time I got back to him, he was hopping into bed. I said I miss his yummy everything, and he said him too. And wished me happy birthday again. He’s been really quite sweet.

Last night I had a real hard time falling asleep. Not sure if it’s because of my bedtime snack of banana and avocado, or just the 14 orgasms.

Ironically I had to give myself a 15th one in order to fall asleep. It barely helped.

Woke up horny but happy. I don’t feel the need to chat with him today even though I think about him. I know he is busy today anyway.

I need friends that I see regularly. I think I need to hang out with Tyler more often. I message him today.

I’m inspired now also to have a bigger vision. I’m going on this China trip. I need to do some big, positive visualization. I want to succeed. I want to do more than $5MM USD.  I want to do $150MM. I want to aim high and hit my goal or at least still succeed at reaching $5mm USD. I want to be like Matthew I guess.

I noticed that we hold hands a lot. Partly because I like doing it. I like doing it because he is a gemini and it’s supposed to turn him on. Never seemed to do anything for Patrick though!

But holding hands felt good. Felt intimate. During sex he’d hold my hand. (Though, Patrick and I did that too.) After sex, we’d lie side-by-side or spoon, and hold hands. I’d kiss his hand.

He kissed my head a lot last night. Not sure if it’s because he liked my baby powder scented hair or just the way he shows affection.

We are gentle towards each other. I asked if he was comfortable on the floor. I asked if his forehead was hurting (he bumped his head climbing lol) and kissed it. (We joked about the bump growing into a horn, and that I’d ride it if it did. Haha. He thought it was funny that was the first thing I thought of.) He seemed concerned about my arm bruise, noting it a couple times, and asking if it hurt. (I told him it’s from volleyball…when in fact it was from Jackson…I try not to lie, but this one I just had to. The bruise looked so nasty too.)

I like that we are far more gentle to each other than we used to be. I used to undermine him actually. And he ghosted me. Now, so far, we are nice to each other. Him driving 15~20 minutes to see me…when he used to demand the person to live downtown, before being qualified to contact him on POF. This is a change.

I really want to keep this alive. I have a feeling I know what it is. It’s how turned on I am. If I’m turned on, he’ll be turned on. If I’m jaded, he’ll be jaded. Of course, he might be jaded first, but, I’m quite sure that if I keep up with the high spirit, the thrill of being with me, complimenting him on many things, and appreciating him…I think it can last longer.

And of course, respect. If we respect each other, this can be a good thing.

I do think about when he said that he has people cook for him. I think he meant his gf. I guess they probably meet up often then, if she is cooking for him. It’s like with Patrick, who lived with his gf. On one hand they seem to have lots of respect for you, on the other hand, you know they are completely disrespecting their gfs by cheating. So never even think for a second that they respect you behind your back. I think, Gemini’s are good at showing as much respect as needed (only in front of you / when you are present, and depending on how much they can get away with). Idriss was a Gemini too though, and not good at respecting me in front of me.

—

In the early evening, Matthew messaged me. I guess when you don’t expect anything, it’s always a pleasant surprise.

He asked if I’ve recovered from my O-marathon, lol. I said not really, and that I thought about him lots today. I have a tendency to say it that way. To imply that there’s more heart in this. No point in objectifying this sexlationship further.

He has more to fend, since he has a gf. He said he was also daydreaming lots about the naughty things. He didn’t say that he was daydreaming about me, even though he was.

I clarified what I was thinking about though. I kept thinking about him saying, “Don’t look at me when I cum!” and making that gnarly face. It was funny.

He said, Damnit. And that next time he’ll wear a paper bag.

He is all sorts of cute.

With Patrick it was twice a month for about 6 months, before he bailed. I wonder how long Matthew and I will last. It’s been 1 month. And I’ll be away next month. It was so good last night, we should be able to pick it up in May.

I’m at home, sort of working sort of not, on my day off. Sigh. I wish I had more life!

 

Matthew came over tonight (Friday, March 25), and it was awesome again.

I had forgotten what he looked like, but I think I’ll remember now. Funny how it’s so hard to remember his face. He looks nothing like his photos.

A few things I learned about him that are very interesting.

• He eats out with friends every weekend
• He used to be the guy who can cook for girls. Now he doesn’t. He is doing well financially, so he just pays for restaurant meals.
• His motivation for getting better at bouldering is just to be one of the bests when he goes to the bouldering gym. And he is addicted. He dreams about the puzzles.
• Sometimes work gets busy but he says he can never justify not spending a couple hours every other day going bouldering.
• His smoothie has 15 ingredients. Flax seed, sunflower seeds, chia seeds, hemp oil, kale, spinach, chard, organic ginger, mango, pineapple, 2 raw eggs, 2 bananas, and carrots. He’d make 2L and drink it for 2 days.

I’m writing these things down because I want to improve. I know he can keep up with his hobbies and I wanted to know how. I had these questions about motivation ready even before he came over.

I’m curious about how well adapted he is in life. (And it’s attractive when someone has figured life out.) I want to be like that.

Heck, if I can have a boyfriend and a fuck buddy, that’s so ideal. I just can’t treat someone like that though. He has everything.

So, I was so thrilled about him coming over tonight. I was hoping but not entirely letting myself believe that it’s happening until he was in his car and driving here.

He went bouldering and ran late. That was ok. I was dealing with my super tangled black/grey ombre hair. Actually, I even had to spot clean my onesie. The thing is, there was Jackson’s cum on my onesie and in my hair. Kinda hilarious. (Never heard from Jackson again….if I could keep two fuck buddies going I’d feel like I’m winning…but that’s ok. He was a rough player, not fit to be a fuck buddy.)

Matthew was so much more gentle on me. Omg….it was almost sensual. It turned me on so much. I wasn’t wet, then I was.

We started making out on the couch. He kissed me slowly…nibbled on my ear. Drove me crazy. I came within 10 minutes. That’s how it’s done. He is almost on par with Patrick!

He was really taking it slow, building it up. I loved it. He did all the pleasing of me actually. I didn’t really do much to pleasure him. But I did compliment him a lot. I know words and visuals turn him on more than anything.

We moved to the bedroom…he wanted to start there. I sucked on his dick. No trouble with hardness this time.

He fucked me in my favourite position, me lying on my belly. His fave was doggie style, but it can hurt sometimes.

He sucked on my ears as he did that. Kissed my neck. Bit me. Everything I loved. Sooooo hawt.

Said he loved the mirror. Sometimes slapped my ass. He loved my ass.

I got about 6, or 7 orgasms then.

We moved to the living room floor like I wanted. He was so accommodating it’s almost shocking. Either he has changed or this is how he is in the beginning.

I told him I wanted to remember what he looked like, and he said he hoped I don’t so that I’d have to keep seeing him.

I wanted to say that, if we still know each other in 50 years, we can look back on this time of our life when we are free of wrinkles. But I didn’t say that. Too mushy for now I guess.

We had sex on the trampoline. It was too tiny. Too awkward. But now we can say we’ve done it.

We had sex against the wall. I put my cork platform shoes on. It was pretty hot. I got a couple orgasms from that, and my legs got weak. He sat down on the arm of the sofa while I sat on him, so that I can rest my legs. I was again surprised about how accommodating he was. But I wanted to be fucked against the wall. So we did that some more, and then my legs got really weak again after a couple orgasms, so I – rather dramatically – fell onto the douvet we had brought to the living room, and we both lied down. I was so content and in a bliss. Weak, but it felt nice.

He decided that he wanted to cum finally. So, again in my fave position, he fucked me and came in like 5 seconds. I came too. His cum was so hot. He was quivering which I love. He lied on me, which I also loved.

I went to shower the cum off me and my hair. Then he showered. We were gonna shower together, but I wanted to pee and wash my hair.

While he showered, I changed to my purple wig. He thought that was cute too.

We lied down in bed, started making out again, and started fucking again. Last time he only came once, but his time he came twice so I was thrilled.

We started out in my fave position. He really fucked me nice and long…I just kept getting orgasms. I had 12 by the time he turned me around and said he wanted to cum on my belly.

I actually wanted that too. I wanted to see his face. I wondered if he wanted that too. There’s always gonna be a small part of me wishing that there’s more to us than fucking. Maybe not even a small part.

I wanted to see him climax. He joked about not watching him climax and made a gnarly climax face lol.

He lied down on me after. Quivering. I loved it.

Then we spooned. I loved that too.

We talked about bouldering. I wish I was more into bouldering, but I’m not. I did remember a lot of the routes though, and we discussed them.

He said that he can do better splits because of it, and he said that actually helped in fucking me in my fave position, because he was basically doing a split.

We went on and talked about his motivation, and juicing. Suddenly he felt it was late, and needed to go. He had a meeting the next day. It was around 1:15.

We found our clothes. As we were getting dressed, he said my belly button was perfect, and kissed it. He does seem to be fascinated by my belly. My small waist perhaps. He mentioned his body fat, I said it’s cute fat. He actually looked very chiseled and yummy today. I saw the 11 lines on him, and the V.

We bounced on the trampoline together for a bit. He was making conversations about what was the last movie I saw. Strange.

At the door way, he pointed out that we both had the same fob keys and thought it was cute.

He checked out my car key and learnt that I have a Lexus. I actually left the key there for him to discover, so that we can have this conversation. I wanted him to know that I’m upperclass-ish.

I asked him why he wanted the BMW. He didn’t know. He said, because it’s German, and white, like me.

We talked about Tesla cars as we took the elevator down and walked to his car. It was cold. He joked about driving me to the front door. I didn’t take up on it…probably should’ve. Could’ve been funny.

He said, Thank you. I was like, Whaaat? Are you also British?

Then he faked a British accent. He said, Thank you for a fun evening. So, I thanked him too.

We mentioned a couple times that it’s gonna be a month before we can fuck again. Sigh.

He got home in under 15 min. (I think it took him 18 min to come over at 10pm)

We chatted a bit about how good the night was. He said his legs were so weak, and I said I think I know why. It probably had to do with my 14 orgasms. He said the night was awesome and I agreed, and we said good night.

Ahhhh….so fun.

Wish it’ll always be this fun, that we never get tired of each other.

Thank you.

 

 

Derrick is Jamie’s friend who is really good at volleyball. But more importantly, he is really sweet of a guy.

He is so encouraging. He is always high-fiving everyone. Even when you’ve made a mistake, he’d dash across the court to high-five you. When he was playing with us, I felt instantly better.

He is maybe 5’4″. Incredible that at that height, he can spike, and he can spike like no one else. He is so cool when he plays. He is more “creative” and stylish than Brodie! And I think he might be a little bit better than Brodie.

I never thought I’d be interested in him. But he is so different from most people, in a very positive, cool, sweet, attractive way.

Today, I almost felt a little drawn to him! He was so nice to me. He was so cute when he snuck up to my other side to give me a low-five. At the end of the game, we lost the championship game (won the first one, lost the last two), and he said, just remember Tanya’s last slam that helped us win the first game. And he was jokingly fanning himself. Haha. So cute.

I actually was the reason why we won the first game, but also the reason why we lost the second game. Third game, I wasn’t as involved.

Anyway, I think the fact that Derrick was sort of flirting with me was the reason why I became more attracted. I checked out what he really looked like for the first time. I guess him being a short Asian made me never check him out. I checked out his features. Hmmm…..I guess he wasn’t good looking. But still, cute and adorable in a way. Like, ugly cute.

But, I almost think I can date him for a couple weeks. I’d feel that it can’t be long-term. I just want to enjoy him for a bit.

But I’d feel that maybe he’d be so sweet and so perfect, it’d be impossible to leave him.

I wonder what kind of work he does. Can’t even guess. I don’t know anyone like him.

If he asks me out on a date, I’d go. But, I wouldn’t go forth to email Jamie to find out Derrick’s contact.

With Jackson, he was so ripped, hit on me so hard, and I had heard good things about him – smart, nice, innocent, shy around most ppl, outgoing around Ty. Who would’ve thought he’d turn out to be such an awkward, sexual, and anal-loving guy.

Anal is just not an attractive concept.

I do miss his passion though. And I wonder why he hasn’t texted me. I don’t particularly want to have sex with him, because I’m still so bruised from the make out session, I’m afraid he’d break me if we had sex.

I just really really REALLY hope to have amazing sexy sex with Matthew before I go to Asia. He didn’t msg me tonight. Sigh. If we don’t do it tomorrow (Friday), we might not ever…I’d have my period, and then I’ll be gone for over a month.

I’m not gonna contact him though. I’m not that desperate. I’d find new boys to make out with before I go to contact him. I’d date Derrick and make out with Derrick before I contact him.

Hopefully he appreciates me enough to contact me tomorrow (Friday).

I’m still bruised from making out with Jackson, but am almost healed.

Now the questions are, Will I get to have sex with Matthew before I go to Asia? And, why hasn’t Jackson texted me?

Not that I really want to have sex with Jackson, tbh. We are on different frequencies. I wouldn’t want to be bruised each time. It’ll make it impossible to have another fuck buddy.

Matthew….well, he is super fun. The funnest person right now. To talk to, to have sex with. But, I just don’t feel that I can count on us having sex this weekend. If we don’t, I get my period, and no sex before I leave for Asia.

Sigh. With these things, you just can’t force it. I’m too busy, too stressed, and more at peace now, to be throwing a temper tantrum over him not making an effort to have sex with me every weekend.

I have not met a guy that likes who I am, and will cater to my needs to the extend that I want and need.

Mentioned Patrick last night when I was over at Anna and Wilson’s for dinner. Anna said that Danielle (?) said he was a douche bag, because Tanisha’s name came up.

So Tanisha probably did find out that he is a cheater. Which means, most likely he was still cheating later on in Toronto.

I don’t know the details, nor do I care to find out.

The truth is, Patrick really was a douche bag, and will never change. Matthew too.

Yet they are so fun. Other guys are just boring in comparison.

I’d love to meet a good, fun, sincere guy. A guy that is my #1 fan, is good to me and good for me. And vice versa.