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Kent, Felix and I went seal snorkeling on Thursday! Fred came along but didn’t get on. The baby seals were adorable. They are curious and don’t know what personal space means. One poked at my GoPro! One bumped into me and I almost lost my GoPro haha.

We came back and ate some seal food at Camps Bay. Mussels, salmon, prawns. It was alright. I don’t like Camps Bay as much because we got sand blasted on the beach that time. I think that’s where I first met Sam though. Quite sure.

We went to the Milton House after, as Robert was doing the skillshare in Blockchain and music synthesis. It was quite fun. Sam was there. But so was Michelle. Her presence makes me uncomfortable. She’s always been nice to me, but she also gives off a weird vibe. Like she doesn’t like me. And she is not funny at all.

Robert and Sam were playing video games. Ashley went home for a bit. I went home to do online check-in with Berta. But we were too late and didn’t get to sit together for our flight to London.

Everyone was going to dinner at the Kloof Street House. I wasn’t hungry so I wanted to go later.

Sam showed up while I was packing. He looked nice in his white dress shirt and pale blue jeans and light grey shoes.

He saw my empty luggage and wondered if he’d fit. Haha. I laughed as I filmed him. He tried but didn’t get close.

I asked if I can try. I passed the phone to him as he filmed me. I was pretty good at it! I fit all in except my head…I think he tried to pack me in even more. We were both laughing so hard. When I watched the video, it made me happy.

He wanted to try again. He mimicked my approach, and got mostly in too! But the luggage was on its side, so I pushed him over and we both laughed. I joked that I was gonna go take a shower as I zipped him in more…Hahaha.

At dinner, we sat together again. But he was uncomfortable. He turned away from me a bit. And he was quiet. I figured it was because Michelle was at the table. But later he said he was sad. Because this chapter is coming to an end. He asked me to entertain him by showing him videos of him.

He talked to various people at the table, but eventually we’d be talking as if no one was around.

I felt sick suddenly at one point. I got up to go to the washroom and didn’t make it. I threw up three times before I got to the washroom! It was a mess.

A pretty black lady with an afro in the bathroom was really nice. She brought me a ginger ale.

I came back with vomit in my hair. Brittany stepped into my vomit in the bathroom too.

Sam had wanted to go, so Robert, Ashley, Sam and I ubered home.

Ashley was dropped off first. She was gonna fly out the next morning so we hugged goodbye.

We got home. Robert was flying out early. The boys said goodbye.

I felt sick again and threw up at the front door. Wtf! Later on I figured it was the tap water.

I went to clean up a bit, then hugged Robert goodbye. I really like him. I told him that he made this chapter so much better for me.

I then cleaned up my mess downstairs, washed my clothes, and my backpack which I puked on.

I had three imodium but I still shit my pants a little…Twice! Once when I was asleep. Oh my.

I didn’t get to bed til 5:30am. I heard Robert leave.

Told Bunny I was sick and he said just come home and I’ll take care of you. Awww.

Mom was concerned too. But after briefly talking via bad wifi, she said it didn’t sound too bad.

I was fine in the late morning. Went to buy some imodium, bought organic african coffee from Woolworth’s, and went downtown to buy more coffee from Motherland.

Everyone went to the beach then Bungalow. I took it easy and stayed home to pack. I was excited to see Bunny.

I saw Robert’s message in slack. Thanking everyone. I suddenly missed him and started crying.

Rebecca came in to say goodbye, and I was already teared up!

I was finally packed and ready to go out for a bit when people have come back to say goodbye.

Fred and Brian gave me the pickup hug. I hugged Christa and the girls too.

Then Sam emerged from the stairs. He darted into Robert’s room and took his bed.

He came over into my room at one point. Space bunny! He said. He stuck his hands into my rain boots and tried to be funny. He was sad though. It felt a bit weird…Just the two of us. Other people came into my room. I told them that I cried. Sam just quietly watched me.

Later on I went into his room and we talked for a bit. About life, love. He said to keep in touch and keep him posted about me and Alex. He referred to Alex as my husband, cynically I think. I invited him to Vancouver as some of us were talking about having a reunion. He invited me to his birthday in Malagard in Spain.

As we moved our stuff downstairs, he asked if I needed help with my luggage. I joked and asked if he carried it downstairs, would he sneak in the luggage instead. We laughed.

My luggage was heavy and he asked if he was already in it. I said yes I put his doppelganger in there.

Downstairs, I hugged more people goodbye. I was wearing my cute purple top with black shorts, and my black rain boots. Brian loved it and took a photo of me and Sam and Julia.

I hugged Sam goodbye last. Sigh.

Then I cheerily said goodbye to everyone, running to the Uber, then everyone yelled me back cause I forgot my suitcase, ahahaha.

That was a good exodus. I like being cute.

As our Uber drove away, everyone waved at us, and started running after us to eagerly say goodbye. Awwwww.

Sam kept running for like half a block. I air kissed him goodbye.

Michelle tried to record him. I would never understand their relationship. How did he manage to not piss her off with all that he does? How does she manage to not be pissed? She saw me and Sam alone in the two rooms both times. He flirts with me in front of her. It confuses me but it also worries me. What did he say to her to keep her happy? What do they do behind my back?

Something about how he was today made me feel that we have something. Made me feel that I love him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

If he just tells me he wants me, I would seriously consider being with him.

But he is 26. I hope that when he is 30, we’d still want each other. I fantasize about being with him one day in the near future. To be deeply in love with each other, and to be together forever.

Of course, I need to let it go, at least for now. While on the plane, Sam was on my mind. But it lessened when i remembered that he fucked at least two women in six weeks, while flirting with me. If I was single and him attached, I wonder if I’d do the same.

In any case…I felt something…And I have never been wrong.

It was a good way to wrap up the chapter! The alone time, that luggage video we recorded of each other, and how we said goodbye. Thank you my dear dear God.

Wifi is still shit at the main house, so everyone left to find co-working space early on.

I  really like Workshop 17, and asked if anyone wanted to join me. Of all people, Michelle said yes. Ugh.

I don’t have much against her, but it’s a bit uncomfortable knowing that her and Sam slept together. I guess not as much so now because Sam went back on Tinder. M and I try to be nice to each other.

Yesterday, Sam was MIA. Part of me thought that he probably was on a date. And I was right. I hung out mostly with Robert all day. He is fun, but when it’s just the two of us it’s a bit boring. At night we all went to Fred and Michelle’s SkillShare. It was surprisingly bad. The food was just bags of chips, and Michelle’s presentation was just her “thesis”, which was digital infinity, which was lame. She wanted / expected us to play with it, but it was too lame. We played the gruesome “Guts” video game that Fred motion captured instead. It was the most gory game ever! People can fight even when they’ve lost all their limbs!

Anyway, thankfully Julia and Wilhelm came too. Julia and Michelle were working together. I sat with Wil. It worked out! We can talk about Amazon stuff.

Then, Sam showed up. He sat across from me. He consistently chose me over everyone else these days, and me too. But, it’s not the same as before. I mean, I still am somewhat infatuated, but it’s controlled. I love my bunny and I can’t wait to see him.

I had my headphone on as I did boring task. Somehow we still ended up poking our heads around our laptops and chatting, and throwing sugar packets at each other.

We went to lunch. Everyone was coming, including Michelle, but thankfully Julia stayed behind and Michelle left early to bring her food.

Sitting with everyone was boring. I wanted to go for a walk in the sun. I asked if Sam wanted to come. He said Sure, why not. That made me feel that he went on a date last night. And he did.

His date invited another couple to come out, which surprised him. I’m sure they still had sex though. I kept a distance from him.

We went to see some seals. Earlier he had asked if I would’ve stayed here longer if I could, and if I was looking forward to going back to Vancouver. I said I didn’t like that it gets dangerous at night to go out alone, and I look forward to going home. But at some point I started talking about Alex and how we had a fight and I felt pessimistic about moving in with him.

We sat down somewhere and talked about it. I almost cried. He rubbed my arm.

After hearing what I said, he didn’t think I should be with Alex. He said that Alex reminded him of his ex.  She didn’t have her own dream and he imposed his travelling and working dream on her. She would agree to it first but would then rebel and not do it.

I asked if she was the self-sabotaging type, and he totally agreed. One time she almost deliberately missed her flight, and she had no money to take a cab to a hotel, nor the money to book a hotel. He did all that for her, but she complained about the hotel, so he booked her another one, but it was closed. He ended up spending 200 Euros booking her into another hotel at 4am, and she said Maybe one day you’ll learn how to treat a girl right. WTF!!!

Or one time, she suddenly wanted to do coke. He didn’t. She went out on her own, did coke with some strangers, and complained that he didn’t give her freedom.

Well, I’m amazed in many ways. First of all, that he was in love with a person like this and put up with this shit. Second, that he sounded like a good boyfriend that did his best and spoiled her. And third, I wish I could be spoiled.

Maybe younger guys are less jaded, and would do a lot for love. By the time I come across them, they don’t spoil me.

Well, Alex does treat me like a princess often though. I just need to pay attention to see it. Like, opening the door for me, renovating the place, being very attentive, doing dishes, saying sweet things.

I might be just more critical of him at the moment because I’m still infatuated with Sam.

I mentioned that I was laughing so much here (in part?) because of him, and Alex didn’t seem as funny. He said that people are funnier in the beginning. I guess that’s true.

He is also more objective today because he just had sex I think.

I think, he likes me a lot. He can’t admit it to me, because I have a boyfriend. He needed and wanted to find someone else, because he wants to love, but also because he doesn’t want to get too close to me, out of respect. That’s my interpretation of the situation.

But we do gravitate towards each other.

After we got back from long lunch break, I worked for some more and he went home.

I wanted to tell him that he seemed like a dedicated boyfriend, because I felt that he should know that I think this way of him, and I didn’t let him know this  after he told me everything he did for his ex.

So I messaged him. He said thanks for saying that.

Also, for no reason obvious to me, I mentioned that I like guys with grit because it’s not just in biz but also in relationship.

He wrote:

Thanks for saying that:blush:
I’ve enjoyed our walks and talks
You’re certainly right to get anywhere you need to have grit,
(and also a bit of wit)
But it is just as useful to know when to quit,
There’s no point going down on a sinking ship,
Be it a business or relationship!

I went on to say,

I feel it’s fate that Alex came into my life. I need to give us a fair chance at it. If it works out then great, if not, we’ll learn something. It pains me to feel that the chance is slim though.

While I was typing that he changed the subject and said he wanted to write a book about a boy who found a giant bird and rides it around to save smaller birds.

Maybe of all things I’ve influenced him on, it’s riding animals, haha.

We got home from W17, and started getting ready for the pirate boat. I happened to have brought a red bandana, and I put on a ton of eye shadow, so that worked out well!

As we arrived, Sam was so jealous of my eye shadow. He wanted some. But he only had a sharpie ahahah

He drew a skull tattoo on my arm. It was quite lame haha.

I was about to draw his eye shadow with the sharpie, but the moment it touched his eye, he said No. So instead I drew eyebrows and a goatee and a moustache. It wasn’t very well done, but it looked alright and really funny.

I then drew a curly moustache on Robert. I had practiced on Sam and did a great job on Robert! He looked just right with that moustache!

Sam and I went up to the upper deck. For some reason we just spent the whole time there together. We get along so well…sometimes I forget to socialize with other people.

It was cold so the captain gave me a ragged pirate coat to wear, which was nice of him!

We saw whales from a distance!

Brian and Pia came up. Then eventually Robert and Ashley came up.

We had some fun, then, feeling that it was almost time to get off, I went downstairs to find my bag.

Sam came down soon after.

Michelle was a bit flirty and physical with him, which annoyed me. I didn’t want to look at them.

After the boat ride, Sam wanted to go for steaks. I wasn’t very hungry, and Michelle wanted to join him, so I said maybe and then no. Christa and I were gonna go check out Shimmy! Michelle changed her mind and wanted to come with us. What!

But then they all stayed at Mitchell’s for a bit, while Christa, Fred, Dan, and I walked to Shimmy’s to see if there’s a DJ there tonight. Nope. It was dead.

Fred was taking forever to come back to hop on Uber, because he was trying to dispute yesterday’s bill with Shimmy.

Christa showed her high EQ by not getting mad at all, slipping the driver a R10, and waited for Fred to come back!

We went back to Mitchell’s. There was a semi-cute guy who used to be an engineer and now sells on Amazon. We were gonna talk had he come along to the walk to Shimmy…but he didn’t come along and he didn’t come to me after I got back to Michell’s.

I ate a bit, felt bored, and went home with Willi and Lindsay.

Right after I got home, Sam asked if I bailed. Yes, I know you miss me.

Alex is cuter lately, with more varying messages! I miss him. I’m gonna do my best to make us work out! <3

Another fun day!

Robert, Sam, Pia, Brian, Isadora, and I went to Boulder’s Beach to swim with penguins today!

It’s always fun when Sam is around.

How I want to be in love and grow old with someone who is always gonna make me laugh. And finds me funny too.

Before we leave South Africa, I want Sam to tell me that he likes me. And that he wants to be with me one day. He is too young right now, and I have a boyfriend right now. But if we can tell each other that we like each other, we can meet again. If we have alone time before we part ways, then…maybe.

Sometimes I wish I had come here single. But then I’m reminded that he is only 26, and he has slept with other people while possibly liking me. He is probably undependable. He gets bored too easily.

So back to this morning. We had a late night last night. Sam got here a bit late. Isadora forgot about the trip. But finally we hit the road.

I sat beside Sam in every Uber ride we did today. But he is less handsy today. I guess because he is sober. And hungover.

I’m glad he decided to come though. He really didn’t seem that thrilled about the penguins when we went the first time. I was surprised that he came to this one. Maybe because of me. Though today he seemed genuinely interested in the penguins.

We arrived at the snorkel gear rental first. After getting fitted, and while waiting for Uber, Sam and Brian got into a fake fight. It was hilarious.

We got to Boulders Beach, fully dressed in wetsuit, and realized that we totally overdressed haha.

We posed Charlie’s Angel style in wetsuit. On the shore, two penguins walked by like they are classy guests dressed up in tuxedos and running late for a dinner party. It was so amazing.

We went into the water. There wasn’t a lot to see in the water, but we found more land, and were able to get really close to them.

While one was grooming, I touched it! Sam was jealous haha. I told him the penguin didn’t like it though, because it didn’t give me permission to touch it. Sam was like, “Oh so you were like Dan. All handsy.” Hahaha

One penguin walked over Robert’s flippers! And two pecked at Brian’s GoPro.

We were so lucky that it was a sunny day, and it wasn’t cold! Weather forecast had said otherwise.

We ran into Ashley, Lindsay, Wilhelm, and Merlijn. They rented a car because they wanted to go to Cape of Good Hope.

Ashely has been looking a bit depressed. I can’t help but wonder if she had a crush on Sam too, and was sad to discover that he’s been a slut.

After we got back to shore, we got our camera and explored the rest of the place without touching the water! We didn’t really need the wetsuits haha.

The scenery was amazing. The rocks were beautiful. We climbed over them and went under them. The penguins were pretty comfortable around us, staying just a little bit away.

Finally Sam let me know that we had to get back. He helped me climb some of the rocks. He didn’t touch me or help me when he didn’t need to, but he was being fairly sweet. He offered to carry my fins at one point, to my surprise. I know he has 5 languages of love on his mind.

We took a bus to a train, then took the train to Muisenburg for lunch. We were starving and the food took forever.

I showed Sam and everyone the videos I took. He was thoroughly entertained. I took lots of him and he loved watching himself.

There was footage from last night. He said he was super drunk. Alcohol does remove some inhibition.  That’s probably why he touches me more when he is drunk. Or  he is hornier. I guess I’m both.

We were in the car and he started to fall asleep. He asked, “Can you tell me a story?” It makes me feel..at home. I want to be with someone whom we can tell each other stories to.

Come to think of it, I did ask Alex to tell me stories too.

I told him about the King’s Mistresses. I asked if he liked the story, he said not really…but it was interesting.

I fell asleep too. Sam woke me up as we got home. That was it. We didn’t doze off on each other’s shoulders. He didn’t even like not having space in the car…whereas I liked being cramped together so I can be physically close to him.

I want some alone time with him.

Today was an awesome day!

Some people went on the Gin Tour, I stayed home tried to get some work done, even though it’s Saturday.

Christa came over and wanted to go for a run together. I wasn’t gonna, but decided to do it.

It turned out to be a super long speed walk where we talked a lot and got to know each other well. I like her. She has a very high EQ.

We had lunch at Cafe Neo. Soaking in the sun and the yummy food (I had a mousakka and two salads).

We got back and she started working on the balcony while I worked in bed and fell asleep.

Towards the evening, everyone started planning for Christa’s bday surprise party.

I felt a bit more special having spent all day with the birthday girl, and arriving with her! Julia thought I was cooler right away. Just her though. I really shouldn’t have to impress anyone this way.

Julia put a lot of effort in though! She bought all the unicorn stuff, including a unicorn balloon! And she did boomerang of everyone.

When I walked in behind Christa, I saw Sam sitting right there. But I felt like ignoring him. I ignored him for a good half hour.

I think I was a bit mad at him. Mad at him for not even coming up last night when he came over to go to a pub with Pia, joining a bunch of people.

Mad at him for causing me to get upset, then got mad at my bunny.

Mad at him for sleeping with Michelle and that Tinder date.

Mad at him for teasing me and causing me to be infatuated and not sure how I feel about Alex. Sigh.

He came into my line of sight while I was talking to other girls. Our eyes met for a brief moment. He was trying to get a sense of whether I was mad at him perhaps?

I know I looked good, wearing my purple cropped top and purple eye shadow. He could be just horny.

I was talking and laughing and having lots of fun without him.

We found a yellow porcelain cockatiel in the kitchen, and I pretended to stroke it. Kent took a boomerang and we laughed so hard.

Sam came in and saw the boomerang. He wanted me to take one of him putting the bird down his throat. Haha. He needs to have attention on him.

Fred put an ice cube down Kent’s shirt, and he caught it on the other end with his cup! Ahahahah

I asked to do it to him too. And Brian took a video. Then, Christa came in and asked what was going on. I said, let me show you! Then Berta came in and asked the same, and I said, let me show you! Hahaha. Kent wasn’t able to put up with anymore ice cube down his shirt.

Kent was feeding everyone jagger. Robert joked that he is like a mama bird.

Julia took a boomerang of me by the unicorn as we took turns. Sam stood there and watched.

We had a conversation that his glitter was unicorn cum, and him and his son “Jobert” were jerking off unicorns. His retarded son (not sure why he makes these jokes about having 3 sons) painted the glitter on his arms. His random jokes are way funnier than Alex’s random jokes though.

At some point we were in the living room throwing party hats at each other, with Ashley in the middle. Then I stuck out my foot to get them to throw the hats on my foot. Didn’t work.

Then Sam and I got into a pillow fight where we threw pillow at each other’s face. Weird.

Then on the way out to go dancing, as we were putting shoes on, he tried to take my shoes. Somehow we were rolling around on the floor as I tried to get my shoes back and I fell on him. He was definitely horny.

Then he threw my shoes down the stairs. I threw his shoes down the stairs. We both went after them, and tried to throw the other person’s shoes down the spiral stairs. I was having a wtf moment because I didn’t see that coming and I was trying to not be as flirty with him. We were wrestling and as we half rolled down the stairs like two octopuses having sex. I was out of breath by the time we got to the bottom of the staircase!

At one point I tried to throw his shoe up the stairs, but it hit a door real loud. Thankfully there were steel bars on the door so it didn’t hit the door’s glass.

Aries we are. How come no other Aries is like that? We are two silly kids. He is 12 years younger than Norm, so he is a Goat Aries too. Yet they can’t be more different.

I went back up to get my bag, he went downstairs and just lied on the stone ledge of someone’s front yard. Kent pushed him and he fell into a push of rosemary. Hahahaa

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to come, but Krista convince him, putting his arm around her neck. He put his other arm around me and acted all wasted.

He was putting chewing gum in my mouth in the Uber. I used to think it was flirting, but now I think it could be just drunk horniness. Could be more. Who knows.

We got to the club Shimmy, and omg, it was beautiful! The blue glow, the swimming pool, and most of all, the awesome music! I was thrilled. While others were getting drinks, me and Sam were dancing. Not really grinding because I was wearing a sling bag, but it was a good moment. It reminded me of the dance me and Devan had. Devan and I were kinda a team on the dance floor.

We danced in a circle as a group. Julia clearly thought I was cool again because I was the best dancer there, I think.

I think Sam was behind me for a while. Then he was gone. I thought he went home. But he reappeared. I guessed that he was working the room and didn’t find much. There were no cute guys around. Maybe no cute girls either.

But honestly I was having so much fun I didn’t care if he was there. The music was great, the vibe was great.

At one point though, I was beside him, and he tried to lean his back onto him. I picked him up with my back. He laughed.

At this point our bags were in the middle of the dance floor, so I didn’t have my sling bag on. We grinded for maybe a second. Then we did some synchronized silly dancing with our legs.

Krista had a unicorn head band that she passed around. When it was passed to Sam, he pointed it at Kent, and Kent opened his mouth. AHHAHAHA

Sam comes and goes. That’s his pattern. Every time I thought he went home, he reappeared.

Then suddenly everyone went outside. It was gorgeous out. We sat on the lounge. Sam suddenly showed up. He sat beside me and as I tried to film Fred pole dance again. He was leaning against me with his head on my shoulder. He moved my phone around and zooming in on Dan just for fun. We both thought it started to look like a horror film.

Then Pia and Brian and Dan and maybe some others wanted to leave. They had 1 more seat in Uber. I said ok at first, then I changed my mind. I was having fun with Sam. But then Sam said, then I’m leaving! And got up. What.

Then Michelle E. and I went back on the dance floor dancing to Beyonce. We had fun.

Then Krista and the rest of the gang came back into the club. They wanted to go to a “street festival”. We were having fun there and I didn’t want to leave, but ok! Then Sam also came in. Wtf, he is still here?

As we waited for everyone to gather, Sam asked what was in my bag. Penguins? I said penguin egg. He hugged me from behind to pretend to help me warm up the egg. I said he crushed it.

I told him I played Marry Fuck Kill today (with Krista). He was intrigued. It’s called Snog Marry Avoid in the UK, which is boring. He wanted to pick the guys…and he picked Andrew and Dan. I told him that the guys I already played on were Robert, Brian, and Dan. He was so curious about my choices. And of course he guessed them right. I can tell he really wanted to know how I feel about him, but he can’t put his name in the game.

We went to the carnival, and it was awesome! It was like their Rio equivalent. But no sexiness, just bands, and people in shiny polyester band uniform haha.

The people were really cool and inclusive though! A couple people took their uniform off and gave it to us to wear! And people will come up to “dance fight” with you, even little kids!

Sam was just having a blast. He loves being in the centre of attention. He was almost swept away by the parade, immersing himself in it.

Fred got a uniform and I can tell that Sam was so jealous. Then he finally got a turn to wear it and he was so thrilled. He asked me to take photos of him. I took a video. He looked at it and said if he wasn’t him he’d hate him.

He wanted to go away to take a look around. He told me that in advance to make sure I don’t get pissed at him again. Interesting. He was doing that all night anyway.

I on the other hand seem to like to stay put. Felix walked around for even longer than Sam. Maybe it’s a guys thing? Robert stays put though.

At one point I was cold, so Sam put his polyester uniform jacket on me. He did it in a way that’s kinda sexy though. Standing behind me, draping it over my shoulders then gently squeezed my arms.

As soon as I had the uniform on, people started coming over to dance fight with me. It was too much! Haha.

We were starving and wanted to go somewhere to eat. Kent kept saying he wanted fries. Sam suddenly showed up with food in his hands. He got some food from across the street! They had really good hot dogs and samosas. Robert and I had the last ones.

It was around 2am. Sam declared that he wanted to go home (for real this time). I said yes to it, and all of us went home.

It was a fun night 🙂

1. He is loyal
2. He is loving
3. He is consistent
4. He is handsome
5. He is lean and will stay lean
6. He ages well
7. He has blue eyes
8. He is a good person
9. He wants to be with me and do what I want to do, sharing my goals and dreams

The other day over Ethiopean food, Kent confirmed that Michelle was staying at Sam’s, at least in the beginning.

Sam was MIA for two days after his Tinder date. I asked him about it today at the co-working space.

He messaged me and said that he didn’t want to have a reputation. And said that she was really hot and spent the night at his place. (It’s kinda hard to believe that someone ugly like him is attracting so many people.)

I asked him if it was a secret to Michelle. He had no idea that he already had that reputation.

He said there’s no one that’s his type in the tribe at the moment. Hmm….that’s a bit saddening. I thought he was interested in me, just that I’m unavailable. But then, you can’t always take what someone says at its face value. He could be saying it just because I’m unavailable. I wish he would tell me that he was into me though. Many things he does shows that.

But he is such a dick. Worst part, he doesn’t even know that he is.

Today he was talking about sexual stuff to me in front right in front of Michelle. What I would’ve thought to be flirting. He’s done that at the safari too…though those were more inside jokes between us. Does he not realize it’s flirting? Maybe he is like Merlijn and flirts without knowing. Then again I think he does it with me only…as far as I can tell. Maybe a little bit with Ashley.

I now can really appreciate having Alex. If I didn’t have him, I’d be crying over this dick of a guy. Also, he is not as funny now as he used to be.

After not seeing him for two days, I did get a new found appreciate for Alex already. I miss his gentleness, his love, his thoughtfulness.

Though I really thought I was more important to Sam. Maybe I am. My gut tells me I am. But boy am I glad that I didn’t tell him how I felt about him! Whew.

I’ve never experienced one-sided attraction where I’m the one attracted. But, to be perfectly honest, I think he was lying. I think he does like me more than he could admit. From my observations. For someone to listen so intently to what I say and remember everything, and to ask so many questions about what kind of guys I like, my ex, my current bf, what I look for in a relationship….I think he’s attracted.

He mentioned having a foursome with his friend one time, and they high-fived. Ew. I mentioned Josh being so hot and having a foursome with 3 girls. I mentioned that he was 8 or 10 years younger and looked young, and joked that I was a petophile. Of course he laughed and loved it and hung on to it.

I mentioned wanting to be in a power couple relationship. He kept asking what strengths I look for. I said I don’t know. There are many ways my strengths can be complemented. When I said I fantasized about finding someone here, instead of saying that I have a bf, he asked, Any luck? And said that “Dan is powerful.” lol. I know he wants me to want him. He can’t admit it to himself.

He asked about Alex. I mentioned my doubts about me and him. But I also show him pictures of Alex, to show him how cute Alex is.

Sam is a slut. Then again Alex had his confusion about relationships too, when he was younger. Basically, guys in their 20s are mostly undatable. Then again, Robert seems fine.

I can’t wait to be back in Alex’s arms. To experience his love, and to love him <3

I woke up this morning and decided to send the exurb1a Instance 27 video to Sam.

He liked it 🙂

He asked me what I was doing today, I said I’d work a bit, then go for a walk if he wants to join me, and then help Ashley cook our big CNY dinner (for 14 ppl!)

He was keen to go for a walk with me. First time we spent alone time together was when we walked to the beach and he interviewed me. We had a lot of fun.

We met at the intersection, away from our apartment/house. It seemed like a secret encounter. It was fine by me because I didn’t want others to join us. Also, I have a bf and I don’t want to have to explain it.

Initially we said we’d hunt for costumes, but we quickly got bored. It was cold out at the time. No sun.

We went into Mojo and he had lunch while I had a smoothie. We sat upstairs and he read me the stories and poetry he wrote. Most of them are really funny. We laughed a lot. Gosh I had such a good time. It was perfect.

He told me he writes everyday, a lot of it recorded. He used to send that to his ex everyday when they were dating. Aw. I love the way he loves someone. I wish he was mine.

We talked about other people in the Tribe, the good and bad. We both pay a lot of attention to how people behave.

The sun came out so we went to the rocky beach and lied on some rocks. It was a rocky break water (different than last time). It was narrow. He lied down, and I lied down in the opposite direction with my head beside his head, and we talked. It was fun. I liked that a lot. He is so easy and fun to talk to. No friction. Just thoughtfulness.

I put a lot of effort into looking good this time, because it felt like a date. My mohawk is growing into shape now too. He wasn’t has witty today because he was hungover from techno night last night. He went with Ashley. I don’t think Ashley is a threat. I hope not. I think he likes just me.

On the way back, we walked side by side with our arms touching. Somehow we got to talk about sex. He asked me what kind of sex I like. When he talked about the more romantic, slow sex, he slightly stroked my arm….damn.

We talked about monogamy. He said he is a devoted monogamist if he is in a relationship, but if not then he doesn’t care. I sorta sensed that. He said he takes things slow if he is serious about it, then again sexual chemistry is important.

So far we agree on these important things.

We hugged goodbye. I made it a slightly longer and sexier hug. I really like him. 2 hours didn’t seem enough.

I went back to my bedroom and no one was there! I masturbated and took a nap.

I woke up at 5pm after a 2 hour nap, and went to help Ashley. She had been the mastermind behind this dinner.

I cut some chicken and fired some pot stickers. She did the rest.

We had eggplants with garlic, glassnoodles with prawns, chicken veggies stir-fry, and restaurant baught sweet and sour pork and satay beef. Plus fortune cookies, plus tom yum, plus a cake for Isadora’s birthday, plus lots of wine.

The meal was delicious! I was so glad that it turned out well. Kudos to Ashley.

We played a game called Disturbed Bunny or something like that. It was like cards against humanity except more gross. I sat beside Sam. I started the first card. Only Sam got my guess correct, of the 14 people. He was quite thrilled.

I always got his right and he always got mine right. Brittany and I won the game at 14 points.

He didn’t like the game too much though. At one point he said to me, “I’m gonna get nightmares! Can’t we just tell stories about Spacebunny and pterodactyls?” Aw. That’s cute.

All of us chatted a bit after dinner, and I decided to go home. Sam wanted to go too. At the door, he asked Ashley if we can see the pool. The three of us went on an adventure and found the pool on the 5th floor. It was beautiful!

Julia doesn’t want us to go, probably because of the noise, so we didn’t invite others. Ashley had to snuck into her house to get her swimsuit, while Sam pretended to have forgotten his earphones and came out with half a bottle of wine. I snuck out a towel. I felt bad leaving Robert behind.

We went back up and swam in our undies. Told stories. I was tired, but it was still fun.

Sam’s body is alright, but not amazing. But it’s always his sense of humour that wins anyway.

He is thicker. For some reason I thought I’d end up with someone thicker and less tall (He is 179.5cm). Also, I just remembered that my taro card with Cat predicted two goats/sheep. He is an Aries sheep.

Ashley was locked out so she came home with me.

I felt that Sam wanted to walk home with me alone. But that was fine. It was a short walk.

He’s been chatting with girls on Tinder and is going on dates soon. Sigh. I don’t like that. I want him to like me only.

I want him to tell me that he is into me. I want to tell him to wait for me, and I’ll wait for him. He is 26 now. When he is 30, he’ll be more mature.

He just seems to be everything I’ve been looking for. But he showed up too late. He was even born too late!

Once upon the time there was a bunny. She doesn’t grow a lot of fur, but she can sometimes grow a mohawk. So we’ll call her Mohawk Bunny.

Mohawk Bunny lives in a magical rain forest, where sushi grows on trees. One day, she met a blue-eyed bunny, who lives in a magnificent tree fort.

The Blue-eyed bunny says to Mohawk bunny, Come live in my tree fort! I’ll love you forever We’ll live happily ever after.

Mohawk Bunny says,

I didn’t feel hung over but felt meh today.

Woke up to myself in the bedroom. Pia was in Brian’s room and Brittany was with her Brit. I masterbated 4 times thinking about Alex and Sam.

Had breakfast at Nu with everyone. Sat beside Sam. But I didn’t feel as intimate with him for some reason. I think it’s the alcohol from last night. I’m learning about my body…I laugh a lot and am much more horny when slightly drunk. And I feelt tired and meh the next day.

We went back to co-cave to listen to Maria talk about PR. She did a decent job. But people didn’t like it too much. I was the most positive. Sam even talked about a way to present that is more concise (PechaKucha). Oh man.

At the end of the presentation, Julia wanted to talk about the weekend. Sam suddenly asked me if I ever fake my identity by putting on different wigs. Like, escaping a bad date etc. I kinda like that that was the question on his mind. I took the opportunity to show him my 6-shades of Tanya photo. He liked me in brown hair. Weird.

Ashley and I went grocery shopping for our big CNY dinner tomorrow. 12 ppl have signed up. I didn’t know how to cook for 12 people. Thankfully she knew better.

On the way back, a woman said I look stunning. Like an Olympic athlete. I like that hahah.

Went to Ashley’s to drop off groceries. Fell asleep in their gorgeous apartment on their comfortable couch.

But I know that Sam was at the main house, so I made myself come back to the main house.

I found him and Robert in the cave. He was on the phone with maybe a friend, being silly as ever. Robert was learning Croasian.

When Robert is around, I’m in platonic mode with Sam.

Robert went to get changed. Sam and I chatted for a bit. At the *exact* same time we said, “I fell asleep…”. It was so surreal like lip-syncing. “Where did you fall asleep?” he asked. On Ashley’s couch. Where did you fall asleep? On your couch. Haha.

He wanted me to tell him a story again. I said, “Again? Are you a story-holic?” He started acting like he had withdrawl symptoms, until I finally said, “Once upon the time…” He relaxed a bit…I paused….he started acting up again….”In a galaxy very close by….” he relaxed again. Then having symptoms again. Then I said, “The end!” He let out a sigh of relief like he just got his fix, and said it was the best story ever.

He is just so funny. I adore him.

I realize now that he is so funny because he is quick witted, and great at acting.

We ate at the Chicken Shop. We were all gonna go to the gym, but we took too long. We were gossiping about others. Apparently Andrew didn’t like anyone. Sam acted out Andrew. Then he acted out Lauren who just loves to Instagram. It was hilarious.

He said he wants to interview them for his EQ app. I asked who he had interviewed. He said just me and Robert. I’m surprised. No Michelle?

Sam asked if we are going to more chapters. I said I’ll probably have a very different life when I’m back. I’ll be building a home. Nesting.

I talked about Alex. How I think I’m supposed to learn patience with him. I mentioned that he has all five languages of love. I don’t know why I mentioned him like that. It’s as though I wanted to shut Sam off. But I don’t. I want to spend more time with him.

I did mention that if it didn’t work out I’ll keep his apartment. I mentioned the 31st floor, downtown, right by the beach. He said he’d like that. I thought for a moment about me and him living there.

It was already 4:30 and Robert can’t go to the gym anymore. Sam was still gonna go. I didn’t want to go with him. I just didn’t feel it. I wanted to take a nap.

Sam and some people are going to the networking event tonight. Sam called it speed networking. I hope he doesn’t meet anyone cute. I know he is on Tinder, and one profile said, “Average personality, great tits” AHHAHAA

I want him to myself. I want to be with him one day. For the rest of my life.